It's going around

So we are all sick. Evi got it first on Christmas Eve. I should've known because she was acting a fright at P.F. Chang's that night. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and didn't want to eat anything. (Marcelo and I still enjoyed the food, though. So the evening wasn't totally ruined)

And she continued to get sicker over the next 12 hours. Which means that me, the primary kisser of her face also am sick. I got it Christmas night.

And now Marcelo has it. He got it last night.

I think everyone with a husband will back me up when I say this: Men are horrible when they are sick. I mean, we ALL have it. This whole house is infected. Bibi's nose is on a 24 hour drip and the poor girl can't breathe. Also, I had it starting yesterday, but I still managed to feed everyone 3 meals, return things to various stores and clean this house . . .twice (with a place this small you have to clean constantly or it looks horrible)

But once Marcelo gets sick? ALERT THE NEWS MEDIA!! MARCELO IS SICK!! He sleeps in bed all day, and asks for meals to be catered to him. I didn't see him offering to cater meals to me when I was sick! Nor did I see him volunteering to watch the baby so I could take a 8 hour nap during the day.

Seriously, what is it about guys that makes them so weak when they are sick? I might as well have a second child for all the good he is to me now.

Anyway, I'm sure all your husbands are this way. I 'm sure I don't hold the monopoly on whiny sick husbands.

The worst part about it? We agreed to volunteer in the nursery today for the permanent teachers. And now we can't do it. We need to find subs in the next 25 min. I'm thinking that won't happen, so we might have to send our kids to another class. We'll see.

Happy snotting!!

DISCLAIMER!! No matter what the picture says, we don't have swine flu. Just a general cold virus going around.

People let me tell you about my Best Friend

I know you were all dying to see more pictures and videos of Evi and Raya. WELL YOU ARE IN LUCK!! Here you go.

Evi really does love Raya. Evi brings her all her favorite toys and clothes to her cage. You would not believe the stuff I have found in there. Toothbrushes and books. Even her prized rabbit was in there!! Now that's love. She also makes sure Raya gets all her leftovers. And if Raya doesn't want to eat it voluntarily, Evi has learned how to grab her mouth, lift the side of it and shove stuff in between her teeth. (mental note:get that on camera)

Anyway, one day Evi was on one. I don't know what was in her food, but she was acting seriously crazy. And this is what happened: peek-a-boo with Raya. Notice Evi's merriment at all Raya actions:



Look at Raya's face. She's in misery!! She's like "when will this be over??" But she puts up with it. She always does.

Here is some more abuse. Evi found this sticker and after pulling it off her arm over and over, she thought, "where else can I stick this?" Naturally the most logical choice was Raya's head:






Look at the gaze of pure torture on Raya's face. She's like "I know I'll get in trouble if I object. So, please don't push too hard on my head." Did I mention I have the best dog ever?

Here she is putting up with a few kisses, an off key song, and a tackle that results in a head banging.



Oh the tortures that this dog puts up with! She is a saint. I'm so happy they are best friends. I should get them matching BFF bracelets.

Cause that wouldn't be weird or anything.

Whipping Rabbit

My first child loves this rabbit. It was given to me from someone at a shower. I can't remember who. I kept it around even though I never thought she would like stuffed animals. But she proved me wrong. Here is how I found her during nap time one day.















And here she is sharing dinner with him. "One for me. . . One for you". And I love how she makes sure he stays hydrated. That is applesauce she's got there, if you were wondering.



But my favorite activity she does with him is the "whipping" rabbit. Much like the book of the same name, Bibi often tries to make this rabbit take her punishments. Namely, her time outs. (She gets time outs for ripping ornaments off the tree). And so when I came around the corner, this is what I found:

(That's her time out corner, of course). I'm sure the rabbit deserved it, and he took his punishment well. What a good whipping rabbit.

I hope everyone is having a good Christmas season. Marcelo finally got his grades back from this semester, so he told me that his vacation has OFFICIALLY started now. So on this night before Christmas I'm going to sign off and watch White Christmas with my husband. Yes, he is willing to watch it with me. Wait till he gets to the dancing numbers. I'm not sure he'll be into it then.

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope Frank Lloyd Wright visited your house as well this season. He is so generous around the holidays.

Book Review: Naked

Naked by David Sedaris


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Dave Sedaris is hilarious. That's a given. However, this book has a lot more sex, (and specifically GAY sex) in it than his other books. Maybe more than all his others combined. There's just a lot about being gay, thinking gay, looking at other men, men coming on to him etc.

On the upside, I realized 2 Sedaris books ago that I can name all the 6 kids in his family: Lisa, Dave, Gretchen, Amy, Tiffany and The Rooster. Maybe I need to read something else.

Hmmm.

Holiday Panic

I am in full panic mode. I haven't bought ANYTHING for anybody, and there are only like negative three days left before Christmas. (I'm kidding of course, there are actually 10 shopping days left.)

But there could be 110 days for all it means to me. I'm without transport for the next week or so. Marcelo has finals, and will be at school all day studying (Doesn't that sound awfully TAMN of me?) So I really don't know what I'm going to do.

Usually I get my inspiration while I shop. I see what is out there, and then that makes me think of other things to get other people, and it continues. I can get my shopping done quite quickly, but it involves me actually leaving the house.

I don't like shopping online, unless I'm specifically looking for something. I don't go online just to browse. It's overwhelming, distracting and too time consuming. Meaning I will waste all day looking at crap I don't really need. And instead of buying the presents I really wanted originally, I end up buying a DVD of Moulin Rouge. So I've learned to KISS. I log on, shop, and get off. Keep it simple, stupid.

But that's beyond the point now. I'm in full panic mode. Marcelo is so difficult to buy for! He's picky, and even if I get him something that he needs (like pants) I end up getting the wrong dye shade. It's really very horrible. But gift cards are like saying "I really don't know you. I'm very non-creative and I value our relationship at $15". Which is acceptable for the mail man. But not for spouses.

So, this is it. What do you think I should buy for the following people?
My Husband
My daughter
Myself
An un-named female family member that might read this blog and who I have for Secret Santa.
My mom.

Thank you for your help.

Say WHAT?

I don't really watch commercials anymore. That's the blessing of a TiVo. However, Here are the most offensive ads that I have found recently:

Offensive #1) The Dolce & Gabbana commercial that does not just ALLUDE to a, um, threesome (between 1 girl and 2 guys) but shows quite a bit of TOUCHING, KISSING, RUBBING and general near humping. I get that D&G wants to be cool and awesome, but leave that kind of stuff for a Cosmo ad!! I don't need it right in the middle of SYTYCD.

I really don't think the commercial was in the middle of SYTYCD, but I can't remember where it was. Actually, maybe that's my problem. It was in the middle of a trashy show I watch. I need to stop watching E! Television. Moving on.

Offensive #2) The Schick "TrimStyle" Commercial. Have you seen these? They are not new. But the general idea of the commercial is that a woman walks by a little house plant, and magically the houseplant is "trimmed" in such a way to allude to the fact that this woman is sporting the same shape on her. . . um. . . .privates.

I think my jaw actually hit the ground when I saw this. I mean, it was SOOO brazen. It's like the woman walks by, the plant is WAIST HIGH, and then it's "trimmed". I don't want to be thinking about another woman trimming anything. Nor do I want to look at a woman and try to guess her private "shape". This is the actual ad:

Introducing Schick^® Quattro for Women^® TrimStyle^™

It's just the gadget a girl needs to stay perfectly groomed. Try new Quattro for Women® TrimStyle™, the first four-blade razor and waterproof bikini trimmer in one. Shave, trim and transform with just the flip of a handle.

Shave? Trim? TRANSFORM?!?! I'm not turning my nethers into Optimis Prime here. I don't want to transform, nor think about others' transformations either. Gross. Sorry, just. . . gross. Again, save it for Cosmo, Schick.

Offensive #3) Charmin. I KNOW this was during prime time. Like during SYTYCD. The ad says, Charmin has 2 plys to "Get the job done". I don't want to be thinking about big JOBS being laid down in the bathroom. I like to think that people go into the bathroom, and everything is fine. There is no JOB or WORK involved. That everything comes along swimmingly.

Let's just say that my family has enough SFTT's (originally BFTT's but Julie and I changed it this weekend) to make me know that not all times in the bathroom are good times. So I don't like to be reminded of that by some fat fluorescent pink bears swinging on trees. No more talk about bathroom "jobs". Thank you

What ads make you cringe? Please do tell.

Book Review: Born Round: The Secret History of a Full-Time Eater

Born Round: The Secret History of a Full-Time Eater by Frank Bruni


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
The author of this book is the current food critic for the NY Times. However, he has had a long and difficult relationship with food. I loved this book, because I feel like I too have had a long and difficult relationship with food.

I saw so much of myself in him, in his writing, and in his feelings towards self image. There's a part about how he meets someone and they ask him out, and then he puts off the date for weeks because he always wants to lose a "few pounds" or fit into those one pair of jeans. Even though his friends tell him, "um didn't they already see you? They know what you look like!" And he has all these excuses like "well, the lighting was good" and "he probably was distracted" or things like that. It's hilarious, but so true.

See, people with real body issues see things that others don't yet they are blind to other things. They see the worst in themselves, think that everyone is looking at their love handles, and thinks that every comment is a comment about their weight. They notice the skinny people in the room, and notice the chubby ones too, and they rank themselves to where they fall in line in the "fatter or skinner than" race.

However, they are also delusional about their real size. They don't want to know their weight, and they wear tight-ill fitting clothing so that they don't have to go to the store to try to fit on the size they THINK they wear, only to have to go up 2 sizes to find the size they really wear. Or if they Do go to those stores, they go to Ross or TJ Maxx (or DI) so they won't spend too much money on clothes that they will inevitably hate. And they know their real size now! Why would they want to buy clothes? Might as well wear that one pair of pants over and over again until they get holes in the crotch and have to be thrown out. . . not like I know that from experience or anything.

They also don't want to stand on a scale. There's a hilarious story about when the author reaches his highest weight right after he was on the 2000 campaign trail with Bush and he goes to the Dr. and says "I don't want to know what my weight is. Just don't tell me" (this is something he had done for years, since adolescence actually) And after he steps off, the Dr looks at him and says, "you weigh 268 pounds". Just like that. HA HA HA!! Hilarious. And just what he needed.

Anyway, I thought this book would be about his life as a food critic. And while it does eventually get there, it's much more of a personal memoir about his struggle with his weight. And I mean a real struggle. Not those 5-10 vanity pounds that most people want to lose, but the 25, 75 or 100 pounds that you fight against, the binging and purging cycles, the laxatives that you take, the crazy diets that rule your life, and the inevitable fall into that bucket of KFC chicken. This book is for you. It will make you laugh and smile and then make you want to go to the gym and get your exercise on.

Well, it did for me, anyway.

Athletic Supporter

I'm not a crazy fan of any sports team. I hate trash talk and I don't let a ruined tournament decide my mood for the day. Why would I base my self esteem on something I can't control? I think about those people who are trash talkers. You may be able to talk the biggest pile of trash, but what happens if someone breaks a leg? Then you look like an idiot for something you had nothing to do with. I try to keep my idiot occurrences down to the factory minimum. (To answer your question, that minimum is 3 a week. With an increase to 5 during the holidays/family reunions.)

That being said, certain sports are welcome around our house. Welcome on the TV and welcome in conversation. Here they are in no particular order:

Rugby: This is all me. I get very snotty when I'm at a BYU game and I hear blond girls around me say "What is going on. . .I don't get it . . Why do they lift him by his shorts? What is going on? Did we score? Who's side are we on? What is going on? . . .That one, #8, looks good doesn't he? Does anyone know what is going on?"

I've stopped explaining the game to them. It just annoys me. I get up and move to another part of the stands. Seriously, why are all those girls blond? But I love watching a good Rugby game. Marcelo and I have plans to one day visit Europe for like 2 weeks, and on the schedule is a Rugby game for me and a Futbol game for him. Which brings me to my next sport. . .

Futbol: DUH!! Being from South America, this is a given. However, the best thing is that Marcelo loves the English Premiere league while simultaneously rejects the Mexican league. How very racist of him. I think he, like me, has a secret crush on Ronoldo. Hmmm, Ronoldo

He says no, but I see the way his eyes glaze over as he views Ronaldo's little gelled spikes adorning his pixie face. Marcelo doesn't SAY he has a pixie face, but I can see that he's thinking it. Anyway, Futbol is awesome. And Real Salt Lake is the champion. SUCK IT BECKHAM! And finally

The Scripps National Spelling Bee: I got married the summer of 2004. Right in the middle of the summer Olympics from Greece. The day we arrive in San Diego Marcelo and I checked into the hotel and waited for my family to arrive. In order to avoid temptation, we turned on the TV where there was a replay of the spelling bee from back in May. We were sucked in. The Olympics may have been going on, but we were all about those 11 and 12 year old kids spelling words like pococurante and autochthonous. Man, those kids are genius. . .and a little socially awkward. Which in my book is a perfect combination for disaster or good television. I'm glad we got the latter.

And for any of you who don't think that the spelling bee is a sport, I'll ask you this. . .Why do they broadcast it on ESPN then? BOOO-yaaaa!!

And in case you are wondering, here are some sports that are almost never welcome around our house.

Basketball. Marcelo HATES basketball. I hate that one game can last hours. And that often the last 3 minutes can last 15 or 20 minutes. We are not basketball fans. I don't come down on any of you that are, we just aren't.

Football. Again, no judgment on anyone who loves and worships this sport. I mean, we have our own worship going on over here at the altar of futbol, so we are not one to talk. But I just hate the sport. I hate the endless substitutions, endless breaks, huddles and time outs. I mean, isn't it time to PLAY the game? 4 seconds of "action" and it's time to take another huddle break. Let's get something going here! It is NOT a thinking man's game. And Marcelo is disgusted at how someone can be 318 pounds and be considered an athlete. We do NOT like football around here.

Baseball. This is all Marcelo. I actually like going to live games. Games on TV can be a little slow, but games live are much better. Marcelo thinks that the game is "so boring" and doesn't even like to go to the stadiums. I bet he would go if he knew what delicious things they sold there.

So that's it. Basically, we are sports snobs. I hope I didn't offend anyone here. I mean, if you are a live-and-die football fan, maybe you should get a life. I KID!! I'm just kidding!! Ok, I'll shut up now and hit the showers. Because being an athletic supporter can get really sweaty!!

Favorite Song

Do you know what my favorite song is? Of all time? "Under Pressure" by David Bowie and Freddie Mercury. You know, the song that Vanilla Ice stole and turned into the lamest song ever? I am of course referring to Ice Ice Baby.

Anyway, I love that song. I could listen to it over and over again.

And I hate Vanilla Ice for ruining it. My husband actually heard it and was like "Hey!! That song copied Ice Ice Baby!" Arrrgh (Actually, Marcelo calls the song "Ice Ice Skating." It's kinda cute)

What is your favorite song? The one that you can never tire of? The one that stands the test of time? The one that you crank in your car and makes you feel good?

Do tell

*Mental note to self, I should go Ice Ice Skating this winter.*

Opinions Needed

So I have a question for all my bloggy readers out there. I'm in the need for a new set of headphones. I listen to my iPod about 5 hours in the day (almost always books) and so my headphones get used a lot. Evi destroyed my favorite pair on the way back from Ecuador, (like in the last 10 hours of the trip. It was SOOO annoying to listen in only one ear) and then Marcelo bought me a new set.

Which finally ate the dust Thursday. I think Evi had lots to do with their destruction. She pulls on them, wraps them around her arms, wraps up the dog in them and puts them in and out of the iPod herself. I hate not having earphones right now. However, I wasn't too disappointed about those specific earphones kaput because they hurt my ears. Let me show you a picture of those she just destroyed:

See, they hook over the ear, however, they have those little bud things that go in your ear. And those HURT me. Am I alone in this? Do they hurt your ears too? Much like the little buds that you get free WITH the iPod (shown in white here on the right)

I mean, maybe my ears are shaped weird, but they KILL my ears. They hurt when I put them in, and they hurt after just a few minutes in there. Usually I will just fight it out, but if I wear them for a long time, they will give me a headache. You may ask, "Why do you wear things that hurt? Why not just buy more?" Well, I'm poor, and resourceful, and well, let's not get into it now.

So here is a picture of the current headphones I am using:

UMMMM, LESS EFFECTIVE!! Seriously, people notice when you are wearing these walking down the street, And it's embarrassing. So I just wear them around the house, but that means that I can't listen to my iPod while out walking. Which is lots of the day (running errands around here, and such) and so I miss prime iPod time then. And it frustrates me.

So, back to my main question and reason for this post. I need your help. Has anyone tried the earphones that look like this?

They have little silicone soft parts on the tips so I think they might be nicer on my ears. However, I don't think I can buy them and try them out and then take them back if I don't like them. I look at earphones like underpants and bathing suits: You buy it and try it on, you got it for LIFE. I don't want to buy someone's ear bud they stuck in their nasty ears and then took back. YEACH!!

So I need opinions from my friends out there who have tried them. Are they comfortable? how far in do those little silicone parts go? Is the sound good? Have you exercised in them? Do they slip out if they get wet from your sweat? Will I like them at the gym? Are they worth the money? Also, are they pretty durable? Remember, I have a child that likes to pull on them and is a very good "earphone destroying" device.

If not, I think I'm just going to go with these:


These are the kind that I had for a while, the kind that I took to Ecuador before they went kaput. But maybe that's a bad sign.

Notice how they don't have those little ear buds that hurt my ears. Instead they have discs that SLIDE INTO the ears. No pain, all good music listening.

So that's it my friends. Can you help me with this? I really am in desperate need. Otherwise I'm going to have to go around town with those big headphones and look like the kid who sits in back of the class and eats paste.

Hmmmm, PASTE.

The Halloween Post

If you have a child, when they hand you your child at the hospital, they say "Now, you must do blog posts about Halloween. If you don't, we will find out and come GET this child and give her to a family that knows how to use a camera, and will properly document her holidays."

So, I 'm obliged to do this post. Sorry if you don't want to read it.

Last year Evi's was a pig. Or should I call her a "piglet"? I still have the ears I made. I might use them on another child years down the road. But this year my mom found a great costume at a garage sale. And she knows that I like the color green and I like to dress my girl like a boy. Let's all admit it. I do. So she sent it to her, and my kid is AWESOME looking.

Here she is at the Halloween Party our ward had Wednesday night. She really didn't care about trick or treating. She just wanted to eat her popcorn and wander the halls. My child is SO super anti-social. There were about 50 kids there all her age! And she didn't want anything to do with them. She kept walking away from them and walking into the foyer so she could sit and enjoy her sucker in peace.

Here are some pictures of her avoiding kids and eating her sucker in peace. Oh, she was a Kimono Dragon for Halloween.





























Seriously anti-social, right? Is that inherited?

Ok, and as an added bonus, here is her using her very effective non-verbal skills to tell me what she wants.



I'm teaching her bad habits, obviously. But pumpkin ice cream is SOOOOO good.

Book Review: The Men who Stare at Goats

The Men Who Stare at Goats by Jon Ronson


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I saw the author on Colbert and thought that the book looked good. So I put in on my list of books to read. And I then I saw an ad for a movie based on the book!! And the movie trailer looked really funny too. So I though, "this is going to be a great book! The ads look funny! The book will be funny too!"

No, this book is not funny. This book is about torture. It may start off somewhat lighthearted, but the true moral of the story is that torture has a long history in the U.S. Military and that history is not pretty. While some ideas (like staring at goats to make them collapse) may seem fantastical, so were other ideas like subliminal messages or foam that can be sprayed to immobilize combatants. Those were once crazy ideas, but have been/are being used.

The author tells a story about how the Barney song "I love you" was used to torture while played over and over for 15 hours, and of course the jokes always were "well, any parent of a 3 year old will affirm that they will do ANYTHING to make that song stop". And it seems to say that the author is kind of upset that torture is being brushed aside, being joked about on the The View, that Al Roker is saying "I've been tortured with that song myself".

Which is understandable. However, it almost seems that the author is a hypocrite. Because he starts off his book about a VERY serious subject, with a story about men making goats collapse, and then making a hamster go catatonic and then hate his wheel. It almost seems like he is doing the same thing: He's using a silly story to talk about torture.

That being said, I really liked this book. I really did. I felt that it was so informative and sad and shocking all together. I don't know about the movie though. I wonder if they will go the silly "goats falling over" route, or the more "the CIA killed my father and covered it up because he was torturing people for them" route. Hmmm. I guess I'll wait for Eric D. Snider to see it for me and tell me what he thinks.

Blowing Kisses

Here is a video of my child blowing kisses. She still makes the sound of a "kiss" with her tongue. But she has the hand motion down.



Doesn't it just make you cry out in cuteness?

On another related Evi note, I need to take Gilmore Girls off my Tivo. However, the theme song has magical powers!! Every time she hears it, she looks at me and then starts jumping and dancing. And her new thing is to lift BOTH feet off the ground when she dances.

Also, it will put her into a trance if she hears it from the other room, or if she's crying. Like teeth brushing is WWIII, but the other day I was holding her down, doing my best and then all of a sudden the song came on. She froze and I got like 10 seconds of non-struggle scrubbing. Those 10 seconds are more valuable than gold some nights.

So Gilmore Girls gets a two feet dance lift AND stops my child from crying. Why would I ever stop watching it? Except that we're almost to the episode where Rory sleeps with Dean for the first time. When he's married. I don't think I want my kid to see that one. Hmmm

Oh, and here is a video freebie. I turned around and found this little event taking place.



I really need to start paying more attention to my child.

Odds and Tags

Things are going good here. Just the norm. But I have a few questions for y'all.

Item #1.
So I don't drink soda very often. Like almost never. I've stopped going to fast food places, so I don't even get it once in a while there. I'm not judging those of you who will DIE without your caffeine fix everyday. I'm just saying, I didn't grow up with it, so it's not that big of a deal to me.

However, whenever I do "treat" myself to soda, I always grapple with myself with whether to get full sugar soda or diet. I mean, if I don't have it that often, I don't think a full sugar will hurt. But then again, I don't need the extra 130 calories. But then again, those diet ones are full of chemicals and fake sugar that gives cancer to rats. Then again, diet Sprite is hard to find at most restaurants, and I don't really like brown sodas.

See, it's quite a dilemma. Please let me know what you think about them.

Item #2.
This is for my LDS friends. I mean everyone else can read it, but it will only make sense to certain people. So my LDS friends, have you bought a new pair of chones lately? Have you noticed that they have changed the tags on them? They used to have those soft tags that after repeated wearing and washing would become threadbare and the writing would all wash off. So they "got smart" and decided to make the tags more durable. But they are now HORRIBLE irritating. They dig into your side and itch you continually.

I have started to wear my chones inside out. Well, the silky ones, anyway. The chemise top you really can't tell as much. But the silky's? Horrible. Do you think I would get in trouble if anyone knew about it?

Please don't tell on me.

Item #3
For the past few days, Evi has been trying to mimic the sound that I make when I kiss her. The "kissing" noise. You know what it is. She copies it by putting her tounge between her two sets of teeth and pulling it back with a sucking smack. Try it right now. I'll wait for you. . . .

It sounds lots like kissing noises, right? She's so smart to figure that out. (Say that line with the "parent adoration" voice. Otherwise it sounds lame) Anyway,Evi learned a new trick today. She learned how to blow kisses while making that kiss imitation sound. Gawl, it's cute!! I need to get it on camera and quick!!

I don't really have a question in regards to that one. Other than, do you want to see a video of her doing this? Well, you'll be getting one no matter what.

Item #4
If your child is OBSESSED with climbing up on the counter I have a little something to say to you. I FEEL FOR YOU!! Evi will do anything to get up on that counter. She uses my rocking chair climbing up the back, then gets onto the window seat, then onto the table. Or if that option isn't available, she'll climb up on the 3 foot high stools. (She sometimes gets stuck, and I laugh at her) But as soon as she's up there, then she can go across the counter, then across the stove and get to the spice cupboard that she really wants.

Well, spices are fun!! And it's very VERY fun to dump salt and pepper all over everything before your mom notices you are doing it. Try to get a good crunchy coating on everything before you get caught.

As for you moms, if you notice that this is going on, make sure you clean up the pepper VERY WELL. Maybe you think that you've done it well, but if you have a traditional electric stove (as opposed to a flat top stove) you need to be sure to check down in the "stove wells" for ground pepper remnants.

IF YOU DON'T AND YOU START TO COOK ON THAT STOVE TOP, YOU WILL BURN DRIED PEPPER. AND YOU WILL FILL YOUR HOUSE WITH HORRIBLE PEPPER SMOKE.

Have you ever been pepper sprayed? Me either. But now I know what it's like. It makes you choke, it makes your baby choke, and it makes your husband choke, take your baby outside, and then look at you with a glance that says: "Are you a mental patient for burning ground pepper in the house?" Which you kinda are.

So my question is, What is the worst thing you have ever burnt in your house? (Not counting your actual HOUSE burning down) Do tell. I want to feel like someone else is in the same burning boat as me.

Have a good day!! Evi sends you some air kisses!

Great First Impressions

I'm a real estate agent. I just thought you should know that. I'm going to put it out there in case anyone wants to use me for my mad house buying skills. (or selling for that matter. I'm good at both)

Anyway, a friend of a friend has asked me to help she and her husband buy a house. I agreed. This buyer and her husband, who we will call "Mr. and Mrs. Awesome" met me at a house yesterday afternoon so we could take a look at it. Now, you have to know that up until this moment, I had never met Mrs. Awesome face to face. Mr Awesome and I met several years ago, but not his wife. But I feel like I've known her for a long time, I really respect her, and I didn't want her to think I was a mental patient. I wanted to be "super effective real estate girl" and show her my house savvy and showing expertise. Basically, I wanted to make a good impression.

I am clearly setting the stage here for disaster. Wait for it. . . .

All was going well, until we went in the back yard and looked around. There was some talk about my bulimic child, some talk about the serious hedge trimming needed in the jungle of a backyard and then we moved on. But not before I noticed a definite poop smell. I looked around, but couldn't see anything so I chalked it up to the fact that we were walking by the trash can.

Proceed to more talk about the random chimney coming out the west side of the home and the spidery basement with a very large and very suspect weed growing INSIDE the bottom window. And there again, was the wiff of poo. At this time, Mrs. Awesome lifted her shoes to look at them, but they were clean. I said that I suspected the trash. I assume she believed me. Or maybe she thought that I had farted and was blaming it on the trash. Who knows. But I bet she didn't. She is, after all, awesome.

After she and likewise awesome husband are done looking at the home, I tell them there is a paper I want them to have and so we walk to my car. It is at that time, that Mr. Awesome says the first complete sentence of the afternoon. (previously he was communicating in mono-syllabic responses, head nods and shoulder shrugs) His words to me? "You hit a land mine"

I thought he was talking about my car, which was my brother's car I was borrowing for the day, and I was worried he was saying I hid something with it. I was worried. But oh no, he pointed to my shoe where a very obvious and very squishy dog turd was still clinging to BOTH sides of my brand new shoes. Brand new, $100 running shoes that took me 3 weeks and many returns to find the right fit and style I wanted. (I have to order shoes online because I have what Marcelo calls "patas" meaning animal feet. THANKS HON!! oh, and THANKS MOM for the large foot gene you passed down)

I don't have lots of money. These shoes were a sacrifice. And they are now completely wrapped in poo. Going up the sides of the shoes, in the bottom nooks, crannies and crevices of the tread. THERE IS POO EVERYWHERE. And I am humiliated. How else can this appointment go wrong? Can I maybe fall down and put my hand IN the poo? Can I lock my keys in the car? Can I do my Chris Rock impression and be racially offensive? Let's try our best to make a total spectacle of ourselves now, Alicia!

I go over to the grassy part of the front yard (hard to find because there is much lacking in the landscaping) and try VERY UNSUCCESSFULLY to get this dingle-berry off my shoe. It is not cooperating. I look silly, feel stupid, and want to just crawl in my car and die. And then I notice that Mr Awesome is digging around in the trunk of his car. He comes up with a plastic bag and says, this is for your shoe. MR. AWESOME!! YOU SURELY LIVED UP TO YOUR NAME TODAY!!! And that's not the end of it. He goes over and finds a wood chip on the ground and then tries to talk me into giving my shoe to him so he can scrape the poo off of it!!!!!

Can the humiliation never end? My client is trying to scrape the poo off MY shoe? Absolutely not!! I told him that I would just take off my shoe and drive home sock-footed. He didn't want to let it happen. I think he was moments, seconds away from crouching down on the ground. I seriously had to get out of there!! Next he was going to tell me that I should wear his shoes home so I wasn't driving with just a sock!! I have to flee!! Which is what I did. In one shoe. But not before I told them right as we parted that I was just lucky that it didn't get anywhere else. (like on the cuff of my pants)

But then I discovered some things when I got home:

1)This turd was the size of Texas. I think it was from like a great dane or maybe several dogs all pooping in the same spot. It must've been the size of a grapefruit. And how did I miss it? Because of the really tall grass. Did you miss the part about how the back yard was a jungle?

2)I did get it on my pants. But not on the cuff. On the back of my calf. How did it get there? And before I found it I was traipsing all over my house, and picking up my baby and sitting on chairs with the poop pants! UGH

3) I went home and started scrubbing my shoe, and I pulled about a half a cup of poop out of my shoes when I got home. And not just poop, but leaves and grass and small rocks. I gagged several times. I scrubbed those little tread crevices for what seemed liked hours, and the poop still didn't come out. I used toothpicks in the grooves, and the stench of poo was still there. Seriously, how did I not see a pile of poo that big?

4) After doing all that I woke up this morning and I went to look at my shoe and found that it was STILL smelly. After all that! So I gave up and threw it in the washer. (Thanks Sister In Law Tina for teaching me how to wash my running shoes in the washing machine!) And then I threw the other shoe in there as well for good measure. And everything I was wearing yesterday went in too. Because apparently that poop has magical powers and can leap from my shoe to the back of my pants and then from there who knows?!?!? It's better safe than sorry. DAMN YOU MAGICAL POOP!!

The point of the story? If you want to impress your super Awesome clients, just be aware that deceptive and thwarting poop will make you look like an ass every time. Guaranteed.

And if you hire me as your agent, I JUST MIGHT put on Act II of the "Great Poop Caper '09". Maybe this time I'll get BOTH shoes. Just you wait and see.

2 Book Reviews: Holidays on Ice AND We Two

Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
David Sedaris is a genius. Favorite story from this book? The one about the woman in Macy's having a panic attack due to all the people and collapsing to the ground flailing her arms as if she were being attacked by bats. BY BATS?!?! I laughed so hard I started coughing and then almost threw up. NO JOKE!!

The first story (about the author's time as an elf in Macy's "SantaLand" in NYC)is by far my favorite. But all of them are very good. This book has half a dozen "vignettes" about the holidays, traditions and short fictional stories about how the season of giving really brings out the nasty in all of us. There is another great GREAT story about Halloween and Dave's reluctance to share candy. I howled at that story too. And I recounted it for Marcelo a few days later and he laughed too.

This is a short read-took me about an hour and a half. So you can get it and finish it quickly and then get back to the big historical non-fiction book about the English Monarchy in the 1850's that you are currently working on. What? Isn't everyone else doing that right now?

Be sure to read it in time for the holidays!! Now bring on the turkey!

We Two: Victoria and Albert: Rulers, Partners, Rivals by Gillian Gill


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This was another book that I picked up 100% based on the cover. Something about the title in italics and being able to see it across the room. It was purely visual. But after reading the inside cover I was interested enough to check it out. And then after the first few pages I was hooked.

I totally thought this would be another "Seabiscuit" like "Woman and the Sea" was. Like full of drama and intrigue and royal politics. It was less Woman and the Sea and more "A&E Biography". But still it was sooo SOOO interesting.

This book is LOOOONG. And by long I mean that it took me more than 1 day to finish. It took me several. And it's complicated. It's not an easy skim read. And it's very difficult to keep all the people straight because they all name their kids the same things!! Leopold the 1st, 2nd. George III, George IV, Victoria (called Victoria) and Victoria (Called Vicky). So confusing.

But again, I was sucked in. It's so interesting. But maybe that's me. I find English history intriguing. Where the lineage comes from, and where it's going. How they all marry with one another. Albert and Victoria (the main subjects of the book) were first cousins. As in his father was her mother's brother. FULL ON BLOOD RELATED. And it didn't help the kids. Their youngest boy had "hemophilia" a blood disease, and almost all her daughters were carriers of the disease. And then they went out and married Prussians, Germans, Spaniards and Russians and then made THEIR kids sick. DON'T MARRY YOUR COUSINS ANYMORE, YOU CRAZY BRITISH.

But what I really liked was how this was a very good history lesson. A lesson in social aspects of the 1800's, lessons in disease, lessons in male/female/royalty relationships. The author gives a great background on all things. And like I said, you are sucked in.

I haven't talked much about the main story of Albert and Victoria. And that's because I still don't know how I feel about it. Albert was a HUGE misogynist. He was 100% assured that the fact that he was a man made him superior to all women, especially his wife. And yet, he married a woman with ALL the power, and who for the first few years of their marriage wouldn't even let him listen in when she talked to her prime minister or read letters that she wrote to parliament. But then she would defer to him and say he was her husband and leader and he was always right and beg his forgiveness when they fought.

I'm telling you, their relationship was so weird. Just weird. I don't know how to describe it. But there was love. Always love. I will say that. They loved each other passionately, completely and till the end. While the "Victorian" era gets its name from the Queen this book is about, in truth, Albert has lots to do with instituting and implementing the values that Victorians prized. i.e. frugality, chastity, morality, family. He was the one that cleaned up the castles from the stink and grime in the people and in the atmosphere.
Did you know he came to his wedding bed a virgin (UNHEARD OF for a prince in the 1840's)) and hence made sure that his wife didn't get a venereal disease and became barren. She thanked him for his virtue by giving him 9 kids (4 of them boys, which you know are WAY better than girls. Boys are like flesh and blood gold to monarchs) And those 9 kids came in like 17 years. In her first year of marriage she gave birth TWICE! [Blog owner's note!! Actually, she gave birth twice in the same YEAR. Sorry, I had that wrong. Her marriage was in Feb of 1840 and she gave birth 9 months later-Nov 1840. And then 1 year later, she gave birth again- Nov 1840. Sorry for the confusion. On my part]That woman was a factory. Poor girl.

Ok, this is a long review. I wanted you all to know that I really REALLY liked this book. Make sure you dedicate several days to it. It's so interesting. But I'm still not sure how I feel about Victoria and Albert. . .I'll let you know if I make up my mind.

Boy? Girl? Will there be a quiz on this later?

Confession: You know that movie Panic Room? The one with Jodie Foster? It came out on my mission, so the first time I caught it was after my mission. So when I saw it the first time I think it was on TV and I think I missed like the first 5 minutes of it.

I HATE MISSING THE FIRST 5 MIN OF MOVIES!!! And the first 5 minutes of this one were pretty important. You found out about the woman and her . . . child.

I say child because as soon as the movie started and her "child" showed up, I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl!! She never said the child's name and since I had missed the first few minutes, I didn't hear her talk about him/her when they weren't there. And of course to the kid's face, she only said "dear". I couldn't concentrate on the movie because I kept trying to find out if it was a boy or a girl.

And this continued for well into half the movie. I distinctly remember that there was a "suspenseful" moment when her child is trapped and needs medicine for the asthma attack it's having. And I remember not at all worried about the child. I was not in suspense about the life of the child. I was only in suspense about the sex of the kid. I JUST WANTED TO HEAR IF IT WAS A BOY OR A GIRL!!! And Jodie Foster says. "My CHILD IS DYING!!" What is the matter with her? Why can't she say "My son is dying" or "My daughter is dying". What the crap is the matter with that mom?

Anyway, I hardly watched the movie, or cared what happened. I think Jodie Foster won? Maybe? And eventually I found out that it's a girl. And not just any girl. The Twilight girl. The girl that you can't pass a grocery checkout newsstand without seeing. Yeah, I'm an idiot.

But seriously, look at these pictures.














She could totally be a little boy! The androgynous haircut, the black baggy shirt with graffiti on it. Do you blame me for being confused? I blame all the parents that let their boys grow their hair long. It's their fault no one can tell a boy from a girl anymore.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been confused about the gender of a person? Did it lead to an embarrassing story? Please share!

New Tricks

So here are a few of Baby's new tricks. The other day I turned around and caught my baby doing this:



Oh my goodness!! When did my kid become a climber? Well, now her high chair looks like this:


I love that our high chair will do that!! And now that it's so low, she can climb up into it and sit down and look at me expectantly as if to say "um, when is my food coming? I'm in my place and ready. SERVE ME!!" It's just one more way that she doesn't have to speak. She tells me she's hungry by sitting in her chair. She's never going to speak. I've just accepted it.














And this is my favorite blue plate special. Cookin' up a mean slice of Bibi pie. Yum yum!!
















And just for kicks, here is a video of her trying to diaper her osito. I think I should put her on diaper duty for herself. She looks like she has some skillz!

Book Bored

I have 15 books on hold at my library. Only problem? I'm not first in line for any of them!! So out of the 15 books I want to read, none are available! So upsetting. I'm book bored.

Whatever, moving on. My daughter is adorable. When you go in her room first thing in the morning, this is what she does:



She just wants to hand you her 3 blankets and 4 peluches. EVERY DAY. She's like "Thanks for coming to see me today. I will be playing with this, and this and this. Please carry it for me. That will do."

(The best part of that video is her hair sticking up on the side. Freaking awesome)

Also, she tries to put a diaper on the osito. Marcelo saw it the first time on Tuesday. My child is amazingly cute. She lays it down, on the ground or the couch, lays out the diaper, and wraps it around. ARRGH!! Her cuteness makes me want to stab myself! I'm trying to get a video of it too. But she has a radar so she'll stop immediately when she sees you try to get it on camera.

And finally, she's basically a mute. I mean she babbles all the time, but no words at all. NOTHING. She's even regressed and is no longer saying "Raya" or "gracias" or "mama". She's totally a mute. She clearly understands me. I can ask for something by name, and she will pick it out of a group of things and bring it to me. So she understands, but chooses not to talk.

Sometimes she communicates in other ways. When she wants to go outside, she brings me my shoes, her shoes, and then my pants. (yes, I'm usually pants-less around the house) She's clearly stating she wants to go outside and walk with Raya. So communication is very non-verbal. Lots of pointing and bringing of things. And when she wants me to sing "Dos Manitos" she waves her fingers in a certain way.

But seriously? 16 months and no words? When should I start to see a specialist about this?

Or this:



I don't think it's good when your child prefers spinning to eating cake batter off a beater. There is something wrong with her mind if that's the case.

Book Review:The Secret Life of Bees

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd


My rating: 3 of 5 stars
SPOILER ALERT! Thank heavens no one died! I hate stories about the south/civil rights/race relations because you KNOW there will be injustice and most likely an innocent black man/boy/girl/child will die. And I really can't handle any more of those stories.

Luckily this didn't have that. It didn't really have much of anything else, either. I mean, for the fact that it was on the best-seller's list and then got made into a movie, I thought it was going to be outstanding. I give it a one-shouldered shrug.

However, reading this I've discovered that I'm destined to live in the south. Reasons? #1)I love cornbread. I know this is a huge stereotype. But I do love it. #2) I love things made with and cooked in fat/lard. And that's where all the flavor is. Am I right or am I right, Lynn? And #3) I like saying "Sir" and "ma'am". I'm not consistent, but I do like saying it. And I want my daughter to say it.

Anyway, the book was a snooze, but the cornbread I'm currently eating is delicious!!

Book Review: The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America

The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This book was like 2 or 3 stories put into one. I don't think the title was very descriptive. A better title would've been "Chicago's White City: The World's Fair that was Almost a Disaster, and the Men Who Made a Miracle Happen. . . Oh Yeah and There was a Psycho who Killed People Right Around the Same Time who Lived Right Next Door."

Yes, I like my title better.

I did like the talk about the world's fair. It's amazing that back in 1891 they would tell Chicago that they could have a world's fair and that it should be up and ready to go in 26 months. It's like the Olympics!! they needed years to plan and build. The story of how these men came together and fought through red tape to make it happen is crazy. The story of the Ferris Wheel is mind-boggling. Just trying to imagine how big it really was that each car could hold 100 people and there were 36 cars each! And how they fired it up the first time bolts and screw were popping off and falling down to the ground. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? It's awesome

The parts about the "Devil" are heartbreaking. How was it possible that women could just disappear? I mean, he was like the CENTER POINT for all these women leaving, the last to see them alive, and yet he could convince their fathers, brothers, wives, etc that the women had just traveled away and would come back. Talk about less effective police work!

I gave this book 4 stars because it kept me interested. Even though it felt like there were 3 stories meshed into 1, each one of the stories was interesting, captivating and could've stood on it's own.

Tricked

I'm into reminiscing. Which is what Lobster do for hours and hours when we get together. And she reminded me of this little incident from when we were on our mission and serving together:

On the mission, I hated tracting. Hated it like nothing else. I think this is due to the fact that recently I have come to realize that I am VERY passive aggressive. Secretly recording my boss's conversations, avoiding conflicts, letting things continue to bother me so that I don't have to confront a person. DEFINITE SIGNS OF PASSIVE AGGRESSION. And I think that door knocking was the MOST aggressive things that we as missionaries did. It had built in conflict right in it. And I hated it.

I mean, I had NO problem talking to people at other times. On a bus, in a cab, in the grocery store, walking down the street, in the park, waiting in line to pay my light bill. I had no problem doing this. But I absolutely hated knocking on someone's door, pulling them away from cooking or spending time with their family, and then giving them a message in my crappy Spanish. And then have them try to pretend that they didn't understand me. Or have them slam the door in my face. I HAAAAAATED tracting.

Judd knew this. Well, she found this out after a few days together when she said, "are we going tracting?" and I said "I hate tracting. I don't want to do it" and the message was pretty clear then. Plus, me being senior companion I got to make decisions like that.

But what to do when you have no one to teach? Judd came from a long history of tracting, and I did not. And it pissed her off when we had nothing to do. And she had one answer for it. But I didn't like what she suggested.

So one day, one of our appointments blew us off. We started to walk somewhere. I don't remember where we were heading, (home maybe?) when all of a sudden, Judd stops in front of a door and knocks on it. I was super confused. So I asked her, "Who's house is this?" and she said, "Somebody's". I said, "Do we have an appointment?" And I don't think I was met with anything more than a "hmmmm"

I looked around. What street were we on? How did she meet these people without my knowing? I've been in this area longer than she had, so how did she know them and I didn't? Then I look up. I look down the street. I looked back the other way. I looked behind me to find out what manzano we were on. I look at Judd's face. And she won't return my gaze. AND I KNEW. We were currently tracting. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I can tell you that I know EXACTLY how a dog feels to realize that it's been trapped in the car and it being taken to the vet for a series of shots. Betrayal, horror, fear, shock, hurt. You name it, I ran the whole gamut of emotions in that one moment.

And we did it. And it wasn't so bad. We didn't find any golden contacts or anything, but no one tried to kill me. And only a few people slammed the door in my face. And when we left that house she very bluntly stated, "We have to go tracting. We have to. You have no choice." She was right of course. And we did it a few more times while we were together. And I'm sure I whined and tried to weasel out of it each time. But she didn't take any of my BS. Because that's what a lobster does. They don't take crap, even from their senior companion best friend. They just don't.

I love you, Lobster.

Lobster Tales

Do you have a Lobster? Do you have someone who just gets you? With whom you can never go wrong? Who listens to everything you say, and even when they don't agree with you, they still love talking to you? Someone who shares in your happiest moments and your most embarrassing horrors and still doesn't judge you? Someone who you would give a kidney or a child to if you were to die? That person is your lobster.

I got to go to Arizona last week to visit my Lobster. It was bliss. We got to swim in her freezing pool (yes! It was 106 degrees outside but the pool was still so cold!) during which she almost had to save my child's life. And she made me a birthday cake AND took me to a birthday dinner and wouldn't let me do or pay for anything. But the joke was on her the first day!! While she was in the bathroom I snuck to the counter and paid the bill. MWAAA HAAA HAAAA!!

She is the most attentive, best friend ever. And she takes care of everything!! I only had to bring one small bag because she had everything for me and my baby. Crib, Boppy, toys, books, wipes, swimming diapers, snacks. She had it all!! And what she didn't have, she offered to get me. She's just the combo of the best hotel and the most interesting person in the world. You all need to get one of them. I promise, it will change your life.

It was the best 4 days ever. And my baby was so good. Most of the time. I was kind of far away from her room, so my Lobster (And Mr. Lobster) got to hear her through the night. I guess she woke up a few times. I've trained myself not to hear it unless she cries for a while. And she didn't. Just long enough to wake up our terrific hosts.

Also, Evi learned that if someone has something you want, you can go up and grab it out of her hands. This was tough for a 3 year old (Lobster's daughter)to deal with: a 16 month old ruining your whole world. Evi did a pretty good job adjusting when I took the things away and gave it back. She quickly went and found a new toy to play with. But there was a good tug of war going on before that. And half the time Darby would lose the toy and she didn't take the loss as well. I don't blame her!! I get pissed when something is just slow coming to me. Imagine if it got taken away!! Don't blame her a bit.

Darby was hot and cold towards Evi. One sec she was flinging herself down the indoor slide to make my child laugh, and then next she was trying to "help" her down the stairs. Evi HATED when that kid touched her. It made me laugh so hard. She was like "get your hands off me!!!" and would shrug off her hands all the time and then scream if the touching persisted. So freaking funny. I kind hoped that Darby would touch her more to see how my kid would flip out. Hilarious.

Anyway, as is customary with my trips down to see my lobster, I didn't take any pictures. I took one of my baby crawling into her entertainment center, and one of her spinning around and licking the cake batter beater. But none of Darby, none of lobster and none of us together!! Kind of less effective, but pretty standard at this point

So basically, if you are expecting awesome pictures of us together, you are sorely out of luck.

I loved my time in AZ. If possible I would've stayed longer. (and actually kind of did get an extra day there) And why not stay longer? Wouldn't you want to stay forever with your lobster?

I know I do!

P.S. Not enough is said about Mr. Lobster and how awesome he is. But I tread lightly here because praising another woman's husband is a tricky thing. But I love her husband with all my heart and I'm so thankful that he gives up wife, house and everything else to accommodate me when I come to town. So to him I say: THANKS AGAIN!!! My love and friendship with your wife would not be possible with your your help and support.

Imagined Conversation

You: Hey there, Alicia. What are you doing today?

Me: Oh, just sitting here icing my boobs.

You: ICING YOUR BOOBS!! WITH FROSTING?? That sounds delicious? Wait a minute. . .is this some sort of "marital love" thing? (you make gagging noises)

Me: NO PERVERT!!!! I'm icing them WITH ICE. I've made an ice pack for myself and I've currently got these babies to a temp of sub zero.

You: Oh! that sounds so painful. Why are you doing that?

Me: Well, it's better than the alternative. Which is throbbing, swollen, tender to the touch boobs that threaten to burst upon contact.

You: Ok, you are right. That does sound worse. But why are they swollen? Didn't you gradually ween your child? Didn't you take months to slowly cut down her feedings so that you wouldn't have this pain again?

Me: Oh yeah!! I took 4 feedings to 3, then to 2 then to 1. Then with that 1 feeding, I started timing it. I noticed that she was eating 3 minutes on each side. So I started reducing that time. First 2 minutes on each time, then 90 seconds. Then just 60 seconds. I did that for about 2 weeks. Just a feeding of 60 seconds. Most days she went to bed still quite awake, but that was good practice for when I stopped all together, right? I totally had a plan.

You: And what a plan it was!! And becuase you did this gradual ween and she was only eating 2 min total every 24 hours, it can be assumed that there were no problems when you stopped feeding her all together, right? I'm sure it went smoothly and there is no pain or anything, right?

Me: Did you have an aneurysm in the past 2 minutes? Did you forget what I said about me icing my boobs? Does it sound like it went painlessly?

You: So when did you stop?

Me: Monday night was the last time she ate

You: So it's been 2 days now?

Me: Yes. Two horrible hellish days that will never end.

You: Oh, I'm sure you are just exaggerating that.

Me: Am I exaggerating little rocks in my boobs? Am I exaggerating leaking? Am I exaggerating going up a size and a half in my bra?

You: Uhh, errr, I guess. . .

Me: I GUESS YOU OWE ME AN APOLOGY!!!

You: *Shamefaced* I guess I do.

Me: This is why I never wanted to quit feeding her. I don't know if it's every going to go away. There is no "relief" feeding on the horizon. Will they stay like this forever? How long until they stop leaking? YES!!! LEAKING!!!! How long before they stop throbbing? How long before the little "boob rocks" go away?

You: I don't know. I never had this problem.

Me: No one else does. Except that crazy lady in my ward who lives in her parent's basement, home schools, and is pregnant with her 7th kid. And you all have reduced me to talk to her. I BLAME ALL OF YOU FOR FORCING ME TO TURN TO HER!!

You: *Lowly and meekly* Please forgive me for my ultimate dishonor.

Me: Honestly, if I could've nursed her forever, I think I would've. Because 3 min a night was not a horrible sacrifice. And I really didn't want to have this pain ever again. I only stopped because *SOME OF YOU* threatened to make fun of me if she was still feeding past her 18th month. Some friends you are!!

You: Again, please forgive me for my impertinence. I promise to be a better friend from here on.

Me: That will do. You are dismissed


AAAAANNNNND SCENE!!!!!!!!

I think that was pretty realistic, don't you?

But seriously, my boobs are killing me. Time for more ice.


P.S. Kudos to Hoolie on the "ultimate dishonor" line. She always used to make me laugh by saying it.

Bulimic

Check out this new trick my daughter just learned:

Here she is thinking about. Toying with the idea. Giving mommy a tease


Then she gets her fingers in there, for a few good gags. She abandons it for a while, though, because It's more fun to wipe your hands on your face. Make sure you get enough spit on there so your face is nice and shiny



And then she goes for the full monty. I don't think you can hear the sound effects of her gagging. But let me tell you, it's gross



And 3 seconds after that last video was taken she puked up her whole dinner all over me, my couch and my hand. This couch STILL smells like barf.

Thanks Bibi!!

P.S. Yes, that is the Gilmore Girls on in the background. Loser, much?

Cream Cheese

Evi is obsessed with Cream Cheese. If I have her in my arms when I open the fridge and she sees the contain, she whines and grunts and points at it. Sometimes I give her some. Sometimes I don't. This day I did.


Here's the end result:



And here.



And finally, here is a video of her eating chicken pieces off the floor. The best BEST part of this is the look on Raya's face. She's just begging for the release command so she can lick that plate clean. Look at how she licks her chomps. Delish

I went on down to the Crimp 'n Curl. . .

Who (besides my sister Sarah) can name where that quote comes from ?

So the other day I got distracted for a moment and I found baby girl doing this . . .



With the end result being this
















I think she's the funniest girl in the world.

And here she is trying to get Raya to play with her.















I should tell her that putting her dog in a toy prision is a less effective way to win over Raya's heart.

Book Review: The Teeth May Smile, but the Heart Does Not Forget

The Teeth May Smile but the Heart Does Not Forget by Andrew Rice



I started reading this book because I thought it would be interesting. A Son going back to Uganda to avenge his father's murder that took place in 1972. I must admit, I knew only a little about Uganda and what went on there under the rule of Idi Amin.

In the history aspect, this book was very VERY good. It talked about not just the history of the family of the murder victim, but also about the family and history of the murderers themselves and Uganda as a whole. How it was "discovered" by the English and under their rule until the late 1960's. Then how coup after coup took place ultimately leading to the horrific 8 year rule of Amin.

I was very happy that this book was not a gory expose about the horrific nature of Amin. From all accounts he was a BAD GUY, but this book didn't go into detail about all those murders (estimates are between 100,000 and 300,000 killed under his rule). Granted there was some talk about *some* people that were murdered, but it was not gory and quickly passed over. This book is not about the atrocities of war.

This book is about Uganda. Yes, it focuses on one man's struggle to find his father's killers, but ultimately it is more about the country of Uganda as a whole. After all the things that they had done to them by their presidents and rulers(the greed, money filtering, warmongering, etc) the everyday Ugandan just wants to move on. They are willing to forgive (if not forget) and hence the title. Many look at their actions as apathy, but others realize that they are just tired. They just want to move on a hope those things never happen again.

I said that this book was mostly about Uganda and not about Duncan Laki's search for justice. GOOD THING because if this were a "stick it to the murderers" story, we all would leave very depressed. Which I did sorta leave anyway. Because the ultimate fate of the murderess is (of course) a twisted trial and ultimate acquittal by a corrupt police force, investigators lawyers and even judge.

That put aside, I really liked this book. It was very informative and I can say that I learned a lot about a place I hereto previously only knew a little about. In the end, of course, I was sad. I was sad for all the injustices in the world. Especially the injustices that a leader does to his own people in the name of "the good." Let's hope Uganda stays away from that type of "good" for a long while.

Imma Let You Finish

Confession: I watch MTV and VH1. ALOT. I know, I'm like the TV equivalent of a 13 year old.

But did you watch the VMAs? Did you watch open mouthed when Kanye went off? Do you know what I'm talking about? If you don't, here's a video of it:



Look at her poor face!! SAD!! Anyway, people are of course making fun of him. Because Kanye is a huge egomaniac. And there's this website making fun of him, and I love it. Here are some of my faves:


Find more at http://kanyegate.tumblr.com/

Imma go make dinner now

Conversations With Marcelo

Me (at 9:45 am): Marcelo? Are you back in bed?

Him: Yeah! I'm tired! I played with the baby all morning!

Me: You know what I did? I made you breakfast, washed TWO loads of dishes, finished folding the laundry, cleaned the kitchen, put dinner in the crock-pot for tonight, made you breakfast, brought it to you, and am now cleaning it up.

Him:. . . Right, so we both were busy this morning.


I'm sure I'll laugh about this SOMEDAY.

Picture of the day:



Try finding a cuter baby. JUST TRY!

P.S. She TOTALLY looks like those "American Girls" dolls in this picture. Like the Samantha doll. Am I right or am I right? Look for yourself.
It's those two little teeth.

Book Review: Young Woman and the Sea

Young Woman and the Sea: How Trudy Ederle Conquered the English Channel and Inspired the World by Glenn Stout


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This book was amazing. Interesting history, woman's lib, robbed childhoods, this book has it all. Did you know that Trudy Ederle invented the bikini 20 years before French engineer Louis Réard did it in 1946? She actually swam the Channel in one because she found that it had less drag than any other suits she tried.

Also, did you know that Native Americans invented the crawl, or freestyle stroke? For years the breaststroke or sidestroke was thought to be superior to any other swim stroke until the Americans showed up at the Olympics and blew everyone out of the water. But this book talks about how it was discovered by an artist and displayed to the world at the world's fair (If I'm remembering correctly)

And while all that is awesome and interesting, this book is about Trudy. A New York native of German descent who fell in love with the water on the Jersey shore. About the struggle of women to be treated as equals. About this history of swimming. About the fear of water. About the geological makeup of the Channel itself. About the rights of athletes. This book honestly is so amazing and will suck you in within the first few pages. I'm not kidding. If that story about the fire in the ship off Long Island doesn't get you, I don't know what will.

I really want some of you read this so we can talk about it! You will not believe what happens at the Olympics in 1924. And you will NOT believe what happened the first time she tried to swim the channel. But ultimately this is a story about one woman's triumph and how she succeeded when everyone tried to tell her to get out of the water. LITERALLY. Oh, not only did she succeed, she SMASHED the record. A woman. An American Woman. Oh, and did I mention she was 19? Yeah, she was a teenager.

This is the Seabiscuit of 2009. I'll go on record as stating that right now. Makes me happy to be a swimmer. And by the way, it's ok to be chubby if you are a channel swimmer. Maybe I should look into it?

View all my reviews >>