Poison

I poisoned my family on Thursday. Food poison, that is. I'm pretty sure I know how I did it, and it was 153% my fault. It didn't hit till last night, and it hit all of us within about 2 hours of each other.

See, Marce got it first. And then when it hit me, I said, "I think this is food poisoning". But he responded "no, the baby ate that food too. And she isn't sick". But he spoke too soon! We had a little nighttime vomit episode with her. And so he conceded that yes, it was probably food poisoning.

How did it do it? It involved chicken, forgetting to turn the oven on and then not cooking the crap out of it. I usually cook my chicken for an obscene amount of time just to make sure it is 100% cooked through. But this time, because of the delay in forgetting to turn the oven on, there wasn't time and so I'm pretty sure that is what caused us all to get sick.

Anyway, I won't shock you with the details, but let's just say you know it is food poisoning when it's shooting out BOTH ENDS nearly simultaneously.

We are all eating some dry toast, oatmeal and juice to try to replenish the lost fluids and nutrients. And I feel badly for poisoning my family. As I well should, I think. At least it wasn't a dinner party!

Don't forget to wash your hands people!

Just so you know

Just so you know:

It takes 4 grown adults to hold a 2 and 3/4 year old child down to examine a scratched eye.

And if anything needs to be dropped into this eye to make it glow like a radioactive particle ala the Simpsons, make sure all 4 of your are wearing protective gloves, because she will pinch, and scratch and spit and kick and do everything in her power to get away from you. And it will make you cry. And you haven't cried at the doctors office since you watched her get her first set of shots.

Oh, and if she needs to get anti-bacterial drops in her eyes 3 times a day for a week, make sure that your husband is present for the administration of of those drugs. Because if not, you might have a scratched eye yourself from the fighting.

But you will feel better knowing something is being done about it. Because seriously, when you pried her eye open after hours of crying and saw the VERY VISIBLE scratch that went the whole length of her iris AND pupil you nearly died of fright for the sight of your child.

But seriously, that radioactive stuff they put in her eye glowed neon green in the special black light? That stuff was cool. Made me miss the day-glow fashions of the 80's.

SLUUUUURRRP!

As the baby is getting over her cold/flu, It's now moved from a fever to a full nasal assault.

Which is kind of horrible, as any mother knows. Waking up with streams of snot down her face. Sheets covered in it, everything covered in it. She climbed up onto Marcelo's side of the bed and left a little streaking reminder. I pointed it out to him, and then I laughed.

And then this morning I was getting breakfast ready for her and I heard a loud slurping noise. I thought she was done with her milk, so I turned around to look at her. I saw a current of snot pouring from both sides. Ever so delicately she lifts her tongue up and SLUUUURRRP! Drinking it down super nice.

Delicious. Absolutely delicious. It's days like this that make me know that there is a God. Otherwise we would all be dead from our own nose bacteria.

You Give Me Fever

Ahhh, Valentines Day! This is one holiday that gets some respect in our house. Because in Ecuador, it's the Day of Love AND Friendship. So much like elementary school, people celebrate the day with everyone around them. Sending cards, chocolates and little trinkets to everyone. No one is left out. It's a good day for all.

So, that's why we spent Valentine's Day together as a family. Marcelo and I decided to go to our favorite Thai restaurant in Orem on Saturday. We tried to volunteer to babysit our friend's kids, but they didn't call us back until we were already at dinner. (They did invite us to go to a movie later, but it was a dollar movie so the tickets sold out almost immediately. It didn't happen and we were sad) So we just spent the day together as the Loor family.

We did take a side trip to Costco at the same time and saw the mad rush for chocolate cake and flowers. We did not partake but we did buy birth control and diapers. I think that is a very funny and ironic coupling of items. You shouldn't need the one if you used the other properly in the first place. Some other funny pairings? Buying a case of beer and card for your child who is just leaving on a mission. Buying a can of rat poison and a rodent cage. You think of some more. I'm going to get back to my story.

So after dinner (which was delicious. We even got Evi to eat some of everything!) and the movie was a bust, we went home. We did the normal nighttime routine with bath, dressing, praying and finally books right before bed. However, as I was reading to the Bibbers, I notices that her head was a little warm. Not her cheeks, or her neck or her hands or body. Just the forehead and top of her head. Marcelo felt it and said it was nothing. And I believed him.

NEVER TRUST YOUR HUSBAND!! TRUST YOUR MOTHERING INSTINCTS!! Nothing terrible happened. She slept just fine, but woke up on FIRE. Super hot, and just feeling crappy. She cuddled in bed with us for about a half hour. (Funny side story. When she comes into bed with us, she will flop on top of us and ask for her back to be rubbed/scratched. Oh, did I say "asked?" I meant "pointed to her back and made grunting noises". But this morning she was too tired to do even that. The moment I stopped moving my hand, she would do just a little "uh uh" in my ear. Very soft, almost nothing. She couldn't do more than that. Marcelo and I loved it)

Anyway, I can never get her to sleep with us in bed. Once she's up, she's going going gone. We gave her some medicine, and she seemed to perk up. At least her fever went down. (not before puking all over the couch and carpet, though. Great way to start off your Day of Rest, I'll tell you that)

We said no to church. Because I've worked in the nursery, and I wouldn't like someone to come in, drop off their kid to me and say, "well, she puked this morning and had a fever, but we thought she would miss out on her friends if we didn't come. ENJOY HER!!" We made an executive decision. Which was a good idea, because it spiked again after her afternoon nap. It was up to 103.6. But again, it responded with the baby ibuprofen. Marcelo kept trying to force me to take her to the Dr. office, and finally I had to read to him that "fevers are normal and the way the body responds to infection. If fever lasts more than 3 days or does not respond to medicine, please bring her in". We were less than 24 hours so we didn't meet any criteria. He finally shut up about taking her.

So that's how we spent our Day of Love and Friendship. And I want to wish a happy L&F Day to all of you. I'm guessing your day went better than mine. If you didn't catch your daughter's puke in your cupped hands, then your day was infinitely better than mine.

P.S. When I looked for a cool picture to put with this post, this is what I found:

Ummm, i think we need to talk about the awesomeness of this album cover. Animal print blanket? Check. Handkerchief matching lipstick color? Check. Rad 80's graffiti-esque font? Double AND triple check for all 3 colors used. Please tell me what is your favorite part about this album cover?

H.O.U.S. and Other Assorted Details of my Life

You know in "The Princess Bride" where they talk about the ROUS's? The Rodents of Unusual Size? Well I'm that same way, but not with rodents. I'm that way with my head. It's a Head Of Unusual Size. I don't know if it's the size or the shape, but headbands that are supposed to fit everyone never work on me.

I actually think it is a combination of my hair being so thin and fine,and of my weird shaped head. For Christmas, Vidal Sasson left the following in my stocking:

They are called "stay put head wraps" but they do no such thing. They slip and slide around my head like they were made of vinyl. I try putting them just behind my ears and about an inch and a half from my hairline. They slide up the back of my neck, to the crown of my head and keep sliding back. The little rubber "grips" sewn in are mocking me the whole way back.

It's always been like this. When I would play sports in high school and before the invention of these headbands, the best option was "pre-wrap" (which was put on the skin before the athletic tape was put on there ensuring minimal hair rippage when removing) because it had a spongey yet tacky consistency. You could roll up a length of it and put in your hair and if you were normal, it would stay. Mine never did. I was always so jealous of those who could make it stay.

I guess I just have to accept that I have a weird shaped head. It have too many crags and bumps on it and whenever I move my eyes or neck my scalp also moves. So I need to give up the hope of ever being able to wear cute headbands. "JUST LET IT GO, ALICIA!!" You have a H.O.U.S.

Next item of business. My child is sick. Maybe from the gym play area. (we took her there for the first time ever on Saturday so we could work out together) or from the petrie dish that is Nursery. She's not horrifically sick. Just a runny nose and slight fever right now. But she keeps waking in the night. Like 4 times last night. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Screaming (but not screaming my name. Remember, my child doesn't talk. Not even to call for me in the middle of the night)

And we, being the heartless wretches that we are, we let her cry it out most times. SHE DID NOT APPRECIATE THAT. As can be discerned from her slightly hoarse voice this morn. *Alicia is awarded mother of the year award. She accepts graciously* Yes, I let my child scream for upwards of 45 minutes. Please start a line of horrible comments after this post.

And the third totally unrelated topic: I am a non-fiction freak. The stinking non-fiction table at my library sucks me in every time I walk by. I go in to pick up a book I have on hold, and I walk out with 3 non-fiction books. What the WHAT? WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH AWESOME COVERS AND INTERESTING TOPICS, YOU NON-FICTION TROLLOP!?!?

And I have found some of the greatest books there on the non-fiction table. I found this book there, and this one too. Both some of the greatest books I've read in a long while. So I can't say that I dislike the non-fiction table. I just like how everything looks so good!! Much like all the varieties at the Cheesecake Factory.

Hmmmm. Cheesecake.

And SCENE.

It's going around

So we are all sick. Evi got it first on Christmas Eve. I should've known because she was acting a fright at P.F. Chang's that night. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and didn't want to eat anything. (Marcelo and I still enjoyed the food, though. So the evening wasn't totally ruined)

And she continued to get sicker over the next 12 hours. Which means that me, the primary kisser of her face also am sick. I got it Christmas night.

And now Marcelo has it. He got it last night.

I think everyone with a husband will back me up when I say this: Men are horrible when they are sick. I mean, we ALL have it. This whole house is infected. Bibi's nose is on a 24 hour drip and the poor girl can't breathe. Also, I had it starting yesterday, but I still managed to feed everyone 3 meals, return things to various stores and clean this house . . .twice (with a place this small you have to clean constantly or it looks horrible)

But once Marcelo gets sick? ALERT THE NEWS MEDIA!! MARCELO IS SICK!! He sleeps in bed all day, and asks for meals to be catered to him. I didn't see him offering to cater meals to me when I was sick! Nor did I see him volunteering to watch the baby so I could take a 8 hour nap during the day.

Seriously, what is it about guys that makes them so weak when they are sick? I might as well have a second child for all the good he is to me now.

Anyway, I'm sure all your husbands are this way. I 'm sure I don't hold the monopoly on whiny sick husbands.

The worst part about it? We agreed to volunteer in the nursery today for the permanent teachers. And now we can't do it. We need to find subs in the next 25 min. I'm thinking that won't happen, so we might have to send our kids to another class. We'll see.

Happy snotting!!

DISCLAIMER!! No matter what the picture says, we don't have swine flu. Just a general cold virus going around.

Sick

Sick. Sick. Everyone is sick. Marcelo is sick. And so of course that means that Evita is sick. Sick babies are the worst. Running nose, congestion, the whole works. Naps were a nightmare today. My boobs are ready to explode because she doesn't want to eat. Did I mention that I hate sick babies?

Oh man, my life sucks right now. She wasn't sleeping too well anyway before that, and then the sickness is making things so horrible. I think that maybe that's why nighttime has been so terrible for the last few days: because she was getting sick for a while now. And when she can't sleep, I can't sleep (we share a bedroom, of course). She's been having some rough days. And so have I.

Oh, and I'm a bad friend to Reagan. I'm sorry Reagan. I really really don't deserve your friendship.

So basically, I feel lame because I have nothing to post, and no energy to post my nothing. Should I just post something lame, or should I wait until I have something "interesting" to say? Please let me know.

How bad it is

I forgot to post this funny story when I was talking about being sick. Last night I wanted to make sure I slept better than the night before. So I bought some VapoRub to spread all over my body at night. I've never bought VapoRub before, but from what I remember, it's pretty darn strong in the smell department. I mean, that's the point right? It's strong enough so that when you rub it on your neck, it still will reach your nose and your throat.

I stick my nose RIGHT DOWN into the jar and I get NOTHING. I can't smell anything. I rub it all over my neck and I can't smell it. I'm thinking somehow that I got the "non-smelly" kind. So then I proceed to put it all over my chest too. I'm like in a vacuum, and my body is telling me that there is nothing there.

But I walk over to my mom, and I'm like 5 feet away from her, and she's like "oh, you smell." So I guess it IS working! My sense of smell has always been so strong and I just feel hobbled without it. The other thing is that my nose is basically clear. I can breathe through it right now, it's not completely stuffed up. So I expect to be able to smell things because air is still moving through it. But it's not happening so much.

So here's to applying VapoRub nightly! Happy Rubbing!

Sick, Sick, SICKENING, Sick

Sunday night I started to get a sore throat. I was REALLY concerned that it was strep. That's because I spent about 3 hours in Reagan's house on Friday and her whole family had strep. Now, I don't think that Reagan is a dirty person, by any means. But all I had to do was touch ONE thing that hadn't been sanitized, and that would be the end of it.

However after I talked to her and compared symptoms, I decided it wasn't strep. And this was confirmed when the sore throat quickly gave way to congestion, a horrible PAINFUL cough with phlegm coming up, fever, chills, wheezing and my eyes being swollen with pain and pressure. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and they gave me an antibiotic prescription. I need to go pick it up at the pharmacy, but that involves like taking a shower, and maybe putting on clean underwear. And everyone KNOWS how overrated clean underwear is.

Also, because Jean is on a cruise this week, I haven't had the option of staying home those first few days I was getting sick. I've needed to be at work so I can train the new girls. But that will never help me get better, and so I decided to do something drastic today: I told a lie. I told them that my doctor said it was pneumonia and that I needed to do a 48 hour round of antibiotics before I come back to work. How bad is that of me? On a lie scale from 1 to 10, you know with the lowest being like when you tell a friend that her giant swollen ankles DON'T look like sausages about to pop out of their casings. That would be a 1. And a 10 is Jean and everything about her. So where does this little antibiotic lie fall on that scale?

So this is my current regimen: Halls, cough syrup (I checked with my OB to make sure it was ok to take) Vapo-rub, water and more Halls. I try not to do anything that will make me breathe too hard, because if I do that, my throat dries out and then I start coughing, and let me tell you, you do NOT want me to start coughing. I get going to hard that I puke, and then the things that come up are atrocious in color and consistency. Oh, it's not pretty.

I think that the WORST thing (well my worst thing anyway) is that my sense of smell is gone. That means that food is no longer appetizing because I can't taste it. So yesterday after Lisa and I went to the gym, I stopped at the Wal-Mart and got a GIANT King Sized Snickers Ice Cream Bar. (That was because Reagan always talked about how she ate them when she was pregnant, and I've been craving one for a few weeks now.)

I wasn't actually hungry, like I didn't really want to eat it, but my stomach was churning and telling me that I needed to eat something. So I inhaled the snickers, and then 2 packages of fruit snacks. But I really didn't want them. I also got a bunch of other junk food too, but I think it'll just sit in my car until I can smell it again and hence enjoy it. And that food thing is happening again right now. My stomach is telling me that it's empty, but I don't actually FEEL hungry. Maybe some toast. With jam. Raspberry

So why did Lisa and I go to the gym? Especially because I'm sick? Well, we went and just sat in the wet sauna. It was horrible at first because the walk to the gym from the car tore up my throat so badly with the freezing air, but the moment I got into that wet sauna, it was like a different person sitting there. My voice changed, my nose cleared, and it was HEAVENLY. I need to go do that every day. It's the only way to make myself feel better these days.

So, that is my goal for today: recover, go to the wet sauna, and try not to talk or even breathe too much. No one ever got anywhere by breathing.

Sick Day

I'm currently sitting on my couch watching the Law and Order:CI marathon on TV. I called in sick today. Why? Because I've been fighting a cold since Tuesday. I have a fever, sore throat and am dizzy all the time. And I definitely know that I'm sick because I even threw up today and I haven't thrown up since I've been pregnant. (Well, there was that one other time. But I was sick that time too!!)

Anyway, I should've called in sick a long time ago. There is nothing going on at work, so I figured it would be ok to go home after an hour or so. So I did. And it was great. I know I'm going to hate going back to work tomorrow.

As a follow-up to my maternity leave situation, I don't think that my employer has to give me any time off or hold my job for me because I work in an office with less than 50 employees. I think that the labor laws only apply to offices where there are 50 employees or more either in our office or in outlying field offices. I don't think that I have any rights to any maternity leave.

What I do know is that my job has a LONG history of discriminating against pregnant women. And I know that the INSTANT my job and my employers find out then they are going to start talking behind my back about how I've become "worthless" and I'll never get another raise. And then it will be assumed that I'll quit. So I don't really have a choice of coming back.

Could I sue them and win? Probably. Will I? No way! I want to leave those sad pathetic people alone. They can all sit around and tell each other how great this job is and how anyone would be lucky to work there. And believe me, they do that already!!

So please let me know if I'm wrong about that maternity leave thing. I kinda hope that I am, because the all I have to do is give a 2 weeks notice before I quit. But then I think she can cancel my medical benefits immediately, right? I really wish I had someone with whom I could talk about this.