New Year Resolutions

Last year I gave myself some ridiculous goals. I don't know what they were, but I didn't complete a single one, so I'm sure they were ridiculous. Actually, I think that one of my goals was to get pregnant. So I got that one!! ONE GOAL COMPLETED!!! WHOO HOOO!

So this year I'm going set some goals that I actually have the chance of completing!!! Here they are in no particular order:

Stop using apostrophes incorrectly: I'm a smart girl. I got good grades in school, and now I can hold my own in a highbrow conversation. But I've started noticing something about myself: I can't spell and I use apostrophes incorrectly. Those in my office will remember the "admonent" and "adamant" episode. But in regards to apostrophes, I've started noticing that I use them incorrectly every once in a while. Like just now I wrote at the top of this topic "Stop using apostrophe's incorrectly." NO JOKE!! Luckily I read it, recognized the irony and fixed it before posting.

Read more: I read my old roommate Beth's blog and noticed how she keeps a track of all the pages she's read for the year. I thought that would be fun and motivate me to read more. I'm actually right in the middle of TWO books with a third one just waiting to be picked up. I am SHOCKED that Beth reads during those 3 am feedings with her second child. I thought that was crazy the first time I read about it. But then I realized the brilliancy of the situation: if I'm up why not use the time?

Exercise more: I know, Reagan and Judd think that you should only exercise if you are being chased or if you are running to get the last corn dog at the Arctic Circle.

TANGENT SIDE STORY ALERT!! Yesterday I was starving because I waited WAY too long to eat. I was getting really nauseated from the lack of food. So I went to the Arctic Circle and got 2 (count 'em TWO!) Corn dogs, fries and a lime rickey. And I had to wait a while. You know what that means? THEY FRIED UP MY CORN DOGS FRESH! Delicious.

EXCEPT that when I got halfway through the first corn dog and realized that while the outside was hot, crispy and deliciously fried, the innermost core of the actual DOG was still cold. Not frozen, but obviously it was frozen before it hit the frier. Wanna know something sad. I STILL ate it!! And the second dog as well, which ALSO had a somewhat chilly core temp.

So maybe I should make a resolution not to eat fried foods that haven't been warmed all the way through. But who are we kidding? I'm determined to KEEP my resolutions this year. And we all know I'd eat a freshly fried chilly core again in a second. The only thing I regret about the meal was that I only got a small lime rickey and not a medium.

Back to the exercise resolution. Well, I heard something on the news about how exercise is the great diabetic preventative. And seeing is how everyone in my family has type II diabetes, and I don't want it, I thought it would be a great way to stave of foot amputation for a few more years. Also, I heard on ANOTHER news station that regular exercise was the best preventative to death. They said that people who exercised lived longer than those who didn't exercise, no matter what their weight or the amount of belly fat they had. (Previously it was postulated that the amount of belly fat you had determined how soon you would have a heart attack and also your life expectancy)

So that's why my new goal is NOT to lose weight, but to be able to run for 45 minutes without stopping. I didn't say how FAST I wanted to run, but just 45 minutes of continuity would be enough. Or I can be like my old neighbor who walks EVERYWHERE she goes. You always see her out walking with her kids. She makes me really aware of my laziness, and motivates me to do that after I get this baby into the world.

Watch less TV: Finally, I want to stop watching unnecessary TV. I think this will play into my goal of reading more. But I want to put my favorite shows on TiVo and that's it. I don't want to watch anything except my pre-recorded shows. Oh, and not watch re-runs that I've already seen. (The ironic thing about this is that as I type, I am currently watching a Law & Order:SVU marathon where I've seen all the shows already. But I'm not really paying attention to them. I'm updating my blog!)

So that's it. I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!

I REMEMBERED THE THIRD ONE!!

I think that the farther along I get in my pregnancy, the longer it takes me to remember things. Luckily I'm only halfway through my pregnancy so it only took me a few days to remember the third thing that surprised me about pregnancy.

MY NOSE: I was at a baby shower about a year ago and I heard the very pregnant girl say that her nose was completely stuffed up and she couldn't breathe. Another older lady said, "Oh YEAH, That happened to me all during my pregnancy. It was great because about 10 minutes after I delivered it was like the heavens opened and I could breathe again. That quick!!"

No one else nodded in agreement or anything like that, so I thought that it was maybe something that only affected people who had previous sinus problems. Again, I've never had sinus issues EVER. So why would I start to have them now?

I cannot start to tell you the problems I'm having with my nose right now! I feel badly for Marcelo because I'm sure that I snore as loud as a Mack truck at night. I don't have any say in the issue. I just can't breathe.

And then when I wake up in the morning, I IMMEDIATELY get a tissue and pull out of my nose the biggest, longest and moistest booger I've ever seen. And I think that there is NO WAY my nose junk can get any bigger or juicier, but then the next morning I wake up and they are somehow worse.

I looked it up and read somewhere that it's because there's a lot more blood flow to my body and a lot more water circulating around my system. But that's just a nice way to say that I sound and feel disgusting because I have to breathe through my nose.

Now, here are some of the things I love about being pregnant:

Food: I don't care what Marcelo says-I eat what I want. Funny thing is, there is a VERY clear cut line that I can't cross when it comes to food so I censure myself. I can't drink cold drinks first think in the morning. I can't eat sweat breads. Like muffins, lemon poppyseed bread, etc. Those kinds of foods make me have acid in the back of my throat immediately. I can't eat candy bars. I can't eat sugary cereals. Sugar seems to be my downfall.

However, my body LOVES salty things. Chips, toast, eggs, fries, bagels. I could go on. (The salt doesn't help for the water retention at the end of the day). But Marcelo doesn't say anything about what I eat. Every once in a while he'll say "MORE BREAD?" and I'll say "Yeah. You got a problem with that?" And he'll just shake his head and I'll go on eating my food.

And when I'm in the zone I don't see anyone. Take birthday Reagan's breakfast at Jim's family restaurant. Marcelo and I were the first ones to get our food and I just dropped my head and started eating. I think social grace demands that you wait for everyone else to get their food and then you all eat together. I did not do this, and I didn't not feel ANY shame in it. I don't think I came up for air until I was 3/4 of the way done with my food. Oh, and I CLEANED my plate. And I wanted more butter on my toast.

Sex: Sex is better when you are pregnant. Enough said.

Stretch marks: I know that many of you think of stretch marks as a curse from pregnancy and not a blessing. But here is the thing: I had stretch marks before and now I have an EXCUSE to have little red lines all over my body. And I think it's HILARIOUS where I have them now!! They aren't on my legs or belly or anything. They are on my butt!!! HA!! Well, I don't expect many people to ever get a peek at my butt, so I don't care if they continue to multiply there.

So that's it. I love being pregnant. Oh!! and I forgot the best thing about being pregnant!! We will soon have another member of our family here. That actually really scares me: the thought about having to be responsible for another life. But I guess I have to do it, right? I don't really have any choice in the matter right now.

Christmas Day Surprises

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

I hope you all are having a very merry day. We got a white Christmas! I've never actually seen a white Christmas. Now I can die, because I know what one looks like.

Last night we went over to my brother's house. His wife found a place that makes awesome tamales They bought like 30 of them and we ate until I wanted to pop. My brother's wife has her whole family in town, and they make the best food.

Anyway, I brought a delicious apple crisp and then we just sat around and ate and talked. But my dad was oddly absent. He was being "Mr. Poopy Pants" (as we call his alter ego that doesn't talk to anyone and sits on the couch pouting for some unknown reason) But we didn't pay him any attention. Everyone else went downstairs to play pool while I passed out on the couch while watching "A Christmas Story"

Anyway, Christmas rocked. Marcelo got me just what I wanted. Here are just a few of my rocking gifts this year:

* New Sheets
* A Bathrobe
* Windshield wipers
* Towels
* Eye Shadow (Thanks Reagan! Are you trying to tell me that I need to wear more makeup?)
* A Squirmy Flying Mythical Creature
* PJ pants
* A Toothbrush

I know some may say that my presents are not very cool, but I promise you that I got JUST what I wanted. Windshield wipers are what ALL the kids are asking for this year. You are crazy if you don't know what a good set of windshield wipers will do for your self confidence.

And now, as an extra Christmas Bonus, I'm gong to tell you some of my pleasant and not so pleasant discoveries about pregnancy. These are things that people told me would happen to me, and I didn't believe them. Here they are in no particular order:

Sensitive Boobs I am one of those rare (and very lucky) creatures that doesn't suffer any cramps or other side effects during my period. When I started taking the pill many years ago, it was the first time that I had ever felt a cramp. How messed up is that? Therefore, I don't get ouchy boobs during my PMS week.

So about 1 week before my birthday, I took off my bra at the end of the night and my poor little girls gave an audible whine in protest as the fell to near my belly button. I was shocked and I actually thought for a while that I had been punched in both my boobs unbeknownst to me. (Maybe my next blog is to discover why I think it's possible to be punched in BOTH boobs without my knowing). It was actually the hurting boobs that gave me the very big hope that I might be pregnant. And they were right!!

But they have not relented. They hurt so much!! I didn't believe that this would happen to me because my friends would say, "oh, your boobs will hurt like when you are PMS-ing". And since I had never felt it before, I thought I might pass this one by (like the vomiting. I KNEW I wouldn't be a vomiter). But as I reach across my desk to grab something, my ladies recoil as I ever so gently brush by them with my arm. It's like they've been saving up for 27 years to hurt all at once RIGHT NOW.

Memory Loss Judd told me about this one. She said that I would be walking somewhere to get something and I would have to stop because I will have forgotten where I was going or what I needed. Now, Judd knows I have a FREAKISHLY good memory. I think she's a little upset with herself for telling me certain items of information because she knows I'll never forget them. She really shouldn't worry, because her stories are all AWESOME.

Anyway, I did NOT believe her when she said this. BUT IT'S TRUE!!! The person who most often receives the brunt of this is Lynn. I will be in the middle of a story or some instructions for her or asking her an important question about a file and I will just STOP because I have no idea what I need and what I was just saying. And it's not like I'm doing something else like reading an email or answering the phone and I can't remember what I need to say. No, it's like full on, looking her in the eye, focused on HER and I just have to stop. Luckily Lynn rockes and she just laughs at me and gives me a minute to gather my thoughts again. I feel the worst about it when I do it TWICE in the middle of the same thought. Now THAT'S bad.

But like I said, I didn't think that this would happen to me, but it did. Just goes to show what I know about being pregnant.

Wanna know something funny? There was a third thing about pregnancy that surprised me, but I forgot it!! (See above item) I didn't write it down, and that's what I get. If I remember, I promise to tell you.

Hope you all are enjoying the holidays as much as I am!!

P.S. Marcelo and I were watching the show "True Life" on MTV and the topic was "I'm Pregnant" and this girl had the baby right on camera. While they did a GREAT job of not showing her whoo-hoo, you did see EVERYTHING else. The baby's head was out, and then the rest of the body came out in a gush of liquid. I turned to marcelo and he was doing one of those "I just vomited in my mouth" quivers. I hit the repeat button on Tivo and made him watch it again to see all the liquid that shoots out at the same time. He was not happy. I just think he should be prepared.

I think it'll be ok, though. I plan on having Judd and Reagan in the delivery room with me, so when he has to go lie down and vomit they can take over helping me breathe and focus.

Shout out to Mothers & a Funny Spa Story

I would like to clarify my last blog. I know it was a little random, and all of a sudden I went OFF on a certain kind of women and by association a certain kind of mother. I know some of you will think that is strange seeing is how I am going to BE a mother very shortly. Maybe some of you are thinking that I'm going to be one of those women that will continue to work and ship my kid off to a day care center. Actually, it's the opposite. I plan on being a full time stay at home mother.

I don't know how this popped up in my mind, but I think it stems from an old "survey" someone had sent to me and under the question, "When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up?" and they answered "A Mother."

Now, I want everyone to know that I don't have any personal experience on the matter, but I'm pretty sure that being a mother is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. And I married a South American (ba dum dum, CHING! Thanks folks, I'll be here all week) And I am a little scared about it. Actually, I'm a LOT scared. I don't know what I was thinking. But that's neither here nor there. The truth is that being a mother is not my decision.

I have a cousin that has a very rare medical condition and she can't have kids. Her condition has to do with her heart, or her liver, or something. Anyway, not only can she NOT have kids, no adoption agency will give her any kids because medically speaking, she could keel over at any moment. She's applied with EVERY adoption agency possible, but they all tell her no. She's been married for almost 20 years (to the same man, who is a DOCTOR by the way, so money isn't a problem), with stable health most of those years. But because she has this condition there is no way she will ever have kids of her own.

What if her GREATEST AMBITION were to be a mother? Does that mean that she's a failure because she can never reach that goal? Of course not!!! (If any of you said YES, then stop reading my blog immediately. I hate you) That's why I likened it to growing a 6th toe. I really don't have any say over my body's toe growing properties, nor do I have any say over my body's ability to have kids. For almost anyone else, if they couldn't conceive themselves, there is adoption or IVF or other things. But not for some.

So I was just commenting on how I think it is very strange that that is what this one person said they wanted to be when they grow up. I guess I always considered a goal as being something that I had a say in and something to which I could contribute. While I CAN contribute to the kids (if given the chance), it's still not all 100% my decision.

Mostly, I'm coming down on those people that go off to BYU with NO INTENTION of ever getting a degree. They hope to be engaged their first semester and then married the summer after their first year. They'll turn 19 the month after they get married, and then get knocked up in 4 months. THOSE are the women I'm talking about, who's ONLY DESIRE is to be married and knocked up before they even know who they are.

And I have found that those are usually the same people that say that their mothers are their best friends. That's why they got lumped together in the same category. I'm probably just projecting this stereotype onto many undeserving people because the person who wrote the survey answer was just like that.

But I would like to publicly state that if you don't want to do ANYTHING else but be a mother, then you aren't achieving your full potential as a daughter of God. You are here to expand your intelligence in all ways. That doesn't mean you have to work full time or get a PhD, but there needs to be continual striving for learning. If you become a mom and say, "That's it, I'm done" I don't think you are becoming all you can be (in the Army).

I would like to take this time to publicly praise the wonderful mothers I know. Judd, Reagan, Lisa, Tina and Amy. (And I'm sure there are others i'm leaving out) I would like to say that your patience, suffering and selflessness astound me. I hope that someday I can be HALF the mothers that you are. I already know that I am seriously lacking in the self discipline department, so i fear the future. I guess I'll just have to call all of you a lot more to get some good mothering advice.

And now, to this VERY serious blog I will add a funny story. The "wet towel at the spa" incident. I went to the Sego Lily spa last Saturday and among many treatments, I got a BODY SCRUB. This is what the flyer says about the treatment.

"Honey Body Polish: An exfoliating paste of natural salts and honey combine to leave the skin soft and luminous. A relaxing Vichy rain rinses the body to a satin-smooth finish."

Here is what they don't tell you: you will be ASS NAKED under a WET TOWEL (which leaves nothing to the imagination) while a GAY LITTLE LATIN MAN NAMED JAVIER rubs your body. (Including the fat rolls on the side of your torso).

If they would've told me this right up front, I probably wouldn't have agreed to this. But they are sneaky there at the spa, and they don't tell you these things until it's too late. Not until Javier explained what I was to do and walked out of the room did I fully comprehend that the towel he told me I would be lying under was WAY TOO SMALL FOR MY BODY. (And this is before I knew it would be wet, pues!!!)

So I decide to suck it up, and just get under it. Which I do. And then I see that my SIDES are sticking out!! With the fat rolls showing!! And my boobs which are large with pregnancy are trying to spill out the sides of the towel and make a place for themselves in my armpits. I glue my arms to my side to prevent the rolls and boobs from escaping and await the return of Javier.

And return he does. And then I see it!! At the foot of my little "bed" there is what appears to be a car washing mechanism. That's the only way I can describe it. It's a arm/bar that has 5 small shower heads on it and it can be moved and manipulated to go up your body horizontally, or across your body vertically. Imagine a car wash where the car stands still and the machinery moves around it. That's what's happening here. And I'm the Astro Van getting clean.

And then it takes me FAR to long to realize that he's about to SOAK afore mentioned mini-towel with this shower mechanism. And he does. And I'm terrified and paralyzed. He rolls up the towel until it makes a nice little bikini line at the top of my thigh and then he proceeds to use his little gay Latin hands to make me forget all about the wet towel clinging to every curve, roll, hair (ew!!!) and boob on my body. And I do forget. And it's lovely.

And THEN I get to turn over. I get to do this so he doesn't see me, but AGAIN my boobs are trying to poke out the sides as I'm lying face down. I try to tuck them in without him seeing me, but I eventually give up. And let's be honest: Javier the gay spa worker doesn't give a crap about my saggy pregnancy boobs.

So I'm again being soaked by the water which is now lined vertically and I have a somewhat uncomfortable trickle aimed directly at my butt crack and thence dribbling down between my cheeks. Lovely. I'm sure that HUGE crevasse I was making in the towel from my butt crack was a nice visual for ANYONE gay, straight, Latin, Chinese or otherwise.

And then it happens: He rolls back the towel again, following a nice modest bathing suit line, and then rolls it back off my shoulders. I think "Oh, nice! He's going to do the backs of my arms too!!!" AND THEN HE FOLDS BACK THE WET WET TOWEL AND FLOPS IT OVER MY BUTT!! While I am grateful he's no longer looking at an outline of my butt crack, I realize that I'm wearing a towel diaper. Beautiful.

I once again forget all about my wet towel loin cloth as I am rubbed all over with delicious smelling salts. And then the water rinses me, and I'm done.

If I had the balls, I would've asked Javier to take a picture of me so you could all enjoy a visual with this story. Let's all be thankful I didn't.

Home Alone

I am home alone, AGAIN. Marcelo is mad at me so he decided to go to the gym without me. Which is not strange because if he had asked me to go I would've said no. I never want to go the gym. It's my basketball shaped belly that makes me not want to do anything. But the sad thing is that my baby is only like 4 inches long. So the basketball sized lump under my shirt is not due to my pregnancy. It's all me, ALL ME SWEETHEART.

Do you know what I think is lame? Women who say that when they were a child, they wanted to be a mother when they grew up. It's like saying they wanted to grow a sixth toe when the grow up. I mean, you really have no control over whether or not you are a mother, or whether or not you can grow a 6th toe.

Those are the same people who say that their mothers are their best friends. I'm sorry, but my mother is a nice person but NOT my best friend. And unlike some of those girls, I can last a WHOLE WEEK without talking to her. Sorry, I just think those people are lame. And I can admit that the majority of the reason I don't get it is because I don't have that kind of a relationship with my family.

And now the real reason for this blog: I'm sending out a furtive plea to Judd. She won't return my phone calls and she's no longer responding to my email. So Judd, if you read this PLEASE CALL ME!

Tomorrow: I will detail my spa day to make you all jealous and/or mock me for my uncomfortable "wet towel" situation.

Sick Day

I'm currently sitting on my couch watching the Law and Order:CI marathon on TV. I called in sick today. Why? Because I've been fighting a cold since Tuesday. I have a fever, sore throat and am dizzy all the time. And I definitely know that I'm sick because I even threw up today and I haven't thrown up since I've been pregnant. (Well, there was that one other time. But I was sick that time too!!)

Anyway, I should've called in sick a long time ago. There is nothing going on at work, so I figured it would be ok to go home after an hour or so. So I did. And it was great. I know I'm going to hate going back to work tomorrow.

As a follow-up to my maternity leave situation, I don't think that my employer has to give me any time off or hold my job for me because I work in an office with less than 50 employees. I think that the labor laws only apply to offices where there are 50 employees or more either in our office or in outlying field offices. I don't think that I have any rights to any maternity leave.

What I do know is that my job has a LONG history of discriminating against pregnant women. And I know that the INSTANT my job and my employers find out then they are going to start talking behind my back about how I've become "worthless" and I'll never get another raise. And then it will be assumed that I'll quit. So I don't really have a choice of coming back.

Could I sue them and win? Probably. Will I? No way! I want to leave those sad pathetic people alone. They can all sit around and tell each other how great this job is and how anyone would be lucky to work there. And believe me, they do that already!!

So please let me know if I'm wrong about that maternity leave thing. I kinda hope that I am, because the all I have to do is give a 2 weeks notice before I quit. But then I think she can cancel my medical benefits immediately, right? I really wish I had someone with whom I could talk about this.

The deception continues

I just found out that my boss doesn't know that I'm pregnant. Obviously, I've been trying to keep it from her for as long as possible. However, I've just definitively discovered that she doesn't know. And how do I know that? Well, thanks to the most recent cover of Newsweek. The title is, "Fertility and Diet: How what you eat affects your odds of getting pregnant." My boss looks at it and tosses it towards me.

I just saw the picture, and I was just about to freak out thinking "Oh no!! she knows!!" But then I read the subtitle and I said: "Oh, I need to read this so I can avoid those foods that might get me pregnant?"

"YES" she said. And then she said something that made me bust up laughing, inside. She says, "Just remember how much Heather changed when she got pregnant.

Now this is funny for so many reasons. And here is a list of those reasons:
1. I was so happy that she doesn't know that I'm pregnant. I have been REALLY worried about it recently because I think that my belly has been sticking out more. But the truth is that I carry a lot of weight around my belly, and I'm DEFINITELY not losing weight, so she must just assume I've just let myself go. But I feel that there is one shirt in particular that exhibits my belly too much for comfort. So it was nice to know that she doesn't know the truth

2. Heather didn't change at ALL when she was pregnant. It was all in my boss's head. Heather would puke a couple of times a day, you know, normal pregnancy stuff but I was the only one that knew about it. I was sick several times during that time because I was so over worked and I hadn't had a vacation day for more than a year. I missed more work that she did during that time. However, my boss would pull me into her office at least once a week and tell me that Heather's productivity had dropped to 25% of normal and blah blah blah. Bull crap, all of it.

3. I'm so excited that I will be in my 3rd trimester before she even KNOWS that i'm pregnant, (hoping that everything goes as well as planned) and then she can NEVER say that I "changed." So that pretty much seals her fate when she'll try to say that pregnant woman are unproductive She actually pulled me into her office on Thursday and told me that she could see that I was no longer as moody as I was previously, and that she could tell I was trying to "do better." Which brings me to point number

4. I think that I HAVE changed. I mean, during my first trimester I was horribly moody. I could feel the hormones raging inside of me like heroin. I had a much shorter temper with EVERYONE and I said a lot more obscenities in these days I don't blame my boss for wondering what was wrong with me and thinking that I was "off", but I think she never suspected pregnancy because she thinks that I would INSTANTLY tell her if I was. I don't know why she would think that she merited such consideration when she herself never treats anyone kindly.

So that is why this was a great week. Not to mention Lynn. I will be writing another special blog 100% dedicated to Lynn, but I would just like all of you to know that Lynn rocks. I've TOTALLY got her on my side. So when Jean pulls her in and tries to pump information from her Lynn is just going to talk about how unhappy I am due to my weight. She's going to say, "Yeah, I know she's really depressed that none of her clothes fit her anymore. But she tells me that she can't stop buying Krispy Kremes." That's what I tell myself so that if I start to poke out a little more in February, I think the KK comment will buy me at least another 2 months.

So, is it just me, or do you agree with me that it's illegal to tell someone that they can't get pregnant? I mean, I think this is like the 35th illegal thing she's done to me at my job. Here are a few of the other things she's done that i'm pretty sure are illegal:
-Told me I couldn't wear a certain article of clothing because I was too fat to wear it.
-Told me that my co-worker COULD wear that same article of clothing because she's skinny
-Refused to allow me to have my vacation time after I earned the days. Then changed the vacation day policy so that I would never be allowed to have those days.
-Also changed the office policy so that employees are only given 2 sick days a year, and they cannot possibly earn more days.
-Given me private financial information about other employees in the office
-Told me that I would get a certain percentage on every sale that I facilitated, and then as soon as I made that sale, she then changed the percentage I would earn.
-No written maternity leave & return policy, leading me to believe that pregnant women are either not wanted in her office, or are expected to quit or be fired after they have children.

I would not like my friends to try to remember other things that she's done. Like someone who's been in an abusive relationship, I think I've blocked out tons of the things she's done. So please help me remember. THANKS!

P.S. Considering that I got NO comments about my dog blog, I'll have to assume that no one gets as much joy out of seeing my dog warm her buns up in front of the fire as I do. I'll keep my dog buns warming blogs to myself

Rain

I love the rain. I really do. I actually prefer the rain to the snow. I have heard people to say that when it's snow, you can brush it off you before it melts and gets you wet. But with the rain, all you are is wet. That's bull crap. I'm sorry, but there is something infinitely more beautiful about the rain. Plus, the next day, all done!! No piles of snow to avoid or smash into with your car.

However, my dog HATES to be wet. She's terrified of the rain. She REALLY has to go pee right now, but she refuses to go outside because it's raining. She just looks outside and whines. Here is a picture of her avoiding going outside to pee:


YES, I do feed my dog. The ribs poking through her skin is characteristic of her breed. And notice the tension in her legs She's really afraid of that rain. And please don't look at my messy house in the back ground. Yes, that is a giant bottle of TUMS next to the chair. I eat several of those a day. It's ridiculous, because I'm only 16 weeks pregnant!! I should not have heartburn this early, nor should I have morning sickness this late. Actually, the morning sickness is getting WORSE, if you can believe that. But back to my dog.

So she whines, which is her signal that she needs to pee. But then she goes like this while she demands that I keep the door open and let all the cold air in. So she stays like that for 10 minutes and my toes are freezing and then at the last minute she jumps back inside. What you can't see in the picture is her trembling at just the THOUGHT of going outside.

But she's dying!! She HAS to pee. She keeps looking at the door, crying, begging me to let her out. So I did. I pushed her out the door. And what does she do? She presses herself up against the door, keeping herself out of the rain by staying under the overhang of my 2nd story. And then she puts her little paw up on the glass and gently taps it, which is her signal to say, "I'm done, you can let me in now."

So after trying to leave her outside for a few minutes so she'll just give up and go and pee, I finally admit defeat due to her persistent whining and give in and let her in. (I'm going to be a great mom, right?)

I then tried to get her to go out front. I stayed under the front porch while she walked out a little bit and then immediately dashed back under the porch. Apparently she's smart enough to know the difference between the words "leave it" and "sit" but she doesn't understand that if it's raining in the back yard, then it's probably raining in the front yard.

So we go back inside. After one more failed back door open, I decided that I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go out there with her. So I put on some shoes and walk out there. SUCCESS!!!! She immediately went out and peed. And then ran back inside like someone was trying to murder her.

She's currently drying herself off in front of the fire. That's my pampered little girl. Look at her drying off her booty.
And once again, please don't look at my dirty house. Thankfully Raya is covering up the worst part of it.

So what is the point of this blog? I love rain, but Raya is scared of it. And I'm waiting for Marcelo to get home so I can eat dinner and take a long bubble bath. I'll let you know how that goes.

Comin' forth to carry me home

Do you know what has made me the happiest these last few days? My new bra. That might be an overshare for some of you. But honestly, for the past 3 and a half months I've been in undergarment hell. Thanks to Judd, I knew EXACTLY what kind of bra I needed: OLGA. This is a picture of my new bra.


To answer your obvious question: yes, that is a self-portrait. Taken 19 months in advance from now. I'm that amazing.

Features of the bra: I have upgraded from the 2 hooks to 3. I don't know why I didn't move over sooner. Much more support, comfort and less slippage. It's like someone designed this thing with women in mind!! Instead of the boy mannequins I'm sure they use to prototype all the bras at Victoria's Secret.

Also, there are very wide straps. Which I also love and am mad at myself that I didn't get before. I should've listened to Judd years ago when she told me about the Olga.

As for my current breastal situation: my boobs have always been asymmetrical. The left one has always been slightly larger than the right. Now, if I ever meet you on the street, please don't stare at my boobs. I'm already feeling badly because when they grew in my first trimester, they didn't grow evenly. The left one got bigger and bigger while the right just got bigger. If you're counting, that's one more bigger on the left!!!

As I lean over naked and let them swing low, (the sweet chariots) I can see that one hangs nearly 2 inches lower than the other. If you catch me in a good mood someday, I might take off my top and show you.

Syphilis? Nah, just a bad rash left over from Thanksgiving.

I think families are like syphilis: they should be endured, until you get a good shot of penicillin. In my case, the penicillin is when they all leave and I get to talk Marcelo down off the edge. Tina, my sister in law said that she loves our family, but that it took her MANY years to come to terms with our craziness. She was 19 when she married my brother, who had 5 younger siblings. At the time they were married, Jacob was only 4! She said that when she would come over to our house, she would go into shock because of the noise level and just general disarray to us.

That being said, I think there is good hope for Marcelo. He actually really likes my family. He just doesn’t like them in our house touching our computer and spilling orange juice on our couch (Thank you Jack!). I think that will all change in just a few months when he realizes that children projectile vomit sometimes. And when he comes to realize that things are just things, but the feelings of his children can never be replaced.

But here are some photos from our general family craziness.

Now, you will notice that there are 3 dogs in this photo. Just 3 of the 5 that I previously mentioned were all running around hiding under tables and scaring Marcelo with their ability to poop or pee without warning. Please notice how cute those little Vizsla puppies are. I can't believe Raya was once that small!! Anyway, my mom isn't in the picture because she is TAKING the picture. Well, we took care of that.

Notice that my mom is holding up a piece of paper that says, "Baby clothes for Alicia." My sister gave me a big box of them not knowing that I'm pregnant. No one in this picture except my brother and sister in law on the far right knows that I am. But the real thing my mom should've done was flip the paper around and show Jack's treasure map that he was drawing on the back. It was a great map.

I would also like to draw attention to my mom's posture. It's what we call "Crack the Walnut." You are to sit up so straight and pull your shoulders back so far that you should be able to "crack a walnut" between your shoulder blades. She and her sister, my aunt Linda, are FAMOUS for this pose. It's in all our family reunion shots. I don't use it. Lets just say that I don't need to have my shoulders look any wider than necessary.

Finally, I would like to clear up some feelings I have about my family. We have good times together. We really do. We frequently make each other cry with laughter, and this time was no exception. My brother Jeff is especially fun, and when you hang out with him, fun things just seem to happen. My mom is also lots of fun because she provides plenty of hilarious phrases that we use to mock her for years ahead. Some of my favorites:

"Like the F-word?"

"Word Down"

"It feels like we're stuck"

"That doesn't smell good to me. Smell that. Does that smell good to you?"

and the ever popular. . .

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!"

I understand that friends that are reading this blog will not understand these family jokes. And currently no members of my family are reading this blog. However, I'm sure they will eventually and I want them to know that I do love them, despite the syphilis joke at the beginning.

I would also like to explain to them and to you why they don't know yet that I'm pregnant and why they probably won't know for a little while yet. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid. You guys were NOT the most supportive when you found out that I was going to marry Marcelo. (except for Tina. She asked me if I had prayed about it. And that was enough for her) And when we have this baby, I'm going to be quitting my job, selling my house and soon moving to another state 16 hours away. Is it scary? HELL YES!! Do I want to be scared? No! Do I want to hear my families fears and make myself more paranoid? Absolutely not.

Do I want to answer questions about what we are going to do for money, or for food or what is going to happen to Marcelo's schooling? No. I just want someone to be excited for me. I've waited so long to get pregnant, and I feel like I've sacrificed so much so that we could have this baby at the "right time." But I'm coming to realize that there will be no "right" time and we cannot put off forever what we need to do. If I could convince Marcelo to have a baby, then I don't see why my family should have a problem with it.

And that's why I don't want to tell them. I don't want there to be calls behind my back in hushed tones talking about how things will be so hard for me, saying "What will she do?." I would really like there to be calls of congratulations and happiness. I don't remember anyone ever calling Sarah and saying, "Wow, you are having a baby? Don't you live 100% on student loans? Don't you think your husband should be graduated and actually MAKING some money before you have 1 or 2 kids?" And why don't we say those things? Because family should be where you can spill your heart, not where you have to guard your wishes.

OK, I'm sorry I got a little emotional there at the end. I just want everyone to know why no one in my family knows. It's not because I'm a heartless bee-yotch. (I do other more horrible things because of my bee-yotchness) It's because my family has burned me before, and I'm scared of being burned on something so precious to me.

So this was a long blog. The end result: I love my family but they won't know about it until i'm 8 months pregnant. Here's how I see the scenerio going in my head. My mom comes into town for my sister's graduation and I waddle up to her and say, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. I'll be giving birth in 4 weeks." And then the phone calls start. I think it will go over well, don't you?

P.S. At the risk of overshare I don't think I'm wearing a bra in the above photos. I don't think I took a shower that day, so I didn't get around to putting on a bra ALL DAY. It was a good day