Blowing Kisses

Here is a video of my child blowing kisses. She still makes the sound of a "kiss" with her tongue. But she has the hand motion down.



Doesn't it just make you cry out in cuteness?

On another related Evi note, I need to take Gilmore Girls off my Tivo. However, the theme song has magical powers!! Every time she hears it, she looks at me and then starts jumping and dancing. And her new thing is to lift BOTH feet off the ground when she dances.

Also, it will put her into a trance if she hears it from the other room, or if she's crying. Like teeth brushing is WWIII, but the other day I was holding her down, doing my best and then all of a sudden the song came on. She froze and I got like 10 seconds of non-struggle scrubbing. Those 10 seconds are more valuable than gold some nights.

So Gilmore Girls gets a two feet dance lift AND stops my child from crying. Why would I ever stop watching it? Except that we're almost to the episode where Rory sleeps with Dean for the first time. When he's married. I don't think I want my kid to see that one. Hmmm

Oh, and here is a video freebie. I turned around and found this little event taking place.



I really need to start paying more attention to my child.

Odds and Tags

Things are going good here. Just the norm. But I have a few questions for y'all.

Item #1.
So I don't drink soda very often. Like almost never. I've stopped going to fast food places, so I don't even get it once in a while there. I'm not judging those of you who will DIE without your caffeine fix everyday. I'm just saying, I didn't grow up with it, so it's not that big of a deal to me.

However, whenever I do "treat" myself to soda, I always grapple with myself with whether to get full sugar soda or diet. I mean, if I don't have it that often, I don't think a full sugar will hurt. But then again, I don't need the extra 130 calories. But then again, those diet ones are full of chemicals and fake sugar that gives cancer to rats. Then again, diet Sprite is hard to find at most restaurants, and I don't really like brown sodas.

See, it's quite a dilemma. Please let me know what you think about them.

Item #2.
This is for my LDS friends. I mean everyone else can read it, but it will only make sense to certain people. So my LDS friends, have you bought a new pair of chones lately? Have you noticed that they have changed the tags on them? They used to have those soft tags that after repeated wearing and washing would become threadbare and the writing would all wash off. So they "got smart" and decided to make the tags more durable. But they are now HORRIBLE irritating. They dig into your side and itch you continually.

I have started to wear my chones inside out. Well, the silky ones, anyway. The chemise top you really can't tell as much. But the silky's? Horrible. Do you think I would get in trouble if anyone knew about it?

Please don't tell on me.

Item #3
For the past few days, Evi has been trying to mimic the sound that I make when I kiss her. The "kissing" noise. You know what it is. She copies it by putting her tounge between her two sets of teeth and pulling it back with a sucking smack. Try it right now. I'll wait for you. . . .

It sounds lots like kissing noises, right? She's so smart to figure that out. (Say that line with the "parent adoration" voice. Otherwise it sounds lame) Anyway,Evi learned a new trick today. She learned how to blow kisses while making that kiss imitation sound. Gawl, it's cute!! I need to get it on camera and quick!!

I don't really have a question in regards to that one. Other than, do you want to see a video of her doing this? Well, you'll be getting one no matter what.

Item #4
If your child is OBSESSED with climbing up on the counter I have a little something to say to you. I FEEL FOR YOU!! Evi will do anything to get up on that counter. She uses my rocking chair climbing up the back, then gets onto the window seat, then onto the table. Or if that option isn't available, she'll climb up on the 3 foot high stools. (She sometimes gets stuck, and I laugh at her) But as soon as she's up there, then she can go across the counter, then across the stove and get to the spice cupboard that she really wants.

Well, spices are fun!! And it's very VERY fun to dump salt and pepper all over everything before your mom notices you are doing it. Try to get a good crunchy coating on everything before you get caught.

As for you moms, if you notice that this is going on, make sure you clean up the pepper VERY WELL. Maybe you think that you've done it well, but if you have a traditional electric stove (as opposed to a flat top stove) you need to be sure to check down in the "stove wells" for ground pepper remnants.

IF YOU DON'T AND YOU START TO COOK ON THAT STOVE TOP, YOU WILL BURN DRIED PEPPER. AND YOU WILL FILL YOUR HOUSE WITH HORRIBLE PEPPER SMOKE.

Have you ever been pepper sprayed? Me either. But now I know what it's like. It makes you choke, it makes your baby choke, and it makes your husband choke, take your baby outside, and then look at you with a glance that says: "Are you a mental patient for burning ground pepper in the house?" Which you kinda are.

So my question is, What is the worst thing you have ever burnt in your house? (Not counting your actual HOUSE burning down) Do tell. I want to feel like someone else is in the same burning boat as me.

Have a good day!! Evi sends you some air kisses!

Great First Impressions

I'm a real estate agent. I just thought you should know that. I'm going to put it out there in case anyone wants to use me for my mad house buying skills. (or selling for that matter. I'm good at both)

Anyway, a friend of a friend has asked me to help she and her husband buy a house. I agreed. This buyer and her husband, who we will call "Mr. and Mrs. Awesome" met me at a house yesterday afternoon so we could take a look at it. Now, you have to know that up until this moment, I had never met Mrs. Awesome face to face. Mr Awesome and I met several years ago, but not his wife. But I feel like I've known her for a long time, I really respect her, and I didn't want her to think I was a mental patient. I wanted to be "super effective real estate girl" and show her my house savvy and showing expertise. Basically, I wanted to make a good impression.

I am clearly setting the stage here for disaster. Wait for it. . . .

All was going well, until we went in the back yard and looked around. There was some talk about my bulimic child, some talk about the serious hedge trimming needed in the jungle of a backyard and then we moved on. But not before I noticed a definite poop smell. I looked around, but couldn't see anything so I chalked it up to the fact that we were walking by the trash can.

Proceed to more talk about the random chimney coming out the west side of the home and the spidery basement with a very large and very suspect weed growing INSIDE the bottom window. And there again, was the wiff of poo. At this time, Mrs. Awesome lifted her shoes to look at them, but they were clean. I said that I suspected the trash. I assume she believed me. Or maybe she thought that I had farted and was blaming it on the trash. Who knows. But I bet she didn't. She is, after all, awesome.

After she and likewise awesome husband are done looking at the home, I tell them there is a paper I want them to have and so we walk to my car. It is at that time, that Mr. Awesome says the first complete sentence of the afternoon. (previously he was communicating in mono-syllabic responses, head nods and shoulder shrugs) His words to me? "You hit a land mine"

I thought he was talking about my car, which was my brother's car I was borrowing for the day, and I was worried he was saying I hid something with it. I was worried. But oh no, he pointed to my shoe where a very obvious and very squishy dog turd was still clinging to BOTH sides of my brand new shoes. Brand new, $100 running shoes that took me 3 weeks and many returns to find the right fit and style I wanted. (I have to order shoes online because I have what Marcelo calls "patas" meaning animal feet. THANKS HON!! oh, and THANKS MOM for the large foot gene you passed down)

I don't have lots of money. These shoes were a sacrifice. And they are now completely wrapped in poo. Going up the sides of the shoes, in the bottom nooks, crannies and crevices of the tread. THERE IS POO EVERYWHERE. And I am humiliated. How else can this appointment go wrong? Can I maybe fall down and put my hand IN the poo? Can I lock my keys in the car? Can I do my Chris Rock impression and be racially offensive? Let's try our best to make a total spectacle of ourselves now, Alicia!

I go over to the grassy part of the front yard (hard to find because there is much lacking in the landscaping) and try VERY UNSUCCESSFULLY to get this dingle-berry off my shoe. It is not cooperating. I look silly, feel stupid, and want to just crawl in my car and die. And then I notice that Mr Awesome is digging around in the trunk of his car. He comes up with a plastic bag and says, this is for your shoe. MR. AWESOME!! YOU SURELY LIVED UP TO YOUR NAME TODAY!!! And that's not the end of it. He goes over and finds a wood chip on the ground and then tries to talk me into giving my shoe to him so he can scrape the poo off of it!!!!!

Can the humiliation never end? My client is trying to scrape the poo off MY shoe? Absolutely not!! I told him that I would just take off my shoe and drive home sock-footed. He didn't want to let it happen. I think he was moments, seconds away from crouching down on the ground. I seriously had to get out of there!! Next he was going to tell me that I should wear his shoes home so I wasn't driving with just a sock!! I have to flee!! Which is what I did. In one shoe. But not before I told them right as we parted that I was just lucky that it didn't get anywhere else. (like on the cuff of my pants)

But then I discovered some things when I got home:

1)This turd was the size of Texas. I think it was from like a great dane or maybe several dogs all pooping in the same spot. It must've been the size of a grapefruit. And how did I miss it? Because of the really tall grass. Did you miss the part about how the back yard was a jungle?

2)I did get it on my pants. But not on the cuff. On the back of my calf. How did it get there? And before I found it I was traipsing all over my house, and picking up my baby and sitting on chairs with the poop pants! UGH

3) I went home and started scrubbing my shoe, and I pulled about a half a cup of poop out of my shoes when I got home. And not just poop, but leaves and grass and small rocks. I gagged several times. I scrubbed those little tread crevices for what seemed liked hours, and the poop still didn't come out. I used toothpicks in the grooves, and the stench of poo was still there. Seriously, how did I not see a pile of poo that big?

4) After doing all that I woke up this morning and I went to look at my shoe and found that it was STILL smelly. After all that! So I gave up and threw it in the washer. (Thanks Sister In Law Tina for teaching me how to wash my running shoes in the washing machine!) And then I threw the other shoe in there as well for good measure. And everything I was wearing yesterday went in too. Because apparently that poop has magical powers and can leap from my shoe to the back of my pants and then from there who knows?!?!? It's better safe than sorry. DAMN YOU MAGICAL POOP!!

The point of the story? If you want to impress your super Awesome clients, just be aware that deceptive and thwarting poop will make you look like an ass every time. Guaranteed.

And if you hire me as your agent, I JUST MIGHT put on Act II of the "Great Poop Caper '09". Maybe this time I'll get BOTH shoes. Just you wait and see.

2 Book Reviews: Holidays on Ice AND We Two

Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
David Sedaris is a genius. Favorite story from this book? The one about the woman in Macy's having a panic attack due to all the people and collapsing to the ground flailing her arms as if she were being attacked by bats. BY BATS?!?! I laughed so hard I started coughing and then almost threw up. NO JOKE!!

The first story (about the author's time as an elf in Macy's "SantaLand" in NYC)is by far my favorite. But all of them are very good. This book has half a dozen "vignettes" about the holidays, traditions and short fictional stories about how the season of giving really brings out the nasty in all of us. There is another great GREAT story about Halloween and Dave's reluctance to share candy. I howled at that story too. And I recounted it for Marcelo a few days later and he laughed too.

This is a short read-took me about an hour and a half. So you can get it and finish it quickly and then get back to the big historical non-fiction book about the English Monarchy in the 1850's that you are currently working on. What? Isn't everyone else doing that right now?

Be sure to read it in time for the holidays!! Now bring on the turkey!

We Two: Victoria and Albert: Rulers, Partners, Rivals by Gillian Gill


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This was another book that I picked up 100% based on the cover. Something about the title in italics and being able to see it across the room. It was purely visual. But after reading the inside cover I was interested enough to check it out. And then after the first few pages I was hooked.

I totally thought this would be another "Seabiscuit" like "Woman and the Sea" was. Like full of drama and intrigue and royal politics. It was less Woman and the Sea and more "A&E Biography". But still it was sooo SOOO interesting.

This book is LOOOONG. And by long I mean that it took me more than 1 day to finish. It took me several. And it's complicated. It's not an easy skim read. And it's very difficult to keep all the people straight because they all name their kids the same things!! Leopold the 1st, 2nd. George III, George IV, Victoria (called Victoria) and Victoria (Called Vicky). So confusing.

But again, I was sucked in. It's so interesting. But maybe that's me. I find English history intriguing. Where the lineage comes from, and where it's going. How they all marry with one another. Albert and Victoria (the main subjects of the book) were first cousins. As in his father was her mother's brother. FULL ON BLOOD RELATED. And it didn't help the kids. Their youngest boy had "hemophilia" a blood disease, and almost all her daughters were carriers of the disease. And then they went out and married Prussians, Germans, Spaniards and Russians and then made THEIR kids sick. DON'T MARRY YOUR COUSINS ANYMORE, YOU CRAZY BRITISH.

But what I really liked was how this was a very good history lesson. A lesson in social aspects of the 1800's, lessons in disease, lessons in male/female/royalty relationships. The author gives a great background on all things. And like I said, you are sucked in.

I haven't talked much about the main story of Albert and Victoria. And that's because I still don't know how I feel about it. Albert was a HUGE misogynist. He was 100% assured that the fact that he was a man made him superior to all women, especially his wife. And yet, he married a woman with ALL the power, and who for the first few years of their marriage wouldn't even let him listen in when she talked to her prime minister or read letters that she wrote to parliament. But then she would defer to him and say he was her husband and leader and he was always right and beg his forgiveness when they fought.

I'm telling you, their relationship was so weird. Just weird. I don't know how to describe it. But there was love. Always love. I will say that. They loved each other passionately, completely and till the end. While the "Victorian" era gets its name from the Queen this book is about, in truth, Albert has lots to do with instituting and implementing the values that Victorians prized. i.e. frugality, chastity, morality, family. He was the one that cleaned up the castles from the stink and grime in the people and in the atmosphere.
Did you know he came to his wedding bed a virgin (UNHEARD OF for a prince in the 1840's)) and hence made sure that his wife didn't get a venereal disease and became barren. She thanked him for his virtue by giving him 9 kids (4 of them boys, which you know are WAY better than girls. Boys are like flesh and blood gold to monarchs) And those 9 kids came in like 17 years. In her first year of marriage she gave birth TWICE! [Blog owner's note!! Actually, she gave birth twice in the same YEAR. Sorry, I had that wrong. Her marriage was in Feb of 1840 and she gave birth 9 months later-Nov 1840. And then 1 year later, she gave birth again- Nov 1840. Sorry for the confusion. On my part]That woman was a factory. Poor girl.

Ok, this is a long review. I wanted you all to know that I really REALLY liked this book. Make sure you dedicate several days to it. It's so interesting. But I'm still not sure how I feel about Victoria and Albert. . .I'll let you know if I make up my mind.

Boy? Girl? Will there be a quiz on this later?

Confession: You know that movie Panic Room? The one with Jodie Foster? It came out on my mission, so the first time I caught it was after my mission. So when I saw it the first time I think it was on TV and I think I missed like the first 5 minutes of it.

I HATE MISSING THE FIRST 5 MIN OF MOVIES!!! And the first 5 minutes of this one were pretty important. You found out about the woman and her . . . child.

I say child because as soon as the movie started and her "child" showed up, I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl!! She never said the child's name and since I had missed the first few minutes, I didn't hear her talk about him/her when they weren't there. And of course to the kid's face, she only said "dear". I couldn't concentrate on the movie because I kept trying to find out if it was a boy or a girl.

And this continued for well into half the movie. I distinctly remember that there was a "suspenseful" moment when her child is trapped and needs medicine for the asthma attack it's having. And I remember not at all worried about the child. I was not in suspense about the life of the child. I was only in suspense about the sex of the kid. I JUST WANTED TO HEAR IF IT WAS A BOY OR A GIRL!!! And Jodie Foster says. "My CHILD IS DYING!!" What is the matter with her? Why can't she say "My son is dying" or "My daughter is dying". What the crap is the matter with that mom?

Anyway, I hardly watched the movie, or cared what happened. I think Jodie Foster won? Maybe? And eventually I found out that it's a girl. And not just any girl. The Twilight girl. The girl that you can't pass a grocery checkout newsstand without seeing. Yeah, I'm an idiot.

But seriously, look at these pictures.














She could totally be a little boy! The androgynous haircut, the black baggy shirt with graffiti on it. Do you blame me for being confused? I blame all the parents that let their boys grow their hair long. It's their fault no one can tell a boy from a girl anymore.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been confused about the gender of a person? Did it lead to an embarrassing story? Please share!

New Tricks

So here are a few of Baby's new tricks. The other day I turned around and caught my baby doing this:



Oh my goodness!! When did my kid become a climber? Well, now her high chair looks like this:


I love that our high chair will do that!! And now that it's so low, she can climb up into it and sit down and look at me expectantly as if to say "um, when is my food coming? I'm in my place and ready. SERVE ME!!" It's just one more way that she doesn't have to speak. She tells me she's hungry by sitting in her chair. She's never going to speak. I've just accepted it.














And this is my favorite blue plate special. Cookin' up a mean slice of Bibi pie. Yum yum!!
















And just for kicks, here is a video of her trying to diaper her osito. I think I should put her on diaper duty for herself. She looks like she has some skillz!

Book Bored

I have 15 books on hold at my library. Only problem? I'm not first in line for any of them!! So out of the 15 books I want to read, none are available! So upsetting. I'm book bored.

Whatever, moving on. My daughter is adorable. When you go in her room first thing in the morning, this is what she does:



She just wants to hand you her 3 blankets and 4 peluches. EVERY DAY. She's like "Thanks for coming to see me today. I will be playing with this, and this and this. Please carry it for me. That will do."

(The best part of that video is her hair sticking up on the side. Freaking awesome)

Also, she tries to put a diaper on the osito. Marcelo saw it the first time on Tuesday. My child is amazingly cute. She lays it down, on the ground or the couch, lays out the diaper, and wraps it around. ARRGH!! Her cuteness makes me want to stab myself! I'm trying to get a video of it too. But she has a radar so she'll stop immediately when she sees you try to get it on camera.

And finally, she's basically a mute. I mean she babbles all the time, but no words at all. NOTHING. She's even regressed and is no longer saying "Raya" or "gracias" or "mama". She's totally a mute. She clearly understands me. I can ask for something by name, and she will pick it out of a group of things and bring it to me. So she understands, but chooses not to talk.

Sometimes she communicates in other ways. When she wants to go outside, she brings me my shoes, her shoes, and then my pants. (yes, I'm usually pants-less around the house) She's clearly stating she wants to go outside and walk with Raya. So communication is very non-verbal. Lots of pointing and bringing of things. And when she wants me to sing "Dos Manitos" she waves her fingers in a certain way.

But seriously? 16 months and no words? When should I start to see a specialist about this?

Or this:



I don't think it's good when your child prefers spinning to eating cake batter off a beater. There is something wrong with her mind if that's the case.

Book Review:The Secret Life of Bees

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd


My rating: 3 of 5 stars
SPOILER ALERT! Thank heavens no one died! I hate stories about the south/civil rights/race relations because you KNOW there will be injustice and most likely an innocent black man/boy/girl/child will die. And I really can't handle any more of those stories.

Luckily this didn't have that. It didn't really have much of anything else, either. I mean, for the fact that it was on the best-seller's list and then got made into a movie, I thought it was going to be outstanding. I give it a one-shouldered shrug.

However, reading this I've discovered that I'm destined to live in the south. Reasons? #1)I love cornbread. I know this is a huge stereotype. But I do love it. #2) I love things made with and cooked in fat/lard. And that's where all the flavor is. Am I right or am I right, Lynn? And #3) I like saying "Sir" and "ma'am". I'm not consistent, but I do like saying it. And I want my daughter to say it.

Anyway, the book was a snooze, but the cornbread I'm currently eating is delicious!!

Book Review: The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America

The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This book was like 2 or 3 stories put into one. I don't think the title was very descriptive. A better title would've been "Chicago's White City: The World's Fair that was Almost a Disaster, and the Men Who Made a Miracle Happen. . . Oh Yeah and There was a Psycho who Killed People Right Around the Same Time who Lived Right Next Door."

Yes, I like my title better.

I did like the talk about the world's fair. It's amazing that back in 1891 they would tell Chicago that they could have a world's fair and that it should be up and ready to go in 26 months. It's like the Olympics!! they needed years to plan and build. The story of how these men came together and fought through red tape to make it happen is crazy. The story of the Ferris Wheel is mind-boggling. Just trying to imagine how big it really was that each car could hold 100 people and there were 36 cars each! And how they fired it up the first time bolts and screw were popping off and falling down to the ground. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? It's awesome

The parts about the "Devil" are heartbreaking. How was it possible that women could just disappear? I mean, he was like the CENTER POINT for all these women leaving, the last to see them alive, and yet he could convince their fathers, brothers, wives, etc that the women had just traveled away and would come back. Talk about less effective police work!

I gave this book 4 stars because it kept me interested. Even though it felt like there were 3 stories meshed into 1, each one of the stories was interesting, captivating and could've stood on it's own.

Tricked

I'm into reminiscing. Which is what Lobster do for hours and hours when we get together. And she reminded me of this little incident from when we were on our mission and serving together:

On the mission, I hated tracting. Hated it like nothing else. I think this is due to the fact that recently I have come to realize that I am VERY passive aggressive. Secretly recording my boss's conversations, avoiding conflicts, letting things continue to bother me so that I don't have to confront a person. DEFINITE SIGNS OF PASSIVE AGGRESSION. And I think that door knocking was the MOST aggressive things that we as missionaries did. It had built in conflict right in it. And I hated it.

I mean, I had NO problem talking to people at other times. On a bus, in a cab, in the grocery store, walking down the street, in the park, waiting in line to pay my light bill. I had no problem doing this. But I absolutely hated knocking on someone's door, pulling them away from cooking or spending time with their family, and then giving them a message in my crappy Spanish. And then have them try to pretend that they didn't understand me. Or have them slam the door in my face. I HAAAAAATED tracting.

Judd knew this. Well, she found this out after a few days together when she said, "are we going tracting?" and I said "I hate tracting. I don't want to do it" and the message was pretty clear then. Plus, me being senior companion I got to make decisions like that.

But what to do when you have no one to teach? Judd came from a long history of tracting, and I did not. And it pissed her off when we had nothing to do. And she had one answer for it. But I didn't like what she suggested.

So one day, one of our appointments blew us off. We started to walk somewhere. I don't remember where we were heading, (home maybe?) when all of a sudden, Judd stops in front of a door and knocks on it. I was super confused. So I asked her, "Who's house is this?" and she said, "Somebody's". I said, "Do we have an appointment?" And I don't think I was met with anything more than a "hmmmm"

I looked around. What street were we on? How did she meet these people without my knowing? I've been in this area longer than she had, so how did she know them and I didn't? Then I look up. I look down the street. I looked back the other way. I looked behind me to find out what manzano we were on. I look at Judd's face. And she won't return my gaze. AND I KNEW. We were currently tracting. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I can tell you that I know EXACTLY how a dog feels to realize that it's been trapped in the car and it being taken to the vet for a series of shots. Betrayal, horror, fear, shock, hurt. You name it, I ran the whole gamut of emotions in that one moment.

And we did it. And it wasn't so bad. We didn't find any golden contacts or anything, but no one tried to kill me. And only a few people slammed the door in my face. And when we left that house she very bluntly stated, "We have to go tracting. We have to. You have no choice." She was right of course. And we did it a few more times while we were together. And I'm sure I whined and tried to weasel out of it each time. But she didn't take any of my BS. Because that's what a lobster does. They don't take crap, even from their senior companion best friend. They just don't.

I love you, Lobster.

Lobster Tales

Do you have a Lobster? Do you have someone who just gets you? With whom you can never go wrong? Who listens to everything you say, and even when they don't agree with you, they still love talking to you? Someone who shares in your happiest moments and your most embarrassing horrors and still doesn't judge you? Someone who you would give a kidney or a child to if you were to die? That person is your lobster.

I got to go to Arizona last week to visit my Lobster. It was bliss. We got to swim in her freezing pool (yes! It was 106 degrees outside but the pool was still so cold!) during which she almost had to save my child's life. And she made me a birthday cake AND took me to a birthday dinner and wouldn't let me do or pay for anything. But the joke was on her the first day!! While she was in the bathroom I snuck to the counter and paid the bill. MWAAA HAAA HAAAA!!

She is the most attentive, best friend ever. And she takes care of everything!! I only had to bring one small bag because she had everything for me and my baby. Crib, Boppy, toys, books, wipes, swimming diapers, snacks. She had it all!! And what she didn't have, she offered to get me. She's just the combo of the best hotel and the most interesting person in the world. You all need to get one of them. I promise, it will change your life.

It was the best 4 days ever. And my baby was so good. Most of the time. I was kind of far away from her room, so my Lobster (And Mr. Lobster) got to hear her through the night. I guess she woke up a few times. I've trained myself not to hear it unless she cries for a while. And she didn't. Just long enough to wake up our terrific hosts.

Also, Evi learned that if someone has something you want, you can go up and grab it out of her hands. This was tough for a 3 year old (Lobster's daughter)to deal with: a 16 month old ruining your whole world. Evi did a pretty good job adjusting when I took the things away and gave it back. She quickly went and found a new toy to play with. But there was a good tug of war going on before that. And half the time Darby would lose the toy and she didn't take the loss as well. I don't blame her!! I get pissed when something is just slow coming to me. Imagine if it got taken away!! Don't blame her a bit.

Darby was hot and cold towards Evi. One sec she was flinging herself down the indoor slide to make my child laugh, and then next she was trying to "help" her down the stairs. Evi HATED when that kid touched her. It made me laugh so hard. She was like "get your hands off me!!!" and would shrug off her hands all the time and then scream if the touching persisted. So freaking funny. I kind hoped that Darby would touch her more to see how my kid would flip out. Hilarious.

Anyway, as is customary with my trips down to see my lobster, I didn't take any pictures. I took one of my baby crawling into her entertainment center, and one of her spinning around and licking the cake batter beater. But none of Darby, none of lobster and none of us together!! Kind of less effective, but pretty standard at this point

So basically, if you are expecting awesome pictures of us together, you are sorely out of luck.

I loved my time in AZ. If possible I would've stayed longer. (and actually kind of did get an extra day there) And why not stay longer? Wouldn't you want to stay forever with your lobster?

I know I do!

P.S. Not enough is said about Mr. Lobster and how awesome he is. But I tread lightly here because praising another woman's husband is a tricky thing. But I love her husband with all my heart and I'm so thankful that he gives up wife, house and everything else to accommodate me when I come to town. So to him I say: THANKS AGAIN!!! My love and friendship with your wife would not be possible with your your help and support.

Imagined Conversation

You: Hey there, Alicia. What are you doing today?

Me: Oh, just sitting here icing my boobs.

You: ICING YOUR BOOBS!! WITH FROSTING?? That sounds delicious? Wait a minute. . .is this some sort of "marital love" thing? (you make gagging noises)

Me: NO PERVERT!!!! I'm icing them WITH ICE. I've made an ice pack for myself and I've currently got these babies to a temp of sub zero.

You: Oh! that sounds so painful. Why are you doing that?

Me: Well, it's better than the alternative. Which is throbbing, swollen, tender to the touch boobs that threaten to burst upon contact.

You: Ok, you are right. That does sound worse. But why are they swollen? Didn't you gradually ween your child? Didn't you take months to slowly cut down her feedings so that you wouldn't have this pain again?

Me: Oh yeah!! I took 4 feedings to 3, then to 2 then to 1. Then with that 1 feeding, I started timing it. I noticed that she was eating 3 minutes on each side. So I started reducing that time. First 2 minutes on each time, then 90 seconds. Then just 60 seconds. I did that for about 2 weeks. Just a feeding of 60 seconds. Most days she went to bed still quite awake, but that was good practice for when I stopped all together, right? I totally had a plan.

You: And what a plan it was!! And becuase you did this gradual ween and she was only eating 2 min total every 24 hours, it can be assumed that there were no problems when you stopped feeding her all together, right? I'm sure it went smoothly and there is no pain or anything, right?

Me: Did you have an aneurysm in the past 2 minutes? Did you forget what I said about me icing my boobs? Does it sound like it went painlessly?

You: So when did you stop?

Me: Monday night was the last time she ate

You: So it's been 2 days now?

Me: Yes. Two horrible hellish days that will never end.

You: Oh, I'm sure you are just exaggerating that.

Me: Am I exaggerating little rocks in my boobs? Am I exaggerating leaking? Am I exaggerating going up a size and a half in my bra?

You: Uhh, errr, I guess. . .

Me: I GUESS YOU OWE ME AN APOLOGY!!!

You: *Shamefaced* I guess I do.

Me: This is why I never wanted to quit feeding her. I don't know if it's every going to go away. There is no "relief" feeding on the horizon. Will they stay like this forever? How long until they stop leaking? YES!!! LEAKING!!!! How long before they stop throbbing? How long before the little "boob rocks" go away?

You: I don't know. I never had this problem.

Me: No one else does. Except that crazy lady in my ward who lives in her parent's basement, home schools, and is pregnant with her 7th kid. And you all have reduced me to talk to her. I BLAME ALL OF YOU FOR FORCING ME TO TURN TO HER!!

You: *Lowly and meekly* Please forgive me for my ultimate dishonor.

Me: Honestly, if I could've nursed her forever, I think I would've. Because 3 min a night was not a horrible sacrifice. And I really didn't want to have this pain ever again. I only stopped because *SOME OF YOU* threatened to make fun of me if she was still feeding past her 18th month. Some friends you are!!

You: Again, please forgive me for my impertinence. I promise to be a better friend from here on.

Me: That will do. You are dismissed


AAAAANNNNND SCENE!!!!!!!!

I think that was pretty realistic, don't you?

But seriously, my boobs are killing me. Time for more ice.


P.S. Kudos to Hoolie on the "ultimate dishonor" line. She always used to make me laugh by saying it.