You know in "The Princess Bride" where they talk about the ROUS's? The Rodents of Unusual Size? Well I'm that same way, but not with rodents. I'm that way with my head. It's a Head Of Unusual Size. I don't know if it's the size or the shape, but headbands that are supposed to fit everyone never work on me.
I actually think it is a combination of my hair being so thin and fine,and of my weird shaped head. For Christmas, Vidal Sasson left the following in my stocking:
They are called "stay put head wraps" but they do no such thing. They slip and slide around my head like they were made of vinyl. I try putting them just behind my ears and about an inch and a half from my hairline. They slide up the back of my neck, to the crown of my head and keep sliding back. The little rubber "grips" sewn in are mocking me the whole way back.
It's always been like this. When I would play sports in high school and before the invention of these headbands, the best option was "pre-wrap" (which was put on the skin before the athletic tape was put on there ensuring minimal hair rippage when removing) because it had a spongey yet tacky consistency. You could roll up a length of it and put in your hair and if you were normal, it would stay. Mine never did. I was always so jealous of those who could make it stay.
I guess I just have to accept that I have a weird shaped head. It have too many crags and bumps on it and whenever I move my eyes or neck my scalp also moves. So I need to give up the hope of ever being able to wear cute headbands. "JUST LET IT GO, ALICIA!!" You have a H.O.U.S.
Next item of business. My child is sick. Maybe from the gym play area. (we took her there for the first time ever on Saturday so we could work out together) or from the petrie dish that is Nursery. She's not horrifically sick. Just a runny nose and slight fever right now. But she keeps waking in the night. Like 4 times last night. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Screaming (but not screaming my name. Remember, my child doesn't talk. Not even to call for me in the middle of the night)
And we, being the heartless wretches that we are, we let her cry it out most times. SHE DID NOT APPRECIATE THAT. As can be discerned from her slightly hoarse voice this morn. *Alicia is awarded mother of the year award. She accepts graciously* Yes, I let my child scream for upwards of 45 minutes. Please start a line of horrible comments after this post.
And the third totally unrelated topic: I am a non-fiction freak. The stinking non-fiction table at my library sucks me in every time I walk by. I go in to pick up a book I have on hold, and I walk out with 3 non-fiction books. What the WHAT? WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH AWESOME COVERS AND INTERESTING TOPICS, YOU NON-FICTION TROLLOP!?!?
And I have found some of the greatest books there on the non-fiction table. I found this book there, and this one too. Both some of the greatest books I've read in a long while. So I can't say that I dislike the non-fiction table. I just like how everything looks so good!! Much like all the varieties at the Cheesecake Factory.
Hmmmm. Cheesecake.
And SCENE.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
H.O.U.S. and Other Assorted Details of my Life
Posted by Ali at 9:23 AM
Labels: Book Review, Confessions, Sick
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4 comments:
Ah, the petri dish that is Nursery. I tried to always send my daughter healthy but after a couple months I gave up. She'd get sick, we'd keep her home a week or two and the DAY she went back to Nursery she'd come home sick again. Rinse. Repeat. For TWO MONTHS!! Hmmm...I'm not missing every 2 out of 3 weeks of church 'cause my daughter has a runny nose. I guess everyone's immune systems will just toughen up. Hope Evi gets better soon though, it's tough when they still wake up through the night. I'm still 3 months from that newborn stage again and I'm so sick with nervousness about all that lack of sleep that I could puke. ON a daily basis. So GET WELL, Evi!! OR at least scream your mommy's name!
On the non-fiction note, I appreciate your freakiness on the topic. It helps me break free of being my children's fiction freak self. So you should give yourself a pat on the back really, you're a freakin' humanitarian in that matter!
I also feel I have a H.O.U.S. I got it from my dad, and then Logan inherited it from me. My head has these two pointy parts on it that my husband says are horns under my hair. As for Logan, he actually was off the charts for head circumference. They told me at the BYU Health Center to make sure I had an actual nurse (and not a tech or whatever) measuring because they were just sure it was an error (but it wasn't). Now nobody seems to notice since he's pretty tall and they stop measuring head circumference when they're two or three.
I think H.O.U.S.es (did I just pluralize an acronym?) are to hold B.O.U.S.es. You know, brains of unusual size (and therefore capability). Example: the lab rat Brain from Animaniacs. That's right -- we have H.O.U.S.es because we are JUST TOO SMART for our own good!! (I say this to make up for the fact that I can't wear a ponytail until my hair is, like, halfway down my back.)
And you inspire me with your nonfiction reading. Usually I make myself read nonfiction so I can be well-rounded, not because it's the first thing I feel inclined to pick up. See?? B.O.U.S.!
Ali,
Girl, you are so funny - I know I have told you that over and over and over, but really, you are one funnny chick. I miss your stories and Olivia and I still do the three fingered I'm going to vomit thing (frequently) and think of you.
And some day, I want to read as much as you do. Seriously, I am jealous that you can read so fast and that you read grown up books - not just trash magazines like me. Anywho...I miss ya, lady.
hee hee, I agree with Beth! Because I too have a H.O.U.S! Head bands always fall off of me too, and hats are often too small. Definitely B.O.U.S.es going on here!
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