Things that I've noticed as of late

Here are just a few things that have been floating around my mind recently. I hope you enjoy my random ramblings:

On Soy Milk:

I don't like soy milk. I think it is too sweet. And too watery. Nasty, nasty stuff. But regular milk? I'm kind of intolerant right now. Well, I should say *I* am quite tolerant, but others around me aren't so much when the bad milk farts start coming. Sorry, husband, about the covered wagon I gave you the other day. Still love me, right? And "lactose free" milk doesn't seem to help the milk toots any. So it's either soy or no cereal. And how am I supposed to go 5 more months with no cereal? Now that's just crazy talk.

On smells around the house:

Our nickel plated shower head smells like maple syrup. Just thought you should know that.

Also, speaking of maple syrup smells: Waffle Crisp cereal smells a lot better than it tastes. That is just my opinion. And when has my opinion ever been off? (Don't answer that, ANYONE, please)

On things that Marcelo does in the bed:

Don't let your mind go to a dirty place. This is strictly a PG post. Here it is: Marcelo ruins sheets. And how does he do this? By his constant feet rubbing in the night. I think it is a nervous habit/twitch, like teeth grinding knuckle popping. But this is the second pair we have had to throw away because there are tears in them right where his feet lay at night. And these are REALLY high quality sheets, which I love! I love climbing into a nice fresh bed with good sheets. But there is no way we can afford nice sheets at the rate he destroys them. So I guess we have to buy the $15 Target flannel sheets in a bag.

And it's not just a little tear that could be remedied with a needle and thread. He rubs them BARE and then they shred. Here is a picture:


He tries to play it off like he has NO IDEA why it's only the area by HIS feet that do this. Like different companies repeatedly make JUST THAT ONE SPOT thinner and more tear-able than others. Yeah right! We both know he has the nervous feet rub twitch all night long rubbing it and wearing it down until it shreds. Maybe I need to get him a monthly pedicure so he can sand off all those rough patches. Hmmmm, it would be worth it to be able to get nice sheets again!

On my pregnancy cravings:

I crave totally different things in this pregnancy. I'm not so much about the fries and milkshakes this time around. It's more about Thai food and Panda Express. But I only let myself have P.E. one time a month- the day after my OBGYN visit. Otherwise I would be there every day, I swear and I would gain 1 million pounds like I did the first pregnancy. Because it's all I want to eat! That and some sweet/spicy curry from Bangkok Grill. Oh my, deliciousness.

Also, chocolate doesn't bother me as much as it did my first pregnancy. I mean, I still don't crave it or lust after a candy bar when I see it in the store. But at least now I can enjoy a bite of a Snickers or a brownie and not have immediate heartburn. Same with "sweet breads" like muffins and such. Again, I don't eat them all the time, but now I can enjoy a blueberry muffin conference morning and not feel sick.

I have also started to enjoy drinkable yogurt again. Just like when I was in Ecuador. Drinking it straight from the bottle. Is there any other way? I mean it *DOES* have the word "drinkable" right in the title, and I'm not allowed to use straws right now (more on that in another post) so what should I do? Of course, I should drink it straight from the carton. And I do. And it's delicious. Just don't come over to my house and ask to have a cup of drinkable yogurt: it's full of my backwash.

And finally, the more startling, Jell-O. I know! This was once one my top 10 lists of things I hate eating. Right up there with bananas and pudding. Those two things I still don't eat, but a combo of orange and some berry (raspberry or strawberry) Jell-O is so heavenly. Try it, you'll love it. Throw some pineapple in it if you would like. Or not. Whatever.

So that is a partial list of some things I have noticed as of late. Now I need to go and take a nap. On a bed with new sheets, of course. Because, seriously, did you see what he did to those others?

A Day in the Life-March 17th

I got this idea from my ex-roommate Beth. But I was hesitant to do it as I compared her days to mine. See, her days always seem so much more exciting (and productive). (Probably about 3 times exciting, because she has 3 times as many kids) But I happened to choose a day that was super nutso, so maybe this will be interesting to read. You know, for you. For me it's not that interesting anymore. Because, you know, I lived it.

So I wrote it all down, and then proceeded to forget about it until my mom left town. Which was last night. So here it is, over 2 weeks late:

March 17th, 2011
4:06 am-Get up and go pee. So necessary. I always try to fight it and lay in my bed for a few min to try and wonder what possibly could've awoken me at 4 am. And then it slowly comes to me.

4:15 am-Due to squeaky bathroom door, baby wakes up. Happens just about every day. Today is obviously no exception. Marcelo goes in to lay next to her in the bed next to hers. Hopefully this will get her right back to sleep.

4:38 am-Doesn't work this time. She's still awake. I'm still awake too. I allow my mind to wander. Think about the following things: half marathons, my recent scary snake dream, upcoming baby shower i need to buy gift for, invitations for the R.S. activity I have to do for Sunday. I hear baby talking to Marcelo and try to engage him in a conversation. She is obviously succeeding.

4:39 am-Stomach growls and realize I am starving. Can I get something to eat? Better not. Would disturb Bibi too much.

4:51 am- Changing of the guard. Marcelo comes in and says it is my turn to lie next to her. I realize I have to pee again. How is that possible?

5:20 am-She has tried to engage me in conversation. She is halfway successful. After the requests for water, and then throwing her cup out of her bed, I have had it. (pregnancy makes me really irritable) I say "no more, good night" and leave her alone. The crying/screaming for her life begins. We lay in bed and listen to it.

5:37 am-Marcelo finally can't take it anymore and goes in and talks to her. He tells her it is time to sleep and she mercifully does.

6:00 am-When alarm for gym goes off, I don't get up and go like I should. I go back to sleep

6:55 am-Mom calls me from the train station. I was supposed to be there 10 min ago to pick her up. Whoops!

6:57 am- While on the road I realize I have missed 2 calls and a text from her. Sorry mom! I'm hurrying!

7:35 am-I get breakfast for myself. It is a breakfast I have been thinking about since 4:30am. My homemade "MacDonald's" breakfast: A Sausage egg & cheese McMuffin. It is delicious and everything I have been dreaming of. Baby wakes up just now, mom starts to unpack in their shared room.

8:58 am-Bibi has suckered mom into reading her the Disney Spanish Dictionary. Mom's Spanish is so hilarious and the source of much family mockery.

9:59 am- Bibi gets breakfast. Yes! She eats this late every day! Don't try to feed her right when she wakes up! She will reject your food and it will only make you frustrated. Wait till she asks for food, then give her the planned breakfast. She'll eat it cold, no need to make something new.

10:41 am-Mom volunteers to watch Bibi so I can go to gym. I do. They go to the park and have an awesome time.

11:45 am-Back from gym. Into the shower

12:15 pm-Off to lunch with my brother and his very pregnant wife. Jason's Deli. Marcelo meets us there. It is awesome, as always.

2:17 pm-Drop mom off at BYU. She has a meeting with her acadamic advisor. Oh, did I forget to mention that she got accepted to BYU in the fall? So if she graduates from BYU, that will mean every girl in our family has graduated from BYU. Um, I don't think I need to state how awesome we are.

2:22 pm-Home for naptime. Even though Bibbers is full of food and should be VERY tired, she still fights the nap. All the grandma excitement has got her worked up. She finally goes down, though.

4:15 pm-Wake the Bibi up from her nap. I have to physically wake her up. Which never fails to seriously piss her off. And beware the wrath of Bibbers. It can last for hours, and ruin the rest of the afternoon. The only way to get her in a better mood is to distract her with something else. Which is why. . .

5:00 pm-We head out to the park for the second time that day. This time we take the dog. Every day the dog gets to go to the park, she thinks it is Christmas. It's just so hard not to love a dog that gets so excited about a lame trip to the park.

5:43 pm-Home to Watch BYU game. Which they win! Go Cougars. I do several loads of laundry while watching the game.

7:11 pm-Marcelo tells me that he wants to go play soccer. He is leaving in 15 min or so.

7:36 pm-Start dinner for baby. I don't want anything because I'm still full from lunch.

8:12 pm- Dinner for baby. She eats and then watches Annie on our computer.

8:29 pm-It's bath time! The baby pretends she doesn't want to bathe and she runs away from me all over the house. She really likes her baths, it's just more fun to run away from mom. I give up trying to get her in the bath and I finish loading the dishwasher and folding laundry. She still is kind of snacking on dinner, so I'm not in a rush to get her in the bath. I would rather her eat and be full before going to bed.

8:50 pm-I'm tired of running around and chasing her. I finally become "mean mom" and get her into the bath. She fusses and I ask her if she wants me to get in with her. She of course agrees and gets really happy to be in the bath. I do this about 1 time a month. Usually when it's super cold outside. It warms me up and she loves playing with mom in the bath. Favorite activity? Dumping water on mom's head.

9:10 pm-Out of bath, and now it's time to chase WET EVI around. Especially when I try to comb her hair, put lotion all over her body, make her take her vitamin and get PJ's on. A naked, wet baby is no fun to chase so again, I have to get MEAN to get things done. Easy for me to get "mean" when I'm tired and pregnant. (and I really shouldn't write "mean" like that. As if it wasn't really mean. Which it totally is and I totally am!)

9:35 pm -Brush Bibi's teeth

9:40 pm-Start reading books to Bibbers. Her favorites are the Dinosuar books (in Spanish, of course)

9:46 pm-She's asleep in my arms as I read to her. is 9:46 a late time for her to go to bed? I want to say yes, that this is due to the time change that just happened a few days ago. And it's due to the late wake and then late nap. But as I type this (3 weeks after the fact) we are still facing a 9 or 9:20 pm bed time and a wake time of 6 or 6:30 am. Very standard. She is not kind to her mama. And I know that if I cut out her nap, she will probably sleep earlier and through the night. But you know what, I LIKE NAP TIME! It is time for me to check my email uninterrupted, take a shower or take a nap myself! And getting up at 6am and then going to the gym, sometimes I need that nap! So I will put her to bed at 9:30 and keep the nap, for now.

10:20 pm-Marcelo is home from soccer. I make him dinner. I'm sure it's something simple, because all my 10:30 meals are super simple. I'm still not hungry from lunch (surprisingly) so I don't make any for myself

10:42 pm-Help my mom write an email to her English department counselor. When she gets tired, sometimes things don't come out so clear.

11:07 pm-Now I'm hungry. Why was I so stupid not to make food for myself too? I eat 1/2 of a flour tortilla cold from fridge and some Jello. I know, Jello! Pregnancy lets me eat weird things. Normally revolting things look ok, hence the Jello. All culinary rules out the window.

11:13 pm-I finally climb in bed. I read my book "Black Swan" for a few minutes (not the book that the creepy movie is based on. This book is much more like Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers") I finally drift off to sleep.

So that is it! I wish I would've taken pictures of this day. I promise that if I do this again, I will take pictures. And maybe even a video so you can see my dog's park joy.

My mom's visit was long but super fun. And we get to see her in a few weeks for graduation! So now all I have to worry about is finding Marcelo a job. Shouldn't be hard in this economy, right?

Wish me luck!

Dear Stupid Person

Dear person who is 19 days late in returning a book:

I am #1 on the list.

You are nearly 3 weeks overdue.

I hate you.*

If the library were to publish your name, I would come egg your house.

How selfish ARE you. . .?

What gives you the right. . .?

I've now lost the ability to formulate whole sentences. So you have that on your conscious too. Are you happy, stupid person? Overdue books and now speech/writing impediments

I hope you and your (soon to be) 3 week overdue book are happy.



* I don't really *HATE* you. I just want to punch you in the throat. Right Judd?

Just a few things

I love my husband. On most nights he lets the baby climb in bed and snuggle next to him and lets me sleep. Sometimes he'll poke me and tell me to take her back and put her into bed, and I am happy to do it! It's nearly impossible to pick her up while she's sleeping on your bicep. I know, I've tried it. And he's so good to let his arm fall asleep for her comfort.

And every Friday night he makes sure that he takes care of her 100% so I can get up early and run. He's so good about that. I'm lucky I have a husband that doesn't mind our baby sleeping in bed with us for a few hours every night. And I'm just lucky that she's sleeping when she comes into bed with us! She used to try to play when she would get up at 1 am, which would result in a fight and then putting her back into bed over and over again (up to 3 hours of it) but now she just crawls in bed and falls back asleep within seconds. I do consider myself lucky. Especially because some nights I will wake up and say to Marcelo "Oh, she slept the whole night in her bed!" and he'll say, "uh, no." :) Now THAT'S a good husband.

On a negative note, I am SOOOO angry when people don't return their books to the library on time! I'm sure I've already ranted about this, but it's SO annoying to see the due date online (the 30th) but nothing. THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN WAITING ON THIS BOOK FOR MONTHS, PEOPLE!! TAKE IT BACK ON TIME!!! If you want to know, yes, I take back all my books on time. Furthermore, when it is an especially "coveted" book, I try to make sure it is returned within a week. And if it is a book on CD, I return it the SAME DAY. I think they should give certain people special "24 hour club" status. And they have to return certain books within 24 hours. And if they abide by the rules of the club, they get to keep their membership. I think I will suggest that in the library "suggestions box" the next time I go.

I'm running a half marathon in 2 weeks. I'm quite nervous about it, but I've been training and I should be ready for it. My sister in law, sister, brother in law, and maybe a few cousins will be there to support me and some will run it with me. Well, I don't think they will run "with me" but they will be running in it as well. It's in Kansas City, and it's expensive. Not the race so much, but the airplane tickets, the shoes, the socks, and the band aids for my bloody nipples all add up! (I'm kidding about the bloody nipples part. I think that only happens to men). I'm very lucky that my brother and his family are putting up with me for such a long time (To find the best price, so I had to stay a full week) but I'm going to make it up to them. I'm going to teach my nieces the patented "Judd Fall" which you know will make them the most popular kids in school. And I'll show my nephews the awesome dance moves I just learned on "IASIP"

So that's what's been going on in my life. I hoped I could put a post about how I reached my goal weight, but I cannot. My body HAAAAATES me. Seriously, I'm practically starving it to death and it refuses to drop .2 pounds. I'm not kidding you, I'm .2 pounds away from reaching my goal, and it just won't do it. I guess that tells me that I need to make a lower goal. So now I can say I don't have to lose just .2 pounds, but 25.2 pounds. So when you look at it like that, it's not so miserable that that last little bit won't come off.

















So let's hope that my long run today will have some effects on the scale in the upcoming days. Here's Hoping!

Welcome Fall

For some reason this year, I'm looking forward to fall. Maybe it's the change that is coming. Maybe it's because I have lots of plans for next year and I'm excited to get them going. Maybe it's because I'm looking forward to Christmas and spending it with our little family and our beautiful tree. (Seriously, our tree is freaking gorgeous. You should come over just to ooooh and awwww and then go home and look at your inferior tree and feel sorry for yourself. COME ANYTIME!) (har har)

I really don't know what it is, but I'm excited for fall. Leave, apples and pears, pumpkins, Halloween, snow, snow skiing (maybe I'll get Marcelo to try snowboarding this year) and then the new year! I'm just excited for the changes.

Maybe it's because I turn 30 this year. 30 seemed so far off when I was 12. I mean, 16 was conceivable. 20? A little bit harder, but still dream-able. I don't think I ever thought about what it would mean to be in my 30's!! And now that it is here, I can't say that I'm sad. I think it's great, and I'm happy with the way things are going.

For the most part. I still have lots of things I want to do. And I'm excited for those things to happen someday. Nothing ever stays the same.

Changes. Don't you love it? WELCOME FALL!!

Out of it

We went to the Lake today. It was cold and windy. And one of the jet skis didn't work for a few hours, so I had to go all the way back to town to find some replacement parts for it. It eventually did work, and we had some good times. Some good, white cap filled times.

I think everyone always comes back from time at the beach/lake/large body of water entirely spent of energy and ganas to do anything else besides sleep. I'm currently fighting some ZZZZZ's myself right now. I just want to make sure that my baby goes down before I do. She's going to sleep like a rock tonight. I'm really REALLY looking forward to it.

But my point is, I don't think there is anything better than taking a shower right after coming back from the beach/lake/large body of water + sun. ESPECIALLY if you are a little toasty from that sun. You need to get washed and clean ASAP to make the eventual sunburn better. Trust me on this one. Wash yourself nearly instantly and it won't be as bad as if you wait for it to "set in". But seriously, is there anything better than that shower? AHHHHH, I'm remembering it now. It's a whole different kind of zills.

Next item. I think I am really out of it. I think that I am the only person in north America who didn't see Avatar the first time it was in theaters. Seriously, where was I? I don't know. I know Marcelo saw it. But when did he see it? Why wasn't I there? I have no answer for this. But I have decided that I am going to see it. Because I have no plans to buy a 3D TV, so I think that I should see it in the theaters before it leaves.

So who wants to go with me? Who wants to spend another $10-$12 dollars on a mind blowing visual masterpiece with a preachy C- story? Hands?

Ok, I didn't think so. I guess I'll just go by myself.

I'll be the loser with the Whoppers and Milk Duds front and center all alone on a Saturday night.

I really should get some Swedish Fish too. . . .hmmmm

Clown Pants

I'm losing weight. Anyone who has seen me int he last 6 months is thinking "DUH!" But that's not what I want to talk bout today. Today I want to talk about clothes. And pants in particular. Because even though I've lost 60 pounds, I'm not ready to buy pants yet.

TIME OUT!

DO NOT SAY "THAT IS AWESOME, ALICIA!" WHATEVER YOU DO.

Here's why: before you start to congratulate me, you should know I don't need to hear it. No really. If I do, I might start thinking that 60 pounds is "good enough" when really it's not. It's not where I should be, and I want to lose more. So don't tell me that it's "terrific" and "wonderful" . Instead you should say, "only 60? I mean, it's been like 7 months already! the people on Biggest Loser pound that out in like 4 weeks!" That's the kind of things I need to hear. That's going to keep me going.

TIME IN!

Anyway, I have serious buyers remorse and shopping aversions. I have VERY large feet, so shoe shopping is out. And for many years I couldn't find anything that fit me unless it was in the "clothes for large woman who want to be skinny but don't lose weight so instead we just make our clothes in the styles that were made for skinny women but on large women they look ridiculous" store. And usually those stores are crazy expensive. Because that's all a chubby girl needs. . . LESS MONEY TO FEEL WORSE ABOUT HERSELF.

Or you can go to my favorite runner up store for "people who are cheap, nasty, or are between sizes and don't want to pay full price for a pair of pants that they hope to not fit them in 3 months". You know what I'm talking about: THE D.I.

But before I tell you about my D.I. shopping trip, you should know that I made a deal to "reward" my weight loss with different things I needed. Like a new pair of church shoes (after i lost 30 pounds) and a new pair of pants after I lost 50. HOWEVER, when I got to the point of losing 50 pounds, I realized that my clothes weren't hanging off me like I wanted. I didn't want to buy any new clothes until my pants had become "clown pants" and were only being held up by a pair of ridiculous suspenders. (Or a belt that cinches things tight and makes it all bunch up around my middle. Whichever you prefer)

So, I rely on the D.I. And I did it when my mom is in town. And there is nothing that makes my mom happier than going to the D.I. She could (and often does) spend hours there. Talking on the phone, wandering the isles, and usually coming home with some sort of slotted spoon, alarm clock radio and/or juice pitcher. Those are the kinds of things she gets. And why not? I don't blame her for going there to find cheap housewares. What I DO blame her for is taking 2 and a half hours to find those things.

Anyway, as I went to the D.I. and looked for pants, I was reminded that they have the most ridiculous labeling system known to man. Because they only have 4 categories for all clothes ALLLLLL CLOTHES. Baby clothes, child clothes, men, women, plus size. It is ALL put into one of the following categories: S, M, L or XL. So you can imagine my frustration.

And jeans, there are so many of them! So many styles, and so many old pairs. But there are really REALLY nice jeans there too. So you may be sorting through a stack of "mom pants" and the happen upon a pair of Lucky's or Silver's. And they have OF COURSE been mis-labeled and are in the "L" section but really they are like a size 6. (Because D.I. employees don't understand that some pants are labeled with NUMBERS. It's a novel concept, I know)

But that's not my real problem. My real problem is that it's been so long since I've tried on jeans I'm talking YEARS. Maybe 3+ years? Just too long. And you may ask what I wore instead of Jeans? Well, I will tell you that I didn't go out much. And when I did it was usually in some sort of PJ pants or exercise/stretch pants (I'm so sorry Judd! I'm so nasty! At least they weren't gathered with elastic at the bottom or otherwise tapered. . . usually) And here is the point of all this ranting: Because it's been so long that I've even tried on a pair of pants (let alone gone into a store that SELLS pants), I don't know what is cool anymore. Dark denim? Medium colored denim? The "faded" look? Acid wash?Do people wear flared jeans now? Boot cut? Straight leg? Is everyone wearing those "skinny" jeans? Who over the age of 11 (that's a PRE-PUBESCENT 11, mind you) looks good in those? Is that what I have to wear now? Does it have to say "Ed Hardy" down the side or have holes in the knees?

I just don't know. So when I found several pairs that would work for me, I tried to decide which were the "coolest" and buy those. To judge what the current styles in pants were, I decided to look around at the D.I. to see what others were wearing.

HINT: NEVER LOOK TO SHOPPERS IN D.I. FOR ANY KIND OF FASHION RULES! There were plaid shorts and lots of camel toe to be seen. \

Not helpful. I had to wing it on my own. I think i did a good enough job.

In any event, I hope to say that they have become clown pants and are falling off of me in 3 months. Here's hoping, right?

And because my GOOD GOOD friend Lynn writes me and tells me she misses my blog and then sends me hilarious videos to inspire me to write posts, you can thank her for this video. I think that ALL my Body Rolls should have a song about them.

Jealousy

I get jealous when I read the blogs of others and their children who are the same age as mine (or even younger!) are speaking in full sentences.

And my child still screams for an hour when I can't understand that she wants milk based on her pointing and grunting.

Makes me want to kill someone.

No wonder jealousy is a deadly sin.

Slappy

If I hear the following statement one more time, I'm going to lose it.

Someone in R.S. raises their hand and says:

"I always thought I would go on a mission. I planned for it and told everyone that I would. But then I got married. And I had to tell myself that I would just be serving a different kind of mission. I mean, it wasn't what I wanted. I always wanted to go on a mission! But I guess other things were in the cards for me. . . ."

The next person I hear say that, gets me, in their face screaming LIAR!!! and then they get slapped. Maybe verbally slapped, or maybe physically. I can't decided which yet. But there will be slappage.

No, no, no no no no NONONONONONO.

If you really REALLY wanted to go on a mission then YOU WOULD'VE GONE ON A MISSION. My mission (and every other mission in the world for that matter) was full of girls who had other things distracting them. They had boyfriends, debts, schooling, family, money issues and physical issues. And you know what? They didn't let that pull them away from a mission, because THEY REALLY WANTED TO GO.

I want you to just accept the fact that you weren't that into it. That you thought it would be something "cool" to do if you had nothing better to do, if no potential marriage prospect was on the horizon. As long as things all fit into a nice little package for your convenience. But once things didn't go as you expected, when you met someone when you were TWENTY, you just were KICKING yourself because "BOOOO HOOOO!! Now I can't go on a mission. He's the ONE!! I'm not supposed to go on a mission if I have the possibility of getting married! That's what everyone says! And everyone knows heaven cries a little when there is another 23 year old female RM in the world"

Slap, slap, slappity, slappage.

Other comments that will get you a slap from me:

-"I really wanted to get my degree, but we thought it was better that HE finish and not me. I'm just at home with the kids. What do I need a diploma for?"

-"I never thought that we would get pregnant so fast! I mean, we didn't really use birth control, but so-and-so didn't either and it took them MONTHS to get pregnant. So we didn't really take precautions. But I'm SO SURPRISED we got pregnant!"

-"I deserve ________." No, you don't deserve it, whatever it is. You deserve things when you EARN them. Like working for them, paying for them. You know, EARNING THINGS. Just being alive and being annoying doesn't constitute earning.

There are lots of other things that will get you slapped in my mind. And if you aren't careful, maybe even slapped in real life.

Because seriously? PEOPLE WHO REALLY WANT TO GO ON MISSIONS DON'T LET ANYTHING STOP THEM. THEY JUST GOOOOOOOOOO!

I'm done now. I need to go take a nap and sleep off the rage.

P.S. My best guy friend in high school used to call me "Slappy". So the title of this makes me laugh as I read it.

P.P.S. I have a whole different rant about how RM girls know that not every male RM is created equal. And that we can see through a line of B.S. and know that just because you were a zone leader (OR AP!!) doesn't mean you didn't try to scam on all the members in your areas. You disgust me, and I have no respect for you. But go ahead and tell everyone that you were an AP. But I have a picture of you DANCING. And I sure don't think that's MO TAB playing while you do the Salsa and Merengue.

Oh, I guess I got that additional rant out of my system right then. I guess I don't have to come back and make a whole other post about it. Good for me!

Slappy, OUT!

Make checks payable to me

So when I get done working out, I hate how sweat drips down my head and down the back of my neck. It creeps me out. Neck issues, remember.

Side note: I have just come to realize I have another "body issue" part. That is the back of my upper arms. You know what I'm talking about. That sensitive skin on the back of your upper arms just close to your armpit. The part that wobbles when you wave? The "chicken wing" part? Ohh yeah, now you know. I DETEST anything touching me there. If a shirt hits me at just that spot I have to get rid of it. And the fastest way my child can drive me crazy is by coming up to me and trying to get me to stand up and follow her by touching that part of my body. There was a time when she would touch it about 20 times every day. I wasn't a very good mother because I had to walk myself away from her to get over the creepies when she would do that.

But back to my first neurosis: Things touching my neck. So the sweat drips down and it gives me the heebie jeebies. But I had a brilliant idea. Yesterday after my workout, I grabbed a long length of paper towel and then put it around my head "mammy" style. (Does the fact that I'm white and I described a head wrapping as "mammy style" make me a racist? I just wanted you all to have an accurate mental picture. But I swear I'm not a racist. You believe me, right?)

I put it under the back of my head and tied it up on top of my forehead at the hairline. It worked awesomely! It collected all the sweat, nothing dripped down my back and the heebie jeebies were gotten by none! Seriously, someone needs to start paying me for my ideas. Make checks payable to "Alicia, the genius".

Oh wait, now that I think about it I guess what I just described was a disposable headband. A headband made from cutting down trees. Instead of the poly-cotton things that athletes have been wearing for ages and made super popular in the 80's by a certain Senor MacEnroe.

























Hmmm. Maybe have to rethinking this genius idea. But you can still pay me if you would like. I would not turn down a few $ coming from anyone!

Snow in April

I don't mind the snow in April. Really I don't. I lets me stay inside and clean (for some reason I always get really "nesty" when the weather is crappy) And we all know how I feel about the rain.

But I think the biggest reason I don't mind the snow in April is because I know that it won't last. Even though it is quite late in the season to get snow, that still doesn't matter for what we have coming up. Trips to the lake, trips to Missouri with my mom and finally fitting into that bathing suit I bought last year. All good things to look forward to.

I think that this is the same reason I don't have horrible memories of high school. I know this seems like a stretch, but follow me here. I know lots of people out there have horrible thoughts and feelings about school. Many of you (like me) changed schools when you were in Jr High and High school and that didn't help you at all with the fitting in.

Just the other day my sister and I were talking about this and she's is thinking about pulling her kids out and home schooling them when they are middle school aged. She just doesn't want her kids to be exposed to all the stuff that they will most likely get in a normal Jr High. And while I agree with her on that aspect, one of her arguments is that school at that age is rough on kids' self esteem. And I just don't see that. I never had that.

I guess I was always someone that had a friend and a past time. I always had someone to eat lunch with, and I had sports after school to keep me busy. Not only that, I was kind of a nerd, so I enjoyed going to classes and I enjoyed learning with the rest of my nerdy friends. We all had the same classes together, and so we all got to be "class friends" at least. Maybe we didn't hang out outside the class, but if I saw them in the hallway they wouldn't spit on me or shove my head in the toilet at least.

However, I think the biggest reason I don't have bad memories of high school is because I never wanted to be something I wasn't (except thinner. I always wanted to be thinner!) and I never wanted to be in a different group. I never looked at the popular kids and said "oh, I want to be in their group" nor did I think that with the Emo kids, the skaters, the band groupies, the goths or the cowboys. I was just happy being where I was. I was happy talking to my friends, hanging out with them on the weekend and playing sports. I was just happy with what I had and with what I was.

And I knew it would all end soon. I knew that I would graduate and most likely go to BYU. If not there, I knew I would go away to SOME college. I knew that I would leave my high school behind and I would continue on with my life and not really have to worry about the clique I was in (or wasn't in) in high school. I knew that it would all end someday and when that happened it wouldn't matter if I was a goth or a cheerleader. It wouldn't matter what I did every weekend. All that I take with me from high school is a love of geometry, a love of Shakespeare and good memories of volleyball games and chips and ranch at my friend's house while watching silly Austin Powers movies. It was just. . .nothing!

There's nothing to get all worked up about, no reason to lament and sob about what was not. It's done. It was high school and it's over now. It was just a little snow in April.
(The view from my balcony today.)

Say WHAT?

I don't really watch commercials anymore. That's the blessing of a TiVo. However, Here are the most offensive ads that I have found recently:

Offensive #1) The Dolce & Gabbana commercial that does not just ALLUDE to a, um, threesome (between 1 girl and 2 guys) but shows quite a bit of TOUCHING, KISSING, RUBBING and general near humping. I get that D&G wants to be cool and awesome, but leave that kind of stuff for a Cosmo ad!! I don't need it right in the middle of SYTYCD.

I really don't think the commercial was in the middle of SYTYCD, but I can't remember where it was. Actually, maybe that's my problem. It was in the middle of a trashy show I watch. I need to stop watching E! Television. Moving on.

Offensive #2) The Schick "TrimStyle" Commercial. Have you seen these? They are not new. But the general idea of the commercial is that a woman walks by a little house plant, and magically the houseplant is "trimmed" in such a way to allude to the fact that this woman is sporting the same shape on her. . . um. . . .privates.

I think my jaw actually hit the ground when I saw this. I mean, it was SOOO brazen. It's like the woman walks by, the plant is WAIST HIGH, and then it's "trimmed". I don't want to be thinking about another woman trimming anything. Nor do I want to look at a woman and try to guess her private "shape". This is the actual ad:

Introducing Schick^® Quattro for Women^® TrimStyle^™

It's just the gadget a girl needs to stay perfectly groomed. Try new Quattro for Women® TrimStyle™, the first four-blade razor and waterproof bikini trimmer in one. Shave, trim and transform with just the flip of a handle.

Shave? Trim? TRANSFORM?!?! I'm not turning my nethers into Optimis Prime here. I don't want to transform, nor think about others' transformations either. Gross. Sorry, just. . . gross. Again, save it for Cosmo, Schick.

Offensive #3) Charmin. I KNOW this was during prime time. Like during SYTYCD. The ad says, Charmin has 2 plys to "Get the job done". I don't want to be thinking about big JOBS being laid down in the bathroom. I like to think that people go into the bathroom, and everything is fine. There is no JOB or WORK involved. That everything comes along swimmingly.

Let's just say that my family has enough SFTT's (originally BFTT's but Julie and I changed it this weekend) to make me know that not all times in the bathroom are good times. So I don't like to be reminded of that by some fat fluorescent pink bears swinging on trees. No more talk about bathroom "jobs". Thank you

What ads make you cringe? Please do tell.

Athletic Supporter

I'm not a crazy fan of any sports team. I hate trash talk and I don't let a ruined tournament decide my mood for the day. Why would I base my self esteem on something I can't control? I think about those people who are trash talkers. You may be able to talk the biggest pile of trash, but what happens if someone breaks a leg? Then you look like an idiot for something you had nothing to do with. I try to keep my idiot occurrences down to the factory minimum. (To answer your question, that minimum is 3 a week. With an increase to 5 during the holidays/family reunions.)

That being said, certain sports are welcome around our house. Welcome on the TV and welcome in conversation. Here they are in no particular order:

Rugby: This is all me. I get very snotty when I'm at a BYU game and I hear blond girls around me say "What is going on. . .I don't get it . . Why do they lift him by his shorts? What is going on? Did we score? Who's side are we on? What is going on? . . .That one, #8, looks good doesn't he? Does anyone know what is going on?"

I've stopped explaining the game to them. It just annoys me. I get up and move to another part of the stands. Seriously, why are all those girls blond? But I love watching a good Rugby game. Marcelo and I have plans to one day visit Europe for like 2 weeks, and on the schedule is a Rugby game for me and a Futbol game for him. Which brings me to my next sport. . .

Futbol: DUH!! Being from South America, this is a given. However, the best thing is that Marcelo loves the English Premiere league while simultaneously rejects the Mexican league. How very racist of him. I think he, like me, has a secret crush on Ronoldo. Hmmm, Ronoldo

He says no, but I see the way his eyes glaze over as he views Ronaldo's little gelled spikes adorning his pixie face. Marcelo doesn't SAY he has a pixie face, but I can see that he's thinking it. Anyway, Futbol is awesome. And Real Salt Lake is the champion. SUCK IT BECKHAM! And finally

The Scripps National Spelling Bee: I got married the summer of 2004. Right in the middle of the summer Olympics from Greece. The day we arrive in San Diego Marcelo and I checked into the hotel and waited for my family to arrive. In order to avoid temptation, we turned on the TV where there was a replay of the spelling bee from back in May. We were sucked in. The Olympics may have been going on, but we were all about those 11 and 12 year old kids spelling words like pococurante and autochthonous. Man, those kids are genius. . .and a little socially awkward. Which in my book is a perfect combination for disaster or good television. I'm glad we got the latter.

And for any of you who don't think that the spelling bee is a sport, I'll ask you this. . .Why do they broadcast it on ESPN then? BOOO-yaaaa!!

And in case you are wondering, here are some sports that are almost never welcome around our house.

Basketball. Marcelo HATES basketball. I hate that one game can last hours. And that often the last 3 minutes can last 15 or 20 minutes. We are not basketball fans. I don't come down on any of you that are, we just aren't.

Football. Again, no judgment on anyone who loves and worships this sport. I mean, we have our own worship going on over here at the altar of futbol, so we are not one to talk. But I just hate the sport. I hate the endless substitutions, endless breaks, huddles and time outs. I mean, isn't it time to PLAY the game? 4 seconds of "action" and it's time to take another huddle break. Let's get something going here! It is NOT a thinking man's game. And Marcelo is disgusted at how someone can be 318 pounds and be considered an athlete. We do NOT like football around here.

Baseball. This is all Marcelo. I actually like going to live games. Games on TV can be a little slow, but games live are much better. Marcelo thinks that the game is "so boring" and doesn't even like to go to the stadiums. I bet he would go if he knew what delicious things they sold there.

So that's it. Basically, we are sports snobs. I hope I didn't offend anyone here. I mean, if you are a live-and-die football fan, maybe you should get a life. I KID!! I'm just kidding!! Ok, I'll shut up now and hit the showers. Because being an athletic supporter can get really sweaty!!

Favorite Song

Do you know what my favorite song is? Of all time? "Under Pressure" by David Bowie and Freddie Mercury. You know, the song that Vanilla Ice stole and turned into the lamest song ever? I am of course referring to Ice Ice Baby.

Anyway, I love that song. I could listen to it over and over again.

And I hate Vanilla Ice for ruining it. My husband actually heard it and was like "Hey!! That song copied Ice Ice Baby!" Arrrgh (Actually, Marcelo calls the song "Ice Ice Skating." It's kinda cute)

What is your favorite song? The one that you can never tire of? The one that stands the test of time? The one that you crank in your car and makes you feel good?

Do tell

*Mental note to self, I should go Ice Ice Skating this winter.*

Opinions Needed

So I have a question for all my bloggy readers out there. I'm in the need for a new set of headphones. I listen to my iPod about 5 hours in the day (almost always books) and so my headphones get used a lot. Evi destroyed my favorite pair on the way back from Ecuador, (like in the last 10 hours of the trip. It was SOOO annoying to listen in only one ear) and then Marcelo bought me a new set.

Which finally ate the dust Thursday. I think Evi had lots to do with their destruction. She pulls on them, wraps them around her arms, wraps up the dog in them and puts them in and out of the iPod herself. I hate not having earphones right now. However, I wasn't too disappointed about those specific earphones kaput because they hurt my ears. Let me show you a picture of those she just destroyed:

See, they hook over the ear, however, they have those little bud things that go in your ear. And those HURT me. Am I alone in this? Do they hurt your ears too? Much like the little buds that you get free WITH the iPod (shown in white here on the right)

I mean, maybe my ears are shaped weird, but they KILL my ears. They hurt when I put them in, and they hurt after just a few minutes in there. Usually I will just fight it out, but if I wear them for a long time, they will give me a headache. You may ask, "Why do you wear things that hurt? Why not just buy more?" Well, I'm poor, and resourceful, and well, let's not get into it now.

So here is a picture of the current headphones I am using:

UMMMM, LESS EFFECTIVE!! Seriously, people notice when you are wearing these walking down the street, And it's embarrassing. So I just wear them around the house, but that means that I can't listen to my iPod while out walking. Which is lots of the day (running errands around here, and such) and so I miss prime iPod time then. And it frustrates me.

So, back to my main question and reason for this post. I need your help. Has anyone tried the earphones that look like this?

They have little silicone soft parts on the tips so I think they might be nicer on my ears. However, I don't think I can buy them and try them out and then take them back if I don't like them. I look at earphones like underpants and bathing suits: You buy it and try it on, you got it for LIFE. I don't want to buy someone's ear bud they stuck in their nasty ears and then took back. YEACH!!

So I need opinions from my friends out there who have tried them. Are they comfortable? how far in do those little silicone parts go? Is the sound good? Have you exercised in them? Do they slip out if they get wet from your sweat? Will I like them at the gym? Are they worth the money? Also, are they pretty durable? Remember, I have a child that likes to pull on them and is a very good "earphone destroying" device.

If not, I think I'm just going to go with these:


These are the kind that I had for a while, the kind that I took to Ecuador before they went kaput. But maybe that's a bad sign.

Notice how they don't have those little ear buds that hurt my ears. Instead they have discs that SLIDE INTO the ears. No pain, all good music listening.

So that's it my friends. Can you help me with this? I really am in desperate need. Otherwise I'm going to have to go around town with those big headphones and look like the kid who sits in back of the class and eats paste.

Hmmmm, PASTE.

Loser

It's official. Marcelo has more friends than I do. Just now, 2 friends called him up and invited him to go to a movie. Friday night out with the boys. He was in the process of cooking himself some chicken, (in his chones of course. We are ALWAYS in our chones around here.) and so he asked me to pull it out of the pan so he could take it with him. And I did. And then he rushed out the door and went.

I'm so freaking jealous I could vomit.

My itinerary for the evening:

Step 1) Take a shower
Step 2) Fall Asleep while listening to a book on tape.

I was thinking about watch Disk 2 of Season 1 of "The Tudors" but now I'm too depressed.

It's so not fair!! I've lived in this country for 29 years! He's only been here for 5! It's not fair that he has more friends than me.

Boo Hoo for me

Dear 14 Year Old Boys and Girls All Over the World. . .

. . .This is not a good idea


I know you may think it is right now. And I know that Rob Pattinson is like "SO HOT" right now. Especially with his crazy messed up hair going on. But believe me, this Twilight thing is just a fad, a phase, a moment in pop culture history.

In 70 years when you are 84, I SWEAR you will not want this on your back. Please, just listen to me and trust me on this one.


I can see you don't believe me. I'm sorry I had to do this to prove my point.

I know most of you are too young to remember this, but there was a time when THIS haircut




















was considered cool.

Enough said

Rise And Shout

BYU is back. UGGHH! Seeing is how I live LITERALLY 20 feet away from BYU campus, (I come out of my parking garage and it's right across the street) on 900 East, you should know I am in prime location to see and experience the life of BYU students.

Were they always this loud? I don't remember being this loud, I swear. Were they always this annoying? Did they always sound so shrill and nasal as they screamed their re-encuentros with each other? I mean, I don't think I was like that. And if I was, how did I stand myself as a 17 year old freshman? How did I even survive my own being?

Blessings: Our apartment is pushed back from the street (more than the place we were living in 1 year ago) so the sound is much MUCH lower. Thanks for that because otherwise my kid wouldn't be able to sleep.

We are on the second floor so we are even THAT much farther away from the sounds. However, it also means that we have a direct line to the Kiwanis Park and all the FHE shenanigans that go on there

And finally, I am thankful for frownsmiles. I pass them out liberally to every annoying BYU kid I see. Which is almost any of them. I SWEAR I wasn't this annoying . . .was I?

Lists

So here are some things that I have been pondering lately. I made some lists for you:

Top 5 actresses I like and who I *hope* do NOT turn out to be like Lindsay Lohan. i.e. I hope they don't go down in a flaming ball of booze and failing to wear panties to social events
1. Dakota Fanning- Brilliant little girl and she knows it. Watch the SNL sketches about her. Priceless.
2. Scarlett Johansson- I like her better as a brunette. And she has pretty big boobs so you know she's always going to wear the right underwear!
3. Tina Fey- I mean, we know she'll never be trash, but still, I hope she makes 30 Rock forever. That show makes me howl!
4. Zooey Deschanel. Have you seen her? Do you know who I'm talking about? She's so freaking adorable! I think she's going to be awesome in that new 500 Days movie. We just all need to make sure she's got a full supply of chones so she doesn't get caught "Lohaning"
5.Beyonce:Mostly a singer, but kind of an actress. And it doesn't matter, because it's my list, and I love her. I can't help it. She's just so classy. PLUS, I caught my mom watching one of her videos last fall. And then my mom would always say, "Oh, I'm going to one of those single's dances. With all my single ladies (all my single ladies)" My mom would actually repeat it twice like the song!! Anyone that can make my mom make reference to a pop song is awesome. Let's mail her some chones. Those bodysuits she's been wearing lately could ride up and show a "Half-Lohan"

5 Actresses That Can Eat It. (i.e. ones I wouldn't care if they never made a movie again and if I never heard about them ever again. Oh, and who I would be happy to hear had a "Lohan" happen to them at the Oscars/Golden Globes):
1. Sienna Miller- I call her "The Poor Man's Nicole Kidman". Name 1 movie she's been in. . . other than the G.I. Joe movie that is coming out and has been WAAAY too publicized. Cant' do it, can you? Seriously, every time I see her in an interview I want to gag. BLEECH. I bet she pulls a "Lohan" in the next month.
2.Kate Holmes- Also for her, can you name one movie she's been in? Why is she on the news? I don't care what she wears! She's not MYYY fashion icon. She can suck it.UGH, I'm so sick of her. We need to go steel all her chones so she is forced to "Lohan"
3. Britney Spears:Again, she's *mostly* a singer, but I am done hearing about her. And she HAS pulled a "Lohan" several times!! Once you go Lohan, you never go back to being classy. Because any time you are Googled from then on, there is a pic of your whoo-haa that pops up. Blech.
4. Madonna. Even though Evita is one of my favorite movies of all time, her arms scare me. And she's just too preachy these days. But really, it's mostly her arms that scare me. She should keeps those things wrapped up at all times! No one needs to see that!
5. Lindsay Lohan. I feel like I need to put her on this list because I've made a verb out of her. Wouldn't we all do great with a lot less "Lohaning" going on in Hollywood these days? I know I sure would!! And I hope she never makes another movie again, even if she DOES wear chones through most of it.

Moving on.

The 5 favorite Shows Currently on my Tivo:
1. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I can't describe this show to you. It's about these friends that own a bar, but they are horrible people, vain and stupid and yet so funny. Buying gas to sell at a profit, "Girls Night Out", the horrible way they treat The Waitress, etc!! It's one of the few shows Marcelo and I watch together. My brother just asked me last month if I watch it. And I had to tell him I've seen ALLLL the episodes thanks to Tivo. "I LOVE YOU TIVO!!"
2. Toddlers and Tiaras. I know I have already talked about this show on a previous post. But the second season just started on TLC and you will NOT BE DISAPPOINTED!!! Put it on your Tivo, set your VHS, etc. This season they have already had several "stage dads". WHY DO YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO HARD I PEE MY PANTS, TLC? WHHYYYYY?
3. 30 Rock. I know I've already talked about Tina Fey today. But seriously, why is she so funny? I was watching some old episodes I have saved on Tivo, and that woman is brilliant. Thank you, Lorne, for first putting her as a cast member and then letting her have her own show. Thank you thank you Thank you!!
4. Jamie At Home. Jamie Oliver (AKA the Naked Chef) is a genius. Makes real food "not mucked around with" (in his words). Everything has a splash of olive oil, and everything has chilies in it. I don't get his chili obsession, but everything else looks good. He has this outdoor wood burning oven that makes me want one so badly!! And he has the easiest bread recipe I've ever seen! Makes me hungry just thinking about it.
5. Wipeout. The American version of "MXC" (Most Extreme Elimination Challenge) from Japan. When Marcelo laughs REALLY hard, like the crying laughing, he sounds like a woman. His voice gets so high. I LOVE HEARING HIM LAUGH LIKE THAT! And this show makes him do it every time. Now our child is trained and she recognizes the show. When she sees it start, she gives a condescening chuckle and looks to us for support to help her laugh with the show too. That's my girl!

Well, that's my list for now. Thanks for reading it. Or skimming it. Whatever you do, make sure you wear your chones, ladies. Except you, Lindsey Lohan. I don't give a crap if you wear yours or not. You're never coming back, girl.

Swim At Your Own Risk

This morning while trying to distract my child from lifting my shirt and trying to get in her morning feeding (That's right!! Down to just the night time feeding people!! It's almost over!!!) I caught about 3 minutes of NBC's Today. It was enough to enrage me and start me shouting into the other room at Marcelo. I wasn't shouting AT Marcelo, it was something I was discussing loudly about what I saw on TV and he happened to get to hear it. It was about lifeguards.

Apparently, in NY there have been several lifeguards caught with earphones on, or seen texting or even one was asleep in his chair. I think this is crazy, and irresponsible of them. Especially because they are lifeguards on the beach, where tides pull people out very quickly. I think beach lifeguards are amazing and I think that if I got pulled out to sea, I would want to make sure my lifeguard wasn't listening to Eminem instead of watching me.

However, this is not what enraged me. The report went on to talk about how there have been several deaths so far at water parks in different states. And then they said that a Texas boy, 5 years old, had drowned and they were going to talk to his parents.

The blood started to boil. I knew where this was going.

Parents: "He was out of my sight for only 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes and then he drown RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE LIFEGUARD CHAIR (You should know that the chair was empty at the time. It wasn't an "Eminem" situation. Just FYI)"

Red flames licking at my eyes. I must rage. I must vent. Here I go. . .

Item #1: You only have to be 15 years old to be a lifeguard. How many 15 year olds would you trust with your kids? Would you go up to some random 15 year old kid coming out of Hot Topic with his spikey purple hair and say, "Hey, I want to go lay out on a towel today in the sun. Can you please watch my 5 year old kid swim for a few hours? He really doesn't know how to swim all the way, but I'm sure he'll be fine. Oh, 100 other parents have also asked you to do the same? Well, that's ok, I'm sure nothing will happen to any of those kids. Just make sure you watch mine extra close. I'll just be over on that towel reading a Danielle Steele novel, making sure I get in 'me time'. So if my kid starts to drown, you'll let me know, right? Thank you, random 15 year old boy. I'm sure I can trust you because I just saw you for the first time 5 minutes ago"

But this is what you do every day!! You trust that some 15 year old kid was NOT just smoking pot out in his car during his break and that he'll be able to see your kid drown out of the other 150 kids in the sun baked and highly blinding water. That's crazy!

Item #2: When lifeguards practice and train, I would say that 80% of our "continual education" is used to practice deep spinal injuries. You know the kind where someone jumps off the diving board and smacks their head and sinks to the bottom. We practice those things over and over again. We spend all our time learning how to stabilize your neck so as to not make sure you aren't paralyzed as we pull you from the water. However, 99.99999% of the "saves" we do are pulling your 2 or 3 year old kid out when he starts to drown. Lifeguards are not there to save your 3 year old when he's in the 5 foot lap lane. We are there to make sure you are safe and that when you smash your head on the diving board and sink to the bottom of the diving tank (12 feet of water or more) you aren't paralyzed as we yank you to the surface.

Item #3: Having your 7 year old watch your 3 year old DOES NOT COUNT. How many times did I pull a kid out of the water only to ask "where is your mom?" and he say "I don't know" and then 2 min later his 7 year old brother rushes up to him and say, "Oh, That's my brother. I'm watching him." Really? You were watching him? Then why was he drowning when I jumped in after him? And by the way, where is your mother? If you point to ANYWHERE else than right next to you in the pool, I'm going to be pissed. And I'm going over there to talk to her. And I will probably embarrass her in front of her friends.

Item #4: Or even better!! I pull your 2 year old out of the water because he is drowning, and he starts crying. He can't tell me where mom is, and I take him inside to the lifeguard station. 15 minutes pass: no mom. 30 minutes pass: no mom. After 45 minutes, some mom comes in *frantic* because her kid is missing. I ask for a description of her child and guess what!! He's right there. I tell her that he needs to be accompanied all the time at the pool. She glares at me and smacks her kid as they walk from the station. RIGHT!! LIKE IT'S THE KID'S FAULT YOU ARE A CRAPPY MOM!!!

The pool is not "Mom takes a vacation while one kid watches the other" time. Here's the rule:8 and under have to be with someone 15 or older. Do you think your kid is a great swimmer? GREAT!! Most pools let your young child "challenge" the rule and get a special pass to swim alone! There's a way around all of it!! But I just want you to watch your kids. Am I making that clear yet?

Item #5:
I want to open my own pool. My #1 rule will be: NO PEEING IN THE POOL. But #2 Rule will be: NO LIFE JACKETS, WATER WINGS, "MUSCLE MAN" SUITS OR ANY OTHER FLOTATION DEVICE ALLOWED TO BE STRAPPED TO YOUR CHILD AT ANY TIME!!

Life jackets are NOT safe. I personally pulled a 2 year old girl out of 3 inches of water. She was wearing one of those suits and her father turned his back and started chatting to his friend. We were by the "0 level entry" part of the pool, and she tripped on something and fell into 3 inches of water. Face down, couldn't put her arms in front of her or roll over to the side because of the stupid "muscle man" suit she was wearing. Luckily I was 7 feet away from her. Her father was only 2 feet away. He didn't notice.

She would've drown.
In 3 inches of water.
Wearing a muscleman suit.
Standing 2 feet from her father.

Which brings me to my next point:

Item #6: GET YOUR KIDS SOME LESSONS!!! Kids as young as 1 year old can learn how to flip, float on their backs and kick to the side. That's all your kid needs to save it's life. Kids 2 and up should be able to propel themselves in the water going forward. Can your kid do that? Yeah? Then they are on their way to that "independent swimmer" test at age 5!! Do they scream when they hit the water and cling to you like a wet t-shirt on a Spring Break hussie? Maybe you shouldn't take your hand off them for one second at any time in the pool! When do I start getting paid for these comments/ideas?

And Finally,
Item#7: Your child can drown in 30 seconds. That's 30 sec to be completely under and unconscious. It only takes FIVE seconds to start to panic and swallow enough water to do damage. I'm not kidding you. Have you ever stopped looking at your kid for 5 seconds? ME TOO!! But around water? Are you kidding me? People need to wake up and take some responsibility.

Hey, couple from Texas who lost their 5 year old? I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry you are idiots. I'm really sorry you didn't teach your child to swim, and then you let him swim alone, and then you relied on a 15 year old who was watching hundreds of people to make sure he was safe. I'm sorry your son is dead. Maybe if you did the job you were supposed to, your son wouldn't be gone.

I have NO SYMPATHY for people like that. KEEP YOUR HANDS ON YOUR KIDS IN THE POOL. And get some swim lessons.

This has been my rant for the day.

Good day!

I SAID GOOD DAY!