The Nursery

Marcelo and I are going to be booted from the Nursery. I already know this. We've been told that we will only be in the calling for around 6 months, but I don't think that we will make it that long. I think we will be asked to resign long long before that. We are the General Patton's of the Nursery.

Our complaint list is long and our demands are many. I'm sure many parents will ask to switch their kids into one of the other 2 nurseries in our ward. Here is just a partial list of our many complaints and things that we will be implementing during our reign of terror. . . er, I mean during our time in this calling:

Exhibit 1: Snotty nosed and sick kids. We will not put up with it. We will be returning kids to their parents if we hear more then 2 coughs per a 15 minute period. Also, if there is persistent muckage from the nose, I'll give your kid 10 minutes for it to dry up, and then I'm pullin' the plug. It's better that you don't drop your kid off if they are sick or are thinking about getting sick. It's just rude.

Exhibit 2: Child retrieval tardiness. The first counselor of the bishopric made an announcement last Sunday that it is very important that you come pick up your Junior Primary kids PROMPTLY. Not only do the teachers need their sanity after entertaining 6-10 wiggly kids after 2 hours, but there is another ward coming in that needs the room. Quit picking your nose, come pick up your kids. Despite what you may think, Primary isn't free daycare. We will not be here forever. We have lives too, so pick up your kid and let us out of our prison.

Exhibit 3: Lurking Parents. Drop your kid off and move on. Cut the cord. Maybe it's time that you set some boundaries and limits. I don't need you coddling your kid for 2 hours. I promise I won't smack your kid in the face, no matter how many times he throws pretzels at me. Nor will I spank him, no matter how much he deserves it. We had FOUR lurkers today. FOOOUUURRRR!! Not doing anything, just sitting in a chair as their kid played happily. I really think I know the reason your kid cries when you leave: Because you are teaching them! Boundaries, people.

Exhibit 4: Kids that don't belong there. The beginning of the year is hard for ALL primary kids. They ALL have to leave their teachers that they have become attached to for the past 12 months. They all have to move up a level and face the fact that maybe there won't be goldfish crackers and crates of toys at church. Maybe they will have to use the reverence skills that YOU as parents were supposed to teach them and sit and listen to a lesson. Change is good, and necessary. Primary it's not all bad, though. There are some songs to be song, maybe a crafts project. It's not Nazi Germany, after all.

What I DON'T want is for you get frustrated that your emotionally and socially stunted child isn't adapting well to Sunbeams and so you dump him in my Nursery class telling me that I can bring him back to his class in 45 minutes. And then when I go and drop him off at said Sunbeam class and try to leave him you only bring him back 5 minutes later because he isn't behaving well in his class. Guess what? If he can't behave well in Sunbeams, chances are he won't behave well in Nursery.

And that's just what happened. Your snot-nosed kid was grabbing things out of kids hands, running around screaming and demanding more cheese when it was all gone. And 1/2 of my kids followed his lead. Thanks but no thanks. If your kid isn't on my roll list, he isn't welcome. End of story.

So what do you think? Does this post make me officially going to hell? Most of the kids in my class I like. There are a few exceptions, of course. And one BIG exception with the kid that's not supposed to be there. I think I'm going to post this blog on the door of our classroom and see how parents react.

I think we will be released very very soon.