I Get Karma Points for My Childhood

My brother Jeff sent out this email with a bunch of pictures on it from my childhood. He had some pretty good ones and so of COURSE I must share them with you.

Exhibit #1:

This is a picture of my family at our family reunion in Eureka one year. I would suspect I was about 11 or 12. (1991 or 1992) Please notice the braces. Please notice the "heart shirt" I am wearing. My mother was (and still is) obsessed with hearts. Heart patch, heart blankets, hearts.

I think it also makes Jeff happy to see two of his siblings in University of Utah stuff. He actually bought ALL of us shirts from the U. He wanted us to wear them all the time. Oh, and please notice Sarah's hair. I think that's a perm/natural curl combo. My mom was always giving us perms. My perm has evidently grown out, and my natural curl hasn't arrived yet. Now you know why it took so long for me to realize I had curly hair: I had perm brainwashing all the years growing up.

Exhibit #2:

This is a picture of us, showing some of the effects of that constant perming.
So we are in the center of the picture. My mom is in that blue dress with Julie on her lap. Nate is sitting next to her and Sarah is on the other side. I'm the only one looking at the camera, but I'm almost all the way obscured. And of course, my father: Mr. Happy Pants. I think we were at some sort of Scouting event. But look at my mom's hair. You should know she has stick straight hair, so that is ALL PERM baby.

Exhibit #3:

A classic Halloween. This is Nate and Jake.
Basically we had 2 choices for costumes: Ninja and cheerleader. Thanks to Tina giving us all her old cheer outfits, we could wear them for years. (I'll try to get some pictures of those cheer costumes for future embarrassing posts). Anyway point simple, the boys were ninjas every year.

Exhibit #4:

Remember how I missed my calling as a ballerina? Well, after looking at this picture I don't think I was wrong in finding something else to do with my life.

That's me front and center with my arms open wide. My sister is the farthest one on the right standing up. Note the chiffon. Note the flowers in the hair. Please note the fact that I thought I was hot stuff. Commence mockery.

Exhibit #5:

Some cute kids.
On the left is Jake and Julie. You can always tell Jules in every picture because she has those red patches under her eyes. She's had them since birth and still has them to this day. Oh!! That dress she's wearing on the left was like her FAVORITE dress. One day we came home from one of Sarah's Jr. High basketball games and noticed that she was wearing that dress but not any underwear. Ahh, we were such raggamuffins.

And then in the picutre on the right, I belive that is Jules and Nate on one of our most beloved go-carts. We ran those things into the ground, but they were so SO awesome. So, I'm not 100% sure that's Julie, (it might be me on the cart) but just looking at the size of Nate tells me it is probably Julie.

The other reason I think that's a picture of Julie on the right is the fact that these are pictures that belong to Jeff. And Jeff was obsessed with Julie. She was HIS child, and he obviously preferred her to all the other kids. And with reason: he was there for her birth. He called her "Julie Bear" up until he met his wife who he then started calling "Tina Bear". But Julie went with him everywhere. He would take her on dates with him and all that jazz. I still harbor seething jealous resentment from it. Obviously.

Furthermore, the person on the go-cart is wearing boots and I NEVER owned any boots despite my begging and begging my mom to buy me some. We weren't rich enough to get more then 1 pair of shoes a year, and they had to be SCHOOL shoes. So white boots used primarily for fashion were out of the question. Anyway I'm pretty sure that's Jules on the Go-cart.

And finally, the culmination of all your hopes and dreams, what you have all been waiting around reading this lame post to see, here it is. . .

Exhibit #6

The Headgear. Oh the blessed blessed headgear. A pictures says a thousand words, so here, take a look at it.


I'm obviously on the far right. I had a pretty severe under bite and when my mom took me too the orthodontist in 1988, this was what they suggested I wear. You can see it's a metal frame with a plastic chin cup.

Let me just explain that chin cup: It was not fun. AZ is hot year round. Especially for a kid that runs around all the time, which is what I was. So That cup would sit on my chin and get all hot and sweaty and make my chin all hot and sweaty and break out in a horrible rash. Every day. Red chin EVERY DAY.

I don't remember too many people mocking me for the red chin, though. I think they all pitied me. And I had to wear it 24 hours for months, and then I got to just wear it at night. So by the time they saw me WITHOUT it (and just the red chin) they knew what it was from and it wasn't anything strange to them. But I need to find a picture of myself without the headgear on so you can see the effects of a suffocated chin.

There was also a little rectangle that attached to the top that was to sit on my forehead. But I got smart after a few months and got rid of it. So instead of having a square of red skin, I had a red line/scab because that thin little bar would dig into my skin.

So there you go. Those are a few pictures showing the horror that was growing up in my family. Aren't you thanking the heavens right now for your family? I thought so.