WARNING!! THIS BLOG TALKS ABOUT BOOBS. A LOT. DON'T READ THIS BLOG IF BOOB TALK AND BREASTFEEDING DREAMS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. WARNING OVER!!
I've been having scary dreams lately. Last night was the worst. I dreamed that I had my baby (even in my dream I don't know if it's a boy or a girl. It's just a BABY) and that I tried to breastfeed it, but I couldn't. Not like the milk wouldn't come, but I was just a moron and could get my breasts to work. Almost like they were high tech mechanical instruments and I hadn't read the instruction manual so that's why I couldn't do anything
Honestly, it was so upsetting. It was almost like in my dream I was a 15 year old kid who was fumbling around and didn't even know what to do to actually BRING my child up to my boob. I thought that if I just waited for a little while the milk would come shooting out right of my boob into the baby's mouth like a water pistol. So I just kept waiting and waiting for the baby to "magically" be fed. But then in the dream I finally figured it out and got it in the kid's mouth. But then the baby immediately fell asleep. I was panicked because I had only fed the kid on the left side, and only for about 3 seconds.
So I switched it over to the right side, and when I pulled out the boob, my nipple was missing!!! My right nipple was not there. I'm sure this is just un-conscious (or conscious for that matter) worry because my right nipple is noticeably flatter than my left and I worry about not being able to feed on that side. I worry about the baby not being able to latch onto that side, and me being so frustrated so I just feed it mostly on the left and my left boob shrinks while my right grows bigger and bigger until it eventually bursts.
Ok, maybe I don't really worry that my boob will burst. But I DO really worry about the latching on and the physical properties/capabilities of the right boob. And that worry was CLEARLY in my dream.
So what happened at the end? I don't know. Dreams are like that. One moment you are freaking because your nipple is gone, and the next moment you are awake and thinking about what you will eat for breakfast. All I know is that my dreams are telling me that I am NOT READY TO BE A MOTHER. PLEASE DON'T COME BABY!!! I'M GOING TO SUCK AT TAKING CARE OF YOU!!
Speaking of not knowing how to taking care of babies, something funny happened today with Marcelo. Today I showed him the ONE newborn diaper we have. It was included in a "Congratulations You Got Knocked Up!" box of goodies from Babies 'R' Us. You can tell that it's a newborn diaper because it has the notch for the belly button. I explained to Marcelo that we'll need at least one bag of those suckers because we don't want to irritate the little umbligo stump. (Sorry, umbligo is Spanish for belly button and we were using it during the whole conversation)
Anyway, I was explaining to him that the stump turns black and eventually falls off. YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN HIS FACE! He looked like he had just stepped in a pile of dog poop. He was like "It turns rotten, right? Does it smell?" I told him that it does NOT smell, and it doesn't "turn rotten" but that it just turns black and then falls off by itself. He was still grossed out and he got up to "walk off " the thought of a piece of our baby turning black and falling off. I laughed and called out behind him, "ohhh, boy!! you have so much to look forward to!!"
He really does. Just wait till we have a boy and he figures out that if they do a circumcision (Like Marcelo thinks he wants his boys to have) then they'll have to CUT THE BABY'S PENIS!! I think he already figures that, but he really hasn't thought about the mechanics of the actual procedure. If we DO have a boy, and we DO decide to get him circumcised, I bet ANYONE $35 that he can't be there to see it happen. What a wuss.
I'm counting on friends to get me through labor and delivery. Marcelo will be the pansy passed out on the couch sleeping it off till it's over.
Happy Mother's Day Marcelo!!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Scary Dreams
Posted by Ali at 7:51 PM
Labels: A funny thing happened, Boobs, Marcelo, Motherhood, Pregnancy
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4 comments:
I won't lie. Breastfeeding is not always easy and not always pleasant but I found that it is very rewarding and once you get the hang of it it's SO easy. Some people have no issues and I hope you are one of them.
I have the same thing you described - one nipple that is flatter and it worked out okay. People tell you breastfeeding hurts and it might in the beginning but if it keeps hurting there is usually something that can be done to fix that. I waited for weeks to talk to a lactation consultant because of the "breastfeeding hurts" that I got from everybody. But seriously, the LC fixed one thing in less than a second and the angels started seeing hallelujah.
Anyway, it was super hard with gavin - over supply (which really is a blessing but was something I had to deal with because it caused him to not nurse at first), incorrect latch, pain, super strong let down - as in I could have fed him a la water gun style. Anyway, you are going to do great. You might get frustrated but once you get it all figured out I think it is so much easier than bottle feeding. You always have food with you and clean up is a breeze.
www.kellymom.com is a great website
DANGIT - it's jen. I'm signed in as doug. sorry!
Oh Alicia. Where do I begin...? Okay, I'm off: So with my first, he was placed in the NICU for a week of antibiotics (Pneumonia was the final diagnosis). He weighed 8'13". The other babies in that sad place were much sicker and smaller than he. Anyway, breastfeeding was tough. My body was jacked. Jacked. I had an extra 12 hours in the hospital to recover. They let me hold him a little and try breastfeeding. He hated it. It hurt. I bawled. I tried later. He screamed, I bawled. The sweetest nurse ever told me to go home and get some rest and she'd give him formula. That night I thought about pumping since I was a ginormous DDD by this point. I was too exhausted and didn't pump that night. Next morning with painful breasts and nether-regions I went back to the ICU to come face to face with the mother of all harlots nurse. She asked me if I had any breastmilk for her to feed my baby with for his feeding tube. I said no. No? She said loud enough for all of Happy Valley to hear, then did an about-face away from me and went over and put something in one of my son's many tubes. I lost it. I dropped whatever I was holding and ran out of there, leaving my mother and hubby in shock. I went to the mother's nursing room, closed the drapes, shut the lights off and tried to breathe. I was panicked. I unconsciously dialed my sister on my cell, but couldn't talk. A couple hours later I emerged and discovered I now had the head lactation specialist and her army of goons searching for me. They were telling me the same thing everyone else was. Don't give up. It's the best thing for your baby. You can do this, we're here to help. Long story short-er, I didn't breastfeed him. He was happier and so was I.
With #2, I decided to endure labor for as long as I could before the epidural. Delivery, piece of cake. Recovery, awesome. Breastfeeding, like butter. Thanks mostly to my aunt and my magic weapons. Say it with me: Breast Shield. Thanks to temple skivvies you can tuck it into your bra and it rests nicely and easily accesible. For two weeks I had blisters, blood, engourgement, you name it. I recovered with Soothies (breast pads). They have silicon on one side. Place those suckers in the freezer and then on your boob. Oh yeah. Baby girl and I reached our goal of six months hassel-free.
I guess you'll just have to try what you can and do whatever works for you. I think the baby helps make the decision as well. I hope you have a good experience with everything. If I lived closer I'd love to be more of a help to you. Good Luck!
You are thinking about all of this a lot more than I ever did prior to having kids. I was totally clueless. I learned to breastfeed from some nurse who was probably younger than I was and had never given birth anyway. (Again, I was shocked when I asked my nurse the next day for help and she showed me something a little different. What? Different breastfeeding positions?? Different techniques???)
Your boob won't burst, but sometimes it will feel like it will, even if you are doing everything right. Sometimes milk WILL come shooting out of it like a water gun, which, frankly, is kind of cool! (Can I say that??)
I used a nipple shield, too, to help with a nipple that was a little bit flatter.
I *do* think that breastfeeding hurts, especially at the beginning. Sometimes it even hurts now when I'm not latched on well or when I'm used as a teether. :-P But I do find it much more convenient than a bottle. I did use lots of bottles to supplement Joshua, though, and that was also nice. Grandmothers bonded; I was able to hand off the baby; I could feed him in public without worrying about flashing people.
Also: I did not watch the circumcisions. Eek! I don't think they even would have let me.
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