I'm not ready for this!!

This is a really long post. Don't read unless you have time to dedicate to my crazy ramblings.

So I almost had a baby today. Yeah, I know, I'm freaking out a lot too. Let me tell you the whole story. Well, first, let me finish up my blog from yesterday. I know, it's really boring considering you are all wondering about that whole "I almost gave birth today" comment. But I want to finish it up. So here it is:

I only have cravings for $1 double cheeseburgers and fries from McDonald's. You can get a LARGE fries and a cheeseburger for $3.00. And there are LOTS of fries. And they'll make you happy. I went there TWICE Monday, and I was loving every minute of it.

Tuesday I had a huge craving for a large icy Orange Julius. I suggested my idea to Jamie and she 100% backed me up. She looked online and found out that there is one in the food court of the University Mall. And she even offered to go GET me one!! I couldn't do that to her. I'm making her do all the work at the office.

I'm sort of kidding about making her do all the work. I try to get her to do as much as possible so she has all the experience she can get before I leave in 3 days. THREE DAYS!!! Angels singing. Heavens opening shining their blessed light on me. I'm literally leaping for joy in anticipation of Friday afternoon at 5 pm.

What more can I say? It sill be surreal to wake up Monday morning and come to the realization that I don't have to see Jean's face ever again. I can't help but think that it will be all over in just a few short hours. I'm absolutely ready for the zills that will come after I leave. Pure and simple Zills.

And what, might you ask, are zills? Well the dictionary defines it thus: " n. One of a pair of round metal cymbals attached to the fingers and struck together for rhythm and percussion in belly dancing. Turkish, cymbals."

Well, in my family this word has a much different meaning. It all goes back to the game BALDERDASH. You know that game right? You take cryptic words from the English language and try to make definitions that will fake out the other people. If you fake them out, you get to move forward some spaces. My sister's husband's family plays this game a little differently. Instead of making up a "real" definition that tries to trick the other teams, you get points if you make up a ridiculous and hilarious definition that most entertains everyone.

So when the word ZILLS came up, Julie wrote down this definition: Zills: The good feeling you get after taking a really large and satisfying dump.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Everyone knows that feeling!! I'm glad it finally has a name. Well, in my family it has a name, anyway. Some people (like me) LIVE for that feeling after they've been backed up for a while. And the next time you come from the bathroom, I guarantee that you'll say to yourself "AHHH!! ZILLS" because you will be so happy there is a way to describe how you are feeling.

Also, I would like to admit that I'm eating weird things. Well, weird things for me, anyway. Like Jello with floating fruit. YES!! ME!!! JELLO with FLOATING FRUIT!!! I know, shocking. Also, I can't eat eggs and toast in the morning anymore. The bread is too much, it causes acid almost within 30 minutes of eating it. And then my day is ruined.

Well, that's basically all I wanted to say. I think that I might've added more stuff, (maybe some of it would've been funny. But probably not) But I wanted to talk about the baby stuff.

So, today was my checkup. I am 38 weeks and 4 days. I was lucky enough to get an appointment for 12 noon. I haven't had my "oil checked" since before I went to AZ on the 23rd of April, so I assumed they would do that. But that activity is quick, so I knew I would be back before my lunch break was over, and I would finish out my last 2.5 days of work with no worries. Well, that's not what Heavenly Father had in store for me.

I got to the appointment and the young girl takes my blood pressure. Now you have to know that I know how to take blood pressures. It's like the one cool thing you learn in Physiology. (which I took twice) So when this girl takes it, I'm pretty sure she's doing it incorrectly. I hate it when she does it, but I don't really have a say in the matter. Well, when she takes it today, it's like 139/91. (normal is 120/80)

I think she's full of crap. But what can I say? Granted, I do know what my other BP's have been, and I know that my BP has slowly been rising with every visit. So I sit and wait for the doctor. And I wait, and I wait. I'm getting nervous becuase I need to go home and let Raya out of her cage and I need to get something to eat!! I sit and read magazines until like 12:38 until the doctor finally comes in. Apparantly someone over at the hospital was about to give birth, and they couldn't find the doctor. So my Dr had to rush over in case he had to deliver. Luckily he didn't have to deliver because the other doctor was found

Well, the doctor measures me, listens to baby, and then I thought that he was going to make me drop my drawers so he could check my oil. No, he tells me that he wants me to rest on my left side and see if we can get my BP to go down. My what? Uhhh, ok.

But now I was worried, It was getting close to time that I needed to be back at work. Was Jean going to get mad (I'm sure she was going to be). Was I going to have to forget about Raya? Poor little girl, I couldn't do that to her! So I'm sitting there and freaking out and then the girl comes in to take my BP again. THE SAME FREAKING YOUNG GIRL!! I was like "ohhh great, this is going to be super menos efficaz"

Well, sure enough, it hasn't come down at all. So the doctor comes in and says, "I want you to go over to the Labor and Delivery department here at the hospital next door. I'm going to have them monitor your BP for a little bit." I, not knowing what this meant, was like "Right now?" Like I was thinking I could go after work or something. Dummy.

So I alert Jamie to the fact that I'm going to be a few minutes later than I thought. She lets me know that Jean has gone to a listing appointment, and that I should take my time. She's so nice!! She even tells me that I should take time to go home and let Raya out. So that makes me feel much more calm. So I head over to the other side. I walk there. Why not? It's not like I have some sort of dangerous medical condition going on, right?

Well, I get into the L&D area and after doing the pee thing, and finding out that I won't have to get naked, I get strapped into a couple of monitors. Apparantly they are also doing a non-stress test on my baby as well. She takes some blood and asks me some questions. All the while, the automatic BP machine is taking my vitals.

Well, it's not good. So I guess that young girl isn't an idiot after all. Apparantly I DO have a dangerous medical condition. Oh! As a side note, she does some "reflex" work and she notices that my feet are swollen. I told her that's not even the worst it can get. I see that she's typed on the computer, "Severe pitting edema 3+." She later told me that that means that it takes more than 3 seconds for the flesh to bounce back after she pushes it in. She knows that it can get BIGGER than that, but 3+ is the worst kind of edema they document. AND I'VE GOT IT!! WHOO HOOO

So I'm sitting there worrying about Raya, getting back to work, people getting mad at me and finally what will happen if my BP doesn't go down. The nurse tells me that if it doesn't go down, they will induce me. They'll start with a little "vagi-cream" that will soften my cervix and hopefully open it up. (By the way, no one knows how OPEN I am. My oil STILL hasn't been checked!")

TODAY!?!?! I MIGHT HAVE A BABY TODAY? I don't even have a car seat. My crib isn't set up. I don't have any newborn diapers. I still need to go buy a box of wipes at Costco. I'm going out of my freaking mind. I don't have a camera, I don't have a bag ready with a change of clothes. I haven't trimmed my hair "down there." I don't have anything ready. I need some sort of record of what's going on (other than this blog, that is) to show people in the future. I don't have anything to record these "precious moments" of pure insanity.

So if those other things weren't enough to freak me out, the idea that I might have a baby today, DEFINITELY did the job. My poor BP just kept going up higher and higher. I'm on the phone with my brother, trying to get him to go over and let Raya go pee. I'm telling Marcelo we might have a baby today, but I don't want him to quit work too early in case there is nothing really going to happen. Jamie realizes that I'm probably not coming back today, so she has a few questions for me to try to get things under control there. The phone kept ringing or sending me text messages, and it was almost too much.

I'm telling you the BP was off the charts. The Dr came in and took my phone away because he was smart enough to realize that all my communication was making me nervous and raising it up higher. He wanted to see at least 1 hour of "regular" BP before he would let me go. It was hard to get that!! I would get a couple of good readings, and then it would spike again. And I would have to start all over again.

Well, finally, after 4 hours of sitting there and finally getting my BP down, they told me I could go home. BUUUUUT, I would be put on STRICT bed rest. This means no cleaning, no grocery shopping, no laundry, no WORK and the worst: NO DRIVING! I was given authorization to go pee and to bathe myself. But after that I needed to be laying down resting. I'm going to be so bored the next few days. I mean, with Marcelo at work, how will I get the Oreo shake I'm so desperately craving at all hours?

I was very happy to learn that I would not have to go back to work. It just seems more fitting that I get out on MY terms. It seems that Heavenly Father knows what I need, and he was giving me this one last gift. So I'm officially free. I'M FREEEEEEEEE. SEE YA LATER SUMMIT!! Try to forget I ever existed.

So when they let me go, I was STARVING. I hadn't eaten anything since this morning at 8 am, and I wanted to die. Marcelo didn't want to make anything, but I don't think he wanted to buy food either. So I told him, "hey, I HAVE to eat. I HAVE TO EAT NOW. Either you go get us something, or I'm breaking doctors orders to go get myself some food." He finally got the food, after I suggested the food he really wanted. (Macaroni Grill)

Moving on: I think I might have the baby on Friday. I mean, I'm like nearly ready. And there is no reason to keep me on bed rest, the baby is fully formed. So when I go in to have another BP and non stress test on Friday, they might just say "screw it, let's get this thing going" and I would be totally ok with that. I wasn't ready today. It really was freaking me out. But with it coming on Friday, I have a few days of preparation to do. I'm going in first thing in the morning on Friday. We'll see how it goes. I'll keep you up to date.

Finally, guess what they gave me today as I left? Well, they want me to do a 24 hour urine collection. They gave me a little bowl shown here, and a little OJ juice container shown here. (Notice that Raya wouldn't get out of the frame. She's got to be in there, all the time.) Well, I get to pee in the bowl every day and pour it INTO the OJ bottle and then KEEP IT IN THE FRIDGE!!! I think I'm going to have to throw away my fridge after this. Thank heavens we are moving. I'll be sure to leave out the fact that I kept my urine in the fridge to the new tenants.

I guess they are testing for toxemia or something else. I'll let you know how the OJ collection and non stress test goes. I could be a mother in 36 hours or less!! HOLY CRAP!!