A Real Conversation With My Dear Husband-Session #3

Scene: Our house kitchen, Saturday night. No food prepared, Marcelo hungry

Me: Do you want me to make something? It might take a while, but I can have something ready in about 30 minutes.

Marcelo: Hmmm, thirty minutes? (I can hear in his voice that he is hungry now)

Me: Well, I have fresh rice and salsa. You can have that if you want.

Marcelo: (silence) What?

Me: Rice and salsa. You know like we have when I prepare with meat on the side. Except I don't have any meat.

Marcelo: Just rice and salsa? WHAT?

Me: I LIKE IT!! And it's the best part of the meal anyway. You sure you don't want it?

Marcelo: (Silence, meanwhile looks at me like I am crazy) . . . .Uhhh, no.

AND SCENE

You should know, my salsa is hommade and very much like a "pico de gallo" you will find at other restaurants. But it has no jalapenos, and hence no heat at all. 4 simple ingredients: Cilantro, tomatoes, onion and limes. Oh and salt. But it's how you PREPARE it. Lots of lime. Let the lime soak into the onions after you wash them and scrunch them up. IT'S A PROCESS, I TELL YA!!! It's basically a lime soaked infusion that will make you happy. If you like lime, which we do around here.

And I love it on top of rice. Especially hot rice. The hot rice and cold salsita? SO GOOD. Something like pie ala mode. Hot pie and cold ice cream. So, just, yum. If you are lucky I'll make it for you someday. If not you just have to dream about it from my writings here.

Happy eating!

A Real Conversation With My Dear Husband-Session #2

Place: Provo
Time: 11 pm last Saturday night
Doing: Me driving home from the grocery store.

Phone: Bring! Bring! Bring!
Me: Hello
Marcelo: Are you close to getting home?
Me: Yes, I'm just passing the Marriott Center. I'll be home in a few minutes. . . . Some other mindless banter about what I bought at the grocery store. . . .
Marcelo:(after this banter, some minutes later). So hurry up and get home. The dog puked on the carpet.
Me: WHAT!! Why didn't you tell me that 3 minutes ago? Did you clean it up?
Marcelo: What did you give her? It looks brown.
Me: Well her food is brown. And when she eats it it changes color and shape. Does it look like her food
Marcelo: Oh yeah, I guess it does. So are you getting home soon?
Me: CLEAN IT UP!!! Get it off the carpet before it soaks in!
Marcelo: I mean, what did you feed her? I told you and told you not to feed her table food. And now she did and she threw up.
Me: Are you cleaning it up?
Marcelo: NO!!
Me: Why are you yelling at me right now! Please clean it up before it soaks in and stains the carpet. PLEASE?
Marcelo: Well, you need to learn not to feed her any food other than her dog food!
Me: (SEETHING AT THIS POINT) PLEASE JUST CLEAN IT UP!! Yelling at me right now isn't going to clean the puke up! Can you just clean it up and then from now on I promise she won't get any more food from me! JUST GET IT OFF THE CARPET!!
Marcelo: [Silence]
Me: Hello? . . . . Hello? . . . . Hello? (looking at phone for 30 seconds, seeing that he hasn't hung up yet, but that he's not answering.) HELLO? (Me finally hanging up)

Oh, by the way, when I got home, he had totally cleaned up the puke! YESSSSS!!

Seriously Frustrated

I cannot find a good pair of shoes for the Bibbers. I thought I found a steal at Kid 2 Kid when I found a great pair of Stride Rite black patent leather t-strap mary jane's in her size. AND THEY WERE ONLY $4!!! I almost peed myself.

And then I got them home and put them on her with nylons (I didn't try them on her at the store because she was wearing the wrong socks) and they were too small!! Not just "oh, we can make them work for a few weeks until we find something better" small. Oh no! I put them on her and she started LIMPING around the house. Actual limping.

But the baby loves them!! She pulls them out of hiding and brings them to me to put them on (without socks, of course). How do you tell a little girl no to shiny black shoes!?! I tried to find replacement shoes that are the exact style but they are discontinued. And I looked for them online and I can't find them anywhere

So then I moved on to looking for ANY nice black basic Sunday shoe for the baby. They are NOT easy to find. They are either discontinued or sold out or no longer in stock. I'm so frustrated. Can I please just find a pair of shoes for my baby that have none of the following:

* Lights
* Dora The Explorer
* Covered in glitter
* "Jellies"
* Fur puffing out the top or
* Some sort of garish iridescent color?

I'm so frustrated. I want my child to be rocking a cute style. Classic cute. Not a bejeweled, glittered, Nickelodeon-pimping style. I'm so frustrated.

So when you see my child at church and she's wearing a pair of white Keds, you'll know why.

A Real Conversation With My Dear Husband

Time: Saturday March 30th at 11:00 am
Place: Apartment of the Loor family.
Subject: Toilets and Mysterious Yellow Spots

Me: Hey, Marcelo. There is a yellow spot on the outside of the toilet near the back side. I think it's pee. Can you please clean it? (evoking our long standing agreement that I don't do toilets and in return I do all other housework)
Marcelo: It's not mine
Me:Uh. . . . What?
Marcelo: It's not mine!! I don't pee outside the toilet.
Me: It's all the way in the back!! And it's in the space between the toilet and the sink vanity stand. For me to have done that, I would have had to climb up on the counter top, with one leg there and other on the toilet seat. And press my body against the wall. Do you think I did that?
Marcelo:. . . .(Silence)
Me: Let's just be logical here, which one of us has an extendable flex hose from which they pee? And which one sits down every time to do it? Which one of us has the physical equipment to make this happen, and which one has never peed standing up? Again, let's be logical about this. Which one of us most likely did this?
Marcelo:. . . .I just know it wasn't me

Baffling, my friends. Absolutely baffling.

He's so lucky he is cute and he makes cute babies with me.

And I guess I should be lucky that he cleans the toilet for me. And it's mysterious "yellow spots" on the lateral posterior fascia.

This is Why You're Fat

I don't know where I found this website, but it's awesome. (Link Here)

It actually reminds me of this old SNL skit:



I especially like the mug made from bacon and entirely filled with cheese.

I worried that subscribing to this blog would be harmful to my diet, but I've changed my mind. Most things are so greasy and over the top that they don't appeal to me at all. Except for those "Velvety Balls" from yesterday. Cake AND frosting together? YES PLEASE!!

YUMMMM.

Putting it off

I have to do all the laundry today. It's going to be an all day event. I'm not looking forward to it.

I'm putting it off right now, and choosing to watch Special Agent Oso with my child instead. And then I'm going to walk to the Library because I have a book waiting for me. And that will put off doing the laundry even longer.

Seriously, loads and loads of laundry. I just want to curl up and go to sleep.

I guess it's not that bad, because I have stopped folding Marcelo's clothes. There is no point because he just leaves it in the basket until it's time to wash again and fill it with more clean clothes. I sort it, pre-wash, soak, wash and dry and then put it in your basket. The least you can do is put it away. When you start doing that, I'll start folding it again.

But seriously, I need to get going here. No more procrastination

What do you avoid doing at all costs?

P.S. I'm only 3 pounds away from a new pair of shoes!! Oh how I need them desperately

Sweet Merciful Heavens. . .It's only 1 block away

I found a restaurant only 1 block away.

It sells 1/4 of a 20 inch pizza pie for only $3.75.

Today I went and bought two slices because I couldn't make up my mind. I got the NM Green Chili and the Thai Chicken slice. Made fresh while I waited.

I'm in love. I haven't been in love this much with food since my first visit to Happy Sumo and tasting the RSBC. (It's actually called the BSCR but I always get it wrong. Like just now).

Did I mention it's only $3.75 for a slice the size of a soccer ball? And it's made fresh. And the thin crust? I forgot the crust! It's fire baked and super thin. right from the oven it crunches like a cracker but is still slightly chewy on the edge. And you can fold it over and pretend that you are in NY eating pizza from a street vendor.

Oh my goodness. It's amazing. And it's only 1 block away. How am I ever going to reach my weight loss goals now?

NM Chili? Seriously? Evil proprietors bent on keeping me looking like a beached whale, I curse your very existence.

And I'll see you next week