Not Dead (Yet)

Amy said I should update my blog and tell you all that I'm not dead. Well, I'm not. Even though I wish I were.

So Saturday night Marcelo had a REALLY late futbol game. We are talking 11:30 pm!! That's when it started! And he went! That's how dedicated my man is to his sport. Anyway, when he came home he wasn't ready to go go bed but I was. So I asked him to come in and check on me at some time during the night, you know to make sure I hadn't choked and died in my own vomit.

Well, I fell asleep and the next thing I know, I see him standing over me!! Nearly scared the baby right out of me!! He said that the blanket was over my face and he wanted to make sure I was still breathing. I guess I can't get mad because I asked him to do it, but he didn't have to HOOVER over me and scare me! It was funny, anyway.

Oh and to answer Mindy's question, I sleep on my side. I think I would be dead already if I tried to sleep on my back. But I'll roll around a lot, so who knows if I stay on my side the whole time. I try to put a pillow between my legs to support my back and (because it's a long pillow) I can get it under my belly too. Anyway, It's very very hard to sleep, especially with all the choking and vomiting.

Oh, and at the risk of TMI, I have a new symptom: diarrhea. For the past 48 hours, I've had diarrhea everytime I go to the bathroom. *Some* people say that this is because my body is preparing to have a baby. But I think it's just telling me that it hates me. Anyway, I'm not doing too well these days. I just sit and update my blog and try not to poop my pants. And if you are wondering if I'm having cramping with the diarrhea, the answer is no. It's just a "flojo" stomach so that's why I don't think it's indicative of a baby coming anytime soon.

Anyway, let's move away from my bodily functions, ok? So Last night, as I'm trying to go back to sleep between the trips to the bathroom and the choking, I realized that I'm only sleeping for a few hours every night. And then at 5 am Marcelo walks in and wakes me up. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was going to the gym. He then told me that he was just watching me sleep this morning for about 10 minutes and that it was really scary for him. He actually said, " You HAVE to have the baby this week. You are really scaring me. Just tell your doctor that you want to have the baby"

Well!! I guess that's it! If Marcelo tells me I have to tell my doctor to have this baby tomorrow, Well that should get everything going, right? If only my doctor could hear me sleep, then I'm sure he would do it tomorrow. Let's all pray that he takes some misericordia on me and gets this thing going ASAP. I'm actually feeling very calm about this. I still wish I could wait and go into labor on my own, but I don't think that's an option now. Oh well, we'll see what happens.

In the meantime, I'm going to have a ROCKIN' Memorial Day. When my family came to town last summer, we had a BBQ at my house and I made these AMAZING ribs. They cooked for hours, and finished up with being BBQ'd on the grill. They were like melt off the bone awesome. And I've decided to make them again. I'm really looking forward to it. Let's hope that will dry me up in the "bowel" area.

I'll let you know if my doctor is kind to me tomorrow. I may have a baby ASAP. We'll see.

Happy Memorial Day, Everyone!!!

Cheesecake and Jelly Beans

Reagan's brother Joel (Blog link on my sidebar) has a section of his blog called "Eagles and Pigeons" where he talks about things that rock, that he loves (eagles) and things that stink (pigeons). I am a little more calorie focused, so I have titled my email today "Cheesecake and Jelly Beans." Because I LOVE cheesecake and I hate jelly beans. Jelly beans are the rabbit turds of candy. Especially the generic brand of jelly beans. Blech!

Anyway, I was thinking about some things I love and some things I hate these days. So I'm going to talk about them now.

Cheesecake: Baby showers. I totally appreciate the baby shower Krista gave me, and the baby shower Reagan and Lisa gave me too!! Reagan had this great idea where all the guests would decorate a Onesie for my little one. They say really cute things like "I look like Alicia" and "Rock the Cradle of Love." I have like a million Onesies now and I don't worry anymore about my baby being naked. THANK YOU SO MUCH REAGAN AND LISA AND ALL THOSE WHO CAME TO MY SHOWER AND MADE A ONESIE!!

Jelly Bean: Thinking you are going to wet your pants, so you dash to the bathroom only to pee 1 1/2 teaspoons of urine. What is up with that? I would think that if to the point of bursting, there should be more than a trickle coming out. Dang baby pushing on my bladder!!

Cheesecake: Having good food at baby showers. I always look forward to the food at baby showers. The worst is when there is NO food, or the food has one of the following things in it: beans, mayonnaise, bananas or custard. Lisa was in charge of the food for this shower and she NAILED it. Seriously she hit a home run. She made some AWESOME chicken salad, but she made it with plain yogurt instead of mayo. IT WAS AWESOME. (By the way, Reagan, I will come and take some of that chicken salad off your hands. I know you don't like it without the mayo) Anyway, the chicken salad on a croissant was awesome. There was also watermelon and a cheese ball with crackers. Honestly, this food was just what I wanted. Lisa=Rocking

Jelly bean: Not being able to breathe in the middle of the night. I have a very bad situation going on right now. While my snoring as always been bad, I've started choking on my soft palate at night. I will breathe in through my nose, and then I try to breathe out my mouth, but the palate will lock down and not allow me to do that. I'll try to do it again and when I can't, I'll start to panic. It's really bad.

And now we have a new problem: the vomiting. After I have started choking on my own throat, then I start coughing. And then I throw up. You should know that ALL these things happen while I'm DEAD asleep. All of a sudden, I'll wake up with vomit bits INSIDE THE BACK OF MY THROAT. I'll get up, run to the bathroom and continue to vomit until my stomach is all clean and the bathroom sink is clogged with my stomach contents.

Last night I was vomiting and coughing so hard, I couldn't catch my breath between retches. I would retch, and then GASP in to get air, and before I could get all the air I needed, I would puke again. I totally started to panic!! What if I die? What if I can't get air? What if I aspirate my vomit? Marcelo is in the other room, he won't hear me (and he didn't hear this whole ordeal) so I could die right there in the sink with my stomach sick swimming around me.

I'm actually terrified to go to bed tonight. I don't want to go to sleep, I'm so scared about what can happen, but if I stay awake, then there is no nighttime vomit. SCARY. But this will be a problem, seeing how it's 10:49 right now and I'm nodding off already and typing this with my eyes closed.

Cheesecake: I'm going to have a baby next week. I'm going to explain the breathing/vomiting thing to my doctor and tell him that this pregnancy is starting to get dangerous. I know he won't have a problem inducing me, he nearly did it last week but I asked him to wait one more week. I know, I was stupid, but I had a shower to go to!!! Anyway, I really am fine during the day, but the night scares me. So I think it's officially time. DING!! time to go.

I'm sure I will have more installments of "Cheesecake and Jelly Beans" in the future. You will just have to wait for it!! Oh, the suspense!

It's Estée Lauder!!

I had the BEST time last night. I am talking a pee your pants good time. And what did I do? Well, about 9:30 pm I headed up to Lisa's house with the promise of some amazing peach cobbler awaiting me. As I drove into her neighborhood, I notice that it must be trash day. There were piles of debris and tree limbs lining the street.

Well, as get to her house, she tells me that it's not trash day, but it's something called "neighborhood clean up day" and you can put anything you want out on the curb (except toxic stuff, of course) and they will come and take it away!! She then tells me a story about how her neighbor across the street put out some Terra Cota planters and she saw them and immediately wanted them.

BUUUUT someone had spotted them too! There was a sneaky man in a dirty truck driving around. He obviously was going around looking for stuff to swipe. Lisa said his truck was already full of crap. But he saw her and drove away. She knew this was her moment so she ran across the street and grabbed them. As she was walking back with the second one in her arms, the truck guy came back. She quickly stashed it so he wouldn't see her with it. He saw that the pots were gone and saw Lisa messing around in her garage. He shouts, "did you take those pots?" and Lisa said, "A BOX? I HAVEN'T SEEN A BOX!!"

Then she told him that people have been coming and going so she can't help him locate it. Even though both she and the guy KNOW that the pots were there only 2 minutes before. We laughed about it, and the realized that that guy really had a good idea: neighborhood shopping!! We ate our peach cobbler (with vanilla ice cream, of course) and it was freaking delicious. So amazingly delicious. The crust was hot and crusty and buttery and just. . . . . ahhhhh! You have no idea.

And then we jumped in the car and started shopping. I'm going to say this: there was some boob grabbing, some peeing of the pants, some vomiting and lots of Mexican Ranchero music. AND LOTS OF FREE STUFF!!! We were out there till 2 am and here are some photos of the night:


This is a picture of us "spotting a possible goody bag" on the side of the road. Notice the look of anticipation on our faces. Unfortunately there was nothing good in the box.

This is Reagan with just ONE of the car seats she got. They are booster seats that she and Lisa will use for their little kids!! Car seats? Are you kidding me? SCORE!
















This is a awesome rug that Reagan found. Her new house has lots of hardwood floors, so this rug is really going to come in handy. And it's a nice one!

And right here is where we get the title of this blog. Inside this bag, Reagan found a brand new jumbo pack of pampers wipes which she immediately gave to me. (I still don't know why she didn't keep them for herself, or give them to Lisa. Last I checked, both of them still have kids in diapers! THANKS AGAIN REAGAN!!) Anyway, she started rummaging through the bag, and she starts pulling out face cremes and other cosmetics. Lisa says, "Maybe we shouldn't do this in the middle of the street" and Reagan says, "But, It's Estée Lauder!" HA!! We told her to grab the whole bag and sift through it later, but she changed her mind. She said it made her feel like a raccoon to tear into a plastic bag and rummage around. That raccoon comment almost made me pee my pants (again).
















Regan found these two chests to put at the end of her bed. The one on the left was crappier than the one on the right, so she decided she only wanted the good one. So she and Lisa are picking it up while Reagan says something hilarious, I'm sure. All I know is that right after I took this picture, Lisa had to put the chest down because she was hopping around, crossing her legs and peeing her pants. So here is a photo of Lisa ACTUALLY in the process of peeing her pants. (I think she learned right then that tightly close eyes do NOT equal a tightly closed pee spout.)















We drive into a cul-de-sac and Lisa screams "WICKER FURNITURE!!" Reagan had already scored one wicker chair, and these two just added that much more to the set. We actually had to drive to Reagan's house with the CAR SIDE DOOR OPEN and the wicker chair 90% out the door (Reagan was holding onto it for dear life, even as it started to rain) because there wasn't room enough for all the goodies. We actually made multiple trips back to Lisa's house to unload so we could get more stuff. But this time we decided that we needed to just take the stuff directly to Reagan's house.

And this is a video of Reagan trying to put that brown chair you see up there on the right in front of the car and get pushed by the car: It didn't quite work, but it was VERY entertaining.



Notice how there is Ranchero music in the background. And how Reagan has to dance around to avoid peeing in her pants. Oh the urine!!

Here is the best story of the night: We saw a TV in front of the neighbor's house. We didn't want to examine it too closely there (in case our loud laughing and Ranchero music had already woken them up and they were watching us from their windows) and so we got it in the car quickly so we could get it back to Lisa's to examine it. (Side note, I've finally accepted the fact that I'm pregnant. I tried to help Regan pick up the TV and realized that I couldn't bend over easily, and I couldn't pick it up with my belly in the way. So I guess it's official: I'm having a baby.)

So when we get it to Lisa's we realize it is missing a cord to plug it into the wall, and it's a crazy complicated cord and would probably be more money than the actual TV is worth. So we decide to put it out on front of Lisa's house so we don't have to cart it all the way back to the neighbor's house. So Reagan and Lisa try to pick it up together. But Lisa gets her arms all the way around it. And Reagan can't get a good grip on it. So Lisa is staggering, falling into Reagan, and her hand is like smashed up against Reagan's boob. She shouts, "Help me, all I'm holding is your boob here!!"

They put down the TV and dance around (again, trying to keep from peeing their pants) and try to decide what to do. They decide to go get the kids' little wagon and pull the TV to the street. So they get the wagon and now it's time to lift it up again and put it inside. Reagan says, "on the count of three: One, Two, Three." However, on three, Reagan does NOT pick up the TV. She instead reaches out across the top of it and grabs Lisa's boob!! It was OVER.

Maybe you think that I'm kidding when I say that I was laughing so hard I peed my pants. I AM NOT KIDDING. A good teaspoon of my own liquid came out over that boob incident. I don't know how much the other girls peed, but I definitely had damp pants.

But it doesn't end there. Boob shenanigans over, we wheel it to the curb. I notice a nice down comforter in front of Lisa's house and I ask her about it. She said that it's all torn up and not usable anymore. Well, Lisa then comments on how she wants to kind of "hide" the TV so her neighbors don't notice that we moved their TV from across the street and into the cul-de-sac. She says she wants to hide it. she starts to pull out like a board or something when I remember the comforter! Well, I grab it and start to lay it on the TV. I notice that it needs to be pulled out from under the box it's currently laying, and so I give it a good tug. FEATHERS EVERYWHERE!!

CURSE YOU PREGNANCY MEMORY! Didn't Lisa JUST say that it was all torn up? And wouldn't that mean that feathers would be able to get out? DUH!! But it was like that one gentle tug sent a blast of air and feathers up into my face, mouth, nose, eyes. I was blinded for 2o seconds while I listen to Joel, Lisa and Reagan howl with laughter around me. Once I get the feathers out of my nose, I too laugh with them.

However, the damage has been done, and there are feathers down my throat. I start coughing, and then it's all over. I start dry heaving and then I start puking. MY COBBLER!!! Awww, rats! Oh well, at least it's over quickly. Reagan felt badly, but honestly, I'm glad I did it rather than not do it and feel crappy for the rest of the night. So that's the puking story.

I actually didn't get a picture of the BEST score of the night: MY PACK AND PLAY!! It was one of the first things that we scored, and it was seriously the steal of the night. Brand new, perfect condition, perfect for my little one. It even has a sun shade!! I will be LOVING having this thing at Lake Powell in a month or two. Seriously, it was a major steal.

So here is a final list of the loot we scored: Help me out if I forgot anything, will you ladies?
Me: New jumbo pack of wipes
Pack & Play
Little Tikes plastic rocket swing.

Reagan: Rugs (3 total. One of them being a "kid's rug" that has streets on it to use to drive around cars. It's awesome)
Plastic Cozy Cruiser
Little girl playsets:One Dora The Explorer Kitchen and one Vanity play set.
2 computer monitors
Wicker furniture for her front porch
Wooden chest for the foot of her bed

Lisa: Couches (Nice set of couches)
Plastic Cozy Cruiser
What else did you get Lisa? I'm sure you scored more stuff. Sorry, can't remember

And finally, you might notice that Reagan now has bangs. She got them cut JUST that day. When she walked it, I totally thought that she looked like Brittany from the 4th Cycle of America's Next Top Model. You tell me if you agree:




















Don't you think that she totally looks like her!?!?! Especially with the bangs in the picture on the left. Anyway, this post has been WAY too long, but I enjoyed giggling as I remembered the fun times we had last night. Let's go dumpster diving again soon, ladies!!!

Still here

I have been told that I need to update my blog daily because people are worried that I'm in the hospital. I just want you to know that I'm not. But I have updates on my medical condition: It's perfect.

So I went to the doctor yesterday and he takes one look at me and says, "You did something different with your hair!" And I said, "No, I just actually DID my hair today." I've made a bargain with myself, I told myself that after I left my job, I wouldn't have any excuse not to do my hair and makeup every day. While I still don't wash my hair everyday, I do style it. ANNND I do put on makeup every day. My OB only sees me when I'm nasty and scraggly, and this was the first time I actually was well put together.

Anyway, so he tells me that my urine tests came back good. He said that preeclampsia is characterized by high blood pressure AND protein in the urine. And there is no elevated protein in my urine. He said it needs to be over 3oo to make him worried, and mine was 130. So he said that he wanted me to do another Non Stress Test (NST) the next day and he would take a look at the results.

He said again, that a good case could be made to induce me early. He asked me if I wanted to do it today, then he would put some cervical creme on me, and then 12 hours later (Wednesday morning) he would start the induction with pitocin. And I declined. I told him that I was doing fine, and that I wanted to give myself another week. I said that I wanted to come back the Tuesday after Memorial Day and see where we were then.

I know tons of people think that I'm crazy, but the truth is that I'm perfectly happy waiting for this baby to come. Also, I'm loving my week of freedom and fun times with Reagan and Lisa. This is what I've been waiting for! I mean, I know that I'm selfish in this, but I know that once the baby comes, I'm going to be hurting all over, especially in the crotchal region. And I'll have a baby screaming, crying, trying to latch on to my flat-nippled-boob. Am I crazy to try to avoid that for as long as possible?

Also, I know I've posted about this earlier, but I want to see how far I can go without an epidural. I want to see if I can go natural, and I KNOW that I won't be able to do it natural with pitocin. Actually, if I do use pitocin, I know that I'm not going to even try to wait it out: I'm going to get the epidural ASAP. I've been told that pitocin contractions are worse than natural contractions and that you are praying for sweet relief that only an epidural can bring after just a few of those contractions.

Don't blame me if that idea doesn't woo me like it does you. I would rather keep my original game plan: Have the baby come when it wants to come. I know that this plan will have to be modified come June 2nd when the baby hasn't arrived yet and they have to induce me. But until then, I'm letting it do it's own thing and I'm enjoying my time hanging out and doing my own thing.

But the doctor told me that this could be instantly changed if my health becomes a problem. That is why he ordered me to do the NST today. He has a really nice set up where he can monitor my test as it's going on. So I get hooked up and after about 90 minutes, the nurse comes in and says, "They are sending you home. You look great. The doctor is DELIGHTED with your results!" That was it for me!! I was out of there lickity split!!

So, I'm still here. Loving being pregnant (don't hate me for saying that) and looking forward to my baby coming at it's own time. In the meantime, I'll keep you all posted.

False Alarms & Bad Insurance

I hate my insurance. They are all tools. Apparently a BP off the charts, SEVERE pitting edema (those are the NURSE'S notes for my file. I actually saw her type in that phrase), Vomiting, headaches and the fact that I'm seeing SPOTS every once in a while doesn't mean jack squat if you have IHC insurance.

Lisa and Reagan's OB is awesome and Lisa asked him, "at what BP would you induce a woman that is 39 weeks?" He said what was her BP? and Lisa told him 168/106. He said, "AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE A BABY RIGHT NOW?!?!? Find out her insurance, if she has ANY other insurance besides IHC, I can deliver her today." This is a man I have never met and he said this on his DAY OFF! I would've loved to tell him yes.

When I left Wednesday, they told me to come back IMMEDIATELY if I had any of the following symptoms: Constant/persistent headaches, burred vision/spotty vision and sudden swelling. So on Thursday when I started vomiting and the headache was all day, and I was getting spots every once in a while, I went in. WEEELLL, they are lying mother f-ers.

Sorry about that, I was REALLY mad. After ANOTHER NST and BP check, they told me that they won't do anything until they get back my 24 hour urine test. They said that all these symptoms *could* be just normal pregnancy symptoms (Yeah, a BP that high in a person that usually is 118/78 is VERRRRY normal, A-holes) so they won't do anything till there is a MEDICAL reason to do it. MEDICAL?? Maybe I'm crazy, but a BP off the charts seems pretty dang MEDICAL to me. But what do I know? I'm obviously not an insurance company, who apparently gets to make all the rules.

So I ask the nurse, "so if my labs come back normal, you won't induce me until 41 weeks? You'll just make me stay on my couch for 2 weeks with a jacked up BP "just in case" and you won't do something to actually SOLVE the BP problem?" And she says. . . . YES. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????

Did I mention how pissed I am? So I'm not playing anymore. Screw this "bed rest" crap. I'm living my life as normal. I'm going shopping, hanging out in Draper with Lisa and Reagan and going to enjoy my last week (or weeks) of pregnancy.

The truth is I'm NOT that uncomfortable!! You would think that with all those trips to the hospital and all this pushing to get induced I really want it to just get it over. BUT I REALLY DON'T!! I'm just upset about the whole "we will induce you, no we won't, yes we will, no we won't. Well, maybe we will. Pee in this 1/2 gallon orange jug for 24 hours and then we'll tell you if we are going to induce you or not. Are you trying to make flight arrangements for your best friend to come out here for the birth? Sorry, we are going to be wishy-washy and make sure you can't plan for that."

I'm DONE!! I'm so done with this. I'm having this baby when I want it. If I hear the word "pitocin" one more time out of the mouth of one of those crotchety old nurses, I'm going postal on someone. I'm just going to enjoy my last few weeks, wait for my water to break (or not) and then have this baby MY way. Well, more like I'll have the baby the way IT wants to be born (I've been told that you don't get to make up the mind of your baby. It makes most of the birthing rules.)

But I'm not playing games anymore with the hospital or my insurance. I don't blame my doctor, because I know he's bound by the rules of his practice and IHC (which runs his practice and the hospital I'll be delivering at). But these games are over. Do you know how hard it is to tell your husband that he MIGHT be a father today? But maybe not, so don't come back from working in HEBER early, because I'm not sure! But do keep your phone on you, because maybe a baby today? Yes? No? Blech. Finicky hospitals and bastard insurance, I CURSE you!!

So if anyone wants to hang out with me this week, I'm officially on VACATION and I'm going to eat all the Oreo shakes and fries I can stomach. LIVIN' IT UP, BABY!!

Oh, P.S. my mom bought us a car seat. I set it up today and showed Marcelo how it works. He was fiddling around with it for a while and he thinks it's really cool. We just need to install it in the car and make sure it's level. But he and I really like the one we picked out and we are now ready to bring this baby home!! Eventually!

See you later, little baby.

I'm not ready for this!!

This is a really long post. Don't read unless you have time to dedicate to my crazy ramblings.

So I almost had a baby today. Yeah, I know, I'm freaking out a lot too. Let me tell you the whole story. Well, first, let me finish up my blog from yesterday. I know, it's really boring considering you are all wondering about that whole "I almost gave birth today" comment. But I want to finish it up. So here it is:

I only have cravings for $1 double cheeseburgers and fries from McDonald's. You can get a LARGE fries and a cheeseburger for $3.00. And there are LOTS of fries. And they'll make you happy. I went there TWICE Monday, and I was loving every minute of it.

Tuesday I had a huge craving for a large icy Orange Julius. I suggested my idea to Jamie and she 100% backed me up. She looked online and found out that there is one in the food court of the University Mall. And she even offered to go GET me one!! I couldn't do that to her. I'm making her do all the work at the office.

I'm sort of kidding about making her do all the work. I try to get her to do as much as possible so she has all the experience she can get before I leave in 3 days. THREE DAYS!!! Angels singing. Heavens opening shining their blessed light on me. I'm literally leaping for joy in anticipation of Friday afternoon at 5 pm.

What more can I say? It sill be surreal to wake up Monday morning and come to the realization that I don't have to see Jean's face ever again. I can't help but think that it will be all over in just a few short hours. I'm absolutely ready for the zills that will come after I leave. Pure and simple Zills.

And what, might you ask, are zills? Well the dictionary defines it thus: " n. One of a pair of round metal cymbals attached to the fingers and struck together for rhythm and percussion in belly dancing. Turkish, cymbals."

Well, in my family this word has a much different meaning. It all goes back to the game BALDERDASH. You know that game right? You take cryptic words from the English language and try to make definitions that will fake out the other people. If you fake them out, you get to move forward some spaces. My sister's husband's family plays this game a little differently. Instead of making up a "real" definition that tries to trick the other teams, you get points if you make up a ridiculous and hilarious definition that most entertains everyone.

So when the word ZILLS came up, Julie wrote down this definition: Zills: The good feeling you get after taking a really large and satisfying dump.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Everyone knows that feeling!! I'm glad it finally has a name. Well, in my family it has a name, anyway. Some people (like me) LIVE for that feeling after they've been backed up for a while. And the next time you come from the bathroom, I guarantee that you'll say to yourself "AHHH!! ZILLS" because you will be so happy there is a way to describe how you are feeling.

Also, I would like to admit that I'm eating weird things. Well, weird things for me, anyway. Like Jello with floating fruit. YES!! ME!!! JELLO with FLOATING FRUIT!!! I know, shocking. Also, I can't eat eggs and toast in the morning anymore. The bread is too much, it causes acid almost within 30 minutes of eating it. And then my day is ruined.

Well, that's basically all I wanted to say. I think that I might've added more stuff, (maybe some of it would've been funny. But probably not) But I wanted to talk about the baby stuff.

So, today was my checkup. I am 38 weeks and 4 days. I was lucky enough to get an appointment for 12 noon. I haven't had my "oil checked" since before I went to AZ on the 23rd of April, so I assumed they would do that. But that activity is quick, so I knew I would be back before my lunch break was over, and I would finish out my last 2.5 days of work with no worries. Well, that's not what Heavenly Father had in store for me.

I got to the appointment and the young girl takes my blood pressure. Now you have to know that I know how to take blood pressures. It's like the one cool thing you learn in Physiology. (which I took twice) So when this girl takes it, I'm pretty sure she's doing it incorrectly. I hate it when she does it, but I don't really have a say in the matter. Well, when she takes it today, it's like 139/91. (normal is 120/80)

I think she's full of crap. But what can I say? Granted, I do know what my other BP's have been, and I know that my BP has slowly been rising with every visit. So I sit and wait for the doctor. And I wait, and I wait. I'm getting nervous becuase I need to go home and let Raya out of her cage and I need to get something to eat!! I sit and read magazines until like 12:38 until the doctor finally comes in. Apparantly someone over at the hospital was about to give birth, and they couldn't find the doctor. So my Dr had to rush over in case he had to deliver. Luckily he didn't have to deliver because the other doctor was found

Well, the doctor measures me, listens to baby, and then I thought that he was going to make me drop my drawers so he could check my oil. No, he tells me that he wants me to rest on my left side and see if we can get my BP to go down. My what? Uhhh, ok.

But now I was worried, It was getting close to time that I needed to be back at work. Was Jean going to get mad (I'm sure she was going to be). Was I going to have to forget about Raya? Poor little girl, I couldn't do that to her! So I'm sitting there and freaking out and then the girl comes in to take my BP again. THE SAME FREAKING YOUNG GIRL!! I was like "ohhh great, this is going to be super menos efficaz"

Well, sure enough, it hasn't come down at all. So the doctor comes in and says, "I want you to go over to the Labor and Delivery department here at the hospital next door. I'm going to have them monitor your BP for a little bit." I, not knowing what this meant, was like "Right now?" Like I was thinking I could go after work or something. Dummy.

So I alert Jamie to the fact that I'm going to be a few minutes later than I thought. She lets me know that Jean has gone to a listing appointment, and that I should take my time. She's so nice!! She even tells me that I should take time to go home and let Raya out. So that makes me feel much more calm. So I head over to the other side. I walk there. Why not? It's not like I have some sort of dangerous medical condition going on, right?

Well, I get into the L&D area and after doing the pee thing, and finding out that I won't have to get naked, I get strapped into a couple of monitors. Apparantly they are also doing a non-stress test on my baby as well. She takes some blood and asks me some questions. All the while, the automatic BP machine is taking my vitals.

Well, it's not good. So I guess that young girl isn't an idiot after all. Apparantly I DO have a dangerous medical condition. Oh! As a side note, she does some "reflex" work and she notices that my feet are swollen. I told her that's not even the worst it can get. I see that she's typed on the computer, "Severe pitting edema 3+." She later told me that that means that it takes more than 3 seconds for the flesh to bounce back after she pushes it in. She knows that it can get BIGGER than that, but 3+ is the worst kind of edema they document. AND I'VE GOT IT!! WHOO HOOO

So I'm sitting there worrying about Raya, getting back to work, people getting mad at me and finally what will happen if my BP doesn't go down. The nurse tells me that if it doesn't go down, they will induce me. They'll start with a little "vagi-cream" that will soften my cervix and hopefully open it up. (By the way, no one knows how OPEN I am. My oil STILL hasn't been checked!")

TODAY!?!?! I MIGHT HAVE A BABY TODAY? I don't even have a car seat. My crib isn't set up. I don't have any newborn diapers. I still need to go buy a box of wipes at Costco. I'm going out of my freaking mind. I don't have a camera, I don't have a bag ready with a change of clothes. I haven't trimmed my hair "down there." I don't have anything ready. I need some sort of record of what's going on (other than this blog, that is) to show people in the future. I don't have anything to record these "precious moments" of pure insanity.

So if those other things weren't enough to freak me out, the idea that I might have a baby today, DEFINITELY did the job. My poor BP just kept going up higher and higher. I'm on the phone with my brother, trying to get him to go over and let Raya go pee. I'm telling Marcelo we might have a baby today, but I don't want him to quit work too early in case there is nothing really going to happen. Jamie realizes that I'm probably not coming back today, so she has a few questions for me to try to get things under control there. The phone kept ringing or sending me text messages, and it was almost too much.

I'm telling you the BP was off the charts. The Dr came in and took my phone away because he was smart enough to realize that all my communication was making me nervous and raising it up higher. He wanted to see at least 1 hour of "regular" BP before he would let me go. It was hard to get that!! I would get a couple of good readings, and then it would spike again. And I would have to start all over again.

Well, finally, after 4 hours of sitting there and finally getting my BP down, they told me I could go home. BUUUUUT, I would be put on STRICT bed rest. This means no cleaning, no grocery shopping, no laundry, no WORK and the worst: NO DRIVING! I was given authorization to go pee and to bathe myself. But after that I needed to be laying down resting. I'm going to be so bored the next few days. I mean, with Marcelo at work, how will I get the Oreo shake I'm so desperately craving at all hours?

I was very happy to learn that I would not have to go back to work. It just seems more fitting that I get out on MY terms. It seems that Heavenly Father knows what I need, and he was giving me this one last gift. So I'm officially free. I'M FREEEEEEEEE. SEE YA LATER SUMMIT!! Try to forget I ever existed.

So when they let me go, I was STARVING. I hadn't eaten anything since this morning at 8 am, and I wanted to die. Marcelo didn't want to make anything, but I don't think he wanted to buy food either. So I told him, "hey, I HAVE to eat. I HAVE TO EAT NOW. Either you go get us something, or I'm breaking doctors orders to go get myself some food." He finally got the food, after I suggested the food he really wanted. (Macaroni Grill)

Moving on: I think I might have the baby on Friday. I mean, I'm like nearly ready. And there is no reason to keep me on bed rest, the baby is fully formed. So when I go in to have another BP and non stress test on Friday, they might just say "screw it, let's get this thing going" and I would be totally ok with that. I wasn't ready today. It really was freaking me out. But with it coming on Friday, I have a few days of preparation to do. I'm going in first thing in the morning on Friday. We'll see how it goes. I'll keep you up to date.

Finally, guess what they gave me today as I left? Well, they want me to do a 24 hour urine collection. They gave me a little bowl shown here, and a little OJ juice container shown here. (Notice that Raya wouldn't get out of the frame. She's got to be in there, all the time.) Well, I get to pee in the bowl every day and pour it INTO the OJ bottle and then KEEP IT IN THE FRIDGE!!! I think I'm going to have to throw away my fridge after this. Thank heavens we are moving. I'll be sure to leave out the fact that I kept my urine in the fridge to the new tenants.

I guess they are testing for toxemia or something else. I'll let you know how the OJ collection and non stress test goes. I could be a mother in 36 hours or less!! HOLY CRAP!!

Scary Dreams

WARNING!! THIS BLOG TALKS ABOUT BOOBS. A LOT. DON'T READ THIS BLOG IF BOOB TALK AND BREASTFEEDING DREAMS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. WARNING OVER!!

I've been having scary dreams lately. Last night was the worst. I dreamed that I had my baby (even in my dream I don't know if it's a boy or a girl. It's just a BABY) and that I tried to breastfeed it, but I couldn't. Not like the milk wouldn't come, but I was just a moron and could get my breasts to work. Almost like they were high tech mechanical instruments and I hadn't read the instruction manual so that's why I couldn't do anything

Honestly, it was so upsetting. It was almost like in my dream I was a 15 year old kid who was fumbling around and didn't even know what to do to actually BRING my child up to my boob. I thought that if I just waited for a little while the milk would come shooting out right of my boob into the baby's mouth like a water pistol. So I just kept waiting and waiting for the baby to "magically" be fed. But then in the dream I finally figured it out and got it in the kid's mouth. But then the baby immediately fell asleep. I was panicked because I had only fed the kid on the left side, and only for about 3 seconds.

So I switched it over to the right side, and when I pulled out the boob, my nipple was missing!!! My right nipple was not there. I'm sure this is just un-conscious (or conscious for that matter) worry because my right nipple is noticeably flatter than my left and I worry about not being able to feed on that side. I worry about the baby not being able to latch onto that side, and me being so frustrated so I just feed it mostly on the left and my left boob shrinks while my right grows bigger and bigger until it eventually bursts.

Ok, maybe I don't really worry that my boob will burst. But I DO really worry about the latching on and the physical properties/capabilities of the right boob. And that worry was CLEARLY in my dream.

So what happened at the end? I don't know. Dreams are like that. One moment you are freaking because your nipple is gone, and the next moment you are awake and thinking about what you will eat for breakfast. All I know is that my dreams are telling me that I am NOT READY TO BE A MOTHER. PLEASE DON'T COME BABY!!! I'M GOING TO SUCK AT TAKING CARE OF YOU!!

Speaking of not knowing how to taking care of babies, something funny happened today with Marcelo. Today I showed him the ONE newborn diaper we have. It was included in a "Congratulations You Got Knocked Up!" box of goodies from Babies 'R' Us. You can tell that it's a newborn diaper because it has the notch for the belly button. I explained to Marcelo that we'll need at least one bag of those suckers because we don't want to irritate the little umbligo stump. (Sorry, umbligo is Spanish for belly button and we were using it during the whole conversation)

Anyway, I was explaining to him that the stump turns black and eventually falls off. YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN HIS FACE! He looked like he had just stepped in a pile of dog poop. He was like "It turns rotten, right? Does it smell?" I told him that it does NOT smell, and it doesn't "turn rotten" but that it just turns black and then falls off by itself. He was still grossed out and he got up to "walk off " the thought of a piece of our baby turning black and falling off. I laughed and called out behind him, "ohhh, boy!! you have so much to look forward to!!"

He really does. Just wait till we have a boy and he figures out that if they do a circumcision (Like Marcelo thinks he wants his boys to have) then they'll have to CUT THE BABY'S PENIS!! I think he already figures that, but he really hasn't thought about the mechanics of the actual procedure. If we DO have a boy, and we DO decide to get him circumcised, I bet ANYONE $35 that he can't be there to see it happen. What a wuss.

I'm counting on friends to get me through labor and delivery. Marcelo will be the pansy passed out on the couch sleeping it off till it's over.

Happy Mother's Day Marcelo!!