I'm on Vacation!!

I'm officially on vacation. I love being on vacation. Wanna know something? I actually wake up earlier on my vacation days. Like today I was up doing TiVo homework at 6:45 am. I mean, I have to clear my TiVo queue before I go out of town, right? So I HAD to wake up at 6:45 am to get a jump start on things.

It's good though, I really like being able to lay around in my underwear and not be forced to answer any phones. Oh the phones!! I think I hear those phones in my nightmares. But I don't have to answer them for FIVE WHOLE DAYS!! WHOO HOOOO! I'm currently on my couch watching Colbert Report and looking forward taking my dog for a walk. Maybe that will help the swelling in the feet go down

Speaking of swelling feet, I went to my doctor's office yesterday and had a very uncomfortable time. He had me get naked from the waist down and he got a glimpse of my cankles and my pitting edema. (He wasn't concerned when I told him that it goes away every night as I elevate my feet) Anyway, I had to have the bacteria test "DOWN THERE" and that was like a 1 on the scale of un-comfortableness. (I guess maybe the fact that I was naked from the waist down makes it more like a 2). But THEN my doctor checked my cervix. Why didn't anyone tell me how much that would hurt?

Granted, I'm sure that I tightened up the moment he touched me and that made it lots more hurtful. But still!! Holy crap! All that just to learn that my cervix is 100% closed. Actually, I'm quite happy to learn that. That means that I was cleared to go to AZ for my vacation. So I guess that if I had to go through that to get a clear to fly, I would do that again.

Marcelo still gets kinda upset when he knows that people (specifically another man) are sticking their fingers inside me to check things. I think he needs to realize that when I'm in the hospital that act will occur every few hours. And then he needs to realize that everyone is going to get a glimpse of my hooter while I push this baby out. So he needs to get over this really quickly

But the BEST part of the visit to the doctor was when I had to pee in the cup. I hadn't gone pee all morning and so by the time I went to the hospital I was prancing around trying to hold it in. When I finally got into the bathroom, I continued the dancing while I wrote my name and birthday on my cup. (Have you ever tried to write your name on a cup that already has pee on it? You only make that mistake once)

So I FINALLY get to pee in the cup and as I'm looking down, I see something strange on the floor. It looks like someone has spilled something on the floor. I wonder who would've brought a drink into the bathroom, and who would've had it so close to the toilet. And then I realize that it's PEE!!! Someone (maybe more than one person, considering the splash pattern on the floor) has missed the bowl entirely and has peed on the floor.

ORRRRR maybe as they were pulling the cup out from under them they spilled. I think that might be worse because it probably got on their hand in the process and who knows what they touched before they washed their hands again. Needless to say, there was a good amount of dried urine on the floor. I just stared at it, considered it, and laughed.

And then I went out and got weighed, and I wasn't laughing anymore. I actually don't know what my current weight is, because I choose not to look at the scale. I know it's big, but just how big? I don't know. I'll just keep not looking until they tell me that I've broken the scale and they now have to weigh me at the zoo on the elephant scale.

Also, we all met Jake's girlfriend Clarin. She seems nice. I mean, she's kinda got that "savior" mentality. I think that she's trying to be Jake's rescuer/mother and help him get back on track. I think that's all well and good, but you can't make someone change just because you want it. Anyway, she's 21 (Jake just turned 19 a week ago) and she's going to the Bon Losee hair school. I think that she's a nice enough girl.

But. . . . . (you knew there was a but) she has jacked up teeth. Apparently my family is a TEETH family. Judd will remember that was the first comment I made about Renfijo when I learned she was Judd's previous companion. And Nate and Julie had met Clarin before my mom did and they BOTH mentioned the teeth. Why is that? What is our problem? I mean, it's not like we were born with great teeth? We all have them after many painful and expensive years of braces.

And it's not like we can't see past that. I mean I married a guy that CLEARLY doesn't have perfect teeth. (I think now would be a good time to talk about the fact that I basically married the opposite of what I always was attracted to and thought that I would marry. DISCUSS) Anyway, apparently that's the first thing we see. But usually the problem has to be BAD and very noticeable. If it's just a little problem, I easily forget about it when I think about the person.

The thing that really threw me off were the fake nails. I think it says something about a woman that has fake nails and routinely must get them "FILLED". I don't know, I just don't really like the look of fake nails and the women who have them, and I think it says something about them. What is that "something" that it says? I don't know, but that "something" puts me off and I am wary of those girls. What does that say about me? I'm a horrible horrible person. It's ok, you can say it.

I need to go now and eat some breakfast. All I've had to eat today is some Toaster Strudel and a piece of pumpkin pie with cool whip. It was lovely, but not enough. It might be time for some "quality control" Totino's pizza.

I'M ON VACATION!!!