Calming my nerves before the big day

I should let you all know how the vacation thing went down. It was quite anti-climatic. I'm somewhat worried that my announcement tomorrow will be the same. Wouldn't that just be the worst? I mean all this buildup, all this anticipation and then FLOP. Nothing. Reminds me of my wedding night.

I KID!! I KID!!! I had a great wedding night. But this blog isn't about that. It's about the vacation situation at my office. Well, Jean was reminded about the days Jamie will be absent. And then on Monday, right before that recording was made, we were talking about our files, and the upcoming closings. I reminded her that I was going out of town the 24th to the 30th. She tried to say, "did you tell me that before?" (I actually have that on tape too.) I told her I did, and she was like "oh. . . um. . . .ah. . . .er. . . " and then she was like "oh yeah, now I remember."

What the crap? She totally backed down!! I was really quite disappointed. I really think that she thinks it will be ok, and that she can do it. She has NO IDEA what my job really is. I'm going to make sure to avoid my cell phone all day. I'm sorry, but I only get 5 days of vacation after a FULL year of working. I'm not going to do their jobs from afar. Actually, when the boys heard about it, they freaked out a LOT more than Jean did. I bet I'll get lots of calls from Dan. The kid is clueless.

Anyway, I was upset that she didn't freak out and try to lie so I could get it on tape. I would've LOVED that. But let's hope that she does do the freak out tomorrow. I told Jamie that she has to practice her "surprise face" so she won't be given away by my announcement. And then I have to give my surprise face when she announces her departure as well. I REALLY hope I'm there for that. There is a chance it might happen when I'm gone. But it would be AWESOME to feel their total freak out when they realize that they would be going into the summer not having someone trained to be their whipping boy. MWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA (Maniacal Laughter. Right Bahamas?)

But I really think that I shouldn't do anything too complex with the announcement tomorrow. I'm afraid if they do they will just think I'm not serious about it, or they will take my announcement as trite. I'll just think about it tonight. Turns out I can't sleep anymore. I just stay awake replaying arguments with Jean over and over in my mind. And then I start to imagine OTHER arguments that I haven't had yet with her. So basically, Jean's ruining my days AND my nights.

So let's move on. Baby news. This baby is freaking out. And my belly is starting to HURT everytime I stand up. Not just my belly, but my legs too. When I get up from my desk, I feel like I've just stepped off the stair master after a grueling half hour workout there. I groan a lot. (Jamie can testify to that) and I kinda do this wheezing moaning thing in rhythm too. It makes me feel better to hear something rhythmic coming from my mouth.

Like as I type this right now, it's moving around on the left side and causing me a good amount of discomfort. The pain also radiates down to my "lady spot". How graphic is that? Sorry about that. Here's my fear: I'm not going to know when I go into labor. Maybe all of you mothers just laughed out loud when I said that. Because you are like "THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN MISS IT" But here's the thing: I thought I was going into labor last week. Wanna know what it really was? Diarrhea.

Yeah, you read that right. I was chatting with Reagan online and I was like, "I don't know what is going on! My belly is freaking out!" and she's like "is it coming in waves?" and I was like "YES!!" And she was like "Do you feel it in your back?" and I was like "OH YEAH!!" She was like "Uh, I would call your doctor." I told her that I was going to go to the bathroom first, and see if that helped. And it did, of course.

How horrible is that? I confused diarrhea with having a baby. Actually, that should say something about how painful my diarrhea is. But enough poop talk. The point of that little story is that sometimes I just feel pain, and I'm not great at realizing what that pain means. That has also happened with painful gas, a torn ligament and hunger. I worry that it will be the same when it's time for the baby to come. I'm scared.

Secondly, Jamie told me this freaked out story about an acquaintance of hers that had an epidural and it went badly and she's been in physical therapy to learn how to WALK again for like a year and a half. She still walks with a limp and she was told that she probably shouldn't have any more kids. She's like 20 years old!! I don't know, but after hearing that I'm still not dead set on the epidural!

Reagan says that to NOT have one is like giving the finger to medical science and all their advancements. But what if I get a anesthesiologist who's a closet drunk and he puts in a bad line and I can't walk for years? What if I have a bad reaction and half of my body goes paralyzed and they have to bring in the crash cart for fear I'm about to go into cardiac arrest (that's another bad epidural story I heard)

Do I want to have a natural birth? NO!!! But isn't there something in between lower body paralyzation and feeling every little rip and tear of your precious lady friend? You would think with all the medical advancements that we have they would've figured some other way to make birth comfortable without putting your SPINAL COLUMN at risk.

Sorry, I know I've talked about this way too much. I'll leave it at that. Anyway, I'm so freaking excited to go visit the Judd in AZ. I need to finalize the details with her. Do I need to bring my air mattress? Extra pillow? Sound machine to drown out my horrific snoring? I should probably find this out soon, seeing is how I'll be there in like 9 days. MAN, I'm excited.

Ok, off to bed. Please be thinking of me around 9 am tomorrow when I go to my doom. . .