Conversations With the Devil-Recording #1

*Warning!! Long Blog to follow!! You have been warned!!*

I made this recording Tuesday, April 1, 2008. I don't know how to upload the recording. I need some sort of cord to link the recorder and the computer. And my computer will only let me record 60 seconds at a time. This recording is about 3 and a half minutes, and this was just a SIMPLE conversation. What happens when the baby conversation comes up?

Also, Jean's voice is so soft because she's across the room, and my voice is so loud because my mouth is only inches away from the recorder in my cleavage. So it's hard to get just the right volume. You are cranking it up to hear her and then are blasted by my manish bear voice. So while I try to still work on the recording, in the meantime I will type up the transcript of the conversation here:

Setting: Office
Time: 1:50 pm
Temp: 72 degrees
Mood: Decide for yourself. . .

Jean: Ok, I need to know what's going on.

(At this point i started freaking!! I thought, "She knows! She figured it out! She's going to ask me if I'm pregnant and why I didn't tell her earlier!" I'm really paranoid these days, obviously. Back to the recording.)

Me: (Silent)
Jean: Cause you've got an attitude a mile long
Me: (Silent)
Jean: Like, you were gone FIFTY minutes to put a lock box on.
Me: Uh, yeah, I got lost (that was actually true. I wrote down the wrong address, and flipped the pre and post directions and was all twisted around. I had to look up the address again. Just lost)
Jean: Alicia, It's an EASY house to find. For fifty minutes?
Me: (Silence)

Here's a tangent. Silence is the response I ALWAYS give Jean whenever she tells me something and doesn't want to hear my opinion. When I tell her that I'm really busy with all the stuff I have to do, and she says, "You aren't that busy," How do you respond to that? I JUST told you I'm VERY busy. And you respond by saying, no, I'm NOT busy? How would you POSSIBLY know that?

It seems that by saying that, you want me to re-think ALLLLLL the crap I have to do and say, "You know what? You are right! I'm NOT that busy!" And until I say that, she doesn't want to hear what I have to say. It's like she's saying, "I know you are too stupid to realize this, Alicia, but you are not busy. I will tell you when you are and are NOT busy. And until then, don't even THINK that you are busy."

So you know what I do? I shut my mouth. I'm done talking to her. She doesn't care about what I'm saying, and obviously she doesn't care about what I think, so I'll just keep my mouth shut. It's her business right? Well, in just a few weeks it will be ALL HERS with no one to help her. Ok, back to the recording and my "mile long" attitude. . .

Me: Also there's some construction on 800 North, I had to detour and come back the other way
Jean: Well, I don't know what's going on with you. Whether you are distracted with something that's going on, . . but you seem to be highly distracted. . .
Me: Silence for 3 seconds ) I'm not. I'm not (The second time is much whinier than the first "I'm not")

Additional tangent: Remember how she caught me in that lie last week? And she was all rude to me and it changed the day I was going to tell her about the baby? Well, I don't think I told you what I eventually ended up telling her to get her off her back. I told her that I was helping my mom buy a house here in Utah and that's why I needed the key. She said I have to ask her PERMISSION to show any home at any time, and because I didn't ask her first, I was being "sneaky" and going behind her back.

Well, in the next breath, she says the following, "Well, Matt and Dan have all been talking about how you have changed since your FATHER moved here to Utah. They think that you are very pre-occupied with your family." And then the clincher, "They talk about it all the time."

First, the MOMENT this came out of her mouth, I knew it was a lie. I knew that SHE had these thoughts, but for some reason she wanted to assign them to Matt and Dan. Maybe she thought that if they came from someone else, then it would give them more credit. Also, it's kind of the old thing, "Well, IIIIII don't think this . . .but OTHERS have been saying ______." So she get's to be the one to make me feel like crap, but then she can always say, "I didn't say it! It wasn't me!" Again, I didn't believe her for a second. I knew it was a lie the moment it left her mouth.

Secondly, I know that this was a way for her to "dig it in" and get me where she figured it would most hurt me: My father. She thought that by just bringing up his NAME, she would be affecting me. The truth is, I haven't' spoken to my father since maybe New Years? I'm not sure. I don't remember. If it wasn't New Years, then it was Mid-October. So OBVIOUSLY I'm not distracted by him. How can you be distracted by someone you haven't spoken to in 3 and a half months? But she doesn't know that. She's grasping at straws, making up lies and she's trying to hit me with a "low blow" and she thinks that bringing up my father will do that. She's wrong. And she's a liar.

Back to the recording:

Me: I'm not, I'm NOT. So. . .I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm not distracted I'm just. . .
Jean: (interrupting ) is there something you are frustrated with?
Me: (The whiny voice REALLY comes out now) No! I'm just trying to get caught up! (sigh of frustration) I haven't even called all the listings from yesterday. (papers rustling. I'm flipping through my book showing her all the crap I have to do) I met with Matt and Dan and I have a whole list of things to do from him. I'm doing comps & county, and listing papers. Two sets of listing papers: I need to get those done right now. . .
Jean: Comps and County for who?
Me: For you. I did four sets of them. And then I did some more for Matt. I did some listing papers for Matt, and I now have two sets of listing papers for you. And. . . I'm just. . . .
Jean: Ok, and you can't delegate some of that to Jamie?
Me: She did two listings this morning.
Jean: Ummm Hummm. (FYI, if you ever hear Jean say, "umm hmmm" it means she's not listening to you. You can see how she wasn't listening to me as this conversation continues on because she keeps repeating herself.)
Me: . . .So, she's busy as well.
Jean: Well, you know I like you to go [to lunch] at 1 and at 2. But we never seem to make that. That is CRITICAL for me. Because I have appointments based on when I know someone has time to cover the phones.

Tangent: THE PHONES WERE NEVER NOT COVERED!!! ALL THAT HAPPENED WAS THAT JAMIE TOOK LUNCH LATER THAN PLANNED!! YOU WERE IN NO WAY INCONVENIENCED!! YOU ARE CRAAAAAAZZZZZYYYYYYY!!!!! But I'm sure you'll make up some other excuse for why you need take lunch at JUST THAT TIME. Back to recording

Me: . . .Well. . . I also talked to Adrienne Parsons as well. I dropped off Seller's Disclosures and Explained what they were, and I talked to her. .
Jean: You don't need to do that. Ryan could've done that.

Tangent: No he couldn't. Ryan is a moron. He's her nephew who's BARELY 22, and has no idea what the meaning of the word "work" is. He's our little "runner" boy, but when he doesn't know how to do something, he calls me. I get multiple calls every day. I have to look up for him on the computer to find him directions for everyplace he goes. I want to say, "hey, moron! do you see how much work I have? Maybe you can jump on one of the 4 vacant computers we have here at the office and find that info out yourself. ARRRRGH!!! Back to recording

Jean: We could've done that ALL via email. So. . .
Me: Well, you know that 15 minute conversation? I call them and talk about the systems of our office? Well I did that in person, and not over the phone. So it was still 15 minutes that I actually had to sit there and explain to her our systems and how the showings work. So I thought, do it in person? do it over the phone? Either way it's still 15 minutes.
Jean: Well, I know it's not very fair to Jamie, hanging on there so long to go to lunch. I just really want you to remember that that's important to me,
Me: I know, that's why when you left, I for sure told you.
Jean: Yeah, well I know that from where you live, to go drive that over, it's 10 minutes. Maybe 15.

TANGENT I want you to see how the topic keeps changing. First it's about lunch, then it's about the phones. Then it's about how it's not fair to Jamie. Then it's about the TIME that it took. And blah blah. Whenever I bring up a rebuttal/explanation for my actions, her comments/complaints change. Back to recording

Jean: So when I see that you are gone 50 minutes, I'm thinking, Is she just doing this to. . . .uh. . . . You know, I don't know Alicia! It just feels like you have an attitude lately towards me.

TANGENT!! RIGHT THERE!! RIGHT THERE!!! SHE'S LOST THE FIGHT, AND SHE KNOWS IT!! Whenever she's losing a fight, she comes back to something that we've already resolved, or something that I've already explained. She repeats herself because she has nothing else to say! So when she starts to do that, it REALLY frustrates me. I usually have to REPEAT myself and let her know that we have already moved PAST that point. Sometimes she gives up and I am released from her evil grasp. But most times she throws in a wild and completely UNRELATED topic to try to win the argument again.

That's why we can be talking about my commission on a certain house, and then all of a sudden we are talking about my clothes, or my father, or my "attitude," or how I'm distracted. . . Blah, blah, blah. Wanna know the funny thing? That's the way my father argues. I've been dealing with him for 28 years, so her 2.5 years is nothing. It took me a while to realize that she fights the same way, but now that I know that's how she plays, I know how to combat her. Please! Don't try that with me! I was born and raised on horrible parental manipulation. And guess what Jean? You aren't even very good at it!

I bet that's the "attitude" that she picks up on. It's actually called "sticking up for oneself" but she can't call it that, because then she would have to admit that she belittles and puts people down. So she makes up another name for it. But the truth is that I do have an "attitude" now. It's called "You can't treat people like that, and I'm not going to take it anymore." It's the way I should've been from the beginning. Maybe then she would've fired me long ago.

Back to the recording. So she's just said AGAIN that I have an attitude towards her. And I respond. . .

ME: I'm sorry. . . I don't know . . .What would you like me to change so I don't. . .so I don't. . . so you don't think that I have an attitude?
Jean: Well, if you don't, then you don't. Then we need to just drop it. We need to just get our work done. You know, I'm way to busy to be messing around with stuff like this.
Me: Uh yeah!! (laughing) So am I!
Jean: Well, we'll just drop it and move on. Delegate to Jamie, I've given her some good jobs to do too.
(Phone Ringing. BLESSED BLESSED PHONE!!)
Me: Want me to get that?
Jean: Yeah.

AND SCENE!!!

Ok, I held off my last tangent because it was almost over. But I was going to say WHHAAAAATT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF?!?!?!? Let's go back to that one part, my FAVORITE part. I ask her what she wants me to do so that she doesn't think I have an attitude anymore. And she says, "Well, if you don't, then you don't. . . We need to just get our work done. You know, I'm way to busy to be messing around with stuff like this."

I'M NOT THE ONE THAT CALLED ME IN HERE AND BROUGHT UP A RIDICULOUS ACCUSATION!! I mean, I'm not the one that imagined some mysterious "attitude" and just HAD to talk to me about it. It's like she was blaming me for HER calling me in to bitch me out! What a joke.

I don't know what else to say about this. I mean most of my readers can see the absolute bull crap that was this conversation. If you cannot see it, I suggest you stop reading my blog right now. I have PLENTY more of this to come in the upcoming weeks.

Finally, when I was with Reagan yesterday, she listened to the actual recording. (I'm sorry that I'm still having difficulty posting it here.) She said that my voice is COMPLETELY different when I talk to Jean. How did you describe it Reagan? Like a lamb begging for its life before it's slaughtered? As I was listening to it, I had to agree with her. I become somewhat whiny and just full of lame excuses. And I KNOW that my excuses are lame, so in my voice I'm trying to plead my case.

But the truth is, I've learned that if I'm any more forceful in my tone, Jean will go OFF on me on how "confrontational" I am. So do I just pull out the whiny voice and get out of there ASAP? Or do I stand up for myself and risk getting into a 90 min chat about my father, my clothing, my lack of makeup or any other random thing that she wants to bring up? What would you do? You would pull out the whiny voice too, I guarantee it.

So that was my most recent interaction with the Devil. What do you think? And who knows where I can get some free downloading software so you can hear the real thing?

Happy working!!