The Unraveling

I swear, I will stop posting about my job. But I have to update all of you on the latest happenings. Sure enough, Karley is gone for good. I actually sent her a text message "innocently" asking her what is going on, and if she's coming back. She responds that no, she's not coming back. That the job "wasn't for her" and that right now she's out of town. But when she comes back into town, she'll drop off our office key. I tell her that's too bad, and to let me know if she needs any other help or anything else from us.

Can I tell you how my insides are rejoicing? Literally, rejoicing and shaking inside. I don't know how else to describe my complete delirium. Here's why: There are 2 things Jean doesn't know. The first (obviously) is that I'm pregnant and will be leaving May 16th. She will know this info in 2 and a half weeks and will have some time to "prepare" for my departure. Currently, she's thinking that I will be her little errand boy forever and that I'm going to be there until my ovaries shrivel up like hers. She also thinks that Jamie will be coming to work for her full time starting the first of May. So right now, she's not even advertising for a new assistant.

Well, the second thing that she doesn't know if that Jamie has no intention of coming to work for her full time. She's actively looking for a full time job to start the first week of May. She's going to be unavailable for a few days becuase of graduation, and then she'll be gone that last week of April for a family vacation. She doesn't have a full time job *YET* but as soon as she has one lined up, she'll let them know. It will be a SUBSTANTIAL announcement.

Now, remember when I said that Jean isn't going to hire someone else until Jamie comes full time? Well, I've already got permission to take my vacation April 24th to the 30th. What is Jean going to do for those days? Jamie won't be coming in, that's for sure: She's GRADUATING those days!!! I think that Jean has TOTALLY forgotten about it. Or she figures that she can "convince" Jamie or myself to stay. She always says things like "well, if they want this job badly enough, then they'll make it work." Well, Jean, your crappy job isn't worth someone missing their graduation. And I've already bought my ticket, so there is no way I'm canceling!

So what happens the 28th? I'm in Arizona, and Jamie won't be showing up to work because of her family vacation. They are going to be 100% without an assistant for 3 days. What will they do? Will Matt and Dan ACTUALLY start answering the phones? I doubt it, but it will be interesting to see how this all pans out. I want to see Jean's reaction when she realized that she's going to be high and dry for 5 days without an assistant. I bet she tries to bully Jamie or myself into trying to get us to stay. Good luck on that, you sorry excuse for a human.

So here is the timeline for those of you who are confused about what this all means:
April 17th: I drop the baby bomb on that office of turds.
April 24th-April 30th: I leave for a week of vacation. The office has NO ASSISTANTS to help them for 5 whole days.
April 24th-May 4th. Jamie is gone all this time because she's graduating and then going on a cruise with her family. (I think that I need to go on a cruise very soon.)
May 1st: I come back to HELL
May 5th: Jamie comes back. Or not. She might have another job lined up working somewhere else. She's not sure.
May 16th. My last day of work. I skip joyfully knowing that I never have to go back there again. and see those people and their ass faces (that's a reference to "Waiting for Guffman," if you were wondering)

So basically, the whole reason that I started writing this blog was to let you know that Jean's going to be without an assistant for 5 days, and she's totally not aware of it. She's already given permission to both me and Jamie, and there is no taking it back. There will be great gnashing of teeth when she realizes what she's done. I'll try to get it on tape for ya'll.

And finally, I have been requested to put some "belly" pictures on my website. I would like you to all marvel at how HUGE I've gotten: not just in the belly area, but in the hips, thighs, face and buttocks areas as well. Mostly in the buttocks. Every time I turn to the side, I swear this baby is growing out my butt. So if you don't want to see a large woman carrying a large baby, just close out of this window right now.

This is my work outfit. Every day. Rain or shine. The black pants and black sweater. Jean LOVES this sweater. Can you blame her? Doesn't it just bring out the HOTNESS in my eyes? You KNOW IT DOES.

Here are the "belly shots" you asked for.














Do you love how Raya HAS to be in the shot? She has no idea what I'm doing, but she knows that I'm holding very still for a few moments. So she decides to to the same thing.

Anyway, you can't say I didn't warn you , right? I am monstrously large! But like I've said many times before: This is the only time in the history of the world that I've ever been appreciative of my weight. It's allowed me to carry on one of the greatest deceptions that Utah has ever seen.

Now, there is one more photo that I was *thinking* of taking, but I'm pretty sure I will spare you all. It's a shot of my bare belly. Reagan can testify that my bare belly is RIDDLED with stretch marks. It's quite unattractive. If you really REALLY want to see it, I think I'll just email it to you directly. Take my work for it: It's NOT something you want to see more than once.

So that's my blog. I'll try to have a better topic for you next time. Food? Maybe I'll talk about the 2 packages of Swiss Cake Rolls I ate today. Or maybe about how I had just 2 Oreos today, and they were chilled in the fridge and they were AWESOME. Even though I don't like Oreos all that much, the fact that they were slightly chilled made them so delicious.

Yes, tomorrow's blog will be about food.