The TwoDaLoo

WARNING!!! THIS BLOG HAS LOTS OF POOP REFERENCES. IF POOP OR POOP TALK BOTHERS YOU, DO NOT READ ON. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

My sister Julie sent me this link to what I believe is the most disturbing and hilarious thing I've ever seen. It's called the TwoDaLoo. The whole title is stated as such:

TwoDaLoo - A Supertoilet That Saves Rocky Marriages and The Planet

HOLY CRAP!!!! LITERALLY!!! This crapper can save the earth AND stop my husband from being an asshole? This REALLY must be something. I scroll down thinking that maybe they will have a video showing how the toilet can sense when my husband needs a beat down, and a nice rubber mallet comes out and whacks him on the head when he deserves it.

But alas, I am hoping for too much. This is what I see:

Sweet Jumpin' Turds!!! What is THAT? Is that so you can have an AUDIENCE when you do a deuce? I don't know about you, but I think it's gross when I smell my own stink. I would not want to force someone else to be there. No matter how much of a "moment" we were having by being on the pot together. And no matter how much we would save the environment by staring into each other's eyes while we squeeze out fudge dragons together, I would not like one of these in my house. Did I mention there's another picture?

Why the wooden figures? Do they think that we can't "get" it and figure out how it's supposed to work? Like this is the first toilet we've ever experienced? Maybe most people haven't seen a toilet QUITE like this, but I assure you, if you put this equipment in front of 10 average Americans, 11 out of those 10 will know what to do with it. But thanks for the wooden visuals, anyway. And I really appreciate that they are kind of hunched over in "push stance" so we are absolutely 100% sure what this strange "toilet thing" is supposed to be used for.

But then the words. OH THE WORDS!!! This is a direct cut and paste of the product description:

The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use ... at the exact same time. It brings couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. An upgraded version includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station.

I am sooo disturbed by this on so many levels. Why would taking a crap in front of Marcelo bring us closer together? Like when he sees the strain in my eyes as I back out a grumpy that's particularly nobby, THAT'S when he'll feel especially close to me? As my eyes water from the pain, he will KNOW what I'm going through and love me so much more? I guarantee that he won't. He would probably tell me to eat more fiber if he really saw that. I don't even think that he'll feel that way as he sees the strain in my eyes when I'm having his BABY! So poop is out of the question.

Secondly, the term "modest privacy wall" is misleading. Does that look like a "modest wall" to you? I can lean over and see my husband's junk! There is NO modesty at all when one person can see the junk of their spouse. Can you imagine if you were sitting on the pot and your husband was standing going #1 and you looked up and all you saw was his butt cheeks? While I am lucky to have a husband with REALLY nice cheeks, that doesn't mean I want them 6 inches from my face.

Lastly, it says that an upgraded version has a TV and an iPod docking station. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME THAN NECESSARY IN A STINKY POOP SMELL FILLED ROOM? Like let's say you decide to go take care of business. Do you really want Deathcab For Cutie blaring all around you while you defile that lovely porcelain pot? Like just the RIGHT music will make that poo flow ever so nicely?

And you know, as long as you are there, maybe pop in a copy of "Legends of the Fall" so you can enjoy Brad Pitt's face as you lament that second enchilada you had last night. Is that really something that sounds good to you? If so, I don't want to be your friend anymore. And you are nasty. You make me NASTY. But I can let you know where you can pick up a nice Chinese double toilet for only $1,400. Happy TwoDaLoo-ing!!

(This is the link where you can see the original web page right here. I don't know if the webpage will be there forever, so that's why I was sure to put in my favorite pictures and bits here on my page. I hope you enjoyed it)