You had a bad day

Sometimes I would come home and say that I had a bad day, and Marcelo would start singing that song. It made me happy because he was trying to make me smile when I was so obviously upset. Today was one of those days. I don't really want to get into it, but let's just say this: Lynn did send that email to Jean. It pissed her off like we all knew it would. However, she cannot come and talk to me about it, because then she would have to admit the things she is saying behind my back.

So instead there are secret meetings behind closed doors. (The only reason she would close a door is so she can talk about me) Meetings with Matt, Dan, Peggy and her nephew even!! But I'm never spoken to the whole day. No one talks to me, no one looks at me, no one addresses me. But somehow, I'm still blamed!!! Somehow she still can't figure out "what to do with me." For some reason, even though I had no part of the email, she still has decided that it's my fault, and I therefore must be blamed for it.

I actually thought for a moment that Lynn was a genius and that there would be no way that Jean could confront me about it becuase then she would have to admit to what she did. But it's actually better for her this way! (That doesn't reflect on Lynn's genius status. We all know she still can wipe the floor with most of us, intellectually speaking) But now Jean can talk about me behind my back, blame me for everything and I can NEVER defend myself, becuase I don't know anything about it, right? Right!!!

And the best part? Jean made sure to tell "Peggy" in a really loud voice that Becky her old assistant called her and asked for her job back. Do I believe her? Not for a minute. Is it possible that Becky called and talked about this job in very GENERAL terms? Totally. Do I think that Jean made that "announcement" to Peggy so that I would over hear it and worry about losing my job? You can bet your sweet little crab cakes that she did!!!

Like I said, it was a bad day. I'm ready to just sell this house and get out of this job. I don't want to see any of these people ever again. I'm just so sick of all of it. I don't care about anyone at that office anymore I (except Maria and Alyssa). I'm just so tired of seeing everyone and pretending to give a crap anymore. I'm tired of being yelled at. I'm tired of being blamed. And I'm tired of talking about my job.

So let me get to the topic of this blog so I can stop talking about those people. I have 3 scenarios of how I'm going to tell the office that I'm pregnant. You need to read them and vote on the poll on the right. This poll will stay open till Thursday at 9:00 am. That's when i'll check it for the last time, and do whatever you tell me to do. So here are the options:

1. No muss, no fuss. I say the following. "I just wanted you to all know that I have an announcement. I'm pregnant (wait for response. When I realize there IS none coming, I continue on) Yeah, so I'm pregnant and I'll be leaving soon. So you won't have to put up with me for much longer. The 16th of May is going to be my last day." I'll then toss one of my ultrasound pictures across the table so that they'll get to see my little gusano in all it's glory and that will be the end of it.

2. The Fakeout. I tell them I have an announcement. I've very solemn about it. I say the following, "Well, I'm sure you have all noticed a big change in my appearance. I have been gaining weight at an alarming weight and I'm quite upset about this. I know that I need to do something about my weight, even if that something is drastic. As you know, my father had gastric bypass surgery a few years ago and it really worked for him. So I've made up my mind: I'm going to do something about my weight. So around the 24th of May, I'm going to check into the hospital and. . . have a baby. I predict I can lose 7 to 8 pounds in one hour!!" (Wait for response. When none comes, continue on) "So I'm going to have that to look forward to. In the meantime, you all can look forward to me leaving on the 16th of May."

3. The Award Show. Bring out prizes like Hostess Raspberry Zingers, or Star Crunches. Make sure I have enough for everyone. (Matt, Dan, Jean and Jamie) Tell them that there is gonig to be a quiz and these are the prizes for the winners. Then say, "There is only one for each of you, so you can only win one prize. Please only answer one question. However, you may help each other" Then say, "Well, the first question is this: I have a secret. Who thinks they can guess my secret?" They might have to be "helped" along, but I'm sure that they will get it after only a few seconds. When someone answers the question right, toss them the treat and say "good job" in the same tone you use when praising a dog.

"Next question: Who can guess how many weeks along I am? It might help to know that a normal pregnancy lasts 40 weeks." When one of them guesses 35 weeks, throw another treat at them and use the "dog voice" again. I'm sure that they will be pissed/surprised at this time. But keep up the charade a little longer.

"Ok, last question. Who can guess what my last day of work will be?" This will be AWESOME because Jean hates it when others tell her what she THINKS is her sole right to decide. She thinks that she's the only one that can decide when someone leaves, so the fact that I'm setting my own date will piss her off to no extent. When someone says "May 16th" I will once again praise them like a dog and toss them a package of Zingers.

I'll then say that the 4th treat is for the one that got NO questions correctly. I'll tell them that I wanted to make sure that there were no hard feelings as we left this little meeting, so I wanted to make sure that everyone had a little something awesome and delicious. I'll wait for questions and comments, of which there will of course be none. And then it will all be over.

So those are the three options. Please let me know what you want me to do. I'll make sure I bring multiple packs of Zingers to work that day, and if you all decide for me that I should do another one of the choices, then i'll just eat all of them myself. No harm in that, right? I'm sure not. Should I let you vote for more than one option? Let me know that too.

Here's to workplace gossip and having your boss ruin your day!!!