A New Post for Lynn

Lynn told me that I need to post something new. Not only did she tell me that, but she also clued me in that also that today is TAT's Birthday. (That's Tiffany Amber Thiessen for you laymen). I think Marcelo and I should celebrate this momentous occasion with a can of 7-up and some chicken. Thanks Lynn.

As for her comment that I need to post again, well, I think that everyone needs to post more. And none of this "I like the color blue!" crappy posts. I want something that's going to make me snort chocolate milk out my nose as I read. Or some pictures of yourself in a very compromising and/or embarrassing situation. (All of my current photos fall under that category because I'm roughly the size of a barge)

So I will do my best to give you a snort worth post right now. Well, I'll just tell you that I'm loving the fact that everyone is out of town right now. Except for the fact that I'll get text messages every 20 minutes or so where she tells me to do things. She'll ask me questions and then TOTALLY ignore my answers. Like she'll ask me (multiple times, mind you) if she needs to call someone, and I'll say, "No, I've taken care of it" and then a while later she sends me a message saying, "Well, I called them. It's all taken care of."

I'm thinking. "Uh, yeah, I know it is, because I'M FREAKING TAKING CARE OF IT!" Every once in a while she'll send a message saying, "URGENT. Please call _______." And then I'll call them and it will be so NOT urgent.

Today I got a text from her saying that I need to call Nordstrom and make plans to go pick up some pants for her. You know, they are a part of one of her "cruise outfits" and she wouldn't want to have one less pair of pants for her cruise. HEAVEN FORBID. Oh, did I mention they are VELVET pants? I think that if you have any amount of fat on your legs, you shouldn't wear velvet pants. You might start a fire with the legs rubbing together.

Anyway, I called Nordstrom and told them that they need to put the pants back on hold and she would come to pick them up next week. Let's see when she says when she finds out I didn't pick them up, but I just deferred it for another week so she could do it. Hell, who are we kidding? I'll be the one picking them up next week.

Last Jean story, I swear. (I think that Lynn is the only one that gets anything out of these stories because she's actually EXPERIENCED the crazy that is Jean. I mean others may enjoy these stories, but there's just something that you can't put into words, that just has to be experienced first hand. Call it Jean's "Crazy Musk.") Anyway, today she texts me and says that she can't get a certain email attachment to open on her iPhone. She asks me to open it and re-send it.

Do you want do know what the email was it? I'm sure you do. It was from her builder and it was a picture of her theater room for her new house. It was more like a schematic layout computerized version showing how the walls would be decorated and painted. There was a full shot and an "up close" shot. Well, I'm almost ready to leave for the day and I just have time to do that before I leave.

So I open the file and send it. Well, after I was home she sends me a message saying, "still having problems opening file. Send it again, but send it to other email address. Also, send the email to Lani too. URGENT."

Really? It's desperately urgent that you see a digitally created mock up of your theater room that won't be ready for another 5 months? That's what's so crucially urgent? I didn't agree. So I ignored the text until tomorrow. What can she do? She's golfing in San Diego. Suck it, Jean.

Oh, and I need to send out an apology to my lobster. I didn't call you on your birthday. I'm sorry. I thought about it all day Monday and then TOTALLY forgot about it on Tuesday. And then I remembered it again today. I love you, and I'm sorry.

And I guess it goes without saying that I haven't sent out your present yet. Please don't be mad at me like your mom was mad at you. I'm a super horrible present giver. You know that. But you know what I can give you? Good memories. Remember that time you bought towallas hygienicas and you asked the guy for a bag so you didn't have to walk down the street with them in your hands? And he looked at you like you were crazy. And then we got them home and they were the size of pillows. Good times.

Oh, and remember how that little panaderia right up the street from our home that always had the panes de chocolate? And I would always buy two or three of them and you would never buy any? That was a nice self esteem booster. And how I would force you to go jogging and we would punk the elders and knock on the door and hide. Good times. And finally, two words: Fofys. . . . Galapaguitos. I will worship you forever, Galapaguitos.

Happy Birthday Hillary Claire Judd Parmenter!!

And finally, my current craving: Nothing. I just made myself two bacon, egg and cheese burritos and am no longer wanting any food. I actually want to throw up a little bit. I was talking to Reagan about getting some fries on the way home. I didn't do it. Not because I had a sudden bout of conscious. But because I forgot about it until I got home. (Curse you pregnancy memory loss!) And I didn't get that Chinese food I was craving the either day either. I don't know what happens to me, but I just get so lazy. I guess that's my best weight loss technique: I'm so freaking lazy and hence don't get have the bad food I want. Try it. It's the "Alicia Diet"