Dinner Al Fresco

I gave the baby some dinner the other night and this is where she went to go eat it.


She decided an al fresco dinner would be nice this evening. Don't you love how the rabbit is always included in whatever she does?

They were checking out the view of the "Y" this fine summer evening.

The Big Six

"I would totally marry you again, Ali"

What more can you ask for on your 6th wedding anniversary?

Oh, I know! How about a child that isn't sick? I would've really appreciated it if my kid didn't get a hand and mouth virus that has caused blistering hives to break out on her palms, soles, and her ENTIRE "diaper zone." They almost look like festering boils. Yech. And i guess it's pretty contagious the first few days (Which today is) so we felt like we couldn't ask anyone to babysit our HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS and PLAGUE RIDDEN child.

So instead we took her with us to the Red Lobster. We inflicted her borderline infected corpuscles on them. . . . And their lobster tank. . . .Which YES my child stuck her hand into (and almost her face too, if you were wondering)

Did you know that they will take a live lobster out of the tank and bring it around for the kids to "pet" if they would like. Those things give me the creeps out of the water. And I just realized why. They look like spiders with tails! Flailing legs, wandering antennae, a tail that curls up into itself when the manager "tickles" it. Geee geeee geee geeeeeeeesh!! NO THANK YOU!! You can take that thing right back to the kitchen. Boil it up and bring it to me with a side of butter. Otherwise I don't want to see it again. (If you were wondering, I had the Lobster Pizza. It was FREAKING AWESOME. And nothing squirmed at me as I tried to eat it)

And for an anniversary dinner, it wasn't too bad. Even with a tag-along baby. We didn't get into any fights. We didn't let the baby's constant climbing down and getting up bother us. Mostly because we kept feeding her a steady stream of snow crab and lobster pizza. I think she ate about 2 whole legs of crab herself. So I guess we know she likes seafood! We got to talk about being in San Diego (where we were married and where we went just a few months before she was born) and about how Marcelo wants to live somewhere close to the coast so he can eat seafood everyday. And even though it was our anniversary, I don't mind spending it with the sweet, sweet Bibbers.

Because, as Mar says, she is the fruit of our time together.

Happy Anniversary, Amorcito. I would totally marry you again, too!

Curly Girl

At our family Reunion last week, my sister produced a book for myself and my niece to read and enjoy. It was called Curly Girl and it talks about the care and maintenance of curly hair, which all three of us have.

And while my hair is much MUCH less curlier than my sister's or my niece's, it's interesting to learn about the different things this woman suggests for those with curly hair who like to wear their hair curly.

First, she thinks that everyone with curly hair SHOULD wear their hair curly! So you should immediately throw out your flat iron, blow dryer (for straightening purposes, that is) and other like hair torture devices. She gives a few products to use, but she never comes out and gives NAMES. I wish she would just give a NAME! I mean "spray gel" what is that? Does leave in conditioner count as spray gel? What about a root booster? What about mousse? Can I put some in a spray bottle, fill it with water and call it "spray gel?" Also, she says your conditioner is very important (as you will see why in a minute) and so you need to make sure your conditioner is good quality and has all these things in it. Like emollients and humectants and the like. But she never says WHERE we can find these conditioners. Do I have to go to a salon? Does Pantene have these in them? Can you just give me a list of "acceptable" conditioners, PLEASE? (I understand, legally, why she can't do this. But it's still quite annoying for us in the real world who is trying to wrestle a 2 year old octopus-child in a shopping cart. Those people don't have 30 min to read the back of every bottle of shampoo to check if it contains the certain chemical formula she says to look for. Come on! Help a sister out!)

Moving on. She advocates throwing away ALL shampoo. She says shampoo is too rough on hair anyway, and is a disaster for curly hair which is much dryer than straight hair. So using your fingers, some conditioner and a little time in the shower is how your hair will get clean. And she says you can keep a little shampoo around for "spot cleaning" like you would spot clean a nice sweater. But never the whole head.

I don't know how I feel about all of her techniques. Like the certain way to cut the hair. I don't have hundreds of dollars to go and find the perfect hair stylist that will "talk" to each individual curl and find out where it wants to lay. Because to have everything PERFECT, I have to find the the Bob Ross of hair cutters. "Where does this tree want to be? How about right here. A happy little tree right here just coming out of the water." Nope, sorry. No time or money for that one.

However I would have to say that after about a week of doing what she says, I see a definite difference in my hair. I have less of a "halo" around my head because my hair tends to not be so dry. And I haven't had to use any dandruff shampoo for this whole time either! The moisturizing conditioner and my agitation while I scrub my head seems to be breaking up the loose skin cells and yet keeping things nice and moist. It really is making my curls cuter and more defined. I'm a believer. Until someone tells me my head smells from lack of shampoo, that is.

But seriously, what is spray gel? JUST ONE LITTLE NAME BRAND, PLEASE!?!?

Clown Pants

I'm losing weight. Anyone who has seen me int he last 6 months is thinking "DUH!" But that's not what I want to talk bout today. Today I want to talk about clothes. And pants in particular. Because even though I've lost 60 pounds, I'm not ready to buy pants yet.

TIME OUT!

DO NOT SAY "THAT IS AWESOME, ALICIA!" WHATEVER YOU DO.

Here's why: before you start to congratulate me, you should know I don't need to hear it. No really. If I do, I might start thinking that 60 pounds is "good enough" when really it's not. It's not where I should be, and I want to lose more. So don't tell me that it's "terrific" and "wonderful" . Instead you should say, "only 60? I mean, it's been like 7 months already! the people on Biggest Loser pound that out in like 4 weeks!" That's the kind of things I need to hear. That's going to keep me going.

TIME IN!

Anyway, I have serious buyers remorse and shopping aversions. I have VERY large feet, so shoe shopping is out. And for many years I couldn't find anything that fit me unless it was in the "clothes for large woman who want to be skinny but don't lose weight so instead we just make our clothes in the styles that were made for skinny women but on large women they look ridiculous" store. And usually those stores are crazy expensive. Because that's all a chubby girl needs. . . LESS MONEY TO FEEL WORSE ABOUT HERSELF.

Or you can go to my favorite runner up store for "people who are cheap, nasty, or are between sizes and don't want to pay full price for a pair of pants that they hope to not fit them in 3 months". You know what I'm talking about: THE D.I.

But before I tell you about my D.I. shopping trip, you should know that I made a deal to "reward" my weight loss with different things I needed. Like a new pair of church shoes (after i lost 30 pounds) and a new pair of pants after I lost 50. HOWEVER, when I got to the point of losing 50 pounds, I realized that my clothes weren't hanging off me like I wanted. I didn't want to buy any new clothes until my pants had become "clown pants" and were only being held up by a pair of ridiculous suspenders. (Or a belt that cinches things tight and makes it all bunch up around my middle. Whichever you prefer)

So, I rely on the D.I. And I did it when my mom is in town. And there is nothing that makes my mom happier than going to the D.I. She could (and often does) spend hours there. Talking on the phone, wandering the isles, and usually coming home with some sort of slotted spoon, alarm clock radio and/or juice pitcher. Those are the kinds of things she gets. And why not? I don't blame her for going there to find cheap housewares. What I DO blame her for is taking 2 and a half hours to find those things.

Anyway, as I went to the D.I. and looked for pants, I was reminded that they have the most ridiculous labeling system known to man. Because they only have 4 categories for all clothes ALLLLLL CLOTHES. Baby clothes, child clothes, men, women, plus size. It is ALL put into one of the following categories: S, M, L or XL. So you can imagine my frustration.

And jeans, there are so many of them! So many styles, and so many old pairs. But there are really REALLY nice jeans there too. So you may be sorting through a stack of "mom pants" and the happen upon a pair of Lucky's or Silver's. And they have OF COURSE been mis-labeled and are in the "L" section but really they are like a size 6. (Because D.I. employees don't understand that some pants are labeled with NUMBERS. It's a novel concept, I know)

But that's not my real problem. My real problem is that it's been so long since I've tried on jeans I'm talking YEARS. Maybe 3+ years? Just too long. And you may ask what I wore instead of Jeans? Well, I will tell you that I didn't go out much. And when I did it was usually in some sort of PJ pants or exercise/stretch pants (I'm so sorry Judd! I'm so nasty! At least they weren't gathered with elastic at the bottom or otherwise tapered. . . usually) And here is the point of all this ranting: Because it's been so long that I've even tried on a pair of pants (let alone gone into a store that SELLS pants), I don't know what is cool anymore. Dark denim? Medium colored denim? The "faded" look? Acid wash?Do people wear flared jeans now? Boot cut? Straight leg? Is everyone wearing those "skinny" jeans? Who over the age of 11 (that's a PRE-PUBESCENT 11, mind you) looks good in those? Is that what I have to wear now? Does it have to say "Ed Hardy" down the side or have holes in the knees?

I just don't know. So when I found several pairs that would work for me, I tried to decide which were the "coolest" and buy those. To judge what the current styles in pants were, I decided to look around at the D.I. to see what others were wearing.

HINT: NEVER LOOK TO SHOPPERS IN D.I. FOR ANY KIND OF FASHION RULES! There were plaid shorts and lots of camel toe to be seen. \

Not helpful. I had to wing it on my own. I think i did a good enough job.

In any event, I hope to say that they have become clown pants and are falling off of me in 3 months. Here's hoping, right?

And because my GOOD GOOD friend Lynn writes me and tells me she misses my blog and then sends me hilarious videos to inspire me to write posts, you can thank her for this video. I think that ALL my Body Rolls should have a song about them.

Jealousy

I get jealous when I read the blogs of others and their children who are the same age as mine (or even younger!) are speaking in full sentences.

And my child still screams for an hour when I can't understand that she wants milk based on her pointing and grunting.

Makes me want to kill someone.

No wonder jealousy is a deadly sin.

Slappy

If I hear the following statement one more time, I'm going to lose it.

Someone in R.S. raises their hand and says:

"I always thought I would go on a mission. I planned for it and told everyone that I would. But then I got married. And I had to tell myself that I would just be serving a different kind of mission. I mean, it wasn't what I wanted. I always wanted to go on a mission! But I guess other things were in the cards for me. . . ."

The next person I hear say that, gets me, in their face screaming LIAR!!! and then they get slapped. Maybe verbally slapped, or maybe physically. I can't decided which yet. But there will be slappage.

No, no, no no no no NONONONONONO.

If you really REALLY wanted to go on a mission then YOU WOULD'VE GONE ON A MISSION. My mission (and every other mission in the world for that matter) was full of girls who had other things distracting them. They had boyfriends, debts, schooling, family, money issues and physical issues. And you know what? They didn't let that pull them away from a mission, because THEY REALLY WANTED TO GO.

I want you to just accept the fact that you weren't that into it. That you thought it would be something "cool" to do if you had nothing better to do, if no potential marriage prospect was on the horizon. As long as things all fit into a nice little package for your convenience. But once things didn't go as you expected, when you met someone when you were TWENTY, you just were KICKING yourself because "BOOOO HOOOO!! Now I can't go on a mission. He's the ONE!! I'm not supposed to go on a mission if I have the possibility of getting married! That's what everyone says! And everyone knows heaven cries a little when there is another 23 year old female RM in the world"

Slap, slap, slappity, slappage.

Other comments that will get you a slap from me:

-"I really wanted to get my degree, but we thought it was better that HE finish and not me. I'm just at home with the kids. What do I need a diploma for?"

-"I never thought that we would get pregnant so fast! I mean, we didn't really use birth control, but so-and-so didn't either and it took them MONTHS to get pregnant. So we didn't really take precautions. But I'm SO SURPRISED we got pregnant!"

-"I deserve ________." No, you don't deserve it, whatever it is. You deserve things when you EARN them. Like working for them, paying for them. You know, EARNING THINGS. Just being alive and being annoying doesn't constitute earning.

There are lots of other things that will get you slapped in my mind. And if you aren't careful, maybe even slapped in real life.

Because seriously? PEOPLE WHO REALLY WANT TO GO ON MISSIONS DON'T LET ANYTHING STOP THEM. THEY JUST GOOOOOOOOOO!

I'm done now. I need to go take a nap and sleep off the rage.

P.S. My best guy friend in high school used to call me "Slappy". So the title of this makes me laugh as I read it.

P.P.S. I have a whole different rant about how RM girls know that not every male RM is created equal. And that we can see through a line of B.S. and know that just because you were a zone leader (OR AP!!) doesn't mean you didn't try to scam on all the members in your areas. You disgust me, and I have no respect for you. But go ahead and tell everyone that you were an AP. But I have a picture of you DANCING. And I sure don't think that's MO TAB playing while you do the Salsa and Merengue.

Oh, I guess I got that additional rant out of my system right then. I guess I don't have to come back and make a whole other post about it. Good for me!

Slappy, OUT!

It's not me. . . It's you.

I have a serious pride problem. I'm aware of it, and I'm working on it. Just so you know. If one of the things you think when you read my blog is "MAN! this girl is really smug and sure things a lot of herself" Just be aware that I agree with you. I'm trying to be better.

And in accordance with this goal, I have decided to un-subscribe to certain blogs. See, there are certain blogs that I read only to get offended, or to judge people, or to feel superior, or to mock them in my mind. Usually they are the blogs of friends of friends, or blogs that Reader has recommended to me because we live in the same area and subscribe to the same blogs. So I don't even KNOW the people that I'm judging. I just look at what they write and fume to myself that these people have no idea what they are talking about. And they are cocky in their ignorance. Makes me want to find them and punch them in the throat.

But the thing is, I never comment on these blogs. I never let them know that I am reading them and I just fume silently. BUT I ALWAYS GO BACK! Why do I do this? Is my need for self-declared superiority so large that I need to feed it daily by calling other people "twats" in my mind? Apparently so. But no more. I'm cutting myself off cold turkey.

If any of you are reading this post and thinking "Is she talking about my blog?" the answer is no. If we have met, exchanged emails, or if you have even ONCE made a post on my blog, I am not talking about you. Like I said, these are people that I have never met in life, who I've never exchanged an email with, who don't even know I exist. So it shouldn't be that hard to cut them out, right? That's what I'm telling myself.

But now where will I get my daily dose of snootiness? If all goes well, it will be gone shortly. It's good for me. Pride never helped anyone.

Why haven't I done this sooner?