Butter

Today before Marcelo left for school he said, "what is the baby eating"? And I said, "butter". And he jumped up shocked and ran to where she was eating on the counter. As he was running I further clarified, "well, she's eating a piece of bread with butter, but she picks all of the butter off and just eats it plain."

Here is some video attesting to that fact. While I was in the shower, she got into the freezer and found the butter that I keep frozen there. And here is what I found when I got out:



Seriously, if I let this kid eat nothing but dairy all day, she would be in heaven. Cottage cheese, ice cream, yogurt, milk, cream cheese, string cheese, or just plain cheese from the bag. Actually, I buy cheese in bulk and use my food processor to shred it and then I freeze it. And again, while I was taking a shower she got in the freezer and was eating the frozen cheese straight from the bag. That wasn't a problem. I mean how much cheese can a 2 year old eat in 7 minutes?















That is a picture of here enjoying the frozen cheese, and then she's telling me to "back off" so she can eat more. And, if she has an accomplice in the form of a constantly ravenous dog, well, then this is the kind of damage she can do: That whole bag was emptied in 8 minutes. Disgusting.

More food related news: Here is what happened when I was vacuuming the other day.

















She found this little bag of flour and seasonings (some dredging flour) in the freezer. Are you seeing a pattern here? I think we need a freezer lock.

Some cute pictures of a baby in a crock pot? Why yes, I have those too!
















(She's eating cold, day old rice right from the pan. She loves that!)

And finally, my last "food related" presentation is what happens when you decide to make pooping "me time". I still maintain that I should get to poop in peace, but it's difficult to rationalize that when I come out and find scenes like this.



Happy eating!

Here's some extra credit: If your child goes silent for a while, you can assume she has found a tube of chap stick and is trying to eat it slash apply it.















And if it's cherry chap stick it counts as a fruit in your daily food pyramid.


Delicious!

More Overt Racism

Have you seen Disney's Peter Pan in a while. OH MY GOODNESS!! You will be shocked at the "Injun" portion of the movie.

The phrase "Me smokem' peace pipe" is used. Also "Hoow" and "squaw" and calling Native Americans "The Red Man". How has the ACLU not banned this movie yet? It's good racist times.

On a similar note, Lady and the Tramp has those Italian guys that are also quite stereotypical. But for some reason, they make me laugh. Super Mario accent? Funny. Why is that? Maybe it's because of Tina Fey. "I want-a make-a the prank-a phone call"

Anyway. I'm going to try to teach my kids not to be racist. Well, I'm going to tell them not to "war whoop" in the presence of people.

Or ever, really.

A Real Conversation With My Dear Husband-Session #3

Scene: Our house kitchen, Saturday night. No food prepared, Marcelo hungry

Me: Do you want me to make something? It might take a while, but I can have something ready in about 30 minutes.

Marcelo: Hmmm, thirty minutes? (I can hear in his voice that he is hungry now)

Me: Well, I have fresh rice and salsa. You can have that if you want.

Marcelo: (silence) What?

Me: Rice and salsa. You know like we have when I prepare with meat on the side. Except I don't have any meat.

Marcelo: Just rice and salsa? WHAT?

Me: I LIKE IT!! And it's the best part of the meal anyway. You sure you don't want it?

Marcelo: (Silence, meanwhile looks at me like I am crazy) . . . .Uhhh, no.

AND SCENE

You should know, my salsa is hommade and very much like a "pico de gallo" you will find at other restaurants. But it has no jalapenos, and hence no heat at all. 4 simple ingredients: Cilantro, tomatoes, onion and limes. Oh and salt. But it's how you PREPARE it. Lots of lime. Let the lime soak into the onions after you wash them and scrunch them up. IT'S A PROCESS, I TELL YA!!! It's basically a lime soaked infusion that will make you happy. If you like lime, which we do around here.

And I love it on top of rice. Especially hot rice. The hot rice and cold salsita? SO GOOD. Something like pie ala mode. Hot pie and cold ice cream. So, just, yum. If you are lucky I'll make it for you someday. If not you just have to dream about it from my writings here.

Happy eating!

A Real Conversation With My Dear Husband-Session #2

Place: Provo
Time: 11 pm last Saturday night
Doing: Me driving home from the grocery store.

Phone: Bring! Bring! Bring!
Me: Hello
Marcelo: Are you close to getting home?
Me: Yes, I'm just passing the Marriott Center. I'll be home in a few minutes. . . . Some other mindless banter about what I bought at the grocery store. . . .
Marcelo:(after this banter, some minutes later). So hurry up and get home. The dog puked on the carpet.
Me: WHAT!! Why didn't you tell me that 3 minutes ago? Did you clean it up?
Marcelo: What did you give her? It looks brown.
Me: Well her food is brown. And when she eats it it changes color and shape. Does it look like her food
Marcelo: Oh yeah, I guess it does. So are you getting home soon?
Me: CLEAN IT UP!!! Get it off the carpet before it soaks in!
Marcelo: I mean, what did you feed her? I told you and told you not to feed her table food. And now she did and she threw up.
Me: Are you cleaning it up?
Marcelo: NO!!
Me: Why are you yelling at me right now! Please clean it up before it soaks in and stains the carpet. PLEASE?
Marcelo: Well, you need to learn not to feed her any food other than her dog food!
Me: (SEETHING AT THIS POINT) PLEASE JUST CLEAN IT UP!! Yelling at me right now isn't going to clean the puke up! Can you just clean it up and then from now on I promise she won't get any more food from me! JUST GET IT OFF THE CARPET!!
Marcelo: [Silence]
Me: Hello? . . . . Hello? . . . . Hello? (looking at phone for 30 seconds, seeing that he hasn't hung up yet, but that he's not answering.) HELLO? (Me finally hanging up)

Oh, by the way, when I got home, he had totally cleaned up the puke! YESSSSS!!

Seriously Frustrated

I cannot find a good pair of shoes for the Bibbers. I thought I found a steal at Kid 2 Kid when I found a great pair of Stride Rite black patent leather t-strap mary jane's in her size. AND THEY WERE ONLY $4!!! I almost peed myself.

And then I got them home and put them on her with nylons (I didn't try them on her at the store because she was wearing the wrong socks) and they were too small!! Not just "oh, we can make them work for a few weeks until we find something better" small. Oh no! I put them on her and she started LIMPING around the house. Actual limping.

But the baby loves them!! She pulls them out of hiding and brings them to me to put them on (without socks, of course). How do you tell a little girl no to shiny black shoes!?! I tried to find replacement shoes that are the exact style but they are discontinued. And I looked for them online and I can't find them anywhere

So then I moved on to looking for ANY nice black basic Sunday shoe for the baby. They are NOT easy to find. They are either discontinued or sold out or no longer in stock. I'm so frustrated. Can I please just find a pair of shoes for my baby that have none of the following:

* Lights
* Dora The Explorer
* Covered in glitter
* "Jellies"
* Fur puffing out the top or
* Some sort of garish iridescent color?

I'm so frustrated. I want my child to be rocking a cute style. Classic cute. Not a bejeweled, glittered, Nickelodeon-pimping style. I'm so frustrated.

So when you see my child at church and she's wearing a pair of white Keds, you'll know why.

A Real Conversation With My Dear Husband

Time: Saturday March 30th at 11:00 am
Place: Apartment of the Loor family.
Subject: Toilets and Mysterious Yellow Spots

Me: Hey, Marcelo. There is a yellow spot on the outside of the toilet near the back side. I think it's pee. Can you please clean it? (evoking our long standing agreement that I don't do toilets and in return I do all other housework)
Marcelo: It's not mine
Me:Uh. . . . What?
Marcelo: It's not mine!! I don't pee outside the toilet.
Me: It's all the way in the back!! And it's in the space between the toilet and the sink vanity stand. For me to have done that, I would have had to climb up on the counter top, with one leg there and other on the toilet seat. And press my body against the wall. Do you think I did that?
Marcelo:. . . .(Silence)
Me: Let's just be logical here, which one of us has an extendable flex hose from which they pee? And which one sits down every time to do it? Which one of us has the physical equipment to make this happen, and which one has never peed standing up? Again, let's be logical about this. Which one of us most likely did this?
Marcelo:. . . .I just know it wasn't me

Baffling, my friends. Absolutely baffling.

He's so lucky he is cute and he makes cute babies with me.

And I guess I should be lucky that he cleans the toilet for me. And it's mysterious "yellow spots" on the lateral posterior fascia.

This is Why You're Fat

I don't know where I found this website, but it's awesome. (Link Here)

It actually reminds me of this old SNL skit:



I especially like the mug made from bacon and entirely filled with cheese.

I worried that subscribing to this blog would be harmful to my diet, but I've changed my mind. Most things are so greasy and over the top that they don't appeal to me at all. Except for those "Velvety Balls" from yesterday. Cake AND frosting together? YES PLEASE!!

YUMMMM.