More Pictures

Heather said I need to post more pictures. Ok, Here you go! The first is a video.



I like how she has curly hair!! I can't wait to see if it's still there after all the baby hair falls out! The sound that made her jump was my brother at the door. And it scared the dog, so it scared her. I love how she doesn't cry. She just jumps at the noise and then tries to turn her head to see the sound of the noise. That's my good girl!! So pretty.

And then here we go with more just pictures of her. I don't know if these pictures do accurate justice to the shape of her eyes and to their color. I hope so.
















That picture on the right also does a great job of showing how her hair comes down off her forehead and continues on to join her eyebrows. I don't know where she gets this hair! I was known as the "hairless wonder" and "invisibrow" in high school. And Marcelo's chest is hairless! What is up with all the hair? I guess it's due to Marcelo's full head of hair that he contributed to our child. I contributed the long fingers.
















And here she is sleeping on the Boppy (even though they forbid you from letting your child sleep on it. I just put her there while I moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer. But she looked so cute, I had to take a picture. And then on the right you get to see the shape of her eyes. Why are they so almond shaped? Do all babies have eyes shaped like this? Well, I just love them. She's my little China Doll.

So that's it. I'll get more pretty pictures of her being cute. And I'll try to get her cute gas face. Her lips pucker and her eyes close and she looks like she begging for a kiss. And I alway oblige. SO CUTE.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just babysitting and I'm shocked to realize that she's really mine. I am so blessed with this good little girl.

But seriously? What's up with the shape of her eyes?

Mommy Freak Outs-The Best Job Ever

I love my job. I always knew that when I became a mother, I would be dedicated to that full time. I wouldn't let someone else raise my child for me and see my child reach milestones in their life. So now I'm doing it, and it's the best job ever.

About my last job, you would not believe the horrible things I had to do while I was there. I wasn't so much an office assistant as I was personal slave. But the thing that really bothers me is that my co-workers can't just let someone leave and have a happy life. They can't just let someone leave and be happy: Others' happiness infuriates them. They have to make up lies about that person and repeat those lies to anyone who will listen. They do this so they can blame that person for the horrible work environment. If it's someone else's fault, then they don't have to change anything.

Did you know my office has had 9 assistants work there in the bast 3.5 years? Does that sound like a good place to work? Does that sound like somewhere you would like to work? Does that sound like it's my fault? And yet it is. So I got out, I left. And then the moment you leave, the lies about you start. Like Lynn. The moment she left she IMMEDIATELY became "incompetent" and "idiotic." Make no mention of the fact that just months ago, she was praised as being "brilliant" and "smart as a whip."

Lynn is one of the smartest people to have come through the doors of Summit. As soon as the office heard that she was a Hinckley Scholar and had scored nearly a perfect score on the LSAT, the comments stopped. Oh, except for one. There was one "sour grapes" comment where *someone* said, "Oh, she wouldn't have made a good lawyer, she has no personality." This comment was based on the fact that Lynn wouldn't fawn over Jean as she walked in the door. Funny thing about the assistants: They all hate working there. Why would they rejoice when someone who made their life hell walked through the door?

Also, the funny thing about my old job, they can't see that they are the problem. The MUST blame others. It's a power/control issue. Someone must always be blamed. (I'm actually really used to this: It's just like my father. Nothing is his fault and he will tell everyone that same story.) But when it comes to my job, someone else must always be blamed. I've heard that I'm the one being blamed for both Lynn and Karley leaving. Wanna know something funny? I still talk to both of those girls frequently. Lynn and I are GREAT friends. Dinner friends, Airport friends, Pedicure friends. (We will still get one, I promise Lynn. Especially now that my feet are no longer sausages)

So Lynn and I hang out all the time, but you still think that I'm the reason she left? I happen to know that she sent an email to the people in the office stating VERY CLEARLY that THEY are the problem, and that the only reason she STAYED so long was because of me. Every time I hear that they are still spreading around that lie, I want to call them up and tell them where they can go.

The funny thing is that even if I brought Lynn and Karley into the office and they looked everyone in the eye and told them the truth, they still would blame me. I mean, that's essentially what Lynn did months ago, and they are still spreading around the lie that I was the cause. Someone besides themselves MUST be blamed. So even when totally confronted with the truth, they will believe the lie. It's easier to believe a lie than to make changes in your own life.

But I'll just let them keep spreading it. I don't have to see them ever again!! I don't have to pick up their velvet pants at Nordstrom or make personal phone calls for them, or fix their Internet ever again. I don't have to call the copy machine guy for them because they're too lazy to do it themselves, or refill their paper in their printer, or rearrange the furniture in their office, or CLEAN their office, or buy appliances for their homes. I don't have to listen to the lies they tell each other and keep my mouth shut because I need a paycheck. I don't have to do any of that!! I'm officially done. And I'm in heaven.

All I can do is pray for Jamie while she works there, and hope that she can be strong. That job will destroy your soul, and then blame you for it when it happens. They will keep going through assistants at the same rate until they learn to treat them with respect. But we all know that won't happen any time soon. Assistants are disposable, and are treated as such. It's ok, I'm sure it's somehow my fault.

Anyway, I would like to officially state that I LOVE my current job. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I can't wait till my little Monkey smiles at me, but until then, I love her big dark eyes. Marcelo and I have a bet on what color her eyes will eventually be. I think they will be the color of Judd's eyes: a light honey brown. Marcelo thinks that they will be more hazel/green. It's very possible. My eyes change color based on what I'm wearing, and so hers could be the same. It's very exciting! It's almost as exciting as waiting to find out if we are having a boy or a girl.

So, I know I've said it a million times, but I really can't complain about this whole baby thing. I get plenty of sleep, and my baby isn't colicy and I don't have to work for a horrible boss anymore. I mean, I'm living the dream right? Well, with 18 hours to do nothing but stare at your baby, you'll tend to start seeing things that will freak you out.

I've already talked about the cord. Well, it's almost 100% healed over. There's just a tiny little spot that's still "gummy" and I'm sure it'll be all healed over in a few days. I think I was over-freaking when it came to the cord and the smell I thought was there. I'm pretty sure I imagined the smell, but I'm pretty sure there more blood than normal. But the band aids really helped and now it's all better!!

Another something that freaked me out was the fact that her bottom eye lids are turn in. I'm afraid of her closing her eyes and scratching her corneas with her lashes. And then there is the vomiting. She's started spitting up A LOT and one time she heaved up everything in 4 giant waves of vomit. It's funny, because she ALWAYS will spit up when I'm changing a (poopy) diaper. So I can't drop her legs or I'll get poop everywhere, but there is spit up pouring down her face, or sometimes down my side. (I'll change her on top of my Boppy often). It's very delightful.

Anyway, I just wanted to take some time to say I have a great life and I love my job. And if anyone needs me to call and set up their iPhone or Blackberry, I'm sorry. I'm busy with my beautiful baby.

Thank you, Thank you!

To all of you that gave me blowout cleanup & sleeping advice. Honestly, I think sometimes I'm doing great, and then my little girls' umbilical cord stump starts bleeding and I start freaking out. I pulled off her outfit yesterday and on the inside was some bloody spots. Let the freaking out commence.

I've heard that I can use some rubbing alcohol with a Q-tip to clean her, but I'm afraid it will hurt her. As of right now, the dry stump top has fallen off, but underneath is a yellow mucus looking goo. And I might be just over-reacting about this, but I think it smells funny. Anyway, I have a band-aid on it to keep the top of the diaper and her clothes from irritating it and to keep blood spots from transferring to her clothes. But I'm just really nervous about it.

As for the sleep advice, really, thank you all so much. Last night was her "worst" night. And by worst night, I mean that it took her a few hours to go to sleep. (Once she finally did, she slept for long blocks of time, but it took her a while to get there.) Again, I can't complain, because she DOES sleep for long blocks of time. But we tried to get her to go to bed at 11:30 pm, and she didn't go until 3:30 am. Marcelo came in from the other room and was like "What is going on?!?! What is the matter with her?" And I was like "I don't know, let me ask her . . . oh wait, I don't speak baby!!!"

He was really great and stayed up with me and took turns bouncing her and walking with her so I could rest. We think it was a combo of her umbilical cord bothering her and gas/burping issues. But eventually she calmed down and ate a bunch, and then fell asleep on my chest. And then she slept until 7:30 am. When she ate some more, and fell back asleep until 11:30 am. I really have nothing to complain about.

Anyway, I just appreciate Marcelo so much. He's totally and completely unfamiliar with all of this, but he's so great about trying new things. He'll dance around with her and sing to her so that she'll calm down. And yesterday he changed his first diaper. (Don't come down on him for the diaper thing!! The poor guy needed my help every step of the way! He almost put it on backwards and inside out!) Anyway, I really appreciate his willingness to try new things.

Finally, I am in SO MUCH BREAST PAIN!! Not the nipples. The nipples are great. I could set fire to my nipples and I wouldn't be distracted from the general PAIN in my engorged boobs. And my milk has the smell and consistency of melted vanilla ice cream. Fatty & sticky all at the same time. What does it taste like? I don't know, and I think you are disgusting and crass for even asking. But it's definitely sticky. Sticky all over, and it curdles/turns sour within minutes of being outside my body.

So what does that mean for me? Well, it mostly means that all my shirts have stiff circles of dried milk on them, and I constantly smell like sour milk. All my bras smell like sour milk, and night time is the WORST time. I'm half asleep, and I'll wake up in a milk puddle of my own doing. My poor sheets: They'll be threadbare from all the washings in just a few months.

Anyway, This blog is about how much I appreciate all the comments and support from you people who read my mindless ramblings. I know that I can turn to you for advice and I'll get fast and effective suggestions. So, what are your thoughts on this umbilical cord situation?

P.S. I also appreciate that my readers are honest and when they took the poll they voted that my child was scary looking at first. I KNOW THIS!! I'M NOT BLIND!! Thank you again for your honesty. I know I can always turn to you for the truth.

Bad Mommy

Thanks for all the advice about mustard blow out poop! It seems OxiClean is the hands down winner. I don't have any of that, but I do have BIZ, so I'm going to use that until I can get some OxiClean.

Getting out of the house is somewhat of a struggle, as you new mothers know. Especially because no matter where I go, I have to worry about leaking through a shirt. Here is the thing: You have all seen the cup of milk in my previous blogs. That's a lot of milk, we know that. Here's what I do to prevent any of that from coming through my shirt: I have the plastic cups (which you have seen) and then on TOP of those, I put those nursing pads. Why? Because there is a little tiny hole at the top of the plastic cup that allows air to come in and out. And when I bend over, the milk in those cups will spill out the little pin sized hole. So I put nursing pads on top of those cups. And then my bra. And then I have my two layers of clothes. My G-top and my shirt. (For all of you that are shocked that I wear my G's on TOP of my bra, let me direct you back to the cup of milk that I produce every 4 hours)

So we are talking 5 layers of protection here. And the milk will STILL come through!! Often times it creates huge puddles on my shirt front. SO freaking embarrassing, and not looking to slow down any time soon. Yesterday someone called from my ward and asked if I needed anything. I told her I was looking for more plastic cup things, because these are so old and are leaking out the bottom. She said, "Oh, have you tried those nursing pads?" Uhhhhh, yeah, I wear those OVER the cups and the milk still soaks through. She said, "Oh my! Well, I guess it's better to make more milk than no milk at all"

And I totally agree!! I may whine a little about my leaking, but I am so blessed to be able to (abundantly) feed my little Monkey Face. I know that many women don't get enough milk, or their milk never comes at all! I am blessed to not have to worry about supplementing my milk with expensive formula (We are kind of in a money crunch now that I don't work anymore) and I'm just counting my blessings every day.

So I do have a point to this blog, and here is my question: How long is it ok to let you child cry while they are trying to go to sleep? My Pediatrician says that I should put her down when she is drowsy, (not completely asleep) and then she will TEACH herself to go to sleep. He said it's ok for her to cry. I failed to ask him how long I should let her do this. As I hear her scream and become DESPERATE It breaks my heart. But I know she's just tired. She's god PLENTY of food in her, she's got a clean bum, and I just burped her. She just needs to go to sleep.

I have an appointment with him next Thursday, so I'll ask him about that. But here's the bad thing: Sometimes I pull her into bed with me. :( Isn't that like no-no #1? Last night after hearing her cry for 7 minutes, I couldn't take it anymore. I just pulled her into bed with me, and she fell INSTANTLY asleep for 4 hours. When she woke up at 3:30, I changed her, fed her, burped her and then put her in the crib. She cried some more, but this time I let her cry it out in her crib and she put herself to sleep for another 3 hours.

So, I'm a BAD MOMMY because I'm not consistent. One time I let her scream, the next I pull her into bed and cuddle her until she sleeps for hours. I would like to hear how everyone feels about my bad mommy practices. Until then I'll just do what gets me the most amount of sleep, and what makes me feel the least guilty. And I'll keep doing whatever keeps my milk stains away from the viewing eyes of the public.

One Week Old!

Today is Evi's one week Birthday. You may ask me if the time has gone by fast. Yes and no. It's kind of like the mission where you feel like you've been doing this forever, even though you only have 2 weeks in the MTC. And then at the same time you feel like you have no idea what you are doing because, let's face it!! You only have 2 weeks in the mission!!

I'm afraid I'm letting my baby sleep too long. I feel like I should be keeping her awake and talking to her and teaching her proper verb congregations in Spanish. She consistently sleeps in 3-5 hour blocks. Then she'll be awake for some food, maybe a poop, and then right off to sleep again for 3-5 hours. Is this normal? Should I be worried? Is my baby depressed and that's why she only wants to sleep all day? All you mothers out there, please calm me down on this point.

Speaking of poop, Evita had her first BLOWOUT today. It's my fault, I put her diaper on too quickly and I don't ensure it's completely on straight. The other factor was that I was propping her up by her bum, so it really had nowhere to go except out the side. And did it ever!! See?
















Again, can you mothers out there tell me how to get out mustard colored poop from my daughter's sleeper? I'm afraid it's ruined. But she was happy after she got it out. I hear you girl!! Those are called ZILLS Evi. And due to the fact that you are 1/2 Bingham, be prepared to get to know that feeling very well.

And finally, here are those hair pictures I promised.















So on the left is her hairy back. It's more like hairy shoulders. It's so freaking dark! Oh my gosh!! What if my baby grows up to be one of those women that has a mustache? A DARK LATINA MUSTACHE!! I'll love her anyway, and I'll be sure to teach her all about laser hair removal.

The picture on the right is the best I could do to get a picture of her hairy ears. You'll have to come over to my house to really get the full effect. The hair will SPIKE UP on her ears and make them look elf-like. It's really becoming quite endearing to me. As is she!!

Ok, I need to go now and buy some things at Target. I ran out of pads last night. I won't tell you what I've been doing all day today to "make due". Embarrassing.

Did I mention that I love my life?

I got 99 problems, but a BABY ain't one

I know that the song from whence my title derives is somewhat more crass. But I would like to say that my baby is NOT a problem. I am not going to be over the moon about this, because I know that babies are fickle things and my 8 hours of sleep a night can be taken away from me tomorrow. But for now I will rejoice and sing her praises.

Last night she slept 4 hours, and then she was up for a feeding/changing. And then she was asleep for another 4!! I was awake and had taken a shower and done my MAKEUP before she was awake!! She really is the best baby ever. Here is another picture of her:
Just as beautiful awake as asleep, right? Don't fight the truth: She's gorgeous.

So back to the topic of this email, I need to write 99 things about myself. I'm determined to stay at this blog until I have all 99.

1. I prefer rain to snow any day
2. I had never seen trees change color until I was a freshman at BYU. I only knew that it happened in theory. When I asked what was going on with the trees up on the mountains, one of my freshman roommates made fun of me.
3. I'm too old to be watching MTV, but I still find myself doing it
4. Before she was born, I was afraid I wouldn't love my daughter as much as I love my dog.
5. Sometimes I cry just looking at my daughter being overcome with my love for her and knowing that she's all mine and I get to be her mother.
6. I will never again work at a job or for a boss that demoralizes, bullies and blackmails me.
7. I have issues with my father so deep that I fear we will never be able to speak to each other normally ever again.
8. I love being warm. I can sit in a house that's 85 degrees and never once think of turning on the A/C
9. I hate being cold. I feel like no matter how many layers I put on, I can never stay warm
10. I am very smart, but sometimes I let my intelligence make me smug and self-righteous. I hate myself when I do that.
11. When I have no respect for someone, I become incredibly condescending and I talk down to them.
12. It takes a LOT to lose my respect. You usually have to abuse me for a consistent amount of time for this to happen. But once it does, that's it: you are dead to me
13. I would rather do anything besides clean a toilet. I mean ANYTHING. Marcelo and I have an arrangement: He cleans the toilets and I clean everything else in the house. That's how seriously I hate toilets.
14. I have no interest in ever watching an episode of American Idol.
15. I think I've seen every episode of ER since it started.
16. I considered going to law school after taking a law class for my major at BYU.
17. My obsession with Law & Order also contributed to my desire to go to law school.
18. One day I'm going to take the LSAT just for myself, to see how I do. I bet I'll tear it up
19. My best friends are very intelligent. I can't stand people with a below-average intelligence. I have no patience for them
20. I don't believe in "Love at first sight" but. . .
21. The first time I saw Marcelo I knew something was going to happen between us.
22. I loved every minute of my mission. Even the moments when I was crapping my pants or fighting my eating disorder, I love those too.
23. I think that missions are for everyone, male and female.
24. I'm sad that my sister doesn't want to serve a mission. She says that she "just doesn't want to" but I think there is something else there that she's not saying.
25. I was a dirty farm kid growing up. I had to regularly check my poop for worms, and I routinely found them.
26. I didn't own a store bought dress of my own until I was 15. And even then the only reason I got one was because I was fatter than my mom and my sister and we could no longer share clothes.
27. I think I underestimate how much fun I am and how much people like to be around me. I am often surprised when people say that they love hanging out with me
28. I don't think I look good in hats
29. My favorite number is 29
30. I hate the way my chin looks. I think it swells when I gain weight, so I hate seeing how bulbous it looks
31. I am so blessed with the friends I have. I don't think I love myself half as much as my friends love me.
32. I have issues with my mom her as well, but I mostly feel badly for her. I think she's a product of her generation and of nearly 40 years of brainwashing at the hands of my father. And I know that deep down she loves me. I'm not so sure that my father does.
33. I have an amazing sense of smell. I can smell things across the room and I have total recall when it comes to certain smells.
34. I could do a lot more with myself during the day if I weren't so lazy.
35. The same goes for schooling. I can pull of an A- average working at only about 37% of my capacity.
36. I am currently fighting a little post pardom depression. But you'll be happy to know I haven't cried all day today!! (I think Lisa has something to do with that)
37. I don't have any female cousins my age. Family reunions sucked because no one would play with me. The one closest in age was all into dolls and playing "house" which I found asinine and pointless. I wanted to play G.I. Joe with the my boy cousins
38. I've had several dreams where I am smoking. I'm a good smoker in my dreams
39. I've never permanently died my hair. I've done that "temporary" dye, but that's the most I've ever done.
40. I will never dye my hair again. Even when I get old. I think people should age naturally
41. My baby has been sleeping for almost 5 hours now. How did I get so lucky?
42. Marcelo was the first person that ever loved me for me and not for anything else
43. I knew I wanted to marry Marcelo within a week of knowing him. He made me want to be better, and that has always been my #1 qualification in a husband. If I can't improve myself and if I can't be with someone that makes me be better and makes me WANT to be better, then what is the point of me being here on earth?
44. I will read my favorite books over and over again. I get excited as I start them just thinking of all the "good parts" that I'm about to get to.
45. My favorite book is "Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH." I've probably read it 45 times. It always makes me cry when Justin dies.
46. I acquired "Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH." in the second grade when I had a "perfect" week and got to pick a prize out of the "Treasure Chest." I picked a book. I've always loved books
47. I am a VERY fast reader. I read faster than my brilliant ex-roommate who got a perfect score on the ACT, was a Hinckley Scholar and who is currently getting her PhD in Physics.
48. I love the smell of trees
49. I love the smell of rain on hot asphalt
50. I love the smell of new babies. When Evi was placed in my arms, it took me back to holding my little sister Julianne the day after she was born. They had the same smell.
51. I was 5 when Julie was born. See? I have total smell recall
52. My mother did an amazing job smoothing over the fact that my father is a total jerk. She always helped make sure that she created good memories for us in our minds.
53. I have seen my father yell at my mother until she's in tears over something ridiculous. I was 6 or 7. I think I lost all respect for him at that point.
54. I have never had a desire to go to France to visit. If someone who speaks French would like to take me there and show me why it's so cool, I'll be happy to go. Otherwise no dice
55. Marcelo is a great husband, but new unknown experiences scare him. I.E. he has yet to change a diaper. (He asked me 2 days ago how they worked. I think we need to have a diaper tutorial)
56. My mother may be out of whack when it comes to certain things, but she knows how her daughters' breasts are going to react to breastfeeding. She lent these little cups to my sister Sarah who mailed them to me a few weeks ago. They go in your shirt and catch that milk that comes out between feedings. Some women can catch that stuff with one of those "pads", but apparently our family is different. We produce LOTS AND LOTS of milk. How much milk? Well, this is the amount that I removed from these cups over the space of 4 hours. (Not counting the TWO times I fed my baby in those 4 hours). That is out of control. But now cups are starting to leak a little bit, so I'm on the hunt for some more. But like I said, they were once my mother's (who stopped having kids 19 years ago. Yeah, they are that old) and so I think they will be hard to find. ARGH!
57. I love cheese curds.
58. I think that I'm quite inappropriate at times.
59. I trust people too quickly and open myself up to them way too easily. I have been burned many MANY times by doing this.
60. I love my freckles
61. I think my baby will have light brown eyes when her eye color finally establishes itself.
62. I love the fact that Marcelo doesn't have any hair on his chest. Hair grosses me out
63. Almost everyone that I graduated high school with or was a roommate in college with went into teaching.
64. At one time I wanted to name my kids after English Royalty: Jane, Victoria, Andrew and Edward were my favorites.
65. At another time, I wanted to name my kids after Greek mythological characters. Andromeda (calling her Andy) and Cassiopeia (Calling her Cassie) were my favorites.
66. I think that the hottest Disney animated character is Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty
67. When I first saw my daughter, I thought she looked too much like me and I was upset. ( I don't think too well of my looks)
68. Because she looked too much like me, I only rated her a 4 on a cuteness scale from 1 to 10. Her swelling has since gone down and I now rate her an 8 or a 9 on the cuteness scale.
69. I have no problems with people telling me that my baby is weird looking or even mildly unattractive.
70. I think that Heavenly Father knew my weaknesses and made me unattractive for a reason
71. I have only kissed one man in my life: My husband
72. I love the smell of gardenia and lavender and sweat pea. I hate the smell of roses
73. My uncle calls me "stink weed" because I used to pick the stink weeds with red-orange flowers from our front yard and bring them in and give them to my mom as a gift.
74. I think the most beautiful place in the world is the Redwood Forest of Northern California.
75. I do not like the beach. I have never been to a warm beach in my life. To me, the beach means being cold, eating a half cooked hot dog with sand inside, and then coming home smelling like smoke and finding sand in your undies. Not a pleasant experience.
76. I've played club volleyball and volleyball in school since I was in the 6th grade. Because of that, I HATED when the ward mutual night called for playing volleyball. I had no patience for what I called "Jungle ball." Can someone just set me so I can spike the ball? DANG!!
77. I LOVE cracking crab, but I hate eating it.
78. No one would be surprised to know my favorite color is green. However, did you know my second favorite color is red?
79. I hate liars. I hate that my last job encouraged me and demanded that I lie for them every moment of every day. I hope to someday be forgiven for the horrible things that job made me do to good and decent people.
80. I used to wet the bed. Almost every night. The last time I wet the bed I was a junior in High School.
81. Because I used to wet the bed, my mom would never put a mattress pad between the plastic sheets protecting the mattress and the fitted sheet. I hated the crackle it would make as I laid down, but I knew that I didn't deserve a non-crackly bed because I couldn't keep my bed dry at night. To this day I hate the sound and smell of plastic sheets.
82. I played 2 and sometimes 3 varsity sports in High School
83. My greatest fear and biggest embarrassment growing up was to be left out of the activities of my friends. And I frequently was.
84. I dream in Spanish still sometimes
85. I miss Ecuador almost every day. Especially all the fresh fruits and vegetables.
86. I prefer water to any other thing I could possibly drink
87. I think it's easier to hate myself then to love myself
88. I was worried about how my father would feel when I didn't invite him to the blessing of my baby. I don't worry about that any more. I will invite him and he won't come because my mother will be there.
89. I don't like raw marshmallows, but I love s'mores and rice krispy treats.
90. I once wrote a 3 page list of all the foods I don't like. Bananas was at the top of the list.
91. I think that I am very blessed. I worry about what my trials in life will be because I feel like I have received nothing but blessings every day of my life
92. I need to improve my piano playing abilities. I'm sure that soon I'll get a calling where I'll need to play, and I won't be ready.
93. I didn't know I had curly hair until my senior year in high school. Even then, I didn't think it was really CURLY. Whenever someone called it that, I was always confused.
94. I don't like things touching my neck. I always get in trouble in the temple and am told to fix my clothing so it's "RIGHT"
95. I have had lots of thoughts and feelings that I'm ashamed of. I'm glad others can't read my mind
96. I think that Roses are pretentious flowers. And generic all at the same time. I would rather receive almost anything else as a gift instead of roses.
97. I hate going to General Conference at the Conference Center. I hate the crowds, the protesters shouting at me and trying to find a parking situation. Everything about it. I would rather just stay at home and watch it on TV and be in my PJ's. No reason to fight through everyone if you don't have to, right?
98. I love my Tivo. It's the best purchase I've made in the past 10 years
99. I'm sure I could do another 99 items if you asked me right now.

Well, that's it. I'm all done. It's now 11:39 so I'm going to bed. My baby should be up in just a few hours.

Here's hoping you all do this exercise too. It's super fun!

The Baby Blog

This Blog has taken me 3 days to finish. Why is that? I don't know!! I think I just keep getting interrupted and the other 18 hours of the day I have a baby in my arms. Anyway, I finally finished. Here it is:

So I have a baby. Here is her picture on the day she came home from the hospital. (I know, I know. The hat is waaaay to big).
And here is another picture of her taken on Saturday. She is resting in the AWESOME swing Reagan is letting me borrow. Seriously, she loves that thing, and she usually prefers it if it's not moving.

And here is a picture of her from Sunday:I need to take more pictures, She's freaking changing every day!! I love how this picture emphasizes her side burns and even the funny shadowing makes her look like she has the beard of an 45 year old Amish man. Go ahead and laugh and agree with me. I laughed as I typed it!

But that's not why you all came here. You want to know the birthing details. To get all the really JUICY stuff, you should ask Reagan or Lisa. They got prime viewing spots of my pelvic region as I was pushing her out. But this is about my take on the whole experience. This is a long post. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Well, last I wrote, I was going to the hospital and they were going to start the Cervadil and then I would be getting Pitocin in the morning. Well, I was planning on taking myself to the hospital, but Marcelo actually came home early and offered to take me to the hospital! I wasn't expecting that, but I really appreciated it. (If you don't already know this about me, you should know that I'm VERY independent. I would rather inconvenience myself HORRIBLY then cause problems for anyone else. It's strange, I know)

So anyway, we go to get in the car and raise the garage door but something snaps!! The door was like off it's hinges only one side is raising and we were freaking out. We try to fix it, and we are somewhat successful. We hit the button again and it starts to raise up, and then it stops. We don't know what's going on but we do know that both are cars are trapped in our garage. I use my MacGyver skills and am able to get the door open so we can at least get out.

So we are on our way!! I get to the hospital, and I'm shown my room. Holy CRAP!! This place has a jet tub and a bigger bathroom than my house! And the room is huge. I'm very excited. Oh, I forgot to mention that Marcelo got an attitude with me on the way to the hospital about the garage door. He was trying to somehow blame me for it breaking. I wasn't having any of it and I told him he should just go home. I checked into the hospital all alone. See? It's that independent streak in me.

So I'm naked under a gown and I get those two monitors on me that show the baby's heart beat and show my contractions. I also get the BP cuff on me, and I'm good to go. Let's get this Cervadil inside me. Not so fast Alicia. First you must be tortured by something that *SOUNDS* innocent, but is in fact a horrible horrible procedure. It's called an "IV".

Apparantly I have fantastically deceptive veins. They *look* like they will be good, but they are not great because they have valves very close to the place they insert the needle. So they have to slide it back and forth and try to get it to advance. And when it doesn't work, they try the other hand. And then when that doesn't work, they pull in another person to put one on the top of my wrist. Which hurts up until the time they took it out 36 hours later and actually still hurts today as I type this. That's right, my wrist is still horribly sore from that stupid IV.

The day I delivered, they told me that I couldn't get it out until I could make it to the bathroom on my own. You'd better be DAMN sure that I tried to go to the bathroom on my own within an hour of having that baby. I WANTED IT OUT. Oh, and did I mention the needle is the size of a #2 pencil eraser? Yeah, it was so much worse than I thought it would be.

So after they start pumping fluid into me, my nurse puts the Cervadil up inside me. I actually thought it was a cream they would be SPREADING on me. But it's more like a white rectangle of medicine with a string attached. She put it up inside of me and left me alone.

Marcelo brought me food at 8 pm. (After he apologized for being a dill hole, of course) It was a salad from Rumbi Grill (that will be talked about later) and it was nice. And then he left because he had a soccer game at 10:30. DON'T get mad at him for leaving. I wanted him to go because he's always happier when he's played soccer. And what is he going to do? Sit around and watch Law & Order with me? BORING.

But then Reagan came to visit!! It was SO nice of her, especially becuase I knew she would be driving down the next day too. She left about midnight and I felt badly because I was worried she would be falling asleep in the car on the way home. She said something funny to me when I got up and walked to the bathroom. When I stood up, I tried to not moon her with my open backed gown. The nurse was helping me, and I was reaching behind myself and Reagan says, "You know, I'm going to see a lot more than just your butt tomorrow." Ha!! And how right she was.

Anyway, after all that naked talk she leaves. Well, then 15 min later, Marcelo comes. His game is over, and he wants to see how I'm doing. He says he's going to stay the night. I tell him not to. I tell him that I'll just be sleeping and that he can come in the morning at 6 when they were going to start the pitocin. He said that was a good idea, because he needed his rest. I said, "Oh you need your rest? Really? Because you will be having a baby tomorrow? Yeah, you are probably right, you go home and rest. You definitely NEED it!!" What a turd. But I can't say too much against him because I DID tell him he should go home.

So he leaves at 12:45 am. And almost immediately I start feeling really strange. I have something very embarrassing to admit: I relate all my stomach feelings to my bowels. Like everything I have ever felt I think is caused by gas, or diarrhea or indigestion. So when I started feeling some intense pressure in my belly, I immediately thought I had some gas accompanied by diarrhea. I know I should've been suspicious becuase I was feeling this gas in my lower back (which is a very strange place to fell gas, right?) but still I was SURE it was diarrhea accompanied with gas.

So I got up and went to the bathroom. Several times. And then I would get back in bed, and the cramping would return. And so I would get up and go again. And at the risk of TMI, you should know that everytime I went to the bathroom, I DID go diarrhea. So my feelings weren't completely off the mark, were they? So the last time I go to the bathroom, I decide I don't want to get back in bed. I start moving around, shuffling my feet by my bed. And I come to some realizations.

1. This is not diarrhea. These are contractions. And they are painful. The nurse later confirms this and tells me that they are coming about every 1 and a half minutes. ARE YOU KIDDING?!?! That fast!! No wonder I wanted to die!

2. It is only 1:45 in the morning. I haven't gone to bed yet, and I know that I have a full day of Pitocin, labor and delivery in front of me. I'm already terribly exhuasted and I know that Pitocin contractions are AWFUL. So I'm going to be to tired by the time that eventually happens.

3. I will NOT be able to sleep with these contractions happening at the speed they are going. And finally,

4. I know I wanted to TRY this thing naturally, but I know now that I will not be able to sleep and prepare myself for the hard day ahead without some help. I finally accept the fact that I am not going to make it without an epidural.

I finally get a hold of the nurse around 2 am and tell her about my revelation. She thinks I am very wise and she'll call the anesthesiologist. He shows up and makes things nice for me. the epidural finally kicks in around 3 am and I give myself permission to sleep. Oh, you should also know that when I give myself permission to sleep, I can be asleep in less than 15 seconds. Sometimes it even happens int he middle of a sentence or while I'm telling a story.

I lay down and the nurse says something about being right back with my catheter. I respond to her, but I don't *actually* know what I said. I later asked her about that, and she laughed and said that she thought it was funny how I fell asleep in the middle of talking. I actually have no recollection of the catheter going in at all. I think we all would agree it's better that way, right?

So I tried to go to sleep but it didn't happen easily. My body kept waking up every hour and telling me that I needed to pee. But I couldn't get up, so I would just sit there till I could sleep again. Finally at 6 am, I decided it was time to stop fighting it and just stay awake. So after 3 hours of sleep, I decide to face my day. They check me at this time, and tell me I'm at a 3+ dilated. I'm not worried, I've heard of people getting to a 3 and then getting stuck. But maybe I should start notifying people just in case.

I start by sending a text to Reagan and Lisa. It says something like "Some stuff happened last night. Give me a call when you wake up." And then I decide that I should tell Marcelo about it. So I call him. No answer. I call and call and call. No answer. I know that he's there and he should be getting up soon because he needed to meet his employer at 7:45 in the morning in Saratoga Springs. So he should be up getting ready by this point. 6:15, 6:23, 6:40 WHERE IS HE!?!? After that many calls, I come to realize that he's probably asleep and he's not by his phone. But I need him here!

At like 7:00 am ON THE DOT something happens. A big hot water balloon of liquid bubbles up and bursts between my legs. It was NOT unpleasant. It was very warm and actually reminded me of wetting the bed. (Why do I know what wetting the bed feels like? That's another story for another day) I actually thought that I HAD wet the bed, but then I remembered the catheter and thought that there was NO WAY.

But now we had a problem: I was all alone in my room and the call button is attached to the remote controller which is on the floor BEHIND my bed. I cannot get out of the bed (remember the epidural and the puddle of water I'm now sitting in?) and I can't reach it. I'm in serious trouble. So I try to call out to my nurse. It's pathetic. I'm trying to shout quietly, if that makes sense, and no one hears me.

Right then Reagan calls. She's asks how my morning is going, and I say that it's not going well. I tell her about the water and the dilation and how I can't get a hold of Marcelo. She tries to look up the phone number for the hospital so she can call them and tell them that they have a woman in room 112 who needs a nurse to come and help her. I actually thought about doing the same thing. I try to call out a few more times while on the phone with Reagan (have Reagan do an impression of this for you. It's pretty accurate) but no luck.

I tell her that I really am scared and I think that I need some help to get Marcelo here. She said, "well do you want me to come down NOW?" See, she (and everyone else) thought that they had all day to wait for the pitocin to do its job. She didn't have a babysitter for her kids, and I don't even think she was bathed at that time. I ask her if she can come down, and on her way, stop by my house and pound on the door to wake up Marcelo. She said she would do her best, but she wouldn't be down here for a while. I then thought I would have to call my mom and ask her to do the same thing. And then she would be hanging around my room all day. And I didn't really want that.

I eventually said to Reagan that I would keep trying to call Marcelo myself, and that she should call me when she was close and I would let her know if she needed to go get him. I hung up and 20 seconds later I hear someone walk by my room. I am NOT missing this chance so I call out "HELLO!!" and 2 nurses step in and say, "Hello?" like I was just trying to start a conversation. I explain my situation, and the call button being across the room, and my nurse being AWOL and they rush into action. They clean up the bed and help me out and they find my nurse. I am very relieved, but only temporarily.

Reagan calls and asks if I found someone to help with the water situation. I tell her I did, but that Marcelo still isn't answering his phone. And then a very nice distinct wave of nausea hits me. And I say to my nurse, "I have to throw up" and I hang up on Reagan (sorry about that Reggs. I don't think I ever apologized for that) She rushes a bucket into my hands. I am SOO thankful it's an actual bucket and not one of those kidney shaped candy dishes they CALL buckets. Seriously, have you seen a person vomit before? Usually there is quite a bit of force behind the expulsion and those dishes are NOT very deep. My worst fear was that I would get one and while vomiting, it would be so forceful that it would ricochet out of the kidney bean and back into my face. NOT A GOOD TIME.

But like I said, it was a real bucket she gave me. And sure enough, it is no sooner in my hands then I start puking. I do catch a glimpse of green and that is the last thing I remember. The next moment, I wake up from what I think is a deep sleep. I actually feel quite rested. I feel liquid rolling down my left cheek from the corner of my mouth and I feel embarrassed that I was drooling while asleep at the hospital. AND THEN I REMEMBER!!! I WAS JUST PUKING!! It's right then that there is a flurry of activity around me. There is a nurse is in front of me, holding my hand and asking me if I'm ok and there are 4 others in the room bustling around and just generally fussing over me.

I open my eyes and am VERY surprised to see the bucket on the table next to me. It's not overturned on my bed or on the floor? How did I keep that from happening? Because I've just come to the realization that I've passed out while throwing up. I tell this to the nurse who is holding my hand, and I also mention to her that this frequently happens. A general "AHHHHH" of understanding goes through the room. Apparently, news had spread about my water breaking, and so when 2 nurses came in to help change my bedding, they saw me passing out and they thought I was having a seizure!!

That WOULD be upsetting if it were true, so I'm glad they were taking such concern with me. So my normal nurse (The one that later helped me deliver) looks at the bucket and goes, "What did you eat?!?!" and I said salad, and then she says, "WHEN DID YOU HAVE SALAD?" She was freaking out thinking I had sneaked in food, but I told her that I ate it at 8:00 pm the night before. She was like "Ohhhh!! Yep, that's definitely salad in there! Isn't it interesting how long it stays in your system?" Uhh, yeah, that IS interesting Delores. Can we get back to me and the contractions and the baby coming out of my private area?

So that kept me occupied and kept my mind off Marcelo for a while. When I started calling again, it was close to 7:30 am. I keep calling and calling and then FINALLY at like 7:56 am I call again and I can hear that little beep on the other end that tells me that Marcelo is on the other line. I was like "WHAT THE HELL!?!? WHO WOULD HE BE TALKING TO BEFORE HE CALLS BACK HIS WIFE WHO IS IN LABOR AND WHO HAS BEEN CALLING HIM FOR THE PAST 2 HOURS?" I was pissed off, but I just called him back.

Me: Marcelo, you need to come to the hospital
Him: Now?
Me: RIGHT NOW. I'm having this baby RIGHT NOW.
Him: Oh man. . . I slept in . . . I missed my meeting with my boss. . . I'm all confused. . .I just woke up. . .
Me: GREAT! THAT'S AWESOME!! COME RIGHT NOW!!!!
Him: Oh, ok

Good times. I call back Reagan and tell her that I finally got a hold of him and that she should come down soon. She said that she would have to bring the kids because she can't find a babysitter at such short notice. I say GREAT!!! The schools are doing a crappy job teaching Sex Ed anyway, let's have her little girls learn where babies REALLY come from, right? I really didn't care at that point. I just wanted them to get here.

Right after Marcelo came, around 8:15 am they checked me and I was just arriving to a 10. I wasn't quite there, but I knew that it would be within the hour. I thought it might be time to call my mom. She was actually at the hospital because she thought the pitocin had been started at 6 am. Before, when we had talked about this, I told her to come like at 8 or 10 (she of course came at 8 am) and she would be there for the end of the birth. But it turns out that the birth was happening RIGHT then. And honestly, I didn't know if Reagan and Lisa would make it, and I definitely wanted someone else besides Marcelo in the room.

The next hour is kind of a blur. I know that the following things happened: I went all the way to a 10, my Epidural stopped working and I started to REALLY feel those contractions. I discovered that when I go through intense pain accompanied by sheer terror my whole body will shake and my teeth will chatter like I'm suffering from hypothermia. That was really bad. They couldn't figure it out for a while and they thought that they should put a blanket on me, but then they realized I wasn't cold and I was just transitioning. During this time the anesthesiologist came and did something to kick up my medicine level. However, it took nearly 40 minutes to set in. In the meantime I just lay there, shaking and waiting for the next contraction to happen.

Marcelo was kinda useless at this time. He was holding my hand as the contractions went up and down, and then he fanned me later on. But I don't care about that, at least he was there trying to make me more comfortable. My mom was telling me when the contraction was about to start or was almost over. That really helped making it through the time. Wanna know what also helped making it through? Sleep. No joke. I was SOOO tired that I would fall asleep in 2 seconds and sleep the 30 seconds between contractions. Like a deep snoring sleep. Marcelo later told me this and it made me laugh because THAT'S exhaustion.

Eventually the nurse checked me and said that I was there, and I would start pushing in a few minutes. That was at 9:15. I told Marcelo to text Reagan and Lisa and tell them the news and find out how far away they were. Apparently they were driving into the parking lot as I said that. I was very VERY thankful. 2 Minutes later Lisa walks in and grabs my right leg and says, "ok, lets do this." I really think that Lisa should market her delivery services. She's the BEST. Honestly, the beeeeeest. She tells you what part of your pushing was the best, the most productive. And then she tells you when you are getting lazy and pushing with your face and not your butt. I would recommend her to ANYONE.

So I do some preliminary pushes and then the nurse says, "ok, we are going to do one more push here on your back, and then we will flip you to your side for you to push and then flip you to the other side to push again." I REALLY didn't want to roll around anymore on that bed. So the next push, I pushed the crap out of it! And it did the trick! I didn't have to go to my side. I think that Reagan came in during this time. But she was with her kids so she stayed more to the side. I would've loved for her to be holding my left leg instead of my mom, but it just couldn't happen. That's ok, I was just blessed to have her there.

So then at some time I realize that my oonie is on FIRE. Lisa asked me if it was burning, and I said yes, and she said that's because 2 inches of the baby's head was poking out. I was a little nervous that my doctor wasn't there yet, but everything else was in place. All of a sudden the doctor is there, and they tell me that they need me to push. Well, the doctor says something about it being a little tight and he would recommend an episiotomy. I literally said, "YEAH GREAT, DO IT! LETS GET THIS THING GOING!"

And he did. And on the next push I could feel the head come out. He told me to hold on a second and then push again and I could feel the rest of the body come out. OHHHHHHH THE ZILLS!!!!!! That was the freaking greatest feeling ever.

And then I hear someone (apparently it was Lisa. I didn't know it at the time, and I don't care who said it first) say, "IT'S A GIRL!!!" I was SOOOOO confused!! I was so sure I would be having a boy and I think I said, "It's a girl?" And then Marcelo looks at me with big eyes and says, "A girl? A girl!!" It was a freaking AWESOME moment. If anyone is considering not finding out the sex of their baby, I would totally recommend it. The excitement is so high. It's so much fun.

And this is what she looked like right out of the womb:














It's right at this moment when I say: "Oh!! My little girl has sideburns!!" I was quite upset about the amount of SUPER dark hair she had all over her body. Including her ears and back. I thought I would have a little baby!! Not a mini Chewbaca. But I felt so badly for her!! She just looked so SQUISHED!! See what I mean?Anyway, this final picture is my favorite. For some reason I just love seeing Marcelo push the cart down the hallway, guarding it ferociously. It's just a great picture, I think.

Well. That is it!! The full baby story. It took long enough for me to post it, right? Well, anything worth doing is worth doing right.

Since having the baby I've learned about naps, and milk let-down and the true meaning of nipple pain. The good news is that it's basically over!! I know!! Again, I have like NOTHING to complain about. My left nipple got a few sucking blisters which turned into scabs, but they are basically gone now. And she's a feeding champ!

As for the night time, again, I really can't complain. Last night was the worst because she just wouldn't get a good FULL feeding in, so she wouldn't ever stay in her crib. At about 1 am, after fighting with her for like 2 and a half hours, I finally brought her downstairs and put her in her swing. And guess what? SHE SLEEP FOR THE NEXT 6 HOURS STRAIGHT!!! I'm sure things will change as she gets older, and maybe her sleep habits won't be so great, but for right now, I'm not complaining at all.

I AM complaining about my feet that are still suffering from pitting edema. I'm planning on calling my doctor today and tell him that in my professional opinion, it's been way too long for them to still be swollen like this. I'll see what he says. Let's just hope he doesn't tell me I have to cut out salt. What will I do then?

As for Raya, she's taking it really well. She recognizes that there is another entity here, and she knows that she can't get too close to it. But for the most part, her life is still the same. We still take her to the park and let her run around and throw the ball for her at night. The baby is nothing to her right now. We'll see how she feels when that baby can pull her ears! Ha!

And finally, the question you have all be wanting to know: her name. We named her Evelyn Loor. No middle name, we want her to keep her maiden name as her middle name when she gets married. That way she will ALWAYS be a Loor. We call her Evi or Evita for short. And Marcelo calls her preciosita.

Today I'm determined to get a photo of her hairy ears and back before they go away. Why do I know they will go away? Because I will shave her myself if I have to!! I'll post those pictures as soon as I have them.

I HAVE A BABY, PEOPLE!!