I just bought some new soap for my bathroom. I usually like the foaming soap because it's cool. (Yes, I'm kind of like a 4 year old in that way) but this soap was SO MUCH CHEAPER I just couldn't pass it up. I bought two bottles: One for my bathroom and one for my mom's bathroom.
I was sucked in by the word SPA in the name. Ohhh!! Spa-like! Maybe it will cure my horrible cracked and bleeding cuticles that I got from scouring my old AND new house for 4 days! I'm sure it will smell like tranquility.
It does not. It smells like a hamster cage.
First off, don't doubt my sense of smell. I can determine if someone has been working in the anatomy cadaver labs 4-5 hours after they were last in the labs. I can determine which woman in the room is wearing Lovespell lotion (I call it barf-smell lotion) and if that person is a friend I do NOT feel badly asking them never to wear it again. (Several of my readers will attest to that). I can smell a banana peel in a ziplock back buried under 3 feed of trash. Seriously, I rule when it comes to smelling.
Secondly, I am ACCUTELY aware of what a hamster cage smells like. In my APL class in Elementary School (WHAT'S THAT?? YOU READ THAT RIGHT!! I JUST DROPPED AN APL REFERNCE ON YOU SUCKAS!! WHAT WHAT!?!?) anyway, in my class we had a class gerbil which died and then we replaced with a hamster who died who we then replaced with a guinea pig. Which we ate.
KIDDING!! Sort of. I ate a ginea pig in Ecuador. It was greasy.
Anway, I was right next to the cage and I promise you that this soap smells JUST LIKE IT. It's a stale-urine-soaked-wood-chips-needing-to-be-changed-but-that's-not-my-job-so-don't-look-at-me-to-change-it smell. That's exactly what it is. Urine soaked cedar chips, to be exact.
If you don't believe me you are welcome to come over to my house and smell the soap. Or give me your address and I will mail you a sample. I'm not making this stuff up.
So back to how that guinea pig tasted. . .
Friday, May 15, 2009
Not Satisfied With My Purchase
Posted by Ali at 11:15 AM
Labels: A funny thing happened, Confessions
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6 comments:
I can attest to your keen sense of smell (typing that sentence made me feel like I was trying to talk like Matt because it had "smart sounding" words, lol). Your sense of smell is better than anyone I have ever met (I am one of the friends who was banned from wearing barf-smell). I am kind of a soap snob, I have to buy the expensive stuff because I HATE if my hands smell weird after I wash them, so I feel your pain with the hamster soap.
Speaking of smells, do you remember the gosh awful cinnamon spray? And that air freshener where you are supposed to put a couple of reeds in the liquid to freshen the room, but Jean would put about 50 in there? I have a normal sense of smell and it almost made me insane, I dunno how YOU put up with it!
Oh, and wanna know a funny story? I remember when I wore Lovespell to work, and you were like, "Are you wearing Lovespell? Yeah, I'm gonna need you to not wear that anymore." This was just a couple of weeks after I started working there, and Jean had told me what a "monster" you could be, and I was like, who the eff does this girl think she is? Then as I realized Jean was the monster, and I realized you have a superhuman nose, I had no problem giving up the lotion. So I blame you for my chapped hands of '07:)
Another affirmation of your amazing smell sense. Almost super human, really, the way you could detect a person eating a banana anywhere in the apartment, even when you were in the third bedroom down the hall and the offending person was in the living room.
I think, however, I definitely need you to send me a sample of the soap, because I'm not sure I've ever smelled a hamster cage. Are they the same as gerbil cages?
Also, I really need you to elaborate on this eating of guinea pig story. And the APL business too.
I was going to talk about the cinnamon smell in Jean's Office. See, she bought this bag of "scented pine cones" around Christmastime and you are only supposed to have ONE OR TWO out, but she would stick the WHOLE BAG of like 20 in the corner. My eyes were swollen shut and I couldn't breathe by the end of the day. But she LOVED them. Why? Cause it "covered" up the smell of her nasty gas.
And I eventually moved those oil reed things downstairs. The smell would assault me as soon as I walked in and I couldn't take it.
And everyone should know that when I asked Lynn not to wear that lotion anymore I was in my first trimester of pregnancy. So my already hyper sense of smell was taken to a cosmic level and I was like SUPER hormonal all the time. Of course no-one in my office knew that, so they called my mood swings me being a "monster".
And they are all liars so they would've said anything to get Lynn to hate me. THAT'S HOW THEY ROLL AT SUMMIT!!
um, are you trying to get all uppity using letters like APL? don't think you're so great b/c i can throw it down with letters like LD, VD, ADHD and STD, okay buddy? all of mine end with a D. is that the difference? is that why you're so much better than me?
and in my pregnancy working under a heinous biddy, it was vanilla. i hate vanilla as a normal person and as a pregnant person, i wanted to kill somebody.
i, too, hate to wash my hands and then have them smell weird. there's just something not right about that. but hey, don't listen to me; i don't even change my toilet seat when i move somewhere (yet, that is!).
i must say that your cadaver lab comment made me throw up a little in my mouth.
I can attest to the hyper sense of smell, and how you were willing to sit in a Victoria's Secret dressing room while I tried on bras smelling the horrible LOVE SPELL!! Now THAT is love.
I once met a girl who had a job as a OBGYN nurse, a mortician aide, and a steak house waitress. Let's hope she washed her hands between shifts...
She obviously wasn't in APL. Or TAG as it was called in my school. And no, I wasn't TALENTED and GIFTED. I was just average. :(
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