I'm not making this stuff up

Now that I'm poor and destitute and living in abject poverty, you should know that I live really close to BYU campus. It's fun to sometimes get the Daily Universe and laugh at all the things in it. I haven't done this in a while, but I decided to do it today as I was on campus.

My absolute favorite was always the Police Beat. You always had people noticing "suspicious" people who ended up being just their roommate coming in the house really late.

Oh, funny tangent story. Jules lived in King Henry Apts and this summer she locked herself out of the apartment. She decided to see if her bedroom window (she lived on the bottom floor) was still open. It was. So she sneaked in and proceeded to knock over a WHOLE bunch of stuff on her window sill. She made quite the ruckus, but she didn't think it was THAT bad because her roommate slept peacefully on. She started getting ready for bed and washing her face and stuff and then all of a sudden there is LOUD BANGING on the front door. She opens it to find a police officer there saying that someone from their apartment called about the possibility of someone breaking in. Apparently her room roommate sleeps like a rock, but the other roommates heard her and called the cops. Funny stuff.

Anyway, I got some good laughs by reading the "Police Beat" today. I mean, this stuff is 100% true. I'm not making any of this up. So let's see what's been going on up at BYU campus. . .

Suspicious activity
October 28-Police received a delayed report about a man claiming to be Joesph Smith reincarnated engaging people in religious conversations . Police are waiting to see if the man shows up again.

So basically, at sometime in the past, some kook was talking about the articles of faith and trying to get someone to sing "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" to him. That describes all the boys in my freshman ward! The reincarnating thing is strange, I'll give you that. But if this person can indeed reincarnate himself, I'm sure that we will see the man show up again. Moving on

November 1-Police received a call concerning screams and pounding coming from a room in the Maeser Building. Police investigated and discovered the screaming man was a custodial worker watching the game between Texas and Texas Tech and was upset about his team's loss.
Who let a Texas fan into BYU?

And finally this is my favorite.

November 2-A female student called police to report a stolen vehicle. She called later that day to inform police that her car had indeed NOT been stolen, but she had forgotten where she parked it.

I'm willing to put down money that:
#1 This girls was blond
#2 This girl was driving a car owned by her parents
#3 This girl was a freshman.
#4 This girl lives close enough to walk to school, but she decided that now that the price of gas has gone down she would bring the convertible out for a spin. You know, to make sure the top still goes down and everything.
#5 This girl hails from either Utah or Southern California

So that's in my friends. Tell the truth BYU alumni, reading this makes you miss the Daily Universe just a Little bit, huh?