So much to tell!!

I really have so much to tell, I don't know where to start. I guess I'll just start typing and see where it leads me.

Firstly: Julie is engaged. To MaxKyle. I know, shocking. Remember how we weren't allowed to even BE THINKING about marriage or SUGGEST that they might be getting married? Like on Thursday I was on the phone with my sister Sarah and Jules was in the room and I said, "NO PRESSURE JULES, but IIIIFFFF you were to get married where would you do it?" And she said Dallas. That tells me that they've already talked about where they would get married, but again, we were not allowed to ask her questions!!

And so Sarah hears this and says "Oooookay. So should I start buying some furniture now? Like give me a time line. Are we thinking December? Or the Spring? Give me a hint here. Do I need to start looking for extra beds on Craig's List?" And Julie says, "No, not at all. Not December. Definitely not December. We'll see about the Spring. But still probably not then either." And then she follows it up with her standard excuse, "We've only been dating 3 months!!"

Well That was Thursday. Two days after she came home. So Friday she went off to spend an evening with MK again, and my mom prepared to driver to Vernal in the next morning (to visit Jake, of course). Well, the next morning I TOTALLY eavesdropped on my mom and Julie's conversation right outside my window.

Sure enough, he gave her a ring that night. He wanted to show her that he was serious about her. He didn't expect to ask her to marry him, though. (according to him) But that seems really dumb. "Here is this ring, it's a diamond. It has a gold band, But I'm not asking you to marry me. Even though I want to marry you, but I'm not asking. I just want you to wear this ring, you know if you want to. Or you can agree to marry me if you want to. But NO PRESSURE." Weird.

I really like the fact that :
#1 He bought the ring without talking to her AT ALL. That takes some balls. He did a good job. It's a beautifully simple ring and she loves it.
#2 He didn't ask my dad permission. That just would've been a BAD SCENE. Kudos to him for not even going there
#3 He didn't talk to her about the marriage and then wait to give her the ring 1 week before they got married and THEN consider themselves "engaged." They are mature enough to call a spade a spade: They are getting married, so they are ENGAGED. I wish they could teach a seminar about this simple law of common sense to the idiot girls here at BYU. Hell, make it a whole course if you think you can't grasp the concept in a few seminar classes.

Jules was pretty sure she knew her answer. She's really level headed about things, so there wasn't really any giddiness and crap like that. But here's the kicker. We asked her when she's getting married and she says, "December" BWAA HAAA HAAA!!! So I guess Jules is level headed about most things except making declarative statements that she almost immediately rescinds.

So we are all going to Dallas for Christmas. It's going to be a party that might or might not be catered by Taco Bell. That's MK's favorite food, and he really wants the reception food to come from there. My mom might have a problem with that, we'll see. Oh and Julie is moving to Dallas. Lucccccky. I want to get out of Utah, too.

So a week later we were off to Denver. It was craziness as we were getting ready to go, but eventually we were on the road. The pathway there was pretty uneventful. Nothing to report there. But once we got there, ohhh buddy!!! I think I'm going to do this in my tried and tested "time line" post. Enjoy!!

Friday:
12:30: We get on the road traveling to Denver. Jake decides to bring his brand new wiener dog. She's 5 months old. I'm scared she's going to pee on or bite the face off my baby because she's still a puppy. Jake says he's going to buy a kennel and keep her kenneled the whole trip. I feel better about it.

2:30: We arrive at Price for a "snack break." We buy ridiculous amounts of cheddar popcorn, sandwiches, sunflower seeds and gummy bears. It holds us off until 8:45 pm when we stop for dinner

10:55 we arrive at the Hotel. Sarah had already arrived by plane and she was in the hotel. Here's how the rooms were divided: Me, Evi, Mom, Jules AND Sarah in a room with 2 double beds. I would complain about how tight it was, but Jeff & Tina and their FIVE kids were in the same kind of room. In another room was Nate, Denisse and MK. And then Jake and Clarin had their own room. My mom, Jeff, Sarah and Julie stay up really late talking and laughing. I really do like my family. If we aren't making fun of my mom, then we are making fun of each other. You have to have a tough skin in this family. And be prepared to be made fun of for the same crap over and over again.

3:00 pm: We finally go to sleep

Saturday:
8:00 am: Finally get out of bed. There is a free continental breakfast where we are. It's not a crappy breakfast, either. It's really good. Waffles (with one of those waffle makers that flips over) and cereal and bagels and toast and Hostess cupcakes. Because no breakfast is complete without some sort of lard filled chocolate cake.

8:30 am: While eating breakfast, my mom comes in in her bathing suit. Yup, she went for an early morning swim with most of Jeff's kids. See, my mom made SURE to get a hotel with an INDOOR, HEATED pool. Not only did it have that, it also was open 24 HOURS!!! I mean, what more can you ask for? My mom was in heaven. (I don't know if you are aware my mom has a little water addiction. Yeah, it's a main focal point in her mind always when we travel.) Don't worry, she wasn't only in her bathing suit. she had on a towel and a shirt. But she was definitely fresh from the pool.
While at the breakfast the mother of the bride informs us that she will be going to the chapel to do some decorating for the reception and that if anyone would like to come help her, we would all be welcome. In the history of declarative statements, never has a more understatement been made.

10:00 am: We drive to the chapel and unload. Who is there? Well, from my family it's Jeff, Tina and their 5 kids, Sarah Nate, Denisse, Me, Evi and Jake & Clarin. From Clarin's side it's her mom, her dad and her brother. Oh I was already worried about this, but I guess we just follow their instructions, right?

10:03 am: Wrong. As we get to the chapel, we notice that Clarin's mom has a "schematic" layout of how she wants it to look. Apparently, she borrowed the schematic and all the decorations from someone else. That meant that she really had no idea what she exactly had. And she had no idea what to do with it.

10:15 am: She shows the schematic to my mom

10:21 am: Still showing the schematic. Let me explain the schematic. You could look at it for 30 seconds and know what was going on. Yet she takes so long to explain it. She has this schematic in her hands and is explaining it for the next 2 hours. I am not kidding when I say this. For a long time our family was under the impression that there was some sort of complicated mechanical engineering diagram and description on that paper. When we finally got a look at it, it immediately became a source of mocking because of its simplicity.

Also, because the mom was explaining this horribly elementary schematic for 2+ hours, she didn't direct anyone else. We were all standing around waiting for her to give us a job. She never did that. She just looked to the schematic hoping it would tell her what to do.

10:30 am: After watching her look at that paper and walk up to random people and show them the paper, I decide to get to work on my own. I open a box. It looks like some sort of trellis or archway. I decide to put it together. How hard can it be?

10:50 am: It's hard. It's not a regular trellis. It doesn't have the normal archway shape. I can see that several of the bars have numbers on them and my RMYL degree helps me out in telling me that #1 is attached to #2 and so on. But not all the bars have numbers. And it seems that while there are 4 bars with a #1 on them, there are six bars with #2 on them. So there are 4 legs or 6? Can I see a picture? Are there instructions anywhere? Anything? I am afraid to ask the mother for fear she might show me the schematic again.

11:04 am: Sarah and I give up. We tell the mom that there just won't be a trellis. We are sorry, but there is nothing we can do without a picture or some idea of how it's supposed to look.

11:05 am: Clarin's brother walks over and tells us that he knows what it should look like. Not only that, but HE HAS ASSEMBLED THIS EXACT TRELLIS PREVIOUSLY and do we want him to tell us so we can put it together?

11:06 am: I am so frustrated that I walk away without a word to him. I think he gets the hint. What idiot sits and watches you struggle for 45 minutes with something for which he has specific knowledge of it's assembly? So mad

11:30 am: There is some sort of stringing of wires going on. All according to the schematic of course. Then they realize that the schematic was crap and so we have to take down all the wires and basically start over again. So after all that schematic praise, we throw it out and make out own plan

12:20 pm: Jules and MK go to find a gas station. They *SAY* it's so they can get a drink, but I think they needed to make out again.

12:25 pm: The other mom is still trying to use the schematic to decide where to put the tables. I am just now noticing that there is NO ONE else helping. There are no ladies from the ward, there is no one at all but my family. I ask my mom why and she said she thinks it's because they don't live in this town. WHAAAA??? Why are they having it here, then? Apparently because they USED to live here 3 years ago. So imagine if I were having a baby. I used to live in Logan, but now I live in Spanish Fork. Well, Instead of having my shower in Spanish Fork, I have it in Logan. Do you think people will drive 3 hours to come to my shower? Especially when they only have a few weeks notice? Especially if this shower takes place at the exact day and time of the General Relief Society Broadcast? Yeah, I wouldn't have been there either. So that's why we had no one to help.

12:30 pm: Jeff, Nate and Denisse have given up and are in the foyer hanging out.

12:45 pm: My mom realizes that we are only like 20% done, and of that 20%, her family has done EVERYTHING. She knows that if her family checks out, nothing is going to happen. She goes and naggs everyone to get going

12:47 pm: While standing on a table to drape tulle on the wires hanging from the ceiling (don't ask, I don't want to explain it) I fall off the table. Luckily I wasn't holding my baby. But I do make a fool of myself. And then I felt dumb.

1:15 pm: Food arrives. We eat and pretend that we aren't where we are right now. We don't see an end in sight.

1:20 pm: A friend comes and starts to help Clarin's mom put lights and Tulle and Ivy on the trellis. They seem to be doing a lot of yakking, very little decorating.

1:30 pm: Someone else arrives and starts ironing tablecloths. There are only 7 circular tablecloths that she has to do. It take her 2 and a half hours to do this. I am not kidding.

2:00 pm: I notice that after 40 minutes Clarin's mom has only been able to put on strand of lights on. I am frustrated. Why can't she work and talk at the same time? What is the matter with this family? Where is the father? Oh, he's taking a nap on the couch. Where is the brother? Gone, just gone. Friends? One is yakking and distracting the mom and the other is taking a butt-long time to iron 7 small pieces of fabric. We have the tables up but are waiting for cloths to put on them. Clarin went ad bought stuff to make centerpieces and it is taking her about 45 min to complete each one. And I have just heard a rumor that there will be no food. I am not looking forward to the evening. I want this to be over.

2:00 pm: I start to look around for crap I can do so I can get out of here. I also start to think up excuses to get us out of here. Baby is a good one. I can also pretend to get the runs really badly. Nothing gets everyone movin' like a diarrhea scare.

2:20 pm: Clarin's mom gets up to show that damn schematic to one more person. I pounce on the trellis job that still only has one thing of lights on it. I finish the lights, the tulle, and the Ivy in 10 minutes. AND I was talking to my sister the whole time. IT CAN BE DONE!!! WHOOO HOOOOO!!!

2:30 pm: We realize that Clarin is having problems with the centerpieces. I come in a save the day (of course) Just kidding. But I walk in and in 15 minutes I have done 3 centerpieces. AND I was babysitting my crazy nephew Maxwell and my niece Rayce who was being difficult and grabbing things out of my hands. Even with all those distractions I was able to get three done. What is wrong with this family? Whatever

3:00 pm: We finally leave. Naps are taken, pools are swum in, and showers taken. It's lovely. I want Tina to cut my hair, but she doesn't have time to do it. She instead says that she'll bring her scissors to the reception and during a quiet down time, she'll cut it there. I'm excited.

7:00 pm: We go to the shower. Sure enough, there is no food. NO FOOD!! You are having a reception at a DINNER TIME and inviting MORMONS, an you don't have food? What is the matter with you? All they have is a tray of fruit. And not a fancy spread either. We are talking grapes, melon and pineapple. We are not pleased. Oh, there also is a chocolate fountain. But the *brainiacs* that compose her family decide to assemble and fire the thing up without reading the instructions. This meant that there is never a smooth flow of chocolate and things get stuck down inside the motor and frequently clog it up. OH, and here is what they have to dip in it: Graham crackers, Nilla Wafers (which are just blonde graham crackers!!! Try a little variety people!) and marshmallows, which I don't eat. I did not partake. I am angered

7:30 pm: My rage does not abate when I realize that there is ONLY flavor of cake: chocolate. I SPECIFICALLY ASKED ABOUT THE CAKE SITUATION AND I WAS ASSURED THAT THERE WOULD BE SOME OTHER CHOICE BESIDES CHOCOLATE. Flames shoot from my ears, molten lava flows from my mouth. I am mad. This evening and weekend as a whole have JUST been ruined.

I could put up with annoying people on the 8 hour drive there, I can put up with incompetence in reception decorating. I can even put up with the lack of food (when there is a promise of non-chocolate cake here and a real meal after we leave). But I will not, I SHALL NOT accept the cake situation. Who does that? I mean, who buys a GIANT chocolate sheet cake and THEN makes her fancy two-tiered decorated cake ALSO chocolate? UUUGHHH, I was so mad. It officially ruined everything and I wanted to leave right then.

I was not the only one. Our family make up well over half the guests there. There was no dancing, silly music and crazy people. My family was DEFINITELY the fun table of the evening.

8:00 pm: I get my hair cut SHORT. Whacked would be a good way to describe it. I love it. You might even get to see a picture of it. We'll see. . .

9:00 pm: It's over. We are done. We start to put up the chairs.

9:05 pm: Clarin's mom comes over and asks Tina who told her to do it. Tina says, "I just do what I'm told" basically pushing the blame onto some other phantom person. The mom is still upset. She says, "Well, since it started late, we are going to go until 9:30." WHEN WILL THIS TORTURE END? Ughhh!! Let us out of our misery already.

Nathan decides to clear out the chapel his own special way. He decides to "smoke them out." And how will he do this? Why with the BFTT's of course!! He picks a group of people standing around and he goes in and pretends to joint the conversation. About 10 seconds into it, he turns around and puts his bum in the center of the circle and then lets out a silent but deadly gas explosion. And then he just walks away. Oh boy does it work!!

And he had us all in hysterics. Watching everyone clear out and then in just a few minutes the smell was everywhere. And it lingered like you wouldn't believe. And he did it over and over again. It was the best part of the night.

9:30 pm: We finally get out. And then we get to go have some real food. And the weekend was basically over. And not a moment too soon, if you ask my opinion.

So that was a really long post to basically say the following: My family is hilarious and chocolate cake sucks. Man, I am still mad about that. I think that I will go to a cake store and sample the different kinds of cake just to gt some good cake. I'M PISSED ABOUT THAT CAKE!!! Who wants to eat some cake with me? I promise it won't be chocolate.