I'm back! Let the rejoicing begin!

I know that many of you don't really give a crap that I was out of town for a week. But I know that some of you DO!! And that makes me SOOOO happy. And loved. Know what else made me feel loved when I was gone? Marcelo. He called me all the time. At least once a day, and most times more. Finally on like Tuesday I said, "do you miss me or something?" and he said, "YES! I thought it would be cool having the house to myself. But it's boring being just me and Raya."

He loves me!! He missed me! He missed me so much, he offered to come pick me up from the airport. Reagan was going to come and do it, and I think she was kind of upset that Marcelo was missing me and volunteered to come get me. Anyway, it was nice to be missed.

And what did I do on my vacation? NOTHING!! And that's just how I wanted it to be. I *would* break down what I did day by day, but it was the same every day. And it went like this:

7:00 am -Wake up
8:00 am- Have my first breakfast. Usually consisting of about 3 bowls of cereal.
Lay on couch. Chat with Judd. Laugh hysterically until I cry
11:00 am-Realize I'm sweating horribly and decide it's time for some Tropical Otter Pops. I eat about 12-15 of them. That is the second breakfast.
Go back to laying on couch. Watch her child destroy her house. Watch Barney videos until nap time.
Eat more Otter Pops
1:00 pm-When nap time is over, we go and get food. It most likely involves fries and an Oreo milkshake. It's lovely.
3:00 pm-Back to laying on the couch laughing my guts out. Watching more Barney and watching her child destroy more of the house.
5:30 pm- My naptime. On Judd's bed. I love naps
7:30 pm-Parmenter gets home. He makes no comments about how Judd has let the child destroy the house, and she hasn't done a single dish or washed a single article of clothing. I really REALLY want Marcelo to be that kind and understanding on those "special" days. But I know that won't always be the case. And who knows? Maybe Parmenter was being on his "Good" behavior since I was there. But I don't think so. I'm sure that he's like that always. He's SOOO calm and cool all the time. I bet he could walk in to his house on fire and still just be calm and cool.
7:45 pm- Eat another 45 Otter Pops
8:00 pm-Judd apologizes once again about the fact that we haven't done anything. I tell her again that I don't care
We spend the next few hours talking about the mission, about members and missionaries that were in love with us (ok, mostly with her, but I had one or two here and there) And catching up on our families. It's ridiculous how much we know about the lives of each other. And it was awesome to just have the time to sit and enjoy conversation without having to worry about having to be somewhere in a few minutes.
12:00 am-We finally go to bed. I feel badly because i know that her baby will be up in a few hours.

You need to know that Judd wouldn't let me pick up anything, or pay for anything. She was diligent about making sure that her baby didn't dive bomb me and end up jumping on my head or belly. (Her baby REALLY wanted to be crawling across my belly all the time). She wouldn't let me help her bring in groceries or do her dishes. I felt like I needed to "earn my keep" but she wouldn't let me!!

THAT'S what I'm talking about! I didn't know someone could be so nice to pregnant women. At my office I'm instructed to move desks and carry files and bend over all the time. No one cares that I'm pregnant, and if I were to groan from belly pain, I'm sure I would have someone take it out on me because they were pissed at being reminded again that I'm pregnant. Judd is like the best caretaker anyone could every ask for. She's what my mom SHOULD be. Instead of trying to get me to cut down to 1 egg and 1 piece of toast, she tells me that I should make my value meal a large so I get the big fries. Love love LOVE her.

And Judd is a great mom. Her little girl is suffering some pretty hard urology problems, and she takes 5 days to dote on her friend from out of town. I give Judd some serious credit for keeping her cool with possible Darby surgery on the horizon. (You would too if you knew her meticulous and worrying tendencies). But honestly, she's taking this all in stride and doing so well. With company!! Who does nothing but watch her TV and eat all her Otter Pops.

But we had some freaking great times doing nothing. I really did laugh so hard I cried. And Judd laughed so hard she almost wet her pants. THAT'S what I'm talking about! And I didn't say this to Judd before I left but I was so jealous of how much she and her husband cuddled and snuggled together. I'm not "cuddle" size right now and Marcelo and I can't both fit on the couch. Judd and her husband can fit on ONE couch and they are so freaking cute. Alicia=jealous

Anyway, I loved being able to take naps whenever I wanted and read the book Reagan loaned me, "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy". TANGENT: I find the book informative, but SUPER biased. Like the author says that you should take your time, sleep whenever you want, and why risk doing something that MIGHT hurt your baby? (like exercise) And then she goes off about how dying your hair *probably* wouldn't' do anything. She says the jury is still out on weather the toxins will do anything to your baby. Some say that it will, others say that it won't. But she doesn't care becuase she's not going to give up her weekly dye job. It just seems that she's conservative and cautious when it comes to pregnancy only when it doesn't disturb her vanity. TANGENT OVER

I am glad to be home, but I wish Judd lived closer. Or I lived closer to her. Well, actually it's better because we would probably never get anything done if we lived close to each other. I guess it's just good to go and see your best friends once in a while, and not all the time. You know, so that laundry and dishes can be done SOMETIME!

And finally, I was really happy to get home to Raya and Marcelo. And walk around in my underwear. For some reason Judd and Parmenter always got really uncomfortable when I took off my pants and walked around in just my chones. Seriously, what gives? Just kidding. But I do miss the Otter Pops. I'm going to have to get my own box soon.

I'm back!! Be prepared for frequent hilarity now that I'm here again!

I miss you Judd!

I'm on Vacation!!

I'm officially on vacation. I love being on vacation. Wanna know something? I actually wake up earlier on my vacation days. Like today I was up doing TiVo homework at 6:45 am. I mean, I have to clear my TiVo queue before I go out of town, right? So I HAD to wake up at 6:45 am to get a jump start on things.

It's good though, I really like being able to lay around in my underwear and not be forced to answer any phones. Oh the phones!! I think I hear those phones in my nightmares. But I don't have to answer them for FIVE WHOLE DAYS!! WHOO HOOOO! I'm currently on my couch watching Colbert Report and looking forward taking my dog for a walk. Maybe that will help the swelling in the feet go down

Speaking of swelling feet, I went to my doctor's office yesterday and had a very uncomfortable time. He had me get naked from the waist down and he got a glimpse of my cankles and my pitting edema. (He wasn't concerned when I told him that it goes away every night as I elevate my feet) Anyway, I had to have the bacteria test "DOWN THERE" and that was like a 1 on the scale of un-comfortableness. (I guess maybe the fact that I was naked from the waist down makes it more like a 2). But THEN my doctor checked my cervix. Why didn't anyone tell me how much that would hurt?

Granted, I'm sure that I tightened up the moment he touched me and that made it lots more hurtful. But still!! Holy crap! All that just to learn that my cervix is 100% closed. Actually, I'm quite happy to learn that. That means that I was cleared to go to AZ for my vacation. So I guess that if I had to go through that to get a clear to fly, I would do that again.

Marcelo still gets kinda upset when he knows that people (specifically another man) are sticking their fingers inside me to check things. I think he needs to realize that when I'm in the hospital that act will occur every few hours. And then he needs to realize that everyone is going to get a glimpse of my hooter while I push this baby out. So he needs to get over this really quickly

But the BEST part of the visit to the doctor was when I had to pee in the cup. I hadn't gone pee all morning and so by the time I went to the hospital I was prancing around trying to hold it in. When I finally got into the bathroom, I continued the dancing while I wrote my name and birthday on my cup. (Have you ever tried to write your name on a cup that already has pee on it? You only make that mistake once)

So I FINALLY get to pee in the cup and as I'm looking down, I see something strange on the floor. It looks like someone has spilled something on the floor. I wonder who would've brought a drink into the bathroom, and who would've had it so close to the toilet. And then I realize that it's PEE!!! Someone (maybe more than one person, considering the splash pattern on the floor) has missed the bowl entirely and has peed on the floor.

ORRRRR maybe as they were pulling the cup out from under them they spilled. I think that might be worse because it probably got on their hand in the process and who knows what they touched before they washed their hands again. Needless to say, there was a good amount of dried urine on the floor. I just stared at it, considered it, and laughed.

And then I went out and got weighed, and I wasn't laughing anymore. I actually don't know what my current weight is, because I choose not to look at the scale. I know it's big, but just how big? I don't know. I'll just keep not looking until they tell me that I've broken the scale and they now have to weigh me at the zoo on the elephant scale.

Also, we all met Jake's girlfriend Clarin. She seems nice. I mean, she's kinda got that "savior" mentality. I think that she's trying to be Jake's rescuer/mother and help him get back on track. I think that's all well and good, but you can't make someone change just because you want it. Anyway, she's 21 (Jake just turned 19 a week ago) and she's going to the Bon Losee hair school. I think that she's a nice enough girl.

But. . . . . (you knew there was a but) she has jacked up teeth. Apparently my family is a TEETH family. Judd will remember that was the first comment I made about Renfijo when I learned she was Judd's previous companion. And Nate and Julie had met Clarin before my mom did and they BOTH mentioned the teeth. Why is that? What is our problem? I mean, it's not like we were born with great teeth? We all have them after many painful and expensive years of braces.

And it's not like we can't see past that. I mean I married a guy that CLEARLY doesn't have perfect teeth. (I think now would be a good time to talk about the fact that I basically married the opposite of what I always was attracted to and thought that I would marry. DISCUSS) Anyway, apparently that's the first thing we see. But usually the problem has to be BAD and very noticeable. If it's just a little problem, I easily forget about it when I think about the person.

The thing that really threw me off were the fake nails. I think it says something about a woman that has fake nails and routinely must get them "FILLED". I don't know, I just don't really like the look of fake nails and the women who have them, and I think it says something about them. What is that "something" that it says? I don't know, but that "something" puts me off and I am wary of those girls. What does that say about me? I'm a horrible horrible person. It's ok, you can say it.

I need to go now and eat some breakfast. All I've had to eat today is some Toaster Strudel and a piece of pumpkin pie with cool whip. It was lovely, but not enough. It might be time for some "quality control" Totino's pizza.

I'M ON VACATION!!!

Quality Assured

I primarily eat junk food these days. Well, that's not 100% true. My diet consists of eggs, toast and several bowls of cereal throughout the day. I'll usually make Marcelo a totally separate dinner because when I get home at 5:30 I'm starving and I'll wolf down two bowls of Cheerios. (Cheerios are currently my cereal of choice. Before it was Rice Krispies, and before that it was Corn Flakes. I don't do those sugar cereals. They give me acid) So by the time I roll around to making him dinner at 6:30 or 8:45 (or 10:00 pm like last night) I'm not hungry any more.

That's not my point. My point is that in the last 2 days I've made some crappy food choices. I haven't hit a fast food drive through in probably 6 weeks, so I'm doing better there. But I still can buy crap at the grocery store. Like yesterday I bought a box of donuts and a bag of generic cheese balls. I finished off that bag of cheese balls today. It was lunch. Isn't that disgusting? And then for dinner, I had one of those 99 cent Totino's pizzas.

And that's what my blog is about. Quality. This is the picture that was on my pizza box: What do you think about it? I think I should've been scared when some "food substance" has to ASSURE me of it's quality. First, they don't think that I can discern what is good quality and what isn't? (Actually, they make a good point: The fact that I'm eating $1 pizza might say that I lack some food judgment)

Secondly, the word ASSURED is like one of those purposefully deceitful words. Like the pizza is saying "I swear this won't give you the runs in 8 hours! Trust me!! I'm delicious! Look, the word assured is right there!! You can count on me for a good food experience!!"

However, I am a sucker when it comes to pizza. And here is why: I really haven't had it too much in the past 8 and a half months. The first few months of my pregnancy I suffered from a little lactose intolerance, so I tried to cut out all cheese and milk. So pizza was out. That was sad. And then I just didn't want it. I more craved fries and cereal and salad. I know, weird combo right?

Anyway, recently I tried pizza again and realized that there is a reason I've been avoiding it: my body gets HORRIBLE acid reflux from the tomato sauce. We are talking 2 am being awoken by my whole neck and chest on fire from the inside out. I stumble downstairs and chew up 2 Tums and swallow them quickly so they'll start to work instantly. And then I suck on a third one whilst walking back to bed in a half dead state. To avoid this I have to have pizza with white sauce or eat it at least 6 hours before I go to bet to let the pizza work its way down.

But it's not just pizza, it's all tomato products. I don't like spaghetti with marinara sauce, and I can't eat tomato soup. You should know that before this I was a tomato freak. I hope it comes back after the baby is gone. I will be so sad if I can't stand them after this. Like I said I am a sucker for tomatoes and pizza.

Oh!! Lynn! Remember when I ate pizza like 10 times in those two weeks Marcelo was in Ecuador without me?

TANGENT: Many of you might be asking, "why did Marcelo go to Ecuador without you?" Oh, that's a good story. Here's how it went:

Jean: You can't go on vacation in August. If you want to take two weeks in May, I'll let you go for two whole weeks in May.
Me: No, I need to go in August. All his family will be there. That's when the trip has been planned for more than a year.
Jean: You can't go in August for two whole weeks. I'll only give you 10 days. I can't give you the two full weeks in a row.
Me: Your vacation policy says that I get two weeks. I want to take them together. The policy doesn't say anything about not being able to take all my time at once
Jean: Well, I'll change the policy then.
Me: I don't know what I'm going to do. . .
Jean: Well you can go, but you won't have a job waiting for you when you get back.
Me: You would fire me for taking my vacation when I wanted?
Jean: Absolutely.

And then Jean proceeded to go to every agent in the office and tell them that I walked into her office, and DEMANDED that she give me these days off. She tells them that I said she'd better give me the days off, or I was quitting. I want you to go back and read that conversation. Who threatens WHO with being fired? And then she turns around and says that I was the one that did it!! I guess we aren't surprised, right? Twist the story and make me the enemy, make ME the monster. Typical Miranda Priestly. END OF TANGENT

So when he was gone those two weeks, I slept alone, ate alone, watched lots of TV and ate TONS of pizza. I think I had it about a million times. And it was heavenly. And I came to work and said, "Lynn, what do you think I had to eat for lunch?" and she would say, "Pizza?" and I would say, "YES!!!" and I would relive the experience again in my mind. Good times.

And how does this relate do cheep Totino's pizzas? Because even though they have ASSURED me of their quality, I don't think they use real tomatoes to make their pizza. I think it's a red, salty vegetable based sauce they use between the crispy crust and thin layer of cheese. But I don't think it's technically tomato. So I think that even though I ate one about an hour ago it shouldn't cause any problems tonight. We'll see. I'll let you know. In this case the lack of quality might be to my benefit.

Now, I would like to take some time to state some things I'm thankful to have in my life. I'm thankful for good friends. I have the best friends. Friends that would walk through hell for me. Friends that would drive down from Draper to pick me up or to have lunch with me. Friends that would get a credit card and max it out so they could be at my wedding in Ecuador. Friends that would come pick me up from the airport. (That's how I determine if someone is a good friend: Can I ask them to pick me up or drop me off at the airport? I really only have a few of those people in my life) Friends that would offer to bring me zebra cakes when I'm having a bad day. Friends that back me up and I never have to question their motives or loyalties to me. Like I said, I don't have many of these, but I'm so thankful for the ones I have.

I'm thankful to be pregnant. Reagan says that I'm not a good pregnant person because I don't complain enough. Wanna know a secret? I secretly feel like I should do this pregnancy naturally becuase my pregnancy has been so freaking easy. I mean, what is the worst thing I've dealt with? Nighttime acid maybe only 4 nights and swollen feet? I know how to prevent the acid and if I just walk a little everyday, my feet will go right down. Seriously, I have NOTHING to complain about. Also, why was I so lucky to get pregnant so quickly? I mean, it was like all Marcelo had to do was look at me and I was knocked up. And I never miscarried! I'm actually surprised Marcelo and I weren't pregnant by accident earlier. Turns out the two of us make babies ridiculously easy.

I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be a mother. I think that it's so sad that some people choose money or possessions or certain lifestyles rather than the total and complete joy of being a parent. I mean, some people actually brag about the fact that they don't have kids and therefore can obtain more physical belongings. Isn't that the saddest thing you've ever heard? I mean, is that diamond bracelet going to hold your hand when you are on your death bed? Will that new ski boat have grandchildren that you can play with? Will your fantastic wardrobe and shoe collection snuggle with you at night when you are cold? And will that car talk to you and ask you how your day was and kiss you when you get home? (If you said yes, you should not be commended for having a rocking car, you should be checked for schizophrenia.)

Finally, I am so SO SO thankful for a husband that believes what I do about the importance of staying at home to raise our child. I think that the only thing sadder than not having children is having children and then giving them to someone else to raise. It's like those people that buy houses only to have someone else clean them for them. I mean, what is the purpose of a child for you? Bragging rights? So you can feel good about yourself? Because you think a kid is this Spring's coolest accessory? Parents who put their own desires and wishes in front of those of their child's are the worst kind. Better to just NOT have a kid than to have one and pass it off.

Take it from someone who knows: Your children can tell INSTANTLY if they are not the most important thing to you. I had one parent that clearly had kids for the wrong reason, and one parent that loves their kids unconditionally. Let's just say that the former really doesn't have a strong relationship with any of their kids. DON'T BE THAT KIND OF PARENT! (Who am I talking to exactly there? I don't know. MAYBE IT'S YOU!!)

Anyway, I am thankful tonight. I am so blessed. I promise my little gusano that I may not make every decision correctly, but as far as parenting goes, they can know that I'm "Quality Assured"

Have a happy Sunday everyone!!

We're not going to take it. . .

So Heather, remember when you were leaving and Jean didn't want you in the meetings to interview new assistants? Wanna know why? Because she was humping your head. She was telling you that you weren't important to this office anymore. Interviews have started. I am not invited.

However, she can't keep them away from me forever! The moment I get a chance to meet with them, I'm TOTALLY going to let them know exactly what this job is really like. I'm also going to tell them that Jean will try to make it sound like I'm a horrible person and that they can't believe anything I say. However, I will let them know that 3 other previous assistants (Heather, Karley and Lynn) will all back me up on this. And I'll let her know that if she wants to know what Jean is really like, all she has to do is listen to my recordings.

If someone actually takes the job after that, she is a mental defective and it serves her right. Or maybe she's such a simpleton that she'll appreciate a little molding by Jean. Like a RM who marries a stupid 18 year old because he knows he can tell her whatever he wants and she will lick it up loving every minute of it. THAT'S what Jean wants. And she'll make sure that they are single so there is no chance of them getting pregnant.

Anyway, this post isn't about that. It's about a series of emails back and forth from Matt and I. Here's the back story: last week Matt sent me an email saying "Please get Donna Gaffin the utility information for her new Suncrest home in Draper. You need to call the HOA too. You should talk to a person named _____" (I can't remember his actual name, but I remember having the emailed opened as I talked to Donna) So then I looked up the number for Draper city, and then got the number for Rocky Mountain Power and Questar Gas. And I called her.

She wrote down the info that I had, and then we started talking about Suncrest. I started to give her the number for Comcast, but she was pretty sure the HOA paid for cable. I said, "I have the name here, but I don't have a phone number" she said, "oh, I have it here, I'll just call them." I said, "Are you sure? I can call them if you would like." She again said no, it was fine, but thanked me for my help and that was the end.

Well, starting this week, Matt turns into a TOTAL tweaker. He starts leaving me multiple messages asking about the Gaffin file and the loan. The loan is another story, but let's just say that he wasn't listening to me when I gave him the info he needed. When I called one person to get the story, that wasn't good enough for him: he would make me call 2 others JUST TO CHECK. Like I said, TWEAKER

It's around Wednesday that I learn that there are TWO HOA's for Suncrest. He says he wants me to call the other agent, and find the number and info for the second HOA. The agent never calls me back. I call again. No call back. I'm sorry, but I can only make so many phone calls in one day.

So today was the closing. Matt went to the closing, and was REALLY upset to find out that the Gaffin's in fact DIDN'T have the Suncrest HOA or the other HOA numbers. He asked that I try the other agent (whose name is Ron, by the way. That will be important later) one more time. I FINALLY get a hold of him and get the number of the Suncrest HOA. Ron told me that the second HOA really hadn't been organized yet, so he would be the contact for the next little while. I passed all this info onto Matt, quite pleased with myself for finding out so much. But then I get this email:

Sent: Friday, April 18, 2008 1:36 PM
To: Alicia Loor
Subject: SUNCREST HOA

FYI: the number you gave me wasn't correct. I was directed to speak with Todd Bean, Community Manager, at 572-1233. Let me be clear: this is the information I had wanted you to get for Donna Gaffin -- i.e., a name and a contact number. Giving her a general Suncrest HOA number is the customer service equivalent of when you ask a kid to get his mom for you and he shouts "MOM!" without moving a muscle.

So, where was the disconnect here? What exactly was your understanding of my request to supply Donna with the Suncrest HOA information? What's weird about this is that you're normally super attentive to these kinds of things. Anyway, please let me know if this feedback is constructive. I'd like to see improvement in our communication. In general you do a phenomenal, top-notch job, so these complete and total disconnects are really quite weird.

Thanks!
Matt

Please tell me this email enrages you as much as it does me. Seriously,that was the most condescending email I've ever read, and he has the nerve to say, "was that constructive? Let me know" So I did. I let him know JUST what I thought. This is my response:

Matt,

This is what you just wrote:

"What exactly was your understanding of my request to supply Donna with the Suncrest HOA information?"

I guess my understanding was that I should get her the number. Did I know that there was a general number, a clubhouse number, a community manager number and then number only used for certain days of the week? No, how was I supposed to know that? Did you make that clear to me? No, all you said was "Get Donna Gaffin the HOA number"

Secondly, when I talked to Donna on the phone, she said to me "I HAVE THAT ALREADY" I offered to call and find out what the utilities were that came through the HOA, but she said no. I said, "Oh, do you have the number already? I can still call it for you if you would like" She said no thanks, that she would call him, and then said the name of the contact there (the same name that you gave me) and so I knew she had the right information.

Thirdly, the number I gave you was the number I got from Ron this morning when I could FINALLY get a hold of him. He gave me that number. I'm sorry if it was incorrect, but again, how would I have known that? He gave me that number and I believed him. I guess I shouldn't believe what people tell me anymore. Also, not knowing that there were MULTIPLE numbers for the HOA, I was sure that that number would be enough.

I guess my problem is that the tone of your letter suggests that you somehow think that my "inattentiveness" to these items is recent. Maybe you are viewing me differently now that you realize that I'm going to be leaving in May. But I've known that I would be leaving in May for many months now, and by your own admission I am usually "super attentive" to these things. That being the case, it's obvious that I didn't' decide to "check out" back in September when I found out that I was pregnant. You made it clear in your last letter that I have continued my level of professionalism and hard work.

However it seems that since my announcement yesterday more people have decided to become quite short with me and blame me for more things that normal. I would like you to know that in this case, I did everything possible to get the number from Ron short of riving up to see him personally.

I feel that every time you tell me to call Donna, or Ron or someone else, I do just what you want. But for some reason it's not good enough. For some reason I should KNOW that there are 2 HOA's for that property, or that there are multiple numbers for one HOA without anyone explaining this to me. I don't expect you to know things without being told them, so I'm a little upset that the same courtesy isn't extended to me.

Finally, I guess you can have your own opinion about me. It's quite obvious that everyone here has decided to write me off as "disassociated" or "checked out" when that is not the case at all. I am still being paid for a job, so I'm going to continue to do it. All I can do it keep working hard. I cannot change how people in this office view me.

Thanks,
Alicia Loor

I think that I made it pretty clear: His email pissed me off and he's a jerk off for even insinuating that I've been "disconnected" at all. I think that it got to him, because he TOTALLY backed down. He eventually sent me this short and quick email:

Very good. Just know that I'm jut trying to improve our customer service -- especially in situations like the Gaffins where we're basically completely out of the loop.

There was one more email in between those where he said that we should email everything. He said that if I emailed her, then we wouldn't have this problem because I could show proof that I did it. I reminded him that the Gaffin's were driving across the country and didn't have access to a computer, and that's why I called her about the utilities in the first place. He responded with the email you just read above I think we put that item of business to rest.

I'm so glad I responded with the nasty email. I know that many of you won't think that it's THAT nasty, but for me it was really hard to send it. I actually had Lynn read it first and she was like "SEND IT NOW!! IT'S PERFECT!!!" I really don't think that I would've done it unless someone told me to do it. It was kinda scary. I'm sure Jean will eventually read it and try to use it against me. Whatever. I expect that.

And lastly, I want you to know how wonderful my husband is. He asked me for Jean and Matt's email address. He's going to defend my honor to them. He said that he's going to write Matt and say, "I don't know what is the matter with you, but I would never treat YOUR wife the way you have treated mine. Even if she and I worked together. I used to think you were a better person than that. I guess you really showed me your true self"

Isn't that cute! I mean it won't do a dang thing, but I LOVE that he's going to do it. Even if it causes more problems for me. AND I'm not going to mention that he's only doing it NOW right before I'm about to leave. We're not thinking about that. Let's all just think about how great he is for doing it all. I love my husband!

What will I blog about when I leave my job? Let's hope I still can have crazy experiences!

Here it is, Just what you have been waiting for

It's on the right. It's called "The Announcement." I'm sorry, it's not great. Just as anti-climatic as I worried about. The meeting lasted 33 minutes, and I put out the "announcement" about minute 20. Guess how long the baby discussion was? TWO FREAKING MINUTES!! I made it around minute 20, and then it was 2 minutes long, and then after that we continued to talk about CRAP for another 11 minutes. There's your 33 minutes.

Wanna know why I think Jean did that? Because she's a power hungry wench. And she can't stand the thought that we would end the meeting on "my" terms. UGGGHHH. I would like you to all take notice of my nervous talking thing. I feel the need to fill the space with sound. No one is saying anything. It's horribly uncomfortable. And then Dan goes right back into talking about himself. Nice. Classy. Typical. Jamie actually said it was the STRANGEST thing that she's ever been a part of. But that's only

I would like you to know that it's hard to hear on the recording, but right after I say, "having a baby" Jean says, "We WONDERED when you were going to tell us." She's a liar: she had NO IDEA, but again, it's a power issue. Can't let someone get the "better" of her.

But the BEST part of this whole recording is when Jean starts talking about the racial backgrounds and types of disabled people that she doesn't like to sell homes to because they are "too difficult" to deal with. I like that she's a not-so-closeted homophobe and racist. It makes work interesting to think about what horrible thing she will say today. I'm thinking that she'd better mind her P's and Q's or this recording could end up in the hands of the Utah Real Estate Board of Ethics office or maybe at the Better Business Bureau.

Like I said, I have the whole thing here on my computer. If you are all DESPERATE to hear it, I'll upload it. Oh, the other good part is that right before she says it she says, "Oh, well, i'll just say it. . . We're not being recorded here." Laughable. Ironic. And she continued on with the derogatory statement. Again, very very classy. How much money do you make again? Can you give me that figure again? And then let's hear you say something against people with dark skin. Lovely. Just what I wanted.

Finally, I would like to direct you all to the comments of the previous blog where my former roommate Amy says that my job is now the barometer for horribleness in the workplace. Glad I could be of some use to you all. Remember, it's not REALLY a horrible job unless your boss makes racial slurs, personal attacks and then threatens to sue you. I only wanna hear your work stories if you experience those three things on a daily basis.

Wait, never mind. I don't want to hear your stories. It will just bring up nightmares.

I think I have Summit PTSD.

Calming my nerves before the big day

I should let you all know how the vacation thing went down. It was quite anti-climatic. I'm somewhat worried that my announcement tomorrow will be the same. Wouldn't that just be the worst? I mean all this buildup, all this anticipation and then FLOP. Nothing. Reminds me of my wedding night.

I KID!! I KID!!! I had a great wedding night. But this blog isn't about that. It's about the vacation situation at my office. Well, Jean was reminded about the days Jamie will be absent. And then on Monday, right before that recording was made, we were talking about our files, and the upcoming closings. I reminded her that I was going out of town the 24th to the 30th. She tried to say, "did you tell me that before?" (I actually have that on tape too.) I told her I did, and she was like "oh. . . um. . . .ah. . . .er. . . " and then she was like "oh yeah, now I remember."

What the crap? She totally backed down!! I was really quite disappointed. I really think that she thinks it will be ok, and that she can do it. She has NO IDEA what my job really is. I'm going to make sure to avoid my cell phone all day. I'm sorry, but I only get 5 days of vacation after a FULL year of working. I'm not going to do their jobs from afar. Actually, when the boys heard about it, they freaked out a LOT more than Jean did. I bet I'll get lots of calls from Dan. The kid is clueless.

Anyway, I was upset that she didn't freak out and try to lie so I could get it on tape. I would've LOVED that. But let's hope that she does do the freak out tomorrow. I told Jamie that she has to practice her "surprise face" so she won't be given away by my announcement. And then I have to give my surprise face when she announces her departure as well. I REALLY hope I'm there for that. There is a chance it might happen when I'm gone. But it would be AWESOME to feel their total freak out when they realize that they would be going into the summer not having someone trained to be their whipping boy. MWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA (Maniacal Laughter. Right Bahamas?)

But I really think that I shouldn't do anything too complex with the announcement tomorrow. I'm afraid if they do they will just think I'm not serious about it, or they will take my announcement as trite. I'll just think about it tonight. Turns out I can't sleep anymore. I just stay awake replaying arguments with Jean over and over in my mind. And then I start to imagine OTHER arguments that I haven't had yet with her. So basically, Jean's ruining my days AND my nights.

So let's move on. Baby news. This baby is freaking out. And my belly is starting to HURT everytime I stand up. Not just my belly, but my legs too. When I get up from my desk, I feel like I've just stepped off the stair master after a grueling half hour workout there. I groan a lot. (Jamie can testify to that) and I kinda do this wheezing moaning thing in rhythm too. It makes me feel better to hear something rhythmic coming from my mouth.

Like as I type this right now, it's moving around on the left side and causing me a good amount of discomfort. The pain also radiates down to my "lady spot". How graphic is that? Sorry about that. Here's my fear: I'm not going to know when I go into labor. Maybe all of you mothers just laughed out loud when I said that. Because you are like "THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN MISS IT" But here's the thing: I thought I was going into labor last week. Wanna know what it really was? Diarrhea.

Yeah, you read that right. I was chatting with Reagan online and I was like, "I don't know what is going on! My belly is freaking out!" and she's like "is it coming in waves?" and I was like "YES!!" And she was like "Do you feel it in your back?" and I was like "OH YEAH!!" She was like "Uh, I would call your doctor." I told her that I was going to go to the bathroom first, and see if that helped. And it did, of course.

How horrible is that? I confused diarrhea with having a baby. Actually, that should say something about how painful my diarrhea is. But enough poop talk. The point of that little story is that sometimes I just feel pain, and I'm not great at realizing what that pain means. That has also happened with painful gas, a torn ligament and hunger. I worry that it will be the same when it's time for the baby to come. I'm scared.

Secondly, Jamie told me this freaked out story about an acquaintance of hers that had an epidural and it went badly and she's been in physical therapy to learn how to WALK again for like a year and a half. She still walks with a limp and she was told that she probably shouldn't have any more kids. She's like 20 years old!! I don't know, but after hearing that I'm still not dead set on the epidural!

Reagan says that to NOT have one is like giving the finger to medical science and all their advancements. But what if I get a anesthesiologist who's a closet drunk and he puts in a bad line and I can't walk for years? What if I have a bad reaction and half of my body goes paralyzed and they have to bring in the crash cart for fear I'm about to go into cardiac arrest (that's another bad epidural story I heard)

Do I want to have a natural birth? NO!!! But isn't there something in between lower body paralyzation and feeling every little rip and tear of your precious lady friend? You would think with all the medical advancements that we have they would've figured some other way to make birth comfortable without putting your SPINAL COLUMN at risk.

Sorry, I know I've talked about this way too much. I'll leave it at that. Anyway, I'm so freaking excited to go visit the Judd in AZ. I need to finalize the details with her. Do I need to bring my air mattress? Extra pillow? Sound machine to drown out my horrific snoring? I should probably find this out soon, seeing is how I'll be there in like 9 days. MAN, I'm excited.

Ok, off to bed. Please be thinking of me around 9 am tomorrow when I go to my doom. . .

SOUND BITE UPDATE!

After hours on the computer, I finally figured out how to upload the recordings with Jean. The first one has been posted on the sidebar. It's date is from April 1st.

The one right below it is from today, is titled "Conversations With the Devil #20 April 14th" and is MUCH longer. I didn't want to comment too much on it. I really want your comments about what you think.

I guess you need a little background to understand what is going on. I told her that I'm listing my home, and she told me that I would have to pay her 70% of 3% of the total purchase price of the home. She's never done this with any other agent and with any other assistant. So what ensues is me questioning this practice.

Again, please comment on this post about how lame I sound, and how horrible Jean is. And then comment on how I'm a genius for figuring it out all on my own. Just like a big girl!!