Book Review-Apples are from Kazakhstan

I don't know about you, but books with cool covers pull me in. This one definitely pulled me in. It kind of looks like the Twilight cover!! Except it talks about Kazakhstan. Also, it was kind of a small book (I thought. I didn't look at the script size) and so I thought it would be a good read.

Then I open the cover and the summary talks about how Kazakhstan is a great hidden country and it has all these cool things that no one knows about. And on the back it says a quote from the UK's Daily Telegraph: "A fascinating read. . Extremely entertaining and informative. . .Hilarious."

*****SPOILER ALERT*****

THIS BOOK WAS NOT HILARIOUS!!

*****SPOILER OVER*****

I think that the author started writing this book and started telling funny stories about his time in the country that were entertaining, for sure. You know, the surly woman at the hotel counter who doesn't understand English. The badly translated menu that offers "Water Melons of Mother-in-law" and "Close your eyes and open your mouth" (I'm tastefully avoiding a sexual joke on that last one). Super funny for sure!! But that's NOT what this book is about. Not by a long shot.

This book is about the tragedy that IS Russia. What it did to it's own people, and what it did to this very VERY resource-rich country of Kazakhstan. It's about how the country has had to fight and claw and thrash just to be able to have it's people not freeze to death on the steppes. Yes, it's mostly about the people. The good Kazakh man and woman just living their lives. . . .amid hundreds of years of occupation, torture, socialism, backstabbing, tyranny . . .well, you get it.

I will agree that this book is 150% informative. . .INFORMING ME THAT RUSSIA WAS ONCE THE DEVIL NATION ITSELF! I don't know how anyone survived those years. And I mean, we are talking like less than 20 years ago. I remember seeing the wall fall. It's crazy the stuff that they had to go through before that. Having the police show up at your house and imprison you just because you are different. There is a horrible story about a boy and his father that moved from South Africa (Basically a "Little England" in Africa) because they were told that Russia was so great!! And Socialism is so great!! And we all share!! Isn't that great??

But when father and son got there, they made him wait like a YEAR to GET INTO the country because they didn't trust them thinking they were spies. You know, they advertise for people to come and then get all upset when people DO come. . .because who would want to come to Russia? And then they just show up at his house 2 years later and basically arrest the father for being an outsider and put him in a prison camp where he dies in 2 years. The son was told that he would never be anything because he wasn't really really Russian. AND THIS IS HOW THEY TREAT THE PEOPLE THEY JUST BEGGED TO BE THERE!! Baffling.

So let's talk about the horrible tragedies this book covers: Work camps where the number of dead is unknown? Check. Nuclear bomb tests and the horrible repercussions of that? Check. Freezing cold winters were people routinely lose limbs (not digits, but LIMBS)? Check. Shrinking bodies of water due to poor land management resulting in loss of life, vegetation and food supply? Check. Biggest stockpile of Nuclear weapons outside of USA, Russia and Ukraine? CHECK!

This book is harsh. It made me feel like I was back in college. And not the cool times, like when I was watching movies that whole semester in prep for going into the film department (consequently the ONLY semester I ever got a 4.0!). No, it reminds me of that crappy part of college when I never got asked out, and instead of going on a date on Friday night I went to the library and read a book about the tragedies in Kazakhstan. Yeah, those kinds of college memories.

But you should totally read it!! It was HILARIOUS!!!

P.S. There is some talk about apples coming from Kazakhstan, but I didn't really care. Mostly because I was trying to get the image of a Russian death camp out of my mind. SOCIALISM ROCKS!!

Some Clarifications

I have not run a 5K race yet. I'm currently planning on running the 4th of July "Freedom Run" this summer. I hope I'll just be able to finish the thing before they start cleaning up the race behind me. That's the most embarrassing thing!

Next: Those cookies. Here is the basic recipe for them:

3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup butter-flavored Crisco shortening
1 tsp vanilla
1 large egg
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

So that's your basic generic Chocolate Chip cookie recipe. When I usually make these, I'll put in a cup of brown sugar and 1/2 cup white. I like my cookies chewy rather than crispy and crunchy and the molasses in the brown sugar does that. (I'm SOOO channeling that cookie episode of "Good Eats" right now). However, last week when I made the cookies, I didn't even have 3/4 cup of brown sugar!! I think I had like barely over 1/2 cup. But I just made up the rest with white sugar. You can do that, it's fine. (Also, if you LIKE crispy crunchy cookies then you SHOULD use more white sugar)

However, I was so happy that they didn't turn out crunchy at all. I think it's because I used the shortening, which I almost never do. ORRRR it could be the fact that I ate them when they were so hot that they still burned my mouth. Any cookie right from the oven is going to be soft and chewy.

Now for the chips. I used a half of a bag of butterscotch chips. And for the semi-sweet chips I used this left-over bar of 80% cocoa chocolate made by Lindt. And that bar of chocolate is actually what inspired the cookies in the first place. See, if you've ever had some chocolate that's over 45% cocoa it's usually just too much. It's bitter and really closely resembles baking chocolate. However, if you take that bar of chocolate and chop it up with your knife, you get little tiny shavings of bitter-sweet chocolate in every bite. And it's not overwhelmingly bitter. The sugar of the cookies and the butterscotch chips makes it all even out.

I would suggest you chop up chips or a bar of chocolate for ALL cookies, whether or not you are trying to get rid of an old chocolate bar or not. The tiny little shavings melt and stay soft and don't really crystallize and it just makes your cookies AWESOME. It's kind of a hassle, but I've always had the best cookies come out when I do this. Try it, you'll thank me later.

So that's my cookie story. Did I mention that these cookies are awesome? I think I still have that 1/2 bag of butterscotch chips around here somewhere. Maybe I should make another batch. . . .

10 Great Things about Losing Weight

10. Eating less food means buying less food which means spending less money. Yeah money!

9. You no longer are dreading seeing your very vocal in-laws in 6 weeks.

8. You don't huff and puff walking up the steps to the chapel.

7. Your haunches no long brush the sides of a chair when you sit.

6. You no longer have to ask for one of those seat extenders when you are on a plane. (Actually, the only time I've ever asked for one was coming back from AZ when I was almost 9 months pregnant. So don't judge me too harshly on that one)

5. You no long sound like a lawn mower when you sleep so your husband has no problem curling up next to you every night anymore! I LOOOOVE spooning.

4. Your legs don't rub together when you walk. . . .so much.

3. You no longer look like a freak blob next to your petite and perfect baby.

2. You are strong enough to run in the Provo 5K that you've been talking about for months now.

1. Your wedding ring, which you haven't worn for WELL OVER 18 months, now fits you once again. So you are no longer silently judged by all the BYU crap nuggets that walk by you and see your child but no ring on your finger. Hooray for not being a slut!!


What are your favorite things about losing weight?

Back on the Wagon

Those blasted cookies are finally gone. I don't want to tell you how many I had to eat to get rid of all of them, but I did it!! Hooray.

I'm having a REALLY hard time losing weight. I've lost about 20 pounds, but now I'm stuck. I know it's because of the food choices I make. I mean, I'm running for like 45 min a day, so I know the exercise part is there. But the eating? So not going well.

An I'm not one of those women for who the pregnancy weight just falls off. Like those people that don't do anything and are back to pre-pregnancy weight in 2 or 3 months. That is NOT me. I've had to work my but off, and I'm still 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. And that PP weight is like a BA-MILLION pounds more than I want to be.

Anyway, I'm trying to be better with my food choices. Thank heaven those damn cookies are gone. They were so amazingly good. I would burn my mouth on them ALL THE TIME because I couldn't wait for them to cool down. Ohhh, they were good.

Ok, I'm going to take my baby for a walk and try not to think about those amazing cookies.

A Few Numbers for You

Here are a few numbers for you to ponder:

5:56am Time my alarm clock went off in order for me to go to the gym

6:30am: Time I actually got up and went to the gym

640: Number of calories I burned at the gym

11 am: Time at which I threw my diet out of the window for the day by consuming. . .

5: Number of cookies I ate. These are homemade cookies with butterscotch and dark chocolate chips. I made up a batch of dough and then in order to *prevent* myself from eating them all (HA!! Read that as ironic laughter!), I made little disks out of them and then froze those disks in the freezer. So now if I want one, I pull out an individual disk and cook the cookie fresh.

This plan was genius in my mind until I started to think about a piping hot cookie right from the toaster over (oh yeah, you can cook them in the toaster over for like 10 min and then you don't have to wait for the oven to heat up. So evil). And after I start thinking about the hot pile of crispy deliciousness that could quickly be mine and I just want more.

Oh, by the way, for all my southern ladies, I'll have you know I used half butter and half butter flavored Crisco in those SOB cookies. DAMN YOU SOUTHERNERS FOR EVER TELLING ME ABOUT CRISCO!! I'm looking at you Judd. . . . AND LYNN. Yeah, you know who you are and what you did.

So there I am trying to fight my urge for another cookie, or 2 or 3 and so I decide to have lunch which turns out to be. . .

8x8: Size of pan full of Au Gratin potatoes that I consumed all by myself.

4:30 pm: My husband went back to school until after 9. So you know what that means. . . .

3: Yup, I made myself 3 more cookies. I curse myself for ever putting them into pre-measured little disks. I mean if I left them in little balls then I would have to wait for the WHOLE block to defrost and if I had to do that I might not ever have cookies. But it's so easy to just pop. . .

1 or 3 or FIVE: of them on the toaster oven baking sheet and in 10 min have a melty delishy cookie. What was I thinking!!??!! I'm so stupid. Please, will someone come over and eat these cookies for/with me? (Honestly, it'll be with me. I'm not letting these suckers go without a fight).

So those are some of my numbers for the day. And dinner, you ask? Why, I'm glad you mentioned it!

2: The number of hot pancakes I just had. Baby is in bed, husband is at school, griddle is looking at me, temping me, trying to caress my hand. I yield. Curse that griddle and it's seductive ways.

So those are my numbers for the day. So pathetic. I should just go to bed right now so I can't put another few cookies in the oven. Seriously, they are amazing. You should all come over and have one

or 3

or 5.

Please Don't Judge Me

When I was a freshman in college, I took an English class for my Honors graduation requirement. My teacher was a young married graduate student who was pregnant with her first child. She told the class that she was oddly drawn to Marilyn Manson. She didn't say that she was ATTRACTED to him, just that she was drawn to him. She said that the rational part of her brain said he was a horrible person and repulsive in every way, but she was drawn to him and even had a few dreams about him. I thought she was crazy. Not anymore.

I don't know what my problem is, but I think that Eminem is attractive.


I must tell you all that I despise his music. I think that he's so full of anger and frustration that he doesn't know what to do with himself. I have never owned one of his CD's, nor do I ever plan on doing so. I think his heart is a banana with a greasy black peel.

That being said, I think he's currently HAWT. I didn't always think this, but I caught a picture of him somewhere (The picture above isn't the one I saw. I can't find that picture now) and in the picture I'm pretty sure he's lost some weight since everyone saw him last. And maybe he got a nose job too. I don't know, his face looks much more chiseled. Much more attractive. It makes me sick that I find him attractive what with his backwards cap and all. BUT I DO!!! Can I go to therapy for it? Please talk me out of it, e-Friends

Second crush confession of the night. This guy makes my head spin.


Sweet merciful gods of Futbol, why do you have to create such a specimen of a man? Why can't you make the really amazing super awesome players all ugly like Ronahdino? Why do you curse 1/2 of the human population (Not counting confused young men) with the Adonis that is Cristiano Ronaldo? Marcelo has no problem with me gawking at him during every English Premier Futbol League game he plays in. He knows it's unavoidable.

I don't go overboard with the comments, I'm not THAT mean to my husband. But every time I catch a glimpse of him on the screen I say. "Well HEELLOOOO!!! Fancy meeting you here" or some other ridiculous type of phrase. He is smoking. Super-dee-duper caliente. I haven't had a dream with him in it yet, but I still have hope that one day he'll be there.

Can you blame me?

I mean, look at him!! That's just a normal picture. He's not smiling, he doesn't have his shirt off (I didn't want to put one of those here because I was afraid my computer would melt). But even just sitting there looking somewhat focused, he's suber awesome looking. By the way, that is not a typo. I just invented that word "suber" which is a combo of "super" and "uber". You can make checks payable to "The Genius Mind of Alicia Loor"

I have to go take a cold shower now and try not to dream about Ronaldo.

P.S. Feel free to discuss in the comments about how I have a real affinity for Latino guys. Marcelo just told me that Ronaldo is actually Portuguese. See, Latinos ALL AROUND!

Taketh the Truth to be Hard

Do you ever hear something at General Conference and it like hits you ears and you immediately stiffen? You kinda get defensive and you don't want to think about it anymore? Yeah, those are the things that I KNOW I need to work on, like NOW.

I heard a couple of things like that this weekend and instead of stiffening and feeling upset and trying to dismiss them, I wrote them down and I'm going to work on them. Marcelo said the same thing. He has a few things that really struck him that we need to be doing as a family, and we are going to work really hard on those things.

I think this was the first time in a long time that conference struck me so personally. I think I was ready to hear what I need to do. MAN, those speakers are smart.

Except for the crazy "soft-voiced" women. Am I the only one that misses Sherri L. Dew? Shooting from the hip, un-apologetic. Can I get a what-WHAT???