Lazy Tuesday

My mom is trying to get me to help her strip wallpaper but I'm doing a GREAT job of ignoring her. I actually helped her for a little while, but now I won't be doing any of it. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the chemical they used to strip the glue has an agent in it known to cause cancer and birth defects in the state of California. But mostly I'm just lazy. And I have horrible acid reflux right now. I don't know what it was that I ate, but I'll have to remember to stay away from it in the future.

Next item of conversation: I have horrible Dandruff. This is due to many factors: I live in a horribly dry desert state, I have really sensitive skin, I have very fine hair, and lastly, I ran out of my dandruff shampoo.

Now, with just ONE of these things happening you can see how dandruff would sprout up from time to time. But all of them happened last week. It's like a full on bowl of corn flakes up there! Right around my hairline you can see the dry skin, and it almost looks like when you burn your scalp and it peels. That's how dry and crackly it is.

I don't wash my hair every day because it dries it out,(so I've been told) but on day #2, the flakes are so large, they require their own boarding pass on flights. It gets awkward when the TSA agents say, "And now we need to pat down your head and check those dandruff flakes for any liquids over 5 Oz."

But I ran out of my Head and Shoulders: Ocean Mist the other day, and the flakes became visible from space. I just got a new bottle of it, and my scalp skin is still trying to get back on schedule. You know what? I never did ask my OB/GYN if it was ok for me to use H&S while pregnant. That could be bad. . .

Next topic: Office birthday parties. Jeans' was last week. And guess what? She got stiffed. I'm sure I will somehow be blamed for this. But you know what? For years I watched Heather stress out for MONTHS about what to get her, and then Jean would whine anyway about what she got. There was NO WAY I was going to do that. And I love the fact that even though Matt has been there more than 10 years and Dan's been there more than 6, they always leave it up to the assistant to plan the party and pick out the gift.

This year, I wasn't playing. I was NOT going to give her another $300 pen that she really didn't need and she only wanted so she could pull it out and TELL people that it was worth $300. For her, the best presents are things that she doesn't really need, but are flashy so they impress the little peons who have never seen anything to LUXURIOUS in their lives. What a waste.

So I threw out some ideas, and we decided we would all go and do something fun as an office. (Lani, her roommate suggested we get her season 8 of Monk on DVD and maybe another pen. UHHHH) But we vetoed that and all decided on the fun activity. They picked the weekend to do it (March 22nd) and I think that I'm going to be mysteriously SICK that day. Or I'm going to sprain my ankle, or just something to get out of spending anymore time than necessary with these horrible people.

But here is the BEST part about Jean's birthday. She'll get cards in the mail, and she'll PROP THEM UP ON HER DESK LIKE LITTLE "FRIEND TROPHIES." It's as if she's trying to remind everyone that she DOES TOO have friends, cause look!! They sent her a card! Tomorrow will be 8 days after her birthday and she'll still have those cards up. And they aren't facing her!! Like I can understand if maybe she keeps up the pretty ones or all of them so she can see them and remember who sent them to her. But no!! they are facing AWAY from her. So that anyone that walks in her office sees them. They are CLEARLY on display not for her benefit, but for the enjoyment of OTHERS. Um, Jean? I don't care what other people think about you. I think that you are a turd.

Here's the thing: I don't see a card from any past assistants. Even her most precious Erin didn't send her a card or even STOP BY on her birthday. (Yeah, Heather, Erin moved back. Jean made sure to let me know that she offered her a job. I wanted to say, "did she let you know that she would rather stick needles in her eyes then come and work for you?" But I know she just wanted me to squirm and think that my job was in jeopardy. I never did. No one wants to come back and work for Jean) Anway, I wonder why there were no cards in there from past assistants. Hmmmm. . .

I mean Jean is always telling me what a great job I have, right? Why is it that she can't let me figure that out on my own? Like she doesn't trust that I'll be able to figure that one out? I DID graduate from college, Jean. I can figure things out! But for some reason, she feels the need to CONSTANTLY remind me about how GREAT my job is. After the 2nd reminder, I was suspicious, and then when I heard it the third time I knew the truth. But by then, it was too late. I was stuck, and she knew it. Bastard boss.

So that's my random info for the day. And here is my random picture. It's a picture of my 6 year old niece being patted down at the airport in Texas. Apparently 6 year -olds are the newest terror threat. Watch out! Your 5 year olds are next! You can't pull anything over on us!