List of things I did today at work

As I was reading Lynn's comment yesterday from my blog about how she was directed to order Dan's Thanksgiving turkey just so Jean could "hump her head" made me think about all the things I've recently had to do in order that Jean can show her dominance around the office. Honestly, it would just be easier if she copped a squat and took a deuce in the middle of the floor. Then we could know definitively that SHE'S the one in charge, and there wouldn't have to be so much head humping going on.

So her is just a partial list of things I've had to do TODAY for the a-holes in my office.

1. I asked Matt if he's taken down the sign at one of our listings. He replied by sending me this email.

“I installed a metal frame sign on the same day I listed the property, a Saturday. In fact, I’d asked Lynn the day before (Friday) to prepare the sign for me (He means the small sign that sticks in the ground that we have in the office. As opposed to the larger signs which we have to order up from a sign service), which she forgot to do; and then on Monday, when I turned in the listing—with the written instruction that I’d installed a stamp-it-yourself-in-the-ground (aka “metal frame”) sign and with the further instruction to create a voice ad for the 800# attached to that sign—despite all these instructions, Lynn nevertheless and still ordered a post-in-the-ground sign. The Circlepix shot in fact shows both signs in the ground. I de-installed the s-i-y-i-t-g (aka “mf”) sign, and now you need to order the post-in-the-ground sign to be de-installed. Already I’m conflating Lynn with Tracey, in terms of ineptitude. Sheesh."

(Just in case you were wondering, the word "conflating" means to mix or combine things: a transitive and intransitive verb to join or merge two or more things into a unified whole. i.e. "I'm afraid you've mistakenly conflated two separate sets of facts." Leave it to Matt to be more of a total asshole during a total asshole email)
Now, I would like everyone to know that Lynn is borderline genius and Tracey was a 45 year old (very likely) mentally challenged woman. Very nice, (as most mentally challenged are) but slower than a bag of turtles and dumber than a palate of rocks. To illustrate this, let me tell you that Lynn has a masters degree which she achieved in 6 years. (It took me 5 just to get my bachelors, which I guess isn’t saying TOO much. I’m a bad student) and she recently told me that she took the LSAT for "fun" and scored a 170 on it. 180 is the max, just in case you were wondering. (Sorry if you didn't want that info spread around Lynn. I just thought that people should know to whom Matt was comparing Tracey)

Tracey would have to write ads for the homes illustrated magazine, and it would take her a day and a half. 12 FULL hours, and get this: THE COMPUTER WRITES THEM FOR YOU!! There is a button you push and it creates new wording describing the house, features, etc. What a joke!! And then when she finally left, I looked at the ad that she completed in that time, and there was something wrong with EVERY AD! I couldn’t believe it!! 12 hours to do something that I had to fix anyway.

Lynn was actually really scared to do those ads because she watched Tracey struggle through them, and then when it was her chance, she just laughed and laughed because she realized Tracey is a moron.

But Lynn told me the truth about this “sign” incident. She said that he NEVER asked her to create a sign for him, and then he specifically asked her to ORDER UP a big sign. He even went so far as to ask her later in the day if the sign got ORDERED UP. She said yes, she ordered it up. He CONVENIENTLY didn’t mention that little fact when he was vilifying Lynn. Well, I know that he was confused, wasn’t communicating well, and then after Lynn left he felt totally justified in blaming her for the whole thing. (The day after she left, he actually sent an email to Jean telling her this and saying, “SEE!! Lynn checked out a long time ago.” Jean was kind enough to forward it to me, (presumably so I would start to hate Lynn too) and I sent it to Lynn, (whom I don’t hate and am very envious of right now)

Lynn, I miss you. This job sucks THAT MUCH MORE without you. Moving on.

2. Today, I also had to hunt down the phone number for Utah State Tax Commission. Jean forgot to pay her personal property taxes (How does she not learn? We JUST got audited for this last month). She told me she thinks she missed the deadline, and that I would have to go down to the county and get the new assessment form for her. So after an extensive search looking for the phone number AND address of the place, she calls out to me “Oh, I found it!!” Turns out she’s a horrible organizer and loses things on her desk all the time. She found the voucher on her desk under a giant stack of crap.

Here’s what I don’t get, where does she get off yelling at me about my drawer being open and nearly taking off Lynn’s hand one day when she slammed her door shut, and yet she loses things ALL THE TIME because she can’t get it together? I’m sure I would’ve been blamed for her losing it had it not turned up. You know, I didn’t put it in a red folder, or a blue folder, or I put it in her box but it only had a yellow post-it, and she needed it to have an orange post-it so she wouldn’t lose it. You know. My fault. Always.

3. I got a call from Larry H. Miller of Lexus. I could see Matt was on the other line, so I put her on hold. I then IM’s Matt and told him she was there. He sends back a message “Ask when they can pick me up.” But by that time she had hung up. I said, “Sorry, she’s gone. I guess you can just call her back” and then he says this, “801-224-3200” WHAT THE FUUUUUU!!!!!???? So, I’m to understand from that that you want ME to call your car dealership for you. Great. I am the office slave, so I’ll get right on that.

So I call, and the service guy starts saying that a) he doesn’t know what is going on with the car. He can’t get it to make the same sound Matt described. b) he wants to keep the car overnight c) he doesn’t have a car to give matt. After I hang up with Matt and give him this info, he says, “Well, what are they going to do about it?” Ummmm, I DON’T KNOW!!! WHY DON’T YOU DO YOUR OWN DAMN PERSONAL CALLS SO I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH THIS INANE GAME OF MESSAGE TAG!”

That was it. That was my day. When you say your prayers tonight, thank H.F. that you aren’t living my life. I’m done now. I’m going home and all I want to do is eat fries and watch my TiVo. But my mom is there, and she’s going to try to knock the fries out of my hand and then pester me until I agree to go to the gym or go for a walk in this falling snow. But I’m not going to let her nag me today. Tonight is MY night. BACK OFF LADY.

Have a good Wednesday, everyone!